TIPS for Newly Diagnosed Depression and Bipolar

Let's say you had your depression or bipolar episode. You got some crisis care and your provider gave you medications and you take them as prescribed. Now what?

For me, I moved slowly. The medications made me drowsy. The time I was treated was before Prosac.

The ideas about bipolar were "insane asylum shock therapy" and I leave as a vegetable.  What I needed to do was to leave school and sort myself out. But that would not fly with my folks who did not understand what was happening to me. When I somehow made it through graduating college, I returned home in shock - as if I had PTSD and nightmares/night terrors about having to go back to college because I thought I did not graduate.

When told I could not use the mental health care system my mother paid for me by a therapist I did not relate to, then to my loved ones did not understand and cast me aside, I found a way to pay for my medications. I had to use "Welfare Social Services" - they gave me my medications for free, and I had sliding scales.

It was not until I was given a chance for my Master's Degree and worked for my own insurance (no longer relevant today), did I finally grabbed some hold on mental health.

What worked best for me is not for everyone.

But here is what I had to do.

Get the right diagnosis. Get as much data as you can about your behavior to the professionals and ask them what are they going to do about it? Videos work well for this. This is your calendaring.

TAKE YOUR PRESCRIBE MEDS! If you hate your meds and the side effects, TELL YOUR DOCTORS YOU WILL NOT TAKE THEM ANYMORE! There are a variety of medications to deal with your moods behaviors, this may be one of them

LEARN about bipolar depression from WebMD to Mayo Clinic to your health care provider. It is YOUR job to educate yourself. That's the way it is. It sucks, but most Bipolars are VERY smart and can do it.

SEE your therapists or your group to get issues through there. This is where the work comes in. Bipolar is both a brain disease - or neurological disease, as well as behavioral issue. But part of treatment components include a cognitive behavioral therapy and helps you think a different way about your life. You need these skills and group/courses can help you work on these skills.

DON'T WAIT when you have crisis to speak to a licensed professional. Talk to someone with a license and is a professional. As much as you LOVE your family, they know your triggers. A license 3rd party can keep the talk without judgement.

If you are not in crisis, but it's not a good day for you. Make sure you have an appointment with your provider, and see if you can hold off till you see him or her, or give yourself permission for a 24 hours pause to address your issue.

Anything can change in 24 hours.

The best patience practice I've gotten is a MINDFULNESS course. YOGA is great, but MINDFULNESS physically changes your mind about stuff. Use it. Colleges and Universities have courses. They can be costly, but it's well worth it.

Develop a routine. Your plan is day by day first, then extend it. HAVE A PLAN and make sure it's something YOU CAN do. It's actionable with a SMART goal metrics. Most of these can be learning in wellness courses. ASK your providers if there is something, and if they don't know, ask them to help you find out who.

When you see all your providers from now on, you should have a list of questions and carry your health files for any licensed provider to sort your issues.

Don't be afraid of "airing dirty laundry" because at this point, your laundry never will clean. And fuck people who don't like you because if it, because they are people that have issues, not you. At least your are trying to work on yours and that's more important, anyway.

Remember, this is about YOU. Not in a self-aggrandizing way, but one that you can't blame your mother for not doing whatever. IT'S YOU! You have to work on your issues. They are YOUR issues. Work on a reasonable plan to keep you going. Ask your providers to help you. Those that love you, will help you. Those that don't, you don't need them. But it's not THEIR problem...it's YOURS!

The Righteous Party - McKinney, Texas or How To Party While Black

Here is why I stopped going to large gatherings. This young lady is all cute in your bikini outfit and is beaten down like a naked slave almost where her back is broken.

What transpired before then was the police officer was ranting and pulled out his gun for fear of some other reason. The young people were not minding him and the young lady perhaps smarted off. That made the police officer angry.

I'm sorry, but if you're in law enforcement, people are going to say dumb shit to your face. In fact they're going to spit in your face. You cannot take it personal. Your skin has to be thicker than that. It doesn't condone bad behavior. It is not right that people do this. But it is part of the job description -- policing unruly people. As long as there is no credible threat, then yes, as a police officer, you are going to have to take it. Or this line of work is not for you. It sucks. Big time.



And to take the punishment is all a matter of training, and in this amateur video, you can see the lack of law enforcement training.



The young people cannot be reasoned with. The person that made the call is someone that has other issues and gave exaggerated information to the 911 dispatcher, and then a bizarre scene happened. I suggest we find out who made the call to 911. That it should not remain anonymous. Usually calls like these are discolored and have microaggressions laden in with them. The police officer's actions indicate why he was responding to the call that he thought occurred, which was overblown.



See for yourself.









30 years ago, this is what happened in Southern California before the Los Angeles riots in 1992. I have held 2 teenage rager parties in my life at my parent's home. That second one was a doozy. Kids throwing beer cans on the police car. The police officers were noble about it. That was 30 years ago.



Today, the training is much different than it was before. And the stakes are different. Kids bring guns to events.



It was 2003 that I attended my last large function in public with a large party. Some guy in our party got mad at another guy at the party, in a bar, in Bellevue, Washington, and broke a bar glass and cut the guy's leg. The minute I was the police officers, I left. Nothing was worth it. My husband, all mixed up into it. I cursed him out for that. I had no one to call at the time, so I called my parents and they told me to calm down and wait.

Later I find out my husband's brother who was a police officer in another city told my husband the same thing I told him, leave. It is not worth it for fools and that guy who cut that other guy's leg was a fool.



Friends in organizations I was a part of always wondered why I did not want to go to parties at bar venues or parties without a purpose or intent -- here are my reasons.



My experiences have told me that when Black people do events, they have to be the intent of the venue. If it is a bar, small groups of 4 to buy food and a few beverages. No more than 4 people. If it a casino, there must be gambling and use the player cards to gamble. If it is the "beach" or "park", it must be for a barbeque and permit and a defined period of time.



If you want a pool party at your house, the best option is way out in the middle of nowhere and everyone spends the night. Sorry.



We don't have the luxury of bigoted police departments. That's our reality.

REALITY CHECK: WHY I HATE SERIES: Pregnant Black Woman Police Beatdown - Black Men Will Dump

1) EVERYONE in SOCAL KNOWS that Barstow is one of the most racist cities in California. EVERYONE knows this.

2) The other woman LIED and decided to be on her PEDESTAL PRIVILEGE to tell these thug po-pos in an bias. It didn't matter about the other woman's behavior or respectability politics.

3) What the woman who was arrested did wrong is to SPEAK to the police on ANY side of the story. After the road rage incident, she should have left. There is nothing to stand around and speak to about ANYTHING. SADLY AND IT SUCKS - either woman having a "save face" in the context of white men wearing a government oathed domination does not bode well for women of color. It never has. It never, ever will. No amount of changed behavior by the woman arrested would have changed her outcome. She would have STILL been arrested by being silent, even in her car leaving.

This is why I can't go back to Southern California to live again. Anything is liable. The woman dropping off her child was embarrassed that she was confronted by  police officers assuming she was in the wrong to save face to a blonde headed white girl that snakes after Black men. That's the reality of California. And these same Black men cowtow to this lying woman. Meanwhile a pregnant Black woman is thrown to the ground and beaten down like a slave.

That is why I don't join feminist groups for this very reason. I fight for Black women. I love Black men when they are fighting for us and our cause.

Doesn't matter that I'm an untrained law enforcement, but is this how we want to run our country? Is this the kind of thing that's right? Perhaps people should feel SAFER in WALKING their children to school that racing in their cars to get them there? What happened to that? SAFE STREETS to walk to school? Kids need more exercise overall. So why is there driving going on?

There would be on road rage on a school parking lot if there was DIRECTION taking on by who wants leadership. No matter WHO is in the wrong here and I say ALL are in the wrong...Even the school.

And no one stood up for a pregnant woman. So much for those pro-life fuckers. Fuck you bitches about that alone. Come on here, and I'll cuss you about more about your bullshit White Supremacist actions.

But this, is wrong.

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#Baltimore #BlackLivesMatter #MentalIllness: Are Black People Allowed To Have Bad Days?

I was thinking about Baltimore.

Unfortunately, due to privilege of the police who murdered Freddie Gray by breaking his spine, for whatever reason, Gray ran from them making him suspect to be hunted and lynched for killing like that.

