When I Wanted To Be A Supermodel And How Science Saved Me

When I was ~13ish, I wanted to be a Supermodel. Being a model was glamorous and powerful in the early 1980's. Those ladies wore the sexiest clothes, everyone fawned on them, they lived the best lifestyle, they were beautiful and I wanted to be one of them.

My parents as loving as they were sent me to "John Robert Powers" Modeling School to learn how to walk, talk, and present myself, publicly. Since, I did not like singing or acting due to me not liking those rehearsals or understanding one has to rehearse to looked "finished", I erroneously thought that modeling would be easier.

It was in some ways. But I never thought I would encounter bigotry and have to face it at a young age. I don't think I ever told my parent's this because it was not something I did. I thought I could handle it on my own at 13 years old, and I did not have the experience and comprehension to understand the "beauty industry".

But, I grew up trying to present my best glamorous self to the public throughout high school. That was a mistake because it led to risky behaviors, which were manifest at the time in the mid-1980s. I was part of the "party drug scene" and most kids in my area were in that "meat grinder". I think that was part of the reason I pursued science, because, the ugly side of entertainment could be avoided.

However, I did participate in small "beauty pageants" and "fashion shows". Quite a few actually, both in high school and college. So, in some ways, my John Robert Powers education worked!

When I was near graduation from highschool, I was with my family in an exclusive restaurant in San Diego, for Sunday Brunch and I was piggin' out.  However, I wore this style of dress from the 1940s with spiked heels and glided to the food bin. Apparently, a director of the large pageants was watching me and spoke to my parents about me considering in the big competitions. My mother intervened and said I was going to Spelman College and that was it! That essentially ended my real pageant career -- LOL!

The reason why I brought this up is there is a new documentary on HBO, called "About Face: Supermodels Then And Now". These iconic images in a field disrespected but glamorized in the 1980s and the women who were the epitome of beauty in their time had to redefine themselves at 30 years old and somehow find a way to do it. Most have, but the current system has been lagging. As young women enter, by the time they reach 30 years old, presentation can only go so far, education is what takes anyone further.

Let me say one thing about the "beauty industry" specifically why I left it when I was young: At that time, in my life, I felt ugly. Depression had taken its hold. I just wanted to cut up my face and not be beautiful and be a monster because that was how I felt. As heartbreaking as it was for my mother to ever hear that coming out of my mouth, somehow, God (or whatever it is called) found a way for me to be safe in science. Oh yeah, the bad cliche that scientists are nerdy, physically ugly people shut off from the world. I can tell you, some of them are the sweetest most beautiful people in the world no matter their size.  It was science that kept me alive and allowed me to survive from that meat-grinder of entertainment in the 1980s.

Today, it is a tad bit different, but more people are aware of what it takes for entertainment. Training in not selling oneself to the Devil for 2 seconds of fame or doing things for a little bit without working hard for it. Sure, there are several people who take the easy route and only think of the money, but life sustainability and happiness comes through enlightenment, wisdom, experience and education.

I don't know how far this social media entertainment information will take me or if it will be profitable, but I do know I have a lot of fun doing it, my creativity in the work and wrought of it makes me the happiest I have ever been in 5 years. There are tears when it fails miserably because neurologically, that is something our brains do when we creatively express ourselves. Since my brain is prone to bipolar, I feel the ups and downs of my creative expression harder. Same as I felt with science, but my analytical side would lose to my creative side. Go figure?

Also, in both worlds, entertainment and science, I was incredibly lonely and insecure. I did not like myself a lot and it gave me a "stank attitude" that would lead me to tears all the time. My thoughts about life were poor and no one could help me but myself. Have a weathered that storm? No. But today, there are rays of sunshine most days.

As a child, I wanted to be a supermodel, and science saved me from it.

Here is what I looked like as young adult. There are many more images:

I was ~17-18 years old

~26 Years Old

Waste Management Fail! Why Do They Always Jack Us!

Waste Management picks up our trash and recycling. We pay for them to do that for us. Today, Wednesday, July 25, 2012, their trucks neglected our complex again - the second time it has been done intentionally.

I understand labor and contract disputes, but there is the issue of sanitation, that we pay for on a regular basis. And Waste Management trucks picked up at the "Windward" complex today, because I saw them do it.

They are doing it to my complex, Meadowview, to make a point - they think our residents are rich. We are not. We have been hit just as hard by the recession as Waste Management has and to neglect us is because you cannot get along is lame and risks human health.

I am contacting anyone who will listen. I am broadcasting on ALL MY SOCIAL MEDIA CHANNELS: Facebook, Twitter, Google+, this blog and now Youtube  to let everyone know that whatever it is Waste Management is got going and not doing needs a full investigation with accounting and sanitation.

Here's what it looks like in my neighborhood:

Jesse Jackson, Jr. - He Should Just Have A Heart Attack -- I'm being sarcastic

Jesse Jackson, Jr. has a "mood disorder" and he is in treatment. Good for him. Yet, at the same time, he is being attacked by his constituency for his absence and they are sounding like they want to be up into his business. Like, why does he have it? Not to mention what is a "mood disorder".

Well let's look at this: A mood disorder usually is when a person is depressed, manic or psychotic.  It is diagnoses by a clinician it is a treatable medical issue. The person requiring hospitalization from it is under duress and trauma. It is just like a person having a heart attack, treatment by a professionally licensed health care provider and emergency team is strongly recommended.  After the insult, recovery is needed.

"A mood disorder is not a question of personhood, but a medical condition" says Dr. Drew on CNN with Anderson Cooper.

But knowing those in the African American community and the stigma of mental illness, no wonder Mr. Jackson has been hospitalized since June 19th. If it was a heart attack, he'd be in intensive care for more than 3 months and everyone would pity him. But having a feeling of being out of control about to go crazy and seek help for it -- oh, that's right, one is weak and has to explain himself the truth no matter what it is!


