Monday, March 4, 2013

Moving on for Happiness Sake. How to do?

Miriam Makeba - Mama Africa - 81st Birthday

One of the HARDEST things for me to do is "MOVE ON". I use to think of it as quitting or being a quitter. I use to see it as giving up on people who relied on me. I use to rate my success on others happiness. That my own internal happiness with myself was not worth that much, so if I make others happy as a form of community service for the rent we pay on Earth, then perhaps people will see me as a good person and like me. Afterall, making others happy, will make yourself happy... Right?

When you have a mental health condition like depression, where being happy with oneself is important, there is something wrong with the very interior foundation of brain activity in that depressed person. Not forcing community service speeches on them. ONLY TALK THERAPY works, which takes time, where the results are not instant, to get to the level that it is OKAY to have some happiness for yourself. That you are NOT being GREEDY that you have to do "self-care" in order to be your best person.

Just like fitness and eating healthy helps with dealing with personal happiness, so is the TALK THERAPY by a professionally licensed trained provider OR a mental health peer support specialist (which I am) seems to help. Of course this does include action planning. What is the "short term" goals and how will you get there? What is your confidence from a scale of 1-10, 10 being the highest?  So on and so forth. With a licensed provider, you will get the "glitch pathology" work  through -- that is what they go to school for and get the licenses for. With a coach or a peer support specialist, you will just get the worksheet and maybe a few suggestions.

ULTIMATELY - it's your health and you have to work through it for what is best for you by defining your goals. First thing is, context - what does happiness LOOK LIKE for you? And KNOW that it is a work of art, always needing some refinement and you might not get to the final product of how you see it. It's more about the journey -- how you're going to and getting there. You can't read this, it's your own story you are writing and you are learning on the job. There is no manual. And guess what, you have to put your own mask on for oxygen to flow before helping others...

But moving on... Where to just give it ALL UP... Several of my blogs here talk about that... After recent political events, such as the sequester:

People are upset because they feel like they're holding on by a thread and have to give up EVERYTHING in their lives because "walking away" is quitting and giving up. Think of the perspective of our veterans. They fought for this country, they get ZERO disability benefits - PROMISED TO THEM and are having several psychiatric health issues with combat flashbacks. The disability benefits would help them get the care they need, but it takes 50-eleventy years to get it -- after they've come off combat deployment with discharge? WTF??? Uh...What?

But, unfortunately, they have to MOVE ON from the mind-fuck that happened to them and do something with their lives now.

MOVING ON - what does that mean really? I ain't gonna lie... I means giving up, quitting and letting go of the bullshit. Then it means picking up whatever pieces you got left, even if it is nothing and as a survival skill, leaving and trusting that the Universe will understand.

Sometimes, it means, doing your job despite not getting paid for it. Standing for something, even if you will get arrested for it. Being mean to people who love you but are not positive influences on your life. It means, not only are you fucking over them, and you might be fucking over yourself, but in the "END GAME" it means that this fucked up situation is temporary and MOVING ON TO A DIFFERENT LIFE is a CHOICE you made for your own perpetual HAPPINESS!


I ain't gonna say it won't hurt. You will have withdrawal symptoms of what once was. Your love of your life will beg to come back in to it, but...

MOVING ON - once you make that decision you don't turn back. So it should happen in your life. 

The issue is, it is about you CHOOSING to move on versus be FORCED to move on...

Forced moving on is worse, because you can't control the day to day operations. I.e. House fell into a sinkhole, loved one got shot and killed, you had a heart attack, etc.

Life is unpredictable.

But you can trust yourself to make the best decisions in your life to attain your happiness for yourself. And if all the bad forced moves happen anyway, then at least you were doing what made you happy...

What if what makes you happy is doing meth?

That's another blog... 

Moving on looks like this: