I use to LOVE the holidays! I would get into the spirit, dancing, singing, ready, willing and able to go to church! I went to Christmas Eve services, the following morning, I prepared meals for the homeless for Christmas Day breakfast. This is in my hometown San Diego. My mother would prepare a huge Christmas Day breakfast, then we could traverse to East County San Diego for dinner at a close friend's house, who has now since passed due to breast cancer...
SINCE I was married, my holidays SUCK! Let me be honest. I do not get along with my In Laws--much less my MIL! I have completely lost the Holiday Spirit. I'm on pins and needles half the time when I am around this person. And I know this person is being "honest with me", "A mother who just loves her son", and at some level I am culpable.
But 2009 totally is asinine! No jobs! No opportunities! No money! I have been scraping by to a productive citizen. Meanwhile, asshats in my state are cop hurting fiends who are out of jail. Funds were cut from the State budget for police officers and incarceration. Now we have 8 cops shot, 5 killed because alleged perpetrators were not ever to be released from prison...
If I was such a horrible being, I could see why things are said to me. But dayummit I am PhD in molecular genetics, I have helped well over 50 young people achieve educational goals, I volunteer, volunteer, volunteer! And I have my own business, I have re-created myself, several times over, then again!
I have vacillated from saying there is outright bigotry again me being an African American woman that got short changed to blaming my mental illness. But the reality is the economy is that bad! And when it gets better, when the job market improves, I will be attempting to catch that way and ride it. I refuse to ever rely on somebody else to pay me under an employer type background. I will be under a contract with well designed benchmarks for a desired goals.
There are good things that have happened since I failed my coach written test: some institutions are calling me back... Things are looking up in that department. But none of them in Seattle. I have stopped looking here. I would rather go either home or a more West Coast tropical climate.
This is hard, because my mood will change tomorrow. I know where I am in my cycle. And now I have had some female related complications. I need to slow my roll...
Oh, I have zero tree, have not sent any personal Christmas cards. But I'm find with that. I did get my business cards out. And the bounce backs I have gotten is ~5-6 returns.
