Monday, January 25, 2010

From the mouths of babes #Mentalhealth #Stigma

I just got home from a college fair for teens. I was asked to serve on the Health Forum to discuss health issues while in college. My talk was on social media and college. I talk about the good things social media provides and the less than desirable things in social media like cyberbullying.

Anyhow, I ran a discussion on suicidal threats. As expected, from the mouths of babes, roughly 18 years old, stated that:

"Suicide is a selfish act that people do..."

Aside from this statement being very judgmental by a bunch of ranting teenagers, I listened to them state all kinds of reasons why the the threat or act of suicide is the most "selfish" thing to do to oneself...

Then is dawned on me that they had not clue that the brain is sick, and it requires treatment...Then I said:

"When someone posts or threatens suicide, it is a medical problem and it requires a healthcare provider to treat the problem physically..."

Their eyes widened when I said "medical" and it "required treatment". They were blown away that depression, anxiety, bipolar, PTSD, etc. causes physical brain damage.

Now, I know they learned this mode of thinking from Family, but it was the age of these young people that I heard these statement...So young, so much misinformation...

I was saddened by that...

Tuesday, January 19, 2010


NO ONE PAY ME!!! All the money I make is through my business. I am fine building my business. But I've been building for almost 2 years and while I am more than thankful to have the few members I do have, women and women of color...

Mental health and wellness is owed to everyone who seeks professionally licensed care.

My business is online, social media all formats: Ning, Twitter, Linked In, etc.

I am getting huge pressure from family and friends who think it is okay for a boss to PAY you for a job. I am NOT EVER having my life decided by market conditions of someone else's privy. Then I am not going to go back to school for anything else. I hate tests! I get a severe anxiety and I cannot do this anymore!

I think some of my time is productive. More of my time can be productive. But where life is going is right where it needs to be. Blessings and praises.

When I survey my job prospected globally, there is just nothing when you know few people who can make any decisions. I made a choice to shift careers, I know that, but I didn't think it would take me 2 years for my dream to become realized. I feel like a sorry welfare queen with little money and 4 kids by 5 different men...

But what I have here is zero kids, 1 hard working husband who complains about me not having any money ever, but allows me to write, fight and try to do my dream.

Did I say I was a massive Star Wars Fan...Yepper since 1979 when I wrote that letter to Mr. Lucas and I got one back from his team. One day, I will scan that letter and show the image. It's totally haute!!! Why I deferred that dream, who knows. I probably bought into the bullsith I am bought before now!

I can apply and apply for jobs, online, offline and in person. But nothing makes me happier than to write these crazy non canon Star Wars tales. I crank them out within 2 weeks. I have written 2 now: well, 1 full story currently under review by professionals, then another 1 in script form--for later on Twittering to see if the dialogue works...Thing is I cannot do this by myself, I need fellow Role Playing Tweeple who can act a role to participate, alas, I seem to piss off the kids who do this sort of thing.

Which is actually kinna funny, because I really do not like too many kids around me--when I say kids they are younger they say they are 18 to 25 years old and guess what, they think they KNOW EVERYTHING!!! TEENAGERS!!!

AND they change the rules! It's like that one cartoon that my husband and I got frustrated by--Yugioh, with cards...

Oh well...That's my lowly life. I am a Cougar who interacts with young people and I don't like this life unless it's my own rules, my own way...I feel that I am old enough to do this...I have the experience. I have done the right thing my entire life and what did it bring me? No job, barely a functional marriage, and joy in my life. And writing stories in a Universe I grew up loving and enjoying, why can't I find it here? What's wrong with social media...

Friday, January 8, 2010

My Guide to Parents on #StarWars #Roleplayer Accts on #Twitter #Cyberbullying & Precedent

Seriously, parents need to know this and what better way to bring it to you that for me to explain how I got cyberbullied as an adult. Now while I can use introspection and reflection based on my skill set, experiences and education, I FEEL for the awkward young person who had not had positive enriching experiences and desire it through this form of social media.