If Gray had nothing to hide, he would not have to run. Of course, why are their police pursuits anymore with all the communications and camera surveillance technology that is available? He could feel he could have ran somewhere and hide, but walking into a house with a warrant sound more justified by law than breaking his spine and killing him. 

But these purposes of this blog, the questions remains: Maybe Gray just had a bad day and felt like exercising. Maybe he did snatch or steal, I don't know, but his life is not worth what he stole. Can't people who don't hurt others just have bad days and try to get out to regain their breath? For Black people, I guess not.

As for the young lady in this image, Natasha McKenna - she had a serious mental health condition. When anyone who is dealing with a serious mental health condition, there will be BAD DAYS. It takes a mountain to move to manage when days go tough. Somewhere those people, they have a brevity of clarity and feel (and say to themselves) "I can get through this..." and they get outside to do what thing they want to do, like run a simple errand, i.e. buy food at the grocery store.

Seriously, I fucking know. It takes EVERYTHING in the world for me to get out and calculate how to hand stupid people, some in authortarian positions for me not curse their dumbasses out today, just to get some eggs at the store where I live. All I have to do is cross the street to get to my store and "GTFI and GTFO". The mental games I have to do on bad days include: not looking people in the eye, staying humble, razor-sharp focus, ZERO DAWDLING, don't mumble shit to myself, nod my head as passer-bys that get my attention, and when necessary questions are asked the answers are limited to "Yes/No" sometimes +/- smile and no chit-chat. That is how it is where I live. That is my community. That is why I HATE that place. These mental exercises exhaust me and yes, I've told my psychiatrist this is a problem for me. Of course cultural competency in mental health is absent, so he hasn't a clue of what to tell me.

The other issue is you don't say the same thing to a diabetic, or someone physically disabled. This isn't about physical ableism that is encountered because individuals that have those challenges may have some similarities but many a different set of issues than those who have mental health issues alone.

However, for her condition: How do you continue to make it everyday when you know you have a medical condition and just one day, it goes bad for you that you might lose your life?

The other issue is you bottle those nasty thoughts so much so you stress out your system and it causes other chronic illnesses like cancer, heart disease, stroke, Parkinson's, etc.

Mental illness is not treatable by imprisonment. The illness itself is a prison. Research is working hard to find how to remove the illness and let the person be free to be themselves. If recalled correctly, Natasha had schizophrenia and some days, like other neurological illnesses (Alzheimer's, Parkinson's, etc.) are harder to manage solely by medications than other days. A comprehensive wellness plan needs to be managed, monitored and practiced that is tailor-made to each person.

Guess what? In current mental health systems that is absent at this time. It's is not that is cannot be done and people don't know how to do it -- it's more like there aren't enough trained and licensed professionals to do it. And unlicensed, peer trained is not enough. We need another way.

What is Natasha just did not have that bad day? Would she still be alive?

What do I do to get through it and run my errands?