Okay. Let's talk about what group therapy looks like at the University of San Quentin, today, shall we?

ON SOAPBOX!

IF YOU DON'T HAVE YOUR HEALTH, WHAT DO YOU HAVE? 

Ultimately, in this "political health climate", YOU have to take care of yourself and know what your body needs.

No, many of us did not take any health classes, we are not healthcare providers, and we cannot test ourselves! Google and WebMD are starts, but not the final authority of what is ailing us. Alternative complementary medicine has become "mainstreamed" and we are now seeing the response to that experience.

Based on several public health studies on health disparities that I have read, the issue is of FREEDOM, POVERTY and INJUSTICE!

Most women of color have not had a range of freedoms to see the best doctors at the best hospitals in the best of all possible worlds.

Most women, not all, are climbing out of cycles of devout physical poverty in the United States. But there is also "poverty of the mind" or ignorance. Some women just do not know and cannot do better. Some women do not even understand! So, thinking you are on the same point when you are not, negative.

INJUSTICE! That is a systems issue that society doesn't want to deal with because the problem is too complex to handle. Which puts it back on the individual, unfortunately, you and me.

Let me be clear:

This blog post is not advice and cannot be used as mental health professional advice. It is for entertainment purposes only. If you feel any negative emotions that may cause you harm, call 9-1-1 or 1-800-273-TALK

That said, taking care of your mental health and wellness is a LIFESTYLE CHANGE!

Just like losing weight and having fitness, so does your mental health have to be exercised. THERE IS NO QUICK FIX! And if someone is trying to sell you some, give the money to me because I need it and will put better use to it. THAT'S A JOKE!!!

How do you exercise your mental health to wellness?

There are several ways, most of them with a professionally licensed healthcare provider. Why? Because the issue of mental illness is about a true brain "lesion" in your mind that causes your thoughts to get stuck and is hard to release...

Sorry, we scientists have not gotten that far on the medication to stop those negative thoughts. We thought we were close, but it doesn't happen for everyone and some issues do not respond to medication. Nevertheless, a professional licensed healthcare provider is the FINAL AUTHORITY on any medication treatment options.

No. Natural does not work. It pains my heart to say that because I am a firm believer of not want to take many medications, but most mental health issues are about "delicate balance" and it has to be "titrated" slowly into the body for maximum benefit. Sorry, we scientists did not get enough funding to really understand the reason why this occurs. My guess is some of the molecular issues that cause very bad feelings and thoughts to occur are partly environmental. That means, not only pollution and poor living arrangements, but also those involved in freedoms, poverty and injustice... What we learn, how we fit and how we live in society.

There is no biological factor that we can measure at this time that predicts with scientific accuracy what will happen with said mental health conditions...

Group therapy, you take a ZOOMBA class with others, some mental health groups are just the same...

Study sessions on how to improve your mental health outlook. It is like you take a class and you have a workbook and you complete the tasks. I am unsure of the therapeutic outcomes from doing this, but I have a few of the books and they helped me.

One on one's with a professionally licensed healthcare provider. It worked for me. You have to find the right person. It is like a job interview. Most have started to ask, "What do you want out of our sessions"? If you are falling apart crying a storm, this may not be the best for you at the time. Something else may be better.

Working with a psychiatrist who prescribes medication. When you are falling apart and ready to take action of trying to commit suicide, this would be the person you will have to speak to when you get to that point. But there are SEVERAL steps involved and numerous laws to follow.  If you are reading this and feel you are there, what I will say, this blog is not for you and you need to read, metanoia.org RIGHT NOW!

When you are stable, you still have to see your psychiatrist. He or she will track the effectiveness of your medications if any and monitor the medical aspects of your mental health condition. Such as, depression - there are standard symptoms that some who is clinically depressed cannot hide that is "watched" by your physician.

After awhile, you get use to these things and start talking "turkey" with your providers about how to handle your condition.... But let me tell you what gets you there is nearly 20 years of staying on top of your mental health and wellness.

Yes, as a matter of fact, mental health and wellness is like scrambling to stay healthy like any other condition that someone can have, such as:

• Diabetes
• Heart Disease
• Hypertension
• Cancer
• HIV/AIDS

*looks up at these conditions and sees how each of them affects diverse communities. Hmm?*

In fact, would you say the same mental health stigmatizing things if you switched the issue with say, "Cancer"?

But you still have to do your part. If you are given anti-hypertensive medication, you do not skip your medication or it will not work and you will have heart palpitations...

Then why are you skipping your Lithium or Lamictal and not telling your doctor?

There are NO PASSES for messing up on your mental health regimen, you have to stay right on top of it. You have to try very hard to work at it. And you have to have this mentality when seeking the optimal care for your mental health issue.

Yes, it sucks. And if I could have a magic wand and wish this away with my godlike power and hope that God heals me, I would. But, you know what? God made me, too and while He wants me to be and do better, the tapestry of my life has not been completely woven and is not finished. Ultimately it is about my service to Him. And I think He's trying to say--help others with this small tiny spot--like a Isle--that is a Sanctuary...in a torrential ocean in cyberspace...

Let's get started! :)

I HATE SEATTLE! UW, RACISM & NIH!

In 2007, I worked for a man who definitively was a sexist bigot. I thought I was okay mentally to handle this person, I was not. I worked their for 9.5 months on a specialized grant entitled the NRSA T32 grant. The stipulation to working in his lab is to figure out the rough blood pressure measurements on mice in the lab by tail cuff assay. The lab had various genetically modified mice that affected genes involved in regulating blood pressure. They had these mice with ZERO blood pressure data on them for over two years. After reading several scientific articles and the history of using a tail cuff assay to measure blood pressure, I developed a scientific and behavioral protocol to get preliminary measurements on these mice. I was successful. Unfortunately, that is when the problems started for me.