As a research scientist, I explore, discover and analyze molecular relationships. That is my training for my PhD. What my doctorate gave me is not only the intricate understanding of cholesterol flux to the outside of the plasma membrane in reverse cholesterol transport to HDL and ABCA1 and ABCG1, or the concretizing genetically modified mouse systems to understand the development of cardiovascular disease in the heart, diabetics, aging and vessel walls--no--I gave me a way to take a new discovery and develop the framework of elaborating on a whole new Universe in science. It is what we scientists do on the edge of discovery! It gives us our reason for living. It is the driving force for pursuance to gain a foothold into the evolution of the Universe.

However, barriers would put up from out any consideration of evolution. Unlike laws changing or taking in new data to supplant the old, Roleplaying organizational structure remains unchanged because IMHO the psychological insecurities to expands one's powers into a new understanding of the Universe. I am somewhat like a Galileo, who proposed the Earth revolves around the Sun and the Earth is round!

I am a fan of Star Wars, I have not hidden that fact since I presented it months ago. And strongly, I feel that the marketing of Star Wars is missing vast swaths of Fans who value justice, diversity and femininity. The women are too stylized, they are not diverse and they are "damsals in distress" who are unable to find liberation and defend themselves. Moreover, the only liberating factor they have is the use of their bodies to combat the atrocities beset upon them. Is is not about fighting back physically, it is about the audacity of self-preservation! A woman has a right to control her own destiny, her body and her livelihood! But if you hang out with a few of the current Roleplayers--you would quickly learn how untrue it is...

I have been called an idiot, moron and dumbass in the same sentence without any knowledge or acquisition of my heritage, background and experiences. It is like these RP'ers have failed to do their homework... Okay, like the collegiate professor I have been, I educate to give them the critical framework to make an informed choice, to come back to with peer-reviewed reference material and present a proposed changes... Oh, I guess I am taking away from their fun... Only a handful of people are decent enough to have a genteel interaction with me. I wish I was God-Modding or RetConning or Deus Ex Machina... Did I say HANDFUL?

What if I was 16 years old, trying something new, attempting to fit in to something I loved only to be mobbed?

Well, I pick the pieces of people's shattered pain after the loss of a loved one to suicide almost daily and I tell these people I am NOT qualified to help--they need real-time professionally licensed assistance. Sadly, that does not occur... DeeAnna Merz Nagel is a social worker and president of the American Counseling Association runs the largest online mental health therapy. Her work is unprecedented and clearly shows how people are incorporating social media into understanding their mental health. It is beyond WebMD that does have a social media component but is top heavy with loads of consumer information. DailyStrength is another good online mental health resource. And my online mental health resource is geared to women of color, at this point and I am expanding to men...

But when I hear the heart-wrenching stories of NOT KNOWING about someone's son or daughter who committed suicide because of the mobbing, hostility and cyberbullying online and the child internalizes it and cannot move forward with daily living--cavalierly saying get off the computer is not enough--their psychosociology is already intricately tied to social media. People tend to do that. It is NOT gambling proclivity, I doubt that dopamine incursion is increase to a point of addiction, what it is a personality issue that required a more robust examination. IF I decided to stay in research, I would develop a strategy, clinical trial and rubric to understand the molecular nature... Otherwise, right now I can only speculate.

If it was done to me and I am old...I can be done to your child without any protections in place...

Let me be honest, there are places I must hold respect to running and organizing their Star Wars roleplayer boards: The Force.Net, BioWare's Knights of the Old Republic (KOTOR) and (KOTORMMO), and BioWare's Star Wars The Old Republic (SWTOR). Their roleplaying requires detailed knowledge of a character as a requirement to play based on the "Dungeons and Dragons Roleplaying Guide" a decent framework on how to roleplay, but has little academic investigation as to why it works. I think if your child wants to do this, ask them to show you in writing what his/her character is, explain to you in ways you understand so as to provide to the safety on social media sites.

