Thursday, July 16, 2015

TIPS for Newly Diagnosed Depression and Bipolar

Let's say you had your depression or bipolar episode. You got some crisis care and your provider gave you medications and you take them as prescribed. Now what?

For me, I moved slowly. The medications made me drowsy. The time I was treated was before Prosac.

The ideas about bipolar were "insane asylum shock therapy" and I leave as a vegetable.  What I needed to do was to leave school and sort myself out. But that would not fly with my folks who did not understand what was happening to me. When I somehow made it through graduating college, I returned home in shock - as if I had PTSD and nightmares/night terrors about having to go back to college because I thought I did not graduate.

When told I could not use the mental health care system my mother paid for me by a therapist I did not relate to, then to my loved ones did not understand and cast me aside, I found a way to pay for my medications. I had to use "Welfare Social Services" - they gave me my medications for free, and I had sliding scales.

It was not until I was given a chance for my Master's Degree and worked for my own insurance (no longer relevant today), did I finally grabbed some hold on mental health.

What worked best for me is not for everyone.

But here is what I had to do.

Get the right diagnosis. Get as much data as you can about your behavior to the professionals and ask them what are they going to do about it? Videos work well for this. This is your calendaring.

TAKE YOUR PRESCRIBE MEDS! If you hate your meds and the side effects, TELL YOUR DOCTORS YOU WILL NOT TAKE THEM ANYMORE! There are a variety of medications to deal with your moods behaviors, this may be one of them

LEARN about bipolar depression from WebMD to Mayo Clinic to your health care provider. It is YOUR job to educate yourself. That's the way it is. It sucks, but most Bipolars are VERY smart and can do it.

SEE your therapists or your group to get issues through there. This is where the work comes in. Bipolar is both a brain disease - or neurological disease, as well as behavioral issue. But part of treatment components include a cognitive behavioral therapy and helps you think a different way about your life. You need these skills and group/courses can help you work on these skills.

DON'T WAIT when you have crisis to speak to a licensed professional. Talk to someone with a license and is a professional. As much as you LOVE your family, they know your triggers. A license 3rd party can keep the talk without judgement.

If you are not in crisis, but it's not a good day for you. Make sure you have an appointment with your provider, and see if you can hold off till you see him or her, or give yourself permission for a 24 hours pause to address your issue.

Anything can change in 24 hours.

The best patience practice I've gotten is a MINDFULNESS course. YOGA is great, but MINDFULNESS physically changes your mind about stuff. Use it. Colleges and Universities have courses. They can be costly, but it's well worth it.

Develop a routine. Your plan is day by day first, then extend it. HAVE A PLAN and make sure it's something YOU CAN do. It's actionable with a SMART goal metrics. Most of these can be learning in wellness courses. ASK your providers if there is something, and if they don't know, ask them to help you find out who.

When you see all your providers from now on, you should have a list of questions and carry your health files for any licensed provider to sort your issues.

Don't be afraid of "airing dirty laundry" because at this point, your laundry never will clean. And fuck people who don't like you because if it, because they are people that have issues, not you. At least your are trying to work on yours and that's more important, anyway.

Remember, this is about YOU. Not in a self-aggrandizing way, but one that you can't blame your mother for not doing whatever. IT'S YOU! You have to work on your issues. They are YOUR issues. Work on a reasonable plan to keep you going. Ask your providers to help you. Those that love you, will help you. Those that don't, you don't need them. But it's not THEIR's YOURS!

Sunday, June 7, 2015

The Righteous Party - McKinney, Texas or How To Party While Black

Here is why I stopped going to large gatherings. This young lady is all cute in your bikini outfit and is beaten down like a naked slave almost where her back is broken.

What transpired before then was the police officer was ranting and pulled out his gun for fear of some other reason. The young people were not minding him and the young lady perhaps smarted off. That made the police officer angry.