The last straw was having to find out from a fellow co-worker that my boss thought, the only reason why I was there was because I was Black and the only way I got my Ph.D. was through affirmative action...

I endured that psychosis during graduate school and it made me neurlogically ill causing seizures. I was not going to endure that from this laboratory.

So I plainly said I will leave for I needed to not commit suicide. For nearly 3 years since 2007, I have paid a lot of money for therapy, taking courses on improved health and better communication, developing positive ways to deal with grief and loss of a scientific research position - because I actually do love molecular genetics, but it is wrong to be in a position of duress.

Then in 2009, the United States economy tanked and many people were laid off from jobs. In Seattle, Washington, jobs at that time were scarce. While I attempted to seek employment, I got hundreds of letters from potential employers giving me rejection letters. I really worked hard to find any position even if it was demotion. These positions were nowhere to be found.

Also, between 2009-2010, I volunteered at Evergreen Hospice Bereavement follow up calls until I suffered from a huge loss, and then that had to stop. I volunteered at Group Health Living Well With Chronic Conditions. I took a Washington State Peer Specialist Mental Health support advocate. I did whatever I could to find avenues to employment. Meanwhile received documents from National Institutes of Health about paying money back for a job that actively discriminated against me.

Yes, I sought help from the University of Washington. I did not get any. I thought it was best to let go of what happened. It would have caused me stress making me have seizures again. Perhaps, I should have not let go.

Now, in the mail, I get this letter below:

I owe the United States Government, National Institutes of Health who will report my name to the Credit Agencies a lot of money.

Money there is no way I possibly have. No one has. Nothing. Going after me, the most vulnerable who has suffered a traumatic event causing me to have similar illnesses as our returning veterans, yes, they do this to me.

This is why I HATE SEATTLE!

University of Washington supports sexist bigots to do their scientific research. And those who work through the serious scientific issues are blasted away. YES I SAID IT! GET OVER IT! BECAUSE YOU DID ME WRONG!

OCCUPY!
ANONYMOUS!

MY RANT OF THE DAY - Bath Salts

So dude in Miami eats 80% of homeless man's face off due to doing a drug called "Bath Salts". Bath Salts are NOT the lovely things you buy in the stores. This is a nickname or moniker for something more sinister and is not regulated by the US Food and Drug Administration.

To make matters worse, dude in Maryland eats the heart and brain of another man. Unknown if it was caused by Bath Salts.

Here are two videos discussing this rising epidemic

ABC Nightline from May 30, 2012

Check out this great MSN video: 'The Hansen Files': Bath Salts

Here is my RANT

Idiots who make these drugs did not take much organic chemistry and are pre-med flunkies. It is my understanding, that hardcore chemistry is no longer taught in pre-med or medical school. So there is complete glossing over the seriousness of medicinal chemistry. All the information is online, so why think about how much is needed to be known. Besides, ignoramous mentality is: "Get some Chinese Post Doc to do the slave labor"...

Here is what is wrong with that scenario - a base drug component - say like the active ingredient in coffee - caffeine is rearranged at the atomic level with a series of reactions requiring a salt, an acid, something to make it a solid form, then dries it out, then allows it to be baked.

Issue is this not kitchen cooking although it sounds similar. There are issues of  MOLARITY AND pH involved here. I doubt these "drug manufacturer's" comprehend the necessary chemistry required to calculate  nmol concentrations from a pipetman. Or how much diluent is needed to tritrate into the necessary pH range. In fact, I'd venture that they don't give a $@%&.

And most of these fools are pre-med or pre-pharm flunkies. I know, because I have had to teach CLINICIANS how to calculate a concentration of drugs based on the molecular weight.

NO that is not to say the standards should be increased for illegal drugs! That is NOT what I am saying. What I am saying is to compound the issue of illegal drug use, there is also, people who are making bad drugs that have probably no substance that makes one euphoric and only toxic chemicals left in them that no wonder we have Zombie Apocalypse happening.

Anyone who wants to do bath salts versus getting help and treated, here. Give me your brain and I'll stick it in CH3CN, with Chromic Acid pH 1, titrate some KOH in there to emulsify it, the extract every thinking molecule with Tritrol reagent mixed in the Hexanes:Isopropanol. I'll rearrange it with beta-mercaptoethanol mixture, add some TEMED and complete mini to freeze up your proteins and add some BIS-acrylamide without crosslinking. There! No functional brain!  Good for you!

STAR WARS FANDOM - Channeling Princess Leia

Friends, if you are my friend, you know I am a NERDY GEEK for Star Wars. Have been ALL MY LIFE - since I was 11 years old watching Episode 4 to today. 



I GAVE UP my life as a serious scientist who published 5 research articles in cardiology to pursue my fandom in Star Wars to a monetizing level. My group, SWAG 77 is so close to seeing the light of day in 2.5 years of HARD WORK that we are doing some AMAZING things. 


  
I have a young man with his own productions company doing the SWAG 77 Podcast under JDMaul Productions. I have other elites helping use do voiceovers and mix music. I want writers, editors, concept artists and actors. This would be for Star Wars Celebration 6 in Orlando, FL this August, 2012.


We are embarking in a new form of entertainment that fully envelops a social media component. It is exciting, it is fun and it is worth EVERYTHING to my life to make that difference.


I will be calling on your support as my friends. Thanks!

Blog Series: "Crying Over Spilt Milk" - One Crazy Black Woman's Guide Through Bipolar Disorder

I HATE anecdotal stories on my life. I feel like others have suffered worse. My life has not been bad. I come from a loving two parent home. My father is a dentist, my mother is an educator. My grandfather was the president of Bethune-Cookman University for 28 years! My grandmother was an educator, herself.  To say, I came from a crime-ridden, gang-infested, destituted as a Black child growing up in Southern California in the 1970's and 1980's, would be a lie. I grew up well. I attended the best schools, I graduated from them. I had the best education and excelled at it.