I do not participate in, KOTOR or SWTOR because my characters are extremely sexually explicit. Their stories CANNOT be told without that fact. It is not to override their rules for the gross explicit nature of graphic novelizations, it is to answer a question about the sexual relationships in the Star Wars Universe and how come they are overlooked with there are several key characters who obviously have children... It is to provide solace to those women who have been sexually traumatize and give them a way back to love, back to a some semblance of normality and it is a way for a young girl to avoid the pitfalls of falling into a sexual trap of domineering men. When I see how I was cyberbullied and the devaluation of my "sentience" it is no difference that my experiences with workplace hostility, violence, conflicts and mobbing. It was no positive forward communication within all my attempts to deescalate the conversation: using positive framing, reflective listening and compassionate presence. I was unable to determine what the underlying comments were other than "do what I say, or else"--or else what? And due to the domineering nature of 1 particular member, I was ridiculed and shunned. Now see, that hurts even at 40-something--what gets me is a child... It could be YOUR child and you will not know why...

Here is why: Twitter does not limit the number accounts one person can have. That is an easy fix these days. It is not in their policies to do so. Twitter also has had problems with cyberstalking that can turn into physical stalking. Trusting people dole out information to others they feel they have a rapport and that person turns out to be not the mentality expected. Currently, all users can have a block on their accounts.

For my roleplayer accounts, I have to certify you to accept your follow, but there is not user-defined pre-screen--maybe, "why do you want to follow me?" or what ever the user defines. But currently locked accounts is the way anyone can limit who follows your words.

Direct messaging is often used, if there is a direct message and what must be said is greater than the 140 character limit, often one sends an email account. PLEASE have your child to create a character specific user account and NOT the personal email account. If need be, purchase a new domain name through services that support it and have emails forwarded. BUT do not have your child give out their own personal email account to their own Facebook, Myspace, etc until YOU verify it.

And as always, MONITOR your child's use of social media. Young people are so wired that often adults cannot keep up with the latest technology--now it is the iPhone, Droid applications. They get on the internet and use that technology. Do not ask me how they pay for it because seriously, I do not know... But please, MONITOR it! Ask them how it works. I have asked young people who I have encountered to leave due to the subject-matter content I discuss. I have informed them what my limitations are. But I am the few. I have said to young people under 18 years old, that they do not need to follow my accounts and to inform their parents of their activities. These kids have reassured me it is cool, but I stop them! Those are my ethics.

I have been working with young people for my entire adult professional life, I have "grown up with them" as my life changed and now, as an older adult, with the young people I have seen born and are growing and I want the best for them, I will protect them viciously as much as their parents. Not to be a second parent, but because I know the injustice and harm out there and I have personally experienced it, and I just do not think anyone needs to go through what I have suffered and the rebuilding efforts I had to do.

I hate when I am right... On this one, I pray I am wrong...

Dr. G-

Thursday, January 7, 2010

#Bipolar 2nd Episode...I gotta sleep!

I AM TIRED!!! I can't sleep & I am excited! I have to go into Hospice this morning. I may need a computer fast...LOL!

Well, drama unfolds in the strangest of place. Never expected it. I'm doing bad things on the computer again, but it is so fun and I've been told by pros not to do it. But, I like it and it's fun. But it may be too all-consuming.

I don't like when other people assess their judgment on me. I HATE IT in fact. Because, who are you to say there is a problem when you're unaffected by my actions? Whatever dudes! I could see if I was hurting you, but I'm only hurting myself and it ain't like you give a flying fuck! So, what's up?

I am just tired of the dumbshit! Yeah...DAYUM SKIPPY I'M HAVING AN EPISODE!!!

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Bashing Women & My Guide to Role-Playing on Twitter

Within the last 2 months, I have taught myself how to "roleplay" or makebelieve characters in fictional genres. My characters are invariably strong women, who have undergone such strife and are battling to remove themselves from their strife to lead more meaningful lives.

The historical background of my characters resonates from my life, the feminine side of my family--ancestors who made a way out of no way--who endured, suffered, humiliated, demeaned and oppressed so much, that I FEEL their stories must be heard! Moreover, my characters have the names of Goddesses because that is how I see my characters and the composite feminine energies they rightfully deserve.

In 2009 I read so much on domestic violence against women and heard extraordinary triumphs overcoming tough situations from women that I decided to create my characters that emulated that. I used names that MEN worshiped and died for--Goddesses!!!