I should have been exercising all along. But I think for her case and her community, that was not the environment. For my case, I do have an environment. Another issue is the health of the community that many city planners in some enlightened areas (Portland, Oregon and San Francisco, California) endorse the walkability of the community. Seattle in some parts do endorse that, and actually I live in an area that does, I think that is what keeps me alive. But I think Natasha McKenna did not have that. Time. And none of us have enough of it. Dedicate a time that it takes to do a fucking errand with an action plan. It's that serious. If it takes me 4 hours to buy eggs at the store, then guess what, it takes me 4 hours to buy eggs at the store. Do I feel bad about that? No. I got over it. Rushing fucks with my mental health condition. I stopped rushing. Moreover, I don't pack 50-eleventy other tasks I want to do with out a practice training round. I just stopped doing that. It is not worth for me to have a breakdown in the grocery story and 12 eggs that took me 4 hours to gear up to do it. But see, I can do that. MOST people work and have children they have to manage. So for those of us that have really BAD DAYS, action planning with a strict schedule so the scattered thinking doesn't occur HELPS for like 60% of the time. Then, always, always, always have contingency plans. Like no eggs at store A... Maybe try "Egg Whites", maybe try Tofu (firm), Maybe say no eggs! What about you need the eggs to make a cake, perhaps there's time to buy that cake? Whatever it is, just get over the fact your plans failed you and move on. Mindfuless helps with that. Cursing out the grocery store clerks about not having eggs is just...So not worth it. Sometimes a short commentary to yourself to help you get through the little irritations like that keeps you going. A meme works. Something, because dying over 12 eggs because you had a breakdown in the grocery store and the police were called, there's no need for that escalation! These police don't care. There are procedures. But they are not trained in mental health anything. What are they there for? Maintain the community to organized citizenry conduct. The politicians are to run the community and legislate for the community. Justice is there to uphold the laws. But lately they've been nickel and dimeing citizens for revenues. Well maybe that process is going to have to stop and property tax revenues need to increase. Yeah, that's sucks, but guess what, I'd pay for peace and peace of mind. I don't want to have a breakdown in the middle of the grocery store over eggs, but you know what, if I was allowed to have that pity party temper tantrum for 30 minutes or so, it would give me peace of mind that I would not be dead because of it by the police. And it is not right that I had a breakdown, I'm an adult, and I try to do all I can to keep myself straight, but sometimes, I have a bad day. About the only thing I can clock accurately is how long I give myself permission to have my breakdowns. I can't predict them, but when I do, I know how long I'm going to tolerate that bullshit I deliver to move on and do it in a safe-space (like my bathroom where I can get that shit outta me. I made that promise to myself... Perhaps a bracelet of safety-card for mental health with a WRAP? IDK?

Sunshiny thoughts are good! What's wrong with that? Perhaps your RNAs are too negative in your #depression

When you are dealing a serious mental health condition, especially depression, your mind drones on and on in a negative spiral down to hurt and pain. I know. Been there, done that and got a T-shirt.

But let me use my DOCTORATE in molecular genetics and TELL you that most mental health conditions eventually affect your brain chemistry. YOUR BRAIN IS AN ORGAN TOO AND IT GETS SICK!

What happens with the negative droning thoughts is your RNA in your brain moves and aggregates that sits on your brain cells that think with emotion and sits on top of the cells choking out the healthy RNA.

It's the whole reason why Lithium works.

So, if you choose to manage your mental health condition in the absence of conventional treatments, one way to work through when your brain isn't a cloud is to be ALL POSITIVE!

Positive thinking along with meditation requires writing only in the positive. For some reason social media coding causes depression because there's a differential on how our brains process the coding. A combination of puzzle solutions, with learning behaviors, thought processes that lack emotion and creativity but it taps that center...

I learned that when I refrain from the words, "No" and "Not"  anything in the negative, then my mood improves.

When take a reflective moment using environmental music, they my mood will improve.

When I'm flooded, I need to log off.

But reading depression posts are not fun for me because I get sick. However, the people writing them need to do that and I just want to say that there is another way. If it works for you, great, you have another tool in your arsenal. But if my process fails for you, then there are other GOOD opportunities and tools you can us.

I just want to say, keep writing if you have to, but like others say, I am with you. :)

This Is What I Mean When I Say 'White Feminism' << Black Women's Mental Health Perspective

From Blog (x)

This Is What I Mean When I Say 'White Feminism'

1) This is a really good article and I wish I had known about it when it was first posted. The image is exceptional and while it may require revision, the utaamawazo is set. (Marimba Ani)



2) What I think this article says about Black Women's Mental Health Care directly aligns of cultural competency. Most therapists who treat women, are NOT BLACK unless you are VERY LUCKY to find one and/or be assigned one by your health insurance.



That said, say you, as a Black Woman deal with work stress related to White Supremacy and White Privilege, then ADD the complex layer of dealing with a complex mental health condition, like bipolar, how much of the episode is related to the pathology of stress, bigotry and sexism, and the biology of bipolar?

See because when you're bipolar, if you want to stop trying to commit suicide and stop winding up in a mental hospital or worse (prison), then you have to make HUGE LIFESTYLE changes, that include therapy, diet, sleep patterns, mindfulness, motivation, and loved one support, etc. That is if you don't want to DIE due to suicide. That ALONE is a MEDICAL reason that bigotry and privilege HAVE NO PLACE in mental health care.

But when you don't know you are "white privileged", you do not know. A cognitive dissonance.

The most RECENT case I give is a white man had the audacity to force me to get out of line to purchase a movie ticket when I was ahead of him.

Aside that I made an error in READING the movie I wanted to see time, and the theater ticket seller was attempting to assist me and my cousin, this fool thinks he can speak to me in that manner. I was in MY home community which is becoming more diverse with Chinese, Southeast Asian and Eastern European. And this FOOL thought I was inappropriate.

Well, if I wanted to buy into his small mind, I KNOW (some) KARATE, and I am also CRAZY! If I punched him, who'd go to jail? Me.

So when I talked to my therapist about it, while she understood and was compassionate about the racism and sexism that was inflicted upon me, she did not GET how much it pained me inside and eats at my very soul with a historical context...and I remember the look on her eyes that she did not know WHAT to say. I also know that they don't teach that in social worker's school. It takes a cultural competence to have the euphemistic commentary brush off the pain even if it is a temporary band-aid, like "Just one less person to think about at Christmastime"...

A Black Woman therapist would say the commentary if they understood it... I have yet to meet a Black Woman therapist that is clueless about her culture. Social Worker school is a PRIVILEGED MISOGYNISTIC HELL and so are the exams. So there is a level of understanding what kind of plantation you are on, just LONG enough to get your degrees and then a reputable job.

Like my Ph.D. education in molecular genetics, burn out is high, then complex it with patient load while staying compliant.

3) While this article is mainly a sociological one, it has to be applied healthcare-wise because there are a number of WoC's that do suffer from mental health conditions, and there is a cultural competence based on certain amount of identification acceptance - i.e. if the woman has anxiety and she is biracial where her father is white, and the woman chooses to accept her mother's ethnicity, knowing what her father is, it makes it some way to find treatment. But in healthcare, there needs to be studies and guess what? NO STUDIES! :) Or nothing significant. THEN is it healthy AND then we are not monolithic.

4) I do know as a patient, that understanding the BIOMEDICAL issue(s) of mental health condition(s), that therapy design to ADDRESS that alone based on the symptoms I report to my provider CAN BE TREATED! At minimum, that is what ALL people should expect with these mental health conditions.

5) All this to say, while there is White Feminism and it can impede OPTIMAL mental health care, the way to redirect treatment is to demand that the condition be treated as the biomedical indications - try to understand WHY they hand you books and papers.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE: White cops killing Black children AND WHY I HATE SEATTLE

Lead image for the article

This Seattle Times article is misleading. 

The title is:

Race and police: Four Seattle-area families share concerns post-Ferguson

The shooting of an unarmed black teen by a police officer in Ferguson, Mo., highlights the concerns of parents of African-American and mixed-race youths. Four area families speak with The Seattle Times about their concerns.

By Jack Broom

Seattle Times staff reporter

When you read the article as an informed and intelligent Seattleite, your thinking easily would lead you, to believe, "are the police in my area aggressive toward Black children"?

Based on many discussions on Facebook and Black Twitter, this article would be read with great enthusiasm.

"Keep your hands in view. Don’t make any sudden moves. Don’t reach into your pockets, or for the glove compartment. Even if you’re in the right, save that argument for another day — to ensure that another day will come."

However, the families interviews are NO REPRESENTATION OF WHAT HAPPENED IN FERGUSON, MO. It's as if, Seattle Times got their news from the Fox News Channel with Don Lemon and just used that as their background research.

Sure, there are anecdotal stories glossed over about the microaggressions encountered in Seattle. Based on these family's interviews they have encountered microaggressions from bigots, or own people and colorism, and ignorant people.  However, in a White Supremacist system, one never knows who will say and do bigoted stuff and this article missed that fact or just did not care, which makes the article a microaggression.

And the imagery used for this entire article shows exactly why I HATE SEATTLE!

I can't move, I can't live anywhere else without my husband. My husband is doing well here. I have no friends, no life, and huge worries about fools harassing me due to microagressions, like the oxygen thief that pushed me out of the movie line when I was deciding a movie this year...