But this is not a story about how well I grew up and all the opportunities my family afforded me. No. This story is no matter what, of all the external things my parents could afford to give to me, I suffer from Bipolar Disorder - Manic-Depression. I wanted to kill myself and I attempted several times as a teenager, before I was caught...

However, I am getting ahead of myself...

Most of my young adult life was spent... "Crying Over Spilt Milk"... I am a crier. I am a crybaby. I cry. My tears could feed a river. I have such powerful emotions when I feel bad, when I hurt, when I have hurt others, when a sad part of a movie shows--or even a less than 5 minute Youtube clip appears like this one below, that I WILL CRY--the waterworks are on! I AM A CRIER!



Needless to say, I have learned with my condition, that I am probably an empath that is secretly sent down here to Earth to help those make life-transitions to better place -- oh wait, that's my Star Wars addiction feeding in...

But let's go back to my youth and not rehash the bad thing of considering suicide, but when I decided on my own at 18 years old, that it is time to incorporate professionally licensed healthcare providers into my lifestyle.

Back in the late 1980's, young people did not suffer from bipolar - manic depression. That everyone who was "mentally ill" was crazy. Those who were hospitalized in a mental institution would have a lobotomy and come out an invalid in a straight-jacket. Those were the GROSS stereotypes rampant in my community at the time - many still are today!

But I decided to seek help anyway.

Why?

Because of her:

Mama Lucy

My grandmother, my mother's mother, Mama Lucy. In the early 1980's, my mother had to make the VERY HARD DECISION to take my grandmother and relocate her to San Diego to take care of her. My grandmother was SERIOUSLY ILL. She had atherosclerosis, breast cancer, thyroid problems and was in an out of hospitals in Atlanta, Georgia. Then... She had Alzheimer's... In 1983, the understanding of what Alzheimer's was and the devastation of how it impacted everyone, was ABSENT! There were ZERO support groups, ZERO trained medical professionals and caregiving-attendants...WHATEVER!

My grandmother lived a VERY HARD LIFE! She was poor, uneducated, had way too many kids, with no male-fathers present...but she LOVED! That's ALL SHE HAD WAS LOVE! In the segregated South, impoverished, with no one but her children, in the midst of it all, she had my mother who learned from her love how to love...

Once my grandmother got to San Diego, California, it was my first exposure to what health disparities look like and the inhumanity of it. Not only that, my watching my mom learn on her own how to best navigate a piss-poor medical system, I learned that I would NEVER EVER WANT TO BE IN MY END DAYS LIVING LIKE THAT if I could help it.

My grandmother had to be placed in a nursing home because...my mother is NOT a healthcare provider -- it was too much for her, with a full-time job, two children, doing what she had to do, and then my grandmother was sleepwalking, doing strange activities by herself, yelling at objects my brother and I left in our pool, it was too much! My family watched the slow death of a fully-functional human being dwindle to a catatonic state in her last days. NO ONE SHOULD EVER LIVE LIKE THAT! IT IS INHUMANE!

Don't ask about hospice care because in 1987, that did not exist or was not fully functional in San Diego.

Some of what happened to my grandmother is due to substance abuse due to stresses in her life. Let us be real, several kids at a young age with different fathers - with what child support exactly in the segregated South? Because one of the fathers was not Black... Poverty. Sicknesses and diseases. What healthcare, exactly? Abusing substances took the pain away from a bad life. Unfortunately, it also causes several serious chronic conditions that made the end of her life painful.

The sad part is these were all spoken in whispers to me because I was young. I could see the stress it caused my mother because well, what support did she have back then? And no, let me be clear, this story is NOT about my parent's fault for my issues. This story is why I decided to get help for my mental health condition.

My grandmother died at the same time I had tried to kill myself in college. I took close to 60-tabs of something. Then my heart started palpitating and I got scared. I called my aunt from my father's side, who called my dad and my dad told my mother. My dad said that my mother walked upstairs into her room and cried...I hurt my mother.

Then my parents tried to get me professional help, because they were trying so hard to understand.

I remember the psychiatrist asking me, "If you wanted to kill yourself, why did you ask for help?"

I said, "Because I thought I might die this time..."

A few days later, Mama Lucy, died. 

The funeral was lovely, all my mother's brothers and sisters showed up in support. One brother, my uncle to this day, was the greatest supporter. And I think it was the fact that the entire community came in support of my mother by sending so many flowers that the funeral home needed another room. My mother broke down again, and just cried. 

I VOWED TO NEVER HURT MY MOTHER LIKE THAT EVER AGAIN!

That meant, I needed a professionally licensed healthcare provider. But where do I start?

That is the subject of the next chapter.

I got the magic stick! WHOA! Man fathers 30 children

I got the magic stick! Whoa! Desmond Hatchett, 33 years old in Knoxville, TN, has asked to state to help him with child support for his 30 children from 11 different "baby's mamas".

He oldest is 14 years old and his youngest is a toddler. The State of Tennessee cannot force him to stop having sex and impregnating women. But they can take half his minimum wage job which amounts $1.49 per month for some mothers. The state takes his check and divides among the women.

What say you about his sexual addiction disorder? BONUS: Does he have a magic stick that's worth it?

Episode Alert: APPLIANCE REPAIRS YUCK! And who needs a social media campaign!

In life, the equipment and appliances we use in this day and age breakdown. At the moment, economic tough times require us to fix our broken equipment and appliances or to live without.  For someone like me, dealing with a chronic mental health issue, finding a way to wrap my mind around getting appliances fixed causes me great anxiety and leaves me feeling exhausted just figuring out what the process it to get it fixed.

