Thursday, August 27, 2015

Good. Vester Flanagan is dead and he has no excuse. PAY ME:

Vester Flanagan

I don't care if people yell at me on the internet and call my blog bullshit to my face. I don't care if someone doxxs me over this asshat. I'm just going to say it:


He's dumb and he has nothing good about him. He killed the Parker girl who was a reporter and Ward the cameraman indiscriminately with extreme predjudice.





Grudge much?

What gets me is he was told he has some issues and he took that as a bashing and did not try to get help. He was let go. He acted out.

I know something about that.

At my job, they accused me of a bunch of stuff. Nevermind the fact that they lied about me. Nevermind the fact of the microaggressions they delivered to me. Nevermind the fact my boss gave me a 23 page manifesto email extoling his virtues and condemning me.

All I knew was to GTFO of that place.


My health was more important than a job I hated. Recent research says that taking on a hated job is not better than no job. It destroys so much. To define oneself by a job is pathetic. Do what you love. Find your passion. Your heart.

But Vester the the Molester needs to realize he messed up. So does his family. There is no excuse to what happened and he needs to own up to that. So does his family. Accountability must be taken.

And while the families of the other shooters did not take accountability, that does not absolve them. There is no reason why folks act out heinous acts such as these.

It makes no sense. Fact is, no one really cares. Still, this is wrong and accountability for mental illness needs to take on the onus.

I have bipolar. I take meds, I see a therapist. I attend groups if I need to. I read self-help books.

IDGAF if you don't have what I do. If I am leveraging privilege on you, or if I seem condescending:

That does not absolve me or your taking charge over our mental illness and moving toward positive action.

I must exercise. I must drink plenty of water. I must get consistent and restful sleep. I must do these things to be the best person I can be to help others. This is my duty, my treat to my joie du vivre.

This dummy CHOSE not to do that and that is what pisses me off. I don't care what his mentality was, he FAILED. Our system may have failed to, but he shot those people.

As far as gun control, I don't use guns to solve my problems. I have no problems that require a weapon. I don't fight wars, I'm not in a demilitarized zone, I'm in a nice place with a decent life to live out my existence. Guns do not figure into my life. And while there may be people in my area that use guns to control their lives, I'm not one of them.

That does not mean that guns are not present in my life. They are, like a diet, like being a vegetarian, I don't need to use guns. My choice.

I'm not a hunter, so...

But given I already have a mental health issue, that I work hard on to keep myself healthy, it's rather fucked up that an asshat destroys people and stigmatizes people with mental health issues further.

Reality is people like that have NEVER sought mental health care, they don't seek it out, they never seen a provider. So when they go crazy, it is by surprise as if no one knew.

But my rage is deeper than that: He is in a hard competitive field of news stations and reporting - where's his youtube channel? What's his hobbies? It is said he's gay, why didn't he write for gay newspapers if he's a reporter - they can use a professional reporter. Why didn't he start a business? He could have gotten the computer programs he needed to produce an online show. But for whatever reason, he decided to brood.

I know for me, I made a conscious choice to leave my position. I knew that if I left, I could not come back. I grieved, but now, I've moved on with my life. Am I still mad at a few people? Yes. But I think of it like this: JUST ONE LESS PERSON TO THINK ABOUT AT CHRISTMASTIME!


If I see them, I'll laugh at them. My life is 10000000000000000000 50-eleventy times better than theirs. Because see, I moved on. I didn't have to step on people for their wickedness to get ahead.

Call it my faith.

Call it whatever.

IDC about that. Because who am I living my life for anyway?


Sunday, August 16, 2015

#SHE: An Ode to The Black Woman

I think this is cute cos that’s all young men for you. We all feel the need for pairbonds and for love. Don’t miss your chance for it when you see it. And go into it with a positive outlook, even though it might become less than desired. No one is perfect. An intimate relationship in the bonds of marriage does take work. 

The criticism I have is as a Black woman, I don’t want to be diminished by my skin color. I’m not beautiful because I have melanin. Melanin accentuates my outwardly appearance that I have come to appreciate after my 47 years of life on this planet. I am beautiful because I’ve done lots of soul work shaped by my experiences in life, some based on racism and negativity, but also some based on love, compassion and care given to those I least thought cared that did not look like me. So to eliminate that is to be ungrateful and devalue me as a person. And when I see men say that to me, I cringe, because I know it’s not true. 