This article does not speak to what is going on and the consensus of thought behind what happened in Ferguson. What this article does is paint a false picture of our rosiness in Seattle.

1) The multiethic, one black parent theme displayed with biracial children automatically suggests privilege. These people don't live in a racially charged environment, like Ferguson that made it's money off of tickets and fines on Black people who they caught, which suggests a targeting. And individuals who were targeted were ALWAYS on the radar, which suggests an overpolicing much like that in New York with Eric Garner. That does not happen here in Seattle, people from other cities come from over-policing situations and it's like they have PTSD as it relates to cops. I do. When I was a part of forming the Seattle Urban League Young Professionals in 2005, at an event, a young black woman got into an argument over bowling shoes. No one came to her aid. Then she called the police. I questioned what kind of event was SULYP running and I was ostracized. I don't want to be around people who think that it is okay to come to someone's business and act crazy? I was there to have a good time. Apparently, I was the only one. But at that time, no one in this "professional group" understood that escalation of a situation involving people is not a smart thing for African Americans that are in small numbers in Seattle to start off with. Don't get me started of what looks like a "crabs in a barrel mentality" in this city, which makes no sense because there isn't just one of 2 of us and I thought we need to both make it. I was wrong. Another reason why I HATE SEATTLE.

2) If anyone can suffer reading this trash article and gain an understanding of what the interviewees think, you will find that it's superficial. Not the reality of tear gas canisters landing on your front lawn and people being told to go home, when that is your home...

3) Where are the police in this discussion? Were there any? Um... No... The problems in Ferguson are due to piss poor law enforcement training and negative racial undertones. Anyone who has worked in social justice can see that. But the fact is, Seattle Times didn't even speak to the family of the John T. Williams, the Native American woodcarver shot dead by Seattle PD. That is the best example of how Ferguson and Seattle may be similar with police issues. There is also the Latino beaten down. Did the writer DO the necessary background research?



Which makes me wonder, why did Seattle Times write this BS article?

To soothe the souls of White Supremacists that own his dishrag of a news paper and inform the multiethnis/racial children that they do not pass for white enough...

There is a colorism issue in Seattle often swept under the rug. It is condoned to progress in this city if the paradigm is not fit. It's promulgated by the corporate industries that move it forward and the young people protest things that make no difference or are ineffective toward change.

That doesn't mean there are not well-meaning people, but if I refuse to fit in BS circles in this city, then guess what? I'm ostracized. People who hit hard times are ignored and as far as friendships, they are absent with this thing called the "Seattle Freeze" -- the people are polite, but not very inclusive. And it's sad to say that the one thing that could bring the people of Seattle closer might be an earth moving disaster, but given that that has happened, we are no closer to those people. "What's Oso?"

I have never had to second guess and have my words minced before than this passive aggressive place, BUT THAT IS WHY I HATE SEATTLE FOR THIS VERY REASON ALONE.

You decide.

Family stories used for a police brutality against Black children

Family stories used for a police brutality against Black children

Family stories used for a police brutality against Black children

THERE IS A HUGE BIOLOGICAL BASIS FOR SUICIDE IDEATION!!!

Read a great series of Tweets of the sociological ramifications of suicide ideation among African Americans.

Black People and Suicide by GradientLair

I have been working on mental health and suicide ideation for MYSELF for over 30+ years of my life. Bipolar diagnosis. Yes, I have to take medication for that. I chose that option, because I did molecular genetic research in neurology to understand WTF is going on with me. I found my drugs, I spoke to the professionals about what was happen. I told them how to give me better treatment. I have a few therapists that actually taken it upon themselves to help me to where I've gotten better. Some where I had to get a new therapist. It's MY health, so how am I going to get better since I don't want the training?

But I hear causes to why Black people kill themselves like that's the biggest atrocity in the Universe and I get tired of hearing that. FUCK STIGMA!

Fact is, the STRONG DESIRE to want to kill one's self is bottomline a BIOLOGICAL ONE!

OUR BRAINS ARE ORGANS TOO, YOU DIDN'T KNOW THEY COULD GET SICK LIKE THAT?

JUST LIKE A HEART ATTACK, YOU WOULDN'T TALK ABOUT 'HOW BAD YOUR CHILDHOOD WAS" BEFORE YOU TREAT!!! TREAT!!! TREAT!!! THE HEART!