NEVER thought men would be intimidated by that notion--the very presence of a self-assured, highly accomplished and powerful woman. Men attempted to dominate, even on Twitter over women, subjugating them to profanity, spreading gossip and rumors to beholding a strong woman into their will! Another name is cyberbullying.

What shocks me it is thought that the Goddesses would women who once existed and overtime they became legendary and transcended to the rightful Deities that humans around the world still worship!

Here are the Goddesses names I have chosen as my characters:

AST = Au Set = Isis: the Goddess of motherhood, magic and fertility. She recreated a humanity in such a way out of no way, in honor of her husband, Osiris. Through her love she immaculately conceived Heru = Horus. Today she is the framework of Mary the Mother of Jesus based on the alters that were spread throughout the Greco-Roman empire...

Yemaja: is an orisha, originally of the Yoruba religion, the ocean, the essence of motherhood, and a protector of children.

Osun'oya: is the combination of 2 Orishas, Osun: a spirit-goddess (Orisha) who reigns over love, intimacy, beauty, wealth and diplomacy; and Oya: the warrior-goddess of wind, lightning, fertility, fire, and magic. She creates hurricanes and tornadoes and guards the underworld.

In the Star Wars Universe:

AST (the spelling I use): The creation of my character fits the following description She is bringing about stability to the Yuuzhan Vong loss of their Warrior Caste Creches as a Concubine to the Commander Zhat Lah who loves her deeply. At first she does not love him, but as she gets older it is through her love that she brings forth his heir to the Lah Domain Worldship...

I think that is fair to do with this character because as Black women have been denigrated, it has been through us our communities do survive and thrive. It is through us that our sons live for some time. It is through us that once enslaved Africans will find our solace and freedom and resiliency. The Star Wars Universe does not have ANY Black women except Adi Galli who dies in the Jedi Purge. A Black female character is deserved and she deserves to be classy. Rather than asking permission, I made it happen.

The other issue is that it is nice to have a "Black Princess" like the princess and the frog, but the reception has been cool. Reason is that of the historical struggle, the images of Black women as to what is beautiful in womanhood, and how ignored we have been until First Lady Michelle Obama... Goddesses represent Black Women well, they always have.

Yemaja character can be read here. The thing about Yemaja when she is home, she is well-grounded and can thrive to her success. But when she is elsewhere, she is humiliated, harmed, demeaned and oppressed. To take control of her life she uses the only strengths she perceives she has: sex and pregnancy. She succumbs to the rigors of perversion and fallen prey to repeated pregnancies without male support. She does it because she thinks she has found "love", not realizing that she has an impassioned biological need that she can overcome through wisdom and guidance by a someone besides her mother to assist her.

First let me say, women are intimately tied to their biology. When feminists say that we are not, that is a denial of our Goddess. Our biology plays such a huge role in our lives that without it, it is not to be indoctrinated into womanhood. ALL women know what a menstrual cycle is. ALL women will know what menopause is. A billion dollar industry is devoted to observing these biological systems at play here. Finding control over these so intimately tied to our sexuality--meaning the expression our sexual self with our partners is about touching our Divinity rightfully owned by us... The pleasure of having a daughter is to see our Divinity. SOME cultures get that... NOT American culture, though as shown through the media and most Christian churches.

The Star Wars Brand was the first movie to show an empowered women handling villainous men. And then all the other women became super-sexualized and stylized in such was that quite frankly are weakened by their inappropriate use of their sexual nature to basically rule the Universe. A Goddess would have NEVER allowed her man to kill her...

The Age of the Goddess is upon us. There will be a shift in the balance of power. It is thought to occur in 2012. A new understanding of life. Women will have their rightful place in the Universe, demolishing old perceptions of "out of wedlock, illegitimate children", the only way to be a powerful woman is by being highly sexualized dominatrix, or become an ugly rebellious feminist with real same-sex preference... Look at Rachel Maddow! Homegirl has a PhD from Oxford and still Bill O'Reilly is intimidated by her... Ass!

Yes, I think it is time. And I'm taking numbers to board this change of the wave of novel women to come forth into this brand than diminutive weaklings I have read and seen so far.