The appliance in MY house that requires repair is my General Electric Dryer: DBXR453ET5WW and looks like this one:

What my family wants is a NEW dryer AND washer. But we cannot afford one since I do not have gainful employment and am working very hard to build and grow my business in social media.

The dryer has served us well but now it "sings" to us as the "drum" rolls around. It is getting louder and louder. My family and I are worried that at any moment, that singing will stop, and then our dryer is dead.

Interestingly, our dryer still dries the clothes fairly decently. We may have to use a longer time without heat, but it fairs rather well. Do not ask us about our energy consumption.

NEVERTHELESS, WE NEED A NEW WASHER AND DRYER!!!


But for now, we will try - APPLIANCE REPAIR and in my area, Redmond, WA a cursory Google search has found the following:

Carter Brothers Appliance Services – 425-889-0444

Reviewing their website, it is old template from the early 2000s of a mish-mash PS images to make it look bigger than what they really are. They only have one other jump page that lists nothing. No other social media connections. There are serious misspellings in the copy and word spacing was done by a child. When I called the number, I got a cell phone to a guy who was RUDE!  First asking me where I found their information like I am bothering them, and then telling me, "If you read on our website, we only repair refrigerators and freezers!"

That just tells me their SEO was poorly executed and in this day and age of social media. Moreover, it is not explicit with this less than 5 second interpretation of what this company is all about based on a random Google Search. This is a poor business execution that probably needs to be reported to the BBB, anyway.

All City Repair - 425-894-0414

Reviewing their website, another template probably from the mid-late 2000s which has levels of  "grainery" with pages to search and understand your needs. There is a sleekness to the design. It makes them appear like a professional organization and they have a 1-877 number, so the immediate neurocommercial response to me was, "Hmm? I'm getting somewhere!" Then I called the "425" number since it is in my area and I got a recorded message by a "Greg" routing me to do all these tasks, i.e. name, phone number, etc. and they will get back to me. Sorry, but this is not good. You put all this energy and effort on a templated webdesign and then you give me a "voicemail"? No. Not going to do that. Goodbye!

Sears Home Services – 1-800-424-2047

I grew up on Sears Home Services, and I know if you have a warranty contract with them, Sears is very nice to you. When you don't, they could care less about you and treat you like the bottom of the barrel. It is very sterile if you are not in their "appliance game". Which is good when you just know you are going against their "machine", but not good when you have a huge repair issue. So, yes, they can afford the hot new website, with all the bells and whistles, but they immediately route you in to make an appointment without finding out your needs. By the time the service person arrives, they might say I need a new dryer that I cannot afford and I still have to pay them! Of course, I do not expect any diagnosis on the phone and yes, the do need to come to my house, but you know how that feels to someone like me? I fall for the "gank move"! So mentally, I have to prepare to deal with these people or I will curse everyone out! That's not good. What I need is my dryer fixed, not placed into the "Hopper" - 

Then I called their number and I was routed to an "Auto Call" to route in to forced service. Makes it hard to ask questions. It felt impersonal and I want more! I hung up.

Last I tried First Appliance Service Team – 425.883.6881 - KIRKLAND / REDMOND

Reviewing their website, their template is early 2000s though the copyright says 2009. They list several numbers to call based on the area that probably can be logistically built through the "Google Maps" linkages with a Skype. Immediately, you know what their business is about and what brands they serve. None of this hard to identify what it is they do. 

The only thing I did not like is the "red flashing" coupon discount. The reason is, some people suffer from epilepsy and I may be one of them and flashing red anything can aggravate it. Other sites like Sears puts their distinctly on the left side simply because people like to see "right sided" pictures more than left-sides activities. Go figure.

But for a small operation like this one, a humungous site would not serve them well. What would serve them well is a good social media campaign based on this observation: 

When I called, I spoke to a live person! His name is Daniel and he listened to me, and then stated it would be best to have a service person to come to my home. He said that I would have to pay for them to show up at a minimum $89.50 (must be paid) and that does not include the estimate cost. But he went through with what they would do, look over my dryer, see if there was anything else beyond repair and do some other basic service stuff. 

He seemed to know what he was talking about while he could not really give me specifics. I think that was more of a level of what persons in the repair business have to consider with exasperated people. Some people just want the "brass tax" - i.e. what will it cost me to get this done? Some people, like me, want some kind of reassurance that our repairs can be fixed and I think, First Appliance got that. It is like they said in so many words:

Yes, it can be fixed, and here is our "reality" as a business, but let me add why this may be of value to you....

This is why I would recommend First Appliance seek a Facebook, Twitter and Google+ social media campaign because at least they tried to educate and encourage me without pressure to get my "singing dryer" fixed.

Also, they properly did their SEO, they were at the top of the Google search list.

I like to thank Accurate Electric for some educational discussion they gave to me, too.

Superstars Writing Seminars

I was at this wonderful workshop for the past 4 days, entitled "Superstars Writing Seminars" presented by the bestseller authors in science fiction and fantasy fiction. It was an investment into my next career that has something to do with novel writing. I suggest anyone who wants to be a major popular fiction author to attend this event. EXCELLENT information is presented and implemented. Everyone was great at this event.

But...

Aside from the cost, African American women and women of color were missing from this event. I was the only "obvious" woman of color.

That can be intimidating to a budding novelist. However, since I am use to being "only one", I got over it and learned. It is disheartening that as many young women I know who are talented writers were just NOT HERE! Many reasons: unawareness, not many Sistahs are Science Fiction Fans - though I know a lot of Sistahs that are Fantasy Fiction fans. Perhaps, inability to relate due to the "color shock", which is like "sticker shock" of knowing you are the only one there. It is the only representation to the rest of the group what you are capable of as the full representation of the entire ethnic group. Though, that is not how people think, it happens.

How I found out, was through social media. I liked the author, asked a few questions, developed a rapport and saw the notice and applied after I watched the Youtube presentation - it convinced me.

Now that I am here, like I said, you just need to be here to really get the gist of being a novelist... Want to know more:

SISTAHS!!! BE HERE! I know it will cost you a "pretty penny", but it is WELL WORTH IT TO MEET THESE PEOPLE!

Careful, or you'll end up in my novel.

The Panel of Best Selling Authors
in Science Fiction and Fantasy Fiction

James A. Owen - Just takes lines and where they need to go.
There may be dragons - will be a movie soon

The case of Twitter Beef - Tashay Edwards

On April 16th Ms, Tashay Edwards approached a young unnamed girl who apparently had beef on WorldStar Hip Hope and Twitter. It got ranked with the elicit back and forth between the two individuals. Then it became real as shown in this video:










At this point, this is where social media encroaches upon people's real lives. And perhaps we need some time to log off. Who cares what people think online about you? They talked about Jesus Christ and you saw what they did to Him... They are dayum sho going to talk about you.

It is why at times like these, I just post "Memes" - short sayings made by others who can convey a "soundbite" within seconds. They are easy and I also know, I'm not the only one thinking these thoughts. Most of my "memes" are uplifting and I pass them on. Others, I have seen are sick and I myself would not pass them on, but I know people who do.

One meme that has been passed around, which is quite humorous is one with the actor Gene Wilder, as the 1971 Willy Wonka image:

There are ZERO restraints on the internet. People say, think and do, whatever they want on the web without filters or vaseline. There are actions and behaviors that if done in real life, people would be shunned as sociopaths. Sadly, most legitimate sources of social media attempt some decorum. But when there are adults, such as Rush Limbaugh saying that women who take birth control are sluts, and it drives the "LIKES" and the "RETWEETS" and several blog posts, then civil discourse and decorum is irrelevant, even in real life.

WE CAN DO BETTER! WE HAVE IF WE WANT TO SURVIVE AS HUMANS!

It is not a matter of just "logging off". You would not say that about the telephone anymore would you? Would you say that about books? Information, from analog to digital reception enters our minds, our brains interpret and give analysis called reflection and spew out our knowledge based on it - most of it emotional. Many people these days have not grow up with complete control of their emotions, because as a society we wanted the full range of technological development through creativity, which inherently requires emotion. The dark side of emotion is anger and rage -- which is the easiest emotion to tap into to gain power over distressing situations. 

Why when we see an offensive post, comment or tweet our immediate gut reaction is to get angry that leads us to fight rather than just not answering it? Even if the attack is personally against us, such as "calling us out" publicly on top social media sites: Facebook, Twitter, Google+ or boutique sites such as WorldStar Hip Hop? Why respond to such foolishness and just block?

Because of embarrassment, shame and insecurities that cannot be fixed in two dimensions.  No one likes being publicly ridiculed and we have not gotten to what bullying is. This blog is just about an offensive post.

No reason why people who instigate it like doing it. Other people motivations require several Ph.D.'s studying this phenomena of social media. But the fact is you are the only person who can control your impulsive thoughts. 

I know, it is very hard. And sometimes, I stand beside myself and attempt to take a dispassionate stance. I feel like I have to have dissociative identity disorder to do it and that is not who I am in real life. Living on social media is not my preference, because my real life is beautiful. I may be addicted, just like 50 years from now, they will say social media is just as addictive as nicotine in tobacco... But for now, I have come to the conclusion that the block button is my friend and if it is grossly offensive, I screen shot it and post it up with minor comments.

My engagement level with the disagreeable is down from 80% to 20% within a year. And that is good for me. I have also set standards for myself as to goals I wish to accomplish during my times spent on social media. Most of my goals are supreme interactivity between all my sites, connectivity, imaging, branding and insightful content based on marketing metrics and analytics.

I have had to stop cursory engagement with random individuals that I do not know in real life. It has gotten superfluous to me, personally. If I do not meet them and find them outside of my purview of my goals, my engagement is limited. VERY FEW INDIVIDUALS are allowed into my inner circle that I have not met physically and they know who they are and I appreciate their efforts of mutual values we share. 

If anything, that is how my real life is. My friendships are limited. Those who know me, love me no matter what. Those who do not know me and do not like me, will gossip and lie and it took me forever to get over that concept in real life. Now it is fast on social media. 

And when I am done with an individual, I find it let them go, have nothing to with them and move my life along. Because I think, my life is short and I need to have meaning in it to glorify God. So I am not going to waste my time on things that really have very little bearing on who I really am to people that love me for being me.

Stay blessed for who you are, and I do love you and thank you for taking time to read my blog.

DrG-

Why I left animal research

The reason why I left animal research! I am not a fan of rats. I can handle mice. But rats, different story. Probably have something to do with my childhood. Which is where I am, my parents' house in SoCal. I walk outside to see the beautiful pool that had been cleaned by the pool guy the day before and WHAM! I see this in the pool!

After finally finding the pole and the net, I removed the carcass from the deep end of the pool and do a gross examination.

Analysis. 

Genera/Species: Rattus sp. 

Sex: Male 

Weight ~500 grams

Age: Unknown

Coat color: Gray, red. 

Gross Pathology:

Rigor mortis

Rectal prolapse

Raised thoracic

Possible edema

Bulbous eyes. 

Cause of death: All indicators lead to conclusion of drowning. 

Awaiting veterinarian advisement

No necropsy was done.

Full disposal was implemented.

I am going to have Zombie Rat nightmares! I do not like rats like these. They carry Yersina pestis! Meanwhile, my husband is laughing at me because he is the vet! Wanted me to do a full work up necropsy! And there are several nodes as to how these pests enter my parents' domain! Fortunately, we have not see the droppings yet. But I would not be shocked to be the one to discover them! Usually I am and the one who has to deal with it.