So why are you doing it to someone that wants to try to kill themselves? They are sick. They need help. Has judging them worked?

And yes, I know what its like to desire to commit suicide. I attempted starting at 14 years old until 19 years old and just said to myself I don't care what mental illness stigma does to me, I WANT TO LIVE.

If I wanted to live till I was 46 years old -- what I am today with a DOCTORATE in molecular genetics, then I needed to get professionally licensed care.

Biology doesn't change or differ in humans THAT much. Which means the standards of care can be met by whoever treats you. That's when the sociology and cultural competency comes into play -- AFTER ONE IS STABLE!

I've written and written and written and written some more about this. NO ONE READS IT!

NO ONE LIKE NAMI et al. ASKS ME ANYTHING!

Why do I continue?

For the next little Black girl who thinks suicide is a good thing... If this message gets to you, and you're feeling down,

1) Go to Metanoia and read it.

2) Call 911 or 1-800-273-TALK -- I don't care, just do it!

3) And once you're stable, it's YOUR HEALTH and FUCK STIGMA!

4) Let's start working on how to get you better. Usually it takes a couple of courses to even understand. Then it takes you doing a few mood trackers. I've used this one for free, there are others.
You can do pencil and paper. And show your providers.

5) If it is environmental...Like you live in a place that drives you crazy, just do a blog series of how much you hate it. Get it out of you. Don't let bad tapes/CDs/playlists fester inside your head. Get it out. Physical fitness with light weight training is really good for that and remember to hydrate.

That's all I'm going to give for now. But visit me on Facebook.

Condolences to the Robin Williams family and loved ones.

I grew up with Robin Williams comedy. His comic genius was extraordinary. I know he has been through many things in his life, and not every day can be funny, but I still admire him as a person and in his work. It is sad that he took his life, but as a fellow sufferer, I can understand where he was coming from. Introspection is premature in this instance.

Just know, you need a plan rather than the spontaneous. And it appears this instance is spontaneous.

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Beauty and the Bipolar. My Grandmother and Me.

This lovely picture is circa 1930 of a young Black girl who lived in Quincy, Florida.

She had the entire world to discover. She loved to sing, dance and worship God in her church. She trained as a nurse in school for ~2 years until she married her husband.

From that point, her life became devoted to God, her husband and her children.

She had 9 children.

There were times where this Black family could not make ends meet. Where the husband had to travel the roads in the United States to make money. There were times that there was little food and somehow by magic she was able to create a full course meal.

Then her husband gained stable employment with a very notable position, and eventually, the woman returned to college and got her bachelor's degree in education. It was after her last child was out of diapers. Then, she taught in the local elementary school.

The children who were in her class came from homes were the parents were worse off than her own family. By some mechanism, the kids in her class excelled. The children are now adults today, and they have fond memories of the teacher.




Then the grandchildren were being born, from the second oldest daughter to the first oldest son, and then the second oldest son, and more. Some of the grandchildren grew up near their grandmother and remembered how she loved them. It was with a strong 1930's-style of discipline. The grandchildren who grew far from their grandmother, did not quite understand her mentality until they got older.

I was one of the grandchildren that grew up far from my grandmother.

What was so remarkable about this woman? She was not famous. She was very opinionated. She sometimes appeared to be conceited. What was she about?

GRANDMOTHER was resilient in spite of it all...

She took the good with the bad. She prayed on it. The Bible was her reference book for all her decisions. Over time, she found her voice, and she expressed it with a pleasant astuteness. Her behavior for her generation was like that of Coretta Scott King. In fact she met her... Resolute, stylish, and inside toughness. When microaggressions occurred, she outmaneuver them like on the TV show, "Wipe Out" easily surpassing that obstacle course. People would say all kinds of mean things to her, and she should raise her head with pride and state quietly. "They talked about Jesus Christ, and you saw what they did to Him."

Living in the South, in the midst of white supremacy and overt racists, she recalls an incident when she returned home and was walking on a dirt road, when some white teenage boys in a beat up truck sped up to run her over to knock her off the road. She said if she did not jump out of the way, she would have been hit. She broke her coccyx tailbone, the last bone in her vertabral column when she jumped. I think that hurt her more emotionally as those were her experiences with racism, than the actually pain of breaking her tailbone.