And then now I have a different perspective, because my husband who I married at a later age than most and we do not have children and he is a Black man, are incessantly mushy mushy goofy geeky silly in love. We don’t have a fantabulous life. I’m not doing my own thing like I was 15 years ago. He is the breadwinner of the home. There are reasons for that and ACTIVE choices I made and agreed to. Yes, I knew I was making these choices without knowing the end-game. But that’s life and nothing is promised. So you just move on and say, let’s make the best of what we’ve got and new memories. 

What can I say? Early in our marriage, my husband was learning how to handle my mood issues which is a very hard thing to do. He asked me, "What can I do to make you happy?"

I was in a breakdown pity party mood, tearful and my conscious woke up. I said, "Nothing." I could see his head drop, hurt, befuddled and confused. It was because he felt he had done everything he knew he could do to make me happy with him and my life happy. It was then I realized he did not understand the meaning behind my answer. I interjected. "You cannot make me happy, but you can contribute to my happiness and do things that make you happy. That in turn makes me happy for you. Because I like to see you happy, too."

He lifts he head and held me tight in his arms. That made me happy, and I think then, he realized my happiness was beyond purchasing items, but moments and experiences. My husband found my key to the "Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. You may disagree with the author, but still is a good starting workbook for long-lasting love.

Thursday, August 13, 2015

Dedicated in Memory of My Sorority Sister: Monica Butler Johnson

This death due to domestic violence hurts because it is my sorority sister that was murdered by her estranged husband (x).
She had done everything legal in her right to get out of her relationship. But Sheriff Jeff Wiley said this:
While he said it is important to fully utilize the legal system, he said it can’t protect victims 24/7. He suggested an additional option. 
"Get your concealed weapons permit. Ladies, learn how to safely handle a weapon, learn how to safely store a weapon, and when you're in a situation like this shoot him in your back yard before he gets in your house. Drop him," said Wiley.
The Sheriff admitted the advice may sound radical, but he said extreme violence requires extraordinary efforts for protection.
"Take the extremes necessary to live a life where you don't have to worry about your kids and your life," said Wiley.

This is some the most privileged cis-het violent white male crap I have read. What and turn into Marissa Alexander to be imprisoned excessively? Why? Dumbass! 

There should have been more to protect my soror! And now you will be obliterated on social media by me and everyone I can get to kick you out of your position of authority. 

The husband was a sheriff, too. Manipulation is what domestic violent abusers do. Just one thing added on another.

Louisiana SUCKS ASS in protecting women.
We must do more than this.
Support our cause:

Sunday, August 9, 2015

I HATE SEATTLE! Episode... #BlackLivesMatter

I write this series called "I HATE SEATTLE" and I hate it, with a passion. Several reasons why. But the biggest reason is the piss poor treatment of African American woman in this city. It's shittastic.

Then I see this #BlackLivesMatter protest interruption of a Bernie Sanders Rally on social security and medicare.

What got me is Bernie Sanders attacked? Why? What's going on?  I was very confused. Wasn't Sanders more on the side of equality and parity in civil and human rights, than say other candidates, especially those individuals in the clown car?

And the rage I heard in their voices were harsh in front of all those white people. Respectability political flags flew high on me. How come they are doing this? They are embarrassing themselves and the entire Black Lives Matters movement.

Then I searched on the Google, Facebook, a little Twitter and the best I got was Tumblr.

"We are on occupied Duwamish land"

That is when I realized their motives. See... A Black woman that lives in Seattle, Washington has a very hard life. All this liberal slanted agenda and we are still stigmatized, stereotyped and hated. We are treated like we a sick sore thumb that is an embarrassment to the entire agenda, whomever that owns it.

We are treated with disdain when we go shopping, especially grocery shopping. I've been called the N-word by a bagger. He was mentally challenged, but where would he have learned such language?

Then our chances for advancement in careers are absent for reasons anti-affirmative actions measures taken the the 1990s following California and then liberal white people wonder why we have a lot of rage. Opportunities have dried up for everyone. And if you are an honest hardworking decent person, it does not matter unless you choose to cheat and steal your way to the top. And any Black person, especially, a Black woman, you play immorally, you will be imprisoned first. And I have statistics to back me up (x).

Duwamish is a tribe of Native American peoples that resided on modern day Seattle lands for thousands of years before it was stolen from them (x).