I'm sorry, but if you're in law enforcement, people are going to say dumb shit to your face. In fact they're going to spit in your face. You cannot take it personal. Your skin has to be thicker than that. It doesn't condone bad behavior. It is not right that people do this. But it is part of the job description -- policing unruly people. As long as there is no credible threat, then yes, as a police officer, you are going to have to take it. Or this line of work is not for you. It sucks. Big time.

And to take the punishment is all a matter of training, and in this amateur video, you can see the lack of law enforcement training.

The young people cannot be reasoned with. The person that made the call is someone that has other issues and gave exaggerated information to the 911 dispatcher, and then a bizarre scene happened. I suggest we find out who made the call to 911. That it should not remain anonymous. Usually calls like these are discolored and have microaggressions laden in with them. The police officer's actions indicate why he was responding to the call that he thought occurred, which was overblown.

See for yourself.

30 years ago, this is what happened in Southern California before the Los Angeles riots in 1992. I have held 2 teenage rager parties in my life at my parent's home. That second one was a doozy. Kids throwing beer cans on the police car. The police officers were noble about it. That was 30 years ago.

Today, the training is much different than it was before. And the stakes are different. Kids bring guns to events.

It was 2003 that I attended my last large function in public with a large party. Some guy in our party got mad at another guy at the party, in a bar, in Bellevue, Washington, and broke a bar glass and cut the guy's leg. The minute I was the police officers, I left. Nothing was worth it. My husband, all mixed up into it. I cursed him out for that. I had no one to call at the time, so I called my parents and they told me to calm down and wait.

Later I find out my husband's brother who was a police officer in another city told my husband the same thing I told him, leave. It is not worth it for fools and that guy who cut that other guy's leg was a fool.

Friends in organizations I was a part of always wondered why I did not want to go to parties at bar venues or parties without a purpose or intent -- here are my reasons.

My experiences have told me that when Black people do events, they have to be the intent of the venue. If it is a bar, small groups of 4 to buy food and a few beverages. No more than 4 people. If it a casino, there must be gambling and use the player cards to gamble. If it is the "beach" or "park", it must be for a barbeque and permit and a defined period of time.

If you want a pool party at your house, the best option is way out in the middle of nowhere and everyone spends the night. Sorry.

We don't have the luxury of bigoted police departments. That's our reality.

Thursday, May 28, 2015

REALITY CHECK: WHY I HATE SERIES: Pregnant Black Woman Police Beatdown - Black Men Will Dump

1) EVERYONE in SOCAL KNOWS that Barstow is one of the most racist cities in California. EVERYONE knows this.

2) The other woman LIED and decided to be on her PEDESTAL PRIVILEGE to tell these thug po-pos in an bias. It didn't matter about the other woman's behavior or respectability politics.

3) What the woman who was arrested did wrong is to SPEAK to the police on ANY side of the story. After the road rage incident, she should have left. There is nothing to stand around and speak to about ANYTHING. SADLY AND IT SUCKS - either woman having a "save face" in the context of white men wearing a government oathed domination does not bode well for women of color. It never has. It never, ever will. No amount of changed behavior by the woman arrested would have changed her outcome. She would have STILL been arrested by being silent, even in her car leaving.

This is why I can't go back to Southern California to live again. Anything is liable. The woman dropping off her child was embarrassed that she was confronted by  police officers assuming she was in the wrong to save face to a blonde headed white girl that snakes after Black men. That's the reality of California. And these same Black men cowtow to this lying woman. Meanwhile a pregnant Black woman is thrown to the ground and beaten down like a slave.

That is why I don't join feminist groups for this very reason. I fight for Black women. I love Black men when they are fighting for us and our cause.

Doesn't matter that I'm an untrained law enforcement, but is this how we want to run our country? Is this the kind of thing that's right? Perhaps people should feel SAFER in WALKING their children to school that racing in their cars to get them there? What happened to that? SAFE STREETS to walk to school? Kids need more exercise overall. So why is there driving going on?

There would be on road rage on a school parking lot if there was DIRECTION taking on by who wants leadership. No matter WHO is in the wrong here and I say ALL are in the wrong...Even the school.