Her education is what propelled her for debate. When she was a teenager, she could argue her points with logical precision. But during that time of the Depression, women, especially Black Women had little or no agency to move beyond their dreams. In 1934, she got married and learned a home was hard to keep without God driving the order. And then somehow, that system worked for my grandparents. How it worked, I am learning snippets from sources.

The reality is, it was no picnic with sunshine for my grandparents. Their forged in the might of God with fortitude to make choices. I believe both of them were very intelligent, but they had to be wise to survive. My grandfather loved the Bible as much, but he knew how to speak eloquently with his commanding voice. My grandmother was more reserved, but you HEARD her words.

When I became a young adult, I had a chance to spend a lot of time with my grandparents. I did not grow up around them. I took every opportunity to leave Spelman on breaks and visit them in Daytona Beach. I would discuss ideas about life and for some reason, they would hear me talk and tell me things. I do know, I would not have graduated from Spelman if I did not visit my grandparents. My grandfather once told me his expectations of me graduating from college and for some reason that resonated with me more than my parents telling me. My grandmother told me how get through college and graduate school through the Lord using chapter and verse.

As I got older, I watched my grandmother's mannerisms, style and grace. They were not like my parents or my parents' friends. They were not like the stereotypes on television. No one can fathom a woman like my grandmother. She was too illustrious, too glamorous, and way too fabulous for simple character study of a storyline that television can convey.

When she would visit my parents, she would love to shop for anything in the mall. She would go to Neiman Marcus and test the pricey lotions. The snooty counter woman would remark with a microaggression. "You know, that's blah blah blah designer, it is very-very expensive..."

My grandmother would happily reply. "Oh? Give me some more!"

Very few of my friends had elder women like that that they respected.

I was fortunate to have her prominent in my early adult life. I see that today's Black women are finding their voice to achieve their dreams and I think that is amazing. While I am of a different generation from many of these Black women where my generation barely had a voice, we all now, have a lot of agency. In my opinion, the younger women have that WOW factor. However, I'm saddened to read their bitter tone and while I catch myself with those feels, I'm amazed they can say it succinctly but they offer little recourse from the pain. I wonder about the strides of these women throughout their lives. Life is already tought and to put on a happy face feels stupid. I get these young women are tired of cowtowing, yet, one can catch more flies with honey than with salt as the old adage says. However, is this mode of thinking for the battle or for the war? Because if it is only for the battle, then ranting on a blog to use one's powerful voice to being enraged to signify one's rage is short-lived and temporary, and is not a great strategy for winning this war.  Of course, that assumes if there is a war and if there should be one, not to mention that is a very male dominated construct.

I just go back wondering what my grandmother would say about all of this... She would say James 3:9-12:

With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be.  Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring?  My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.

Out of all the people who can work wonders on me without any formal degrees in psychiatry or psychology, my grandmother calmed me when I was at my worst bipolar mental stay. 

Then I have to remember one of her favorite Bible verses was Proverbs 3:5:

Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

People around me can bash me, demean me, destroy me and hate me. But in the end, it is just me and they cannot touch that, because it belongs to God. 

I will continue living my life by the mere emulation of her, until I die.

"Beauty" at 90 years old

More people have kidney stones because they are dehydrated.

More people are getting kidney stones because they are dehydrated. What can be done? Drink more water! How much depends on what your healthcare provider says. Generally 8 glasses per day or ~1-2 Liters per day. Good water. Clean water. Pure and balanced water.

Water - H2O is quintessential for life. We cannot survive without water. When we fail to consume adequate amounts of water, we suffer. Water = Life. It is the conduit to our soul. So if you have clean water, you are truly blessed and you should drink it. If your water is not clean, that requires experiences beyond the scope of this blog. No offense to those who don't have clean water - I would not know?

As I understand it, it must be boiled, then filtered for potability. As to the process, I do not know. There are Iodine tablets, but they only last so long.

Water as a resource of potability will be lacking in the future. We have not conserved our water. We must find ways to do that.