Where are my parents? In Las Vegas! Partying!

Le sigh!

EPISODE ALERT: The killing of TRAYVON MARTIN because he DAWDLED!

When I pledged my sorority, I was told by my big sisters, "WALK WITH A PURPOSE!"

My linesisters and I would walk very fast and promptly with all seriousness to get wherever we need to go. Point A to Point B. We were taught that drilled into our heads, our hearts and our minds.

That was ~25 years ago. Much has changed. Most Black children do not have a clue that racist bigots exist in this world. Trayvon Martin had no clue that George Zimmerman was a racist bigot whose sole intent was to kill a Black Child wearing a hoodie, because in his words, "he looks suspicious". George Zimmerman appears to be psychotic and delusional caused by meth addiction that preys on children like pedophile!

Sadly, the mental health issues that arise for parents of diverse children impinge upon telling a vivacious teenager to "NOT DAWDLING" and be aware of one's surroundings.

Aside from the fact that this child was being judged; aside from the fact that this child did not understand a world of hate; aside from the fact that the State of Florida has a "Stand Your Ground" law and if the roles were reverse -- a Black man shooting a "suspicious white teen" would be put under the jail within seconds; a life altering decision is allowed to fester everyday where there is injustice to Trayvon Martin. Meanwhile, George Zimmerman skates on ice like "Ovechkin"  and was allowed to go free without adequate questioning or any police review of his unclean record. There no knowledge of his psychotic delusions caused by meth addictions and he is allowed to be armed -- NOTHING!

As a parent to diverse children, we have to ask them to be good little [insert racist and bigoted epithet here] and not DAWDLE!

I say WTF!

OCCUPY SANFORD, FLORIDA!
GUT THEM ECONOMICALLY!
FIGHT!

Times are changing. Maybe this is just 2012 fervor, but it will be a long hot summer if justice lapses here.

Sad part, more Black kids will be killed by black on black crime and these children will get ZERO coverage by the news media...

*shrugs* This is what drives me to be the Crazy Black Woman!



Hearing the 911 calls from this individual who weakly claims self defense of a teenager in a hoodie carrying ice tea and Skittles. It shows how hatred destroys all logic and that there will be no justice for this case:

FEMALE PROBLEMS: This time again. Staying on top of it.

This blog is about my period. Menstruation. In your 40s. Totally sucks.

No. I know I'm not the only one who has this issue.

It feels like I am a young teen again! Messing up clothes, spray and wash is my friend. Changing out the superovernightjumbowithsuperwings pad. That still does not seem to stop the ruined underwear and clothes. Granny panties aren't covering it.

Well, when it is chunky goo that's more than 5 grams, that is when the physicians must be called.

Does this drive me nuts? YES IT DOES! MY MENTAL HEALTH IS AFFECTED DIRECTLY!!!

I ought to request to rip the entire female organ out and grow a beard! And I hate body hair on places that it is not suppose to be--like my face.

Aging is not the sad part. What is sad is the pain and mental exhaustion. I hate it!

If getting old is all about pain, then what is life? How does one get through it?

Power of positive thinking?

I talk to my elders a lot. I would not be able to live without them. Sad part is they die, it is a part of life. I get that. But it is not like it hurts less knowing that you just cannot call them up whenever you want and talk to them.

But this bodily function issue, is not fun to have at all. All my orifices are clogged and when they release, I am a spring totally pooped out unable to function.

There are other stressors, like being unemployed--or rather I work on my business I have sunk too much money into for nothing to come to fruition. Yes, it is my fault. But I have also learn a lot of things and having fun.

I have learned that many people are a lot worse off than I am and they talk about it on social media these days. While some need validation, I am amazed at the number of kids that are a lot worse off than I am. Whether or not it is exaggeration, kids having these problems? Okay.

Going and getting a job, many people suck it up and work labor that is way outside their field. Well, I am working my own business way outside my field and I feel I ought to get paid from companies who have yet to manage their social media content, then make it entertaining. Which is rather difficult to do, btw, but I am able to do it with the studies I have completed.

Sure I have been dismissed and diminished of my work. But in my old life as a scientist, they did that to me everyday. I was pushed out of my field. So, I said, that is not where I was suppose to be. Great thing about the United States is one can change their field to pursue other opportunities. I did that. I am I successful? I have no money, but the experience makes me feel like the 1%.

I will never have anyone berate me due to the color of my skin to diminish me, as what was done to me in science.

In this new field, social media and creativity, I am open and free to set standards for dynamic opportunity. Best social experiment allowable.

What does this have to do with my menstruation and mental health? I do my best thinking when I suffer immense pain due to my period. Go figure? Oh and I should buy some stock in "Always".

EPISODE ALERT: Too much talking. Too many opinions

I woke up this morning having an opinion about the meaning of life. This personal opinion is fine to have once in awhile, but I obsess over having mine and forcing others to agree with it, which is not honoring people. It is on the "to do" list of my foibles.

But this opinion stems from a discussion I was having with a bunch of "kids" on Evolution vs Creation. Don't ask! But what is apparent from my opinion is that science in American schools is ABSENT! These young people have NO CLUE how we as human beings got to where we are scientifically. Like how were "antibiotics" discovered? How was DNA discovered or the structure of DNA solved? Why are their atoms with electrons, protons and neutrons? What are photons? BASIC stuff and they feel that there was some deity or spiritual essence that "created" these things which is repeatedly been shown there has not been.

This blog is not a diatribe of how poor our science is in America, because I know, I use to do research in it. What this blog discusses is the mental turmoil I have suffered for being a Black Woman Scientist midst the racist bigotry in science perpetuated by myths that scientist have! YES! I said it. And what kept me going to get my Ph.D. was my church and my belief that God wanted me there.