And no one stood up for a pregnant woman. So much for those pro-life fuckers. Fuck you bitches about that alone. Come on here, and I'll cuss you about more about your bullshit White Supremacist actions.

But this, is wrong.

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

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Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Muse: the brain sensing headband from GAIAM

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Relaxation and Breathing for Meditation DVD with Rodney Yee from GAIAM

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Wednesday, April 29, 2015

#Baltimore #BlackLivesMatter #MentalIllness: Are Black People Allowed To Have Bad Days?

 Natasha McKenna

I was thinking about Baltimore.

Unfortunately, due to privilege of the police who murdered Freddie Gray by breaking his spine, for whatever reason, Gray ran from them making him suspect to be hunted and lynched for killing like that.

If Gray had nothing to hide, he would not have to run. Of course, why are their police pursuits anymore with all the communications and camera surveillance technology that is available? He could feel he could have ran somewhere and hide, but walking into a house with a warrant sound more justified by law than breaking his spine and killing him. 

But these purposes of this blog, the questions remains: Maybe Gray just had a bad day and felt like exercising. Maybe he did snatch or steal, I don't know, but his life is not worth what he stole. Can't people who don't hurt others just have bad days and try to get out to regain their breath? For Black people, I guess not.

As for the young lady in this image, Natasha McKenna - she had a serious mental health condition. When anyone who is dealing with a serious mental health condition, there will be BAD DAYS. It takes a mountain to move to manage when days go tough. Somewhere those people, they have a brevity of clarity and feel (and say to themselves) "I can get through this..." and they get outside to do what thing they want to do, like run a simple errand, i.e. buy food at the grocery store.

Seriously, I fucking know. It takes EVERYTHING in the world for me to get out and calculate how to hand stupid people, some in authortarian positions for me not curse their dumbasses out today, just to get some eggs at the store where I live. All I have to do is cross the street to get to my store and "GTFI and GTFO". The mental games I have to do on bad days include: not looking people in the eye, staying humble, razor-sharp focus, ZERO DAWDLING, don't mumble shit to myself, nod my head as passer-bys that get my attention, and when necessary questions are asked the answers are limited to "Yes/No" sometimes +/- smile and no chit-chat. That is how it is where I live. That is my community. That is why I HATE that place. These mental exercises exhaust me and yes, I've told my psychiatrist this is a problem for me. Of course cultural competency in mental health is absent, so he hasn't a clue of what to tell me.

The other issue is you don't say the same thing to a diabetic, or someone physically disabled. This isn't about physical ableism that is encountered because individuals that have those challenges may have some similarities but many a different set of issues than those who have mental health issues alone.

However, for her condition: How do you continue to make it everyday when you know you have a medical condition and just one day, it goes bad for you that you might lose your life?

The other issue is you bottle those nasty thoughts so much so you stress out your system and it causes other chronic illnesses like cancer, heart disease, stroke, Parkinson's, etc.

Mental illness is not treatable by imprisonment. The illness itself is a prison. Research is working hard to find how to remove the illness and let the person be free to be themselves. If recalled correctly, Natasha had schizophrenia and some days, like other neurological illnesses (Alzheimer's, Parkinson's, etc.) are harder to manage solely by medications than other days. A comprehensive wellness plan needs to be managed, monitored and practiced that is tailor-made to each person.

Guess what? In current mental health systems that is absent at this time. It's is not that is cannot be done and people don't know how to do it -- it's more like there aren't enough trained and licensed professionals to do it. And unlicensed, peer trained is not enough. We need another way.

What is Natasha just did not have that bad day? Would she still be alive?

What do I do to get through it and run my errands?