How come I was upset before, and less now? Because this was the only way anyone would HEAR a Black woman in Seattle. And that's why I HATE SEATTLE. I can write, lament, cry and plead with people to hear about the discriminatory practices in this state, and no one would care or hear me. 

The ONLY way these women felt they could be heard was to RAID a Bernie Sanders for President rally. And while there were angry white people there, they'd hear their laments. They would hear their cries. These white people would not give a shit at the end of the day, but they would have heard them.

And for that... To me... It was worth it.



Thursday, July 16, 2015

TIPS for Newly Diagnosed Depression and Bipolar

Let's say you had your depression or bipolar episode. You got some crisis care and your provider gave you medications and you take them as prescribed. Now what?

For me, I moved slowly. The medications made me drowsy. The time I was treated was before Prosac.

The ideas about bipolar were "insane asylum shock therapy" and I leave as a vegetable.  What I needed to do was to leave school and sort myself out. But that would not fly with my folks who did not understand what was happening to me. When I somehow made it through graduating college, I returned home in shock - as if I had PTSD and nightmares/night terrors about having to go back to college because I thought I did not graduate.

When told I could not use the mental health care system my mother paid for me by a therapist I did not relate to, then to my loved ones did not understand and cast me aside, I found a way to pay for my medications. I had to use "Welfare Social Services" - they gave me my medications for free, and I had sliding scales.

It was not until I was given a chance for my Master's Degree and worked for my own insurance (no longer relevant today), did I finally grabbed some hold on mental health.

What worked best for me is not for everyone.

But here is what I had to do.

Get the right diagnosis. Get as much data as you can about your behavior to the professionals and ask them what are they going to do about it? Videos work well for this. This is your calendaring.

TAKE YOUR PRESCRIBE MEDS! If you hate your meds and the side effects, TELL YOUR DOCTORS YOU WILL NOT TAKE THEM ANYMORE! There are a variety of medications to deal with your moods behaviors, this may be one of them

LEARN about bipolar depression from WebMD to Mayo Clinic to your health care provider. It is YOUR job to educate yourself. That's the way it is. It sucks, but most Bipolars are VERY smart and can do it.

SEE your therapists or your group to get issues through there. This is where the work comes in. Bipolar is both a brain disease - or neurological disease, as well as behavioral issue. But part of treatment components include a cognitive behavioral therapy and helps you think a different way about your life. You need these skills and group/courses can help you work on these skills.

DON'T WAIT when you have crisis to speak to a licensed professional. Talk to someone with a license and is a professional. As much as you LOVE your family, they know your triggers. A license 3rd party can keep the talk without judgement.

If you are not in crisis, but it's not a good day for you. Make sure you have an appointment with your provider, and see if you can hold off till you see him or her, or give yourself permission for a 24 hours pause to address your issue.

Anything can change in 24 hours.

The best patience practice I've gotten is a MINDFULNESS course. YOGA is great, but MINDFULNESS physically changes your mind about stuff. Use it. Colleges and Universities have courses. They can be costly, but it's well worth it.

Develop a routine. Your plan is day by day first, then extend it. HAVE A PLAN and make sure it's something YOU CAN do. It's actionable with a SMART goal metrics. Most of these can be learning in wellness courses. ASK your providers if there is something, and if they don't know, ask them to help you find out who.

When you see all your providers from now on, you should have a list of questions and carry your health files for any licensed provider to sort your issues.

Don't be afraid of "airing dirty laundry" because at this point, your laundry never will clean. And fuck people who don't like you because if it, because they are people that have issues, not you. At least your are trying to work on yours and that's more important, anyway.

Remember, this is about YOU. Not in a self-aggrandizing way, but one that you can't blame your mother for not doing whatever. IT'S YOU! You have to work on your issues. They are YOUR issues. Work on a reasonable plan to keep you going. Ask your providers to help you. Those that love you, will help you. Those that don't, you don't need them. But it's not THEIR's YOURS!

Sunday, June 7, 2015

The Righteous Party - McKinney, Texas or How To Party While Black

Here is why I stopped going to large gatherings. This young lady is all cute in your bikini outfit and is beaten down like a naked slave almost where her back is broken.

What transpired before then was the police officer was ranting and pulled out his gun for fear of some other reason. The young people were not minding him and the young lady perhaps smarted off. That made the police officer angry.