But make no mistake, science and God are not intertwined in my doing science and practicing my faith. One is not the other. Moreover, I am not sneaking off doing science then turn around proselytizing to the sheep here. Science is distinct test of reality-based facts that can be repeated in anyone's hands. Faith is personal and one must have that relationship within themselves to move forward. If it is called a God, there are paradigms set to practice it. But, faith is more self-centered than that. Of course, in my opinion...

...

When I did go to bed, today, I slept peacefully for about a hour. Then suddenly, I had a "night terror"! I saw tentacles with clawed mouths coming at me ready to eat me up and I screamed! I screamed in real-life, waking my husband up and tried to calm me down. I was kicking... But, I knew why I had a night terror, earlier I had imbibed in a bit of $2 buck Chuck Zinfindel and did not drink all of it. Roughly, a hour later, I took my anti-depressants. One of the side effects of these meds is consuming alcohol can cause night terrors. But I had been pretty good about that. This time, I was not. When I stopped dreaming, and woke up, I my freak out emotions stopped and I heard my husband's voice who was calm and held me close to him. I had to apologize, because he needs his rest and I went to bed at...we won't discuss that issue.

At any rate, opinions...I am of the opinion that I am right where I need to be. I think we have dreams for a reason. Some insecurities we carry to rationalize what we are going through at any given time. Some of our insecurities come to light only in the subconsciousness. One of my insecurities is being unemployed and seriously considering going back to a day job work. Going back to research, being demeaned, daily, my abilities derided constantly in a harsh unsupportive environment, which cuts years off my life due to the stress. Hair falling out, my husband and I arguing about why the cap was not put on or the covers on the the bed did not lay down properly. WHO CARES? I am not a good person to be with when I am at the University of Washington in Seattle, Washington.

Support? In this place? Aside from the few friends I do have, the kind of support I do not get and care and love and friendships if I were elsewhere, at least have some environmental satisfaction...The weather too cold for that. I need to live in Hawaii where poverty reigns and there is Island Fever. Too scared to live in Southern California again, but...alas, that is life.

What I am doing with my life, in business, without making any money and help comes from people I have never met in real life, makes me happy! Like I said, the little rational voice speaks and says, "You have no more money. It will not pan out." It would be one thing is I was not asking for help, but I am. When help arrives, is when I am successful. By then, I do not need help and the sad part is seeing people as jumping on the bandwagon wanting to be in the game and take from me.

Perhaps this night terror was subconsciously telling me two things: My insecurities and uncertainty about my future and being squeezed back into the monster of scientific research; and the monsters that want to steal my hard work I have created and take it as their own when that is not true.

Those are my fears.

My opinion is I am not going to work for the University of Washington in Seattle, Washington every again unless they pay me 6 figures - I am worth more than that! And it is a one time deal to recoup the years of life I lost.

My opinion is if I can think of a way to use those who jump on the bandwagon at the last minute, they will have a job, that can be fulfilled in little time and they take what they can from it - of course with liability issues intact. Either way, leaders will make that happen.

Well, I got that outta my system. C'est la vie! Back to work!

EPISODE ALERT: All my RP stories are exactly what Ms. Viola Davis describes in her interview

All my roleplaying stories performed and characters creates are exactly what Ms. Viola Davis describes in her interview on ABC's Nightline airing February 8, 2012.

When I started with my first two characters it was a feeble, inexperienced attempt of creating content specific for women of color, specifically those of African descent on large format social media, such as Twitter and Facebook. Then I was mercilessly cyberbullied and attacked for whatever reason for holding like of not be subjugated by males, young males who had never seen strong black female characters.

I have written many blogs about my trials. Because the black women I see in real life are not what I see on television. What does that say about our little girls and their aspirations?

Then I see this Essence article from the actor Brian White that says that the stereotype is true about angry Black Women who are loud and obnoxious publicly.

So much for equity in Hollywood and Black Actresses.

I am hurt that Viola Davis has to be recognized for an antiquated maid in Jim Crow racist South times. But I am proud of her adding her acting skills to make her character believable and connected with the audience. Will her accomplishment prove beneficial for saying no "Sophie's Choice" -available scripts for Black Actresses change Hollywood? I doubt it...because a lot of people would have to die.

My mother character has some bad thing happen to her in a Galaxy Far, Far Away. What happens with a padawan is violated on trip home by a twisted individual. Her name is Auset Lah.

My Senator-daughter character is biracial straddling a world between having the Force and being absent in the Force. Hiding that fact to her current galaxy. Her name is Senator Yemaja Lah.

And I have gone over that in many blogs. We shall see.

EPISODE ALERT: Don Cornelius committed suicide

It is a sad day for fans of "Soul Train". I grew up watching the show and all the parties I attended had "Soul Train" lines. And we watched styles, music and sounds change before our eyes as "Soul Train" was a mainstay of culture for Black Entertainers. Then one day, Don Cornelius got old. Eventually we probably cast him aside onto the next thing. That with the diversity of music in our taste and what we liked to dance to, changed, markedly.

Then Don Cornelius committed suicide.

No one commits suicide randomly. There is always a reason and just like a heart attack or cancer, suicide ideation is for similar reasons. The sad part is at 75 years of age, he did not know who he could talk to, clinically, without judgment of his past accomplishments? He had no one who could help him professionally?

I HATE THE STIGMA OF MENTAL ILLNESS!!! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT!

Regardless of how he lived his life, regardless of all the accomplishments and regardless of his relationships with loved ones, obviously, these meant nothing to him, and enough for him to commit suicide.

I am not judging here, because I have been there. I can see all I have and wanting to die by my own hand because it was meaningless. Then I get my meds checked and speak to my providers and get a time out and see write in this blog.

But for Don Cornelius at 75 years old to not have any knowledge to seek any professional care provider and decide it is better to die by his own hand...

That is the stigma of mental illness and it is killing us - especially people of color.