I should have been exercising all along. But I think for her case and her community, that was not the environment. For my case, I do have an environment. Another issue is the health of the community that many city planners in some enlightened areas (Portland, Oregon and San Francisco, California) endorse the walkability of the community. Seattle in some parts do endorse that, and actually I live in an area that does, I think that is what keeps me alive. But I think Natasha McKenna did not have that. Time. And none of us have enough of it. Dedicate a time that it takes to do a fucking errand with an action plan. It's that serious. If it takes me 4 hours to buy eggs at the store, then guess what, it takes me 4 hours to buy eggs at the store. Do I feel bad about that? No. I got over it. Rushing fucks with my mental health condition. I stopped rushing. Moreover, I don't pack 50-eleventy other tasks I want to do with out a practice training round. I just stopped doing that. It is not worth for me to have a breakdown in the grocery story and 12 eggs that took me 4 hours to gear up to do it. But see, I can do that. MOST people work and have children they have to manage. So for those of us that have really BAD DAYS, action planning with a strict schedule so the scattered thinking doesn't occur HELPS for like 60% of the time. Then, always, always, always have contingency plans. Like no eggs at store A... Maybe try "Egg Whites", maybe try Tofu (firm), Maybe say no eggs! What about you need the eggs to make a cake, perhaps there's time to buy that cake? Whatever it is, just get over the fact your plans failed you and move on. Mindfuless helps with that. Cursing out the grocery store clerks about not having eggs is just...So not worth it. Sometimes a short commentary to yourself to help you get through the little irritations like that keeps you going. A meme works. Something, because dying over 12 eggs because you had a breakdown in the grocery store and the police were called, there's no need for that escalation! These police don't care. There are procedures. But they are not trained in mental health anything. What are they there for? Maintain the community to organized citizenry conduct. The politicians are to run the community and legislate for the community. Justice is there to uphold the laws. But lately they've been nickel and dimeing citizens for revenues. Well maybe that process is going to have to stop and property tax revenues need to increase. Yeah, that's sucks, but guess what, I'd pay for peace and peace of mind. I don't want to have a breakdown in the middle of the grocery store over eggs, but you know what, if I was allowed to have that pity party temper tantrum for 30 minutes or so, it would give me peace of mind that I would not be dead because of it by the police. And it is not right that I had a breakdown, I'm an adult, and I try to do all I can to keep myself straight, but sometimes, I have a bad day. About the only thing I can clock accurately is how long I give myself permission to have my breakdowns. I can't predict them, but when I do, I know how long I'm going to tolerate that bullshit I deliver to move on and do it in a safe-space (like my bathroom where I can get that shit outta me. I made that promise to myself... Perhaps a bracelet of safety-card for mental health with a WRAP? IDK?

Saturday, November 22, 2014

Sunshiny thoughts are good! What's wrong with that? Perhaps your RNAs are too negative in your #depression

When you are dealing a serious mental health condition, especially depression, your mind drones on and on in a negative spiral down to hurt and pain. I know. Been there, done that and got a T-shirt.

But let me use my DOCTORATE in molecular genetics and TELL you that most mental health conditions eventually affect your brain chemistry. YOUR BRAIN IS AN ORGAN TOO AND IT GETS SICK!
What happens with the negative droning thoughts is your RNA in your brain moves and aggregates that sits on your brain cells that think with emotion and sits on top of the cells choking out the healthy RNA.

It's the whole reason why Lithium works.

So, if you choose to manage your mental health condition in the absence of conventional treatments, one way to work through when your brain isn't a cloud is to be ALL POSITIVE!

Positive thinking along with meditation requires writing only in the positive. For some reason social media coding causes depression because there's a differential on how our brains process the coding. A combination of puzzle solutions, with learning behaviors, thought processes that lack emotion and creativity but it taps that center...

I learned that when I refrain from the words, "No" and "Not"  anything in the negative, then my mood improves.

When take a reflective moment using environmental music, they my mood will improve.

When I'm flooded, I need to log off.

But reading depression posts are not fun for me because I get sick. However, the people writing them need to do that and I just want to say that there is another way. If it works for you, great, you have another tool in your arsenal. But if my process fails for you, then there are other GOOD opportunities and tools you can us.

I just want to say, keep writing if you have to, but like others say, I am with you. :)