I'm sorry, but if you're in law enforcement, people are going to say dumb shit to your face. In fact they're going to spit in your face. You cannot take it personal. Your skin has to be thicker than that. It doesn't condone bad behavior. It is not right that people do this. But it is part of the job description -- policing unruly people. As long as there is no credible threat, then yes, as a police officer, you are going to have to take it. Or this line of work is not for you. It sucks. Big time.

And to take the punishment is all a matter of training, and in this amateur video, you can see the lack of law enforcement training.

The young people cannot be reasoned with. The person that made the call is someone that has other issues and gave exaggerated information to the 911 dispatcher, and then a bizarre scene happened. I suggest we find out who made the call to 911. That it should not remain anonymous. Usually calls like these are discolored and have microaggressions laden in with them. The police officer's actions indicate why he was responding to the call that he thought occurred, which was overblown.

See for yourself.

30 years ago, this is what happened in Southern California before the Los Angeles riots in 1992. I have held 2 teenage rager parties in my life at my parent's home. That second one was a doozy. Kids throwing beer cans on the police car. The police officers were noble about it. That was 30 years ago.

Today, the training is much different than it was before. And the stakes are different. Kids bring guns to events.

It was 2003 that I attended my last large function in public with a large party. Some guy in our party got mad at another guy at the party, in a bar, in Bellevue, Washington, and broke a bar glass and cut the guy's leg. The minute I was the police officers, I left. Nothing was worth it. My husband, all mixed up into it. I cursed him out for that. I had no one to call at the time, so I called my parents and they told me to calm down and wait.

Later I find out my husband's brother who was a police officer in another city told my husband the same thing I told him, leave. It is not worth it for fools and that guy who cut that other guy's leg was a fool.

Friends in organizations I was a part of always wondered why I did not want to go to parties at bar venues or parties without a purpose or intent -- here are my reasons.

My experiences have told me that when Black people do events, they have to be the intent of the venue. If it is a bar, small groups of 4 to buy food and a few beverages. No more than 4 people. If it a casino, there must be gambling and use the player cards to gamble. If it is the "beach" or "park", it must be for a barbeque and permit and a defined period of time.

If you want a pool party at your house, the best option is way out in the middle of nowhere and everyone spends the night. Sorry.

We don't have the luxury of bigoted police departments. That's our reality.

Thursday, May 28, 2015

REALITY CHECK: WHY I HATE SERIES: Pregnant Black Woman Police Beatdown - Black Men Will Dump

1) EVERYONE in SOCAL KNOWS that Barstow is one of the most racist cities in California. EVERYONE knows this.

2) The other woman LIED and decided to be on her PEDESTAL PRIVILEGE to tell these thug po-pos in an bias. It didn't matter about the other woman's behavior or respectability politics.

3) What the woman who was arrested did wrong is to SPEAK to the police on ANY side of the story. After the road rage incident, she should have left. There is nothing to stand around and speak to about ANYTHING. SADLY AND IT SUCKS - either woman having a "save face" in the context of white men wearing a government oathed domination does not bode well for women of color. It never has. It never, ever will. No amount of changed behavior by the woman arrested would have changed her outcome. She would have STILL been arrested by being silent, even in her car leaving.

This is why I can't go back to Southern California to live again. Anything is liable. The woman dropping off her child was embarrassed that she was confronted by  police officers assuming she was in the wrong to save face to a blonde headed white girl that snakes after Black men. That's the reality of California. And these same Black men cowtow to this lying woman. Meanwhile a pregnant Black woman is thrown to the ground and beaten down like a slave.

That is why I don't join feminist groups for this very reason. I fight for Black women. I love Black men when they are fighting for us and our cause.

Doesn't matter that I'm an untrained law enforcement, but is this how we want to run our country? Is this the kind of thing that's right? Perhaps people should feel SAFER in WALKING their children to school that racing in their cars to get them there? What happened to that? SAFE STREETS to walk to school? Kids need more exercise overall. So why is there driving going on?

There would be on road rage on a school parking lot if there was DIRECTION taking on by who wants leadership. No matter WHO is in the wrong here and I say ALL are in the wrong...Even the school.

And no one stood up for a pregnant woman. So much for those pro-life fuckers. Fuck you bitches about that alone. Come on here, and I'll cuss you about more about your bullshit White Supremacist actions.

But this, is wrong.