Friday, October 30, 2009

Several things today-A Crazy #BlackWoman's #bipolar thot race

First, watch this:

Then I read this blog about Wanda Sykes & her motherhood, which turns into a rant of Black people hating on loving Black children.

Then I get this lunacy from Yahoo opinions: Stop blaming racism for the failure of black parents by Paul D. White, author of White's Rules.

There is a whole bunch of people planting negative thoughts into people's minds, some of us are "mentally unstable", LOL! We just don't know how to process these painful life's lessons we must learn when we live with people. I just cannot put all these specialized classifications together and my thoughts race, I get frustrated because it's too much, which causes me to be angry and while I can take it out on anyone, chiefly my husband, the anger turns in on to me because I am incapable of processing projected negative thoughts of others.

The reality is, to take them and breathe through them. Not to ruminate on them. Merely notice there existence. It is not to dismiss them, but the immediacy of handling other people's thoughts immediately has what to do with your life and the task at hand? Exactly?

Then in the new, we get how a 15 year old girl was raped for 2 hours at Richmond, California High School and people took pictures and failed to call authorities for help. 4-5 young men were arrested. This is ridiculous! Someone like me who abhors violence against women, especially sexual violence and abuse, and being someone who is labeled as mentally ill, it is too much! The horror didn't happen to me, why should I care? Because a violation of one woman is an indictment of all? No, for me IMHO, I knew that girl, she was me when I was her age... I probably would be freezing waiting for my father, rather than having a group date with girlfriends and boys, some boy asks me to hook up, and I go. Then we would be joshing around with a sip of alcohol and NEVER would I think one of the older guys that I was attracted to would violate me so.

What was humiliating for this girl was not just the physical act, but she naively have the gumption to love independently some twisted sex predator who thought nothing more of her that shit... Oh, I know that girl very well... I would see in the mirror everyday and want nothing but to kill her... Too many thoughts racing through my mind.

Coach Carter says this on CNN:

When the media says how hard it is for Black people to find love or people of color, because I have heard it from other ethnic groups, too, the fact I have seen is self-esteem is low. Generations before have no clue how to comprehend this low self-esteem. We have DONE all the debutante balls, rites of passage programs, the loving we can do. We are the most well-loved people. The fact is we also have all kinds new technology that races information, some of it wholly inaccurate not allow a quiet space for us... Long time ago, but not too long ago, we did not have all this instant gratification throw away culture marketed, focus grouped, barraged upon us. We cannot concentrate! On one activity! Moreover we multi-task and are asked to be available 24/7 around the clock use! And we call this living! In fact, there is a whole industry to tell us we are unhealthy and here you go, we got the cure!

Confabulation! Conflagration!

We cannot concentrate on just ONE activity! Where is our breath! We are gasping for air...

What bothers me about Mr. Harper's book is asking women to make a list of themselves and their ideal mate. Then he says to the women you don't have it like that though! What were these women asking for? Prince Charming on a white horse riding off in the sunset with a song in his heart and slaying the beast to save me from my perils in my life to live happily ever after? And they thought they could have access to that fairy tale?

{sidebar} Let me tell you about my Halloween costume: I'm going to be the Health Care Insurance Reform Fairy--I magically support getting health across state lines! Si se puede! {/end sidebar}

Seriously, if a woman wants to lives delusional imaginary relationships how come she must be denied her goal? Other women live that life on all forms of media? How come Sistahs can't? How come Knight In Shining Armor cannot exist? Now, that isn't to say that women have to work out their own inner love and self. Many don't know how. No self-esteem. Arrogance is not a strong self-esteem.

I think most of the Black women I meet today are awesome. In fact most women I encounter are creatures unlike any other. An oppressive system has attempted to hold them down and they refuse to suffer from it. They use their minds, bodies to maneuver around asinine and encroached rules to limit women! YAAY for vijayjay power! Without that a whole bunch of people would not be born. Use it within our power.

I am married. My husband is the head of our household. But I am the neck. And the head cannot do anything without the neck. This is not a battle of the wills. This is a matter of various positioning in our marriage based on love, mutual respect and care. I LOVE MY HUSBAND! I never thought I could! Sure I needed to love myself and years before I had done that. But, see, in my previous blogs here, the story of my health trumped me dealing with others waffling on relationships.

Anyhow, I can't say our relationship is perfect, but we PLAY with each other. We harp on each other. We take each other for granted and we find one another the most important person on the planet. I worry about the silly stuff when I am in PMS and listen to the thoughts racing exacerbating my bipolar.

I don't know what other womens' paths are toward marital relationships. Black women don't get married until later in life. Black men are usually preoccupied with instant gratification activities: women who will give them what they want whenever or men who for whatever reason just do not want to deal with all the silliness of puerile women. We are talking about heterosexual couples, here. No disrespect to LGBTQI groups.

All I am saying is people need to find their own paths toward their best relationships based on the soul-searching they need to do. Being immobilized to new experiences--or playing it safe--will NEVER implement changes. I understand stabilization, especially when one has children, and if one wants love during her lifetime, the mate desired only comes when risk is involved.

I guess with racing thoughts a symptom of bipolar, these things all come together.