Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Cheating is a form of spousal abuse! #NYPost #ESPN #Abuse

This is a story about an older 40-something man cheating on his wife with a 22-year old woman.The 40ish man broke up with the 22 year old woman, so the 22 year old woman wrote a letter to the man's wife. This is the letter to the wife.

When I read this letter, the first thing that came to mind is the letter is entirely too graphic, explicit and graphic to be sent to anyone. The presumptuousness this 22 year old mistress as if she is on equal footing to a legally married with a marriage licensed relationship is delusional. The wife can sue for "abandonment of affection" or "sending threatening mail" using the postal service. The wife has more rights than she can fathom, moreover, the couple has 4 sons, so that can be leveraged--people do that often.

Now, if the wife wanted to be devoid of heartache, she did not have to marry her husband. This little girl is definitely not the first dalliance with philandering. Maybe the wife does not care as long as she gets what she wants. But really, if he was in a loveless marriage, then he can bring divorce proceedings and let the wife deal with it. No matter what the wife will be painted in this "poor defenseless woman".

As a woman who knows a few things about a man cheating on her--albeit I was never married when that happened, I say, after the initial shock wears off, no matter how long that takes for you, maneuver your assets into your favor. Be informed of money sinks you have independently from your husband. There should always be no romance without finance is a nuisance in play. And you need a rapid exit strategy. If you do not have a suspicious of your nupital becoming decimated by philandering, rehearse a plan in your mind--keep that what if...

For men, it is the same. For LGBTQ couples it is the same. Remember, ALL relationships end at some time. Hopefully it is not due to divorce. But if it has to be, then have a plan for yourself: physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially.

You also do not need to be underhanded. When you originally married the philanderer, did you think that you would be at this spot. Is your meanness due to your anger to what the person did to you--or rather what you allowed the person to do--or is it because you truly are a mean character? When the guy I cared about cheated on me, I wanted to break him into pieces. I wanted to burn any memory of him from my life. But time does heal all wounds and I have grown that the experiences I cherished and condemned with him are a facet of my life. Now, do NOT do this if your S/O is physically abusing you. If that is happening you need law enforcement, not my little blog.

In this letter, there were too may claims made about the wife that were way off base and IMHO when anyone mentions someone's kids, I'm sorry, that is out of bounds. That to me is a threat and I feel threatened, mobbed and bullied. That will make me call my law enforcement and the FBI. IMHO all romantic relationships are between 2 consenting adults--basically people who do not live under anyone's household--especially marriage. That means 18 years old or older. Once the childrens' names have been brought into that picture by this letter, um yeah, that is a threat in my eyes. This conversation is between me and you, not my children (if I had any).

Secondly, that man is a punk. If he wants to philander, pay the fees for divorce, pay child support for your children, and pay spousal support. Whatever, be a man, walk out on the wife and mess around to your hearts content. But don't have any heifer come up to the wife with some psychotic letter discussing penis envy! If mistress wants him, she can have him. Maybe her puhnanny is tasty. But I serioussssly doubt it.

And don't gloat it is ghetto and unbecoming of a mistress. Mistresses keep quiet. They may be the 2nd "wife" or "concubine"--NOT the 1st wife with rights, roles and duties. If a mistress wants the love of the married man, she awaits his return. That is the position one places herself in when she allows herself to be engaged with men like that. I have not heard of any married man leaving his wife for another woman. It rarely happens. But, I have seen plenty of marriages decimated by infidelity and that is because women have enacted their desires of what is right in their relationship. No woman wants to be cheated upon. Nary a man either. But as a former woman who was cheated upon, it seems that it is all a matter of accepted behavior. If condoning cheating behavior is something allowable in the relationship, then it will progress. IMHO--it is cheating when husband pops off the phone with me to talk to a friend who is a girl... I guess that is the experience I have--I am a jealous woman, like God is jealous, there are no others before me.

Now with that said, turnabout is fair play... Men need to respect the marriage bed. Fools thought they could call me and see how I'm doing, just because. I typically have limited friendships with men who are unrelated to me. I speak to cousins and all. But men who are not my relatives, I have very few friends. I know alot of people. I speak on a civil level. But hanging out and all that visiting the house, etc. NEGATIVE! I know better because I know how I am. Not to say I don't falter and have the desires. But I married my husband because I love him, period! Most real men respect that. Players on the other hand have little respect for that. If a friend is not saying, hey can I respect your schedule and call you at such-in-such time, they are disrespect your relationship, your man, and you! Maybe that is why you are not with him anymore, you think? I actually find it pathetic. My husband says he loves me. I have issues with understanding love by others just because that's my issue, has nothing to do with him. Nonetheless, I LOVE MY HUSBAND and I MADE SOME PROMISES TO HIM THAT I AM KEEPING! So why are all the fools I use to day coming out trying to wreck my happiness? They didn't ask for my hand in marriage? WTH?

So, what is sad about this letter is that the young mistress was compelled to think this whole "thing fling" she had could override a marriage without cost. It is pretty much like a crazed stalker. As for the wife, I know that she will level this woman playing with the big girls. Is this young mistress dense? As for the husband, he needs an ass whooping, if he can't physically get one, he can get one monetarily.

Remember: in my professional opinion, cheating is a form of spouse abuse!