So, I'm having mania symptoms. Random thoughts, lack of focus, spotty sight and inability to concentrate. I also use quite a few curse words than necessary to express myself.
Anyhow, I strongly support President Barack Obama, and Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi in that I want health care reform with the public option and no trigger! I'm for that!
As a health care "purveyor" (rather than direct provider), I want Americans to have access to health care: reduced costs, quality of care and affordability. I fully support that. I'm not worried about how to pay for this because people are suffering. When the house is burning, you don't way to ask how much the water costs to put douse the fire? The fact is, just like those wild fires in California, if it fails to be contained, the entire state, with every structure can be burned down, including the nerve centers, like nuclear power plants!
As a sufferer of bipolar disorder II, I KNOW WHAT IT IS LIKE TO BE OFF MY PSYCHOTROPIC MEDS! I've done it before. I set myself up for failure. My thoughts immediately become manic--within 1 week. I'm superhuman, I can do everything! I cannot be told how illogical my thoughts are, I don't listen to anyone. People who love me attempt rationalize with me, but when we are in "Dr. Gina Logic"--there is no logic to "Dr. Gina Logic". I set my expectations so high, that I will ultimately fail and the fall is so hard... I want to fight people, I want to do battle, I want curse everyone out. Then I have a propensity to cycle like a roller coaster, one minute I'm high, next I'm low, then high-low-high-low, et al.
That is NOT living. I cannot breathe through it in mindfulness. There is no yoga to concentrate through it. I cannot process why my illogical plan failed, which was of course FLAWLESS! HOW DID IT FAIL!!!! Then I look at my "intention" to help people--then someone asks, "how does it help"--I mow people over who are trying to just help me!
Today, I use my blogs and tweets. I actually enjoy it. I get good scientific articles and thoughts I could pursue and teach myself. I have conversations with some people I can learn new things. I'm vocal about my bipolar because I want others, like me, who silently suffer know they are not alone.
Being a crazy Black woman is not easy. I can't fake my symptoms, these are NOT symptoms one wants. There are other Black women who are crazier than me. I'm mild in comparison. But, I am one of the more educated Black women who is certifiably crazy and I had to embrace that about myself. Family says why would ANYONE say that? I'm sure someone would bash me, but they cannot hurt me for being honest and willing to help some young Black girl who didn't know how to find her way when she hurts so much--a pain that is inexplicably but easily can arrive to suicide... That's why I use social media.
As a result, there are people who disagree with my tweets. I appreciate someone who says, "I disagree" then says here's what I believe and why. I like that. What I do not like is outright cyberbullying without backing up comments. That nullifies any possibility of having a dialogue or desiring of having a dialogue. I don't want to speak to you anymore when I have been exposed to hatred for no other reason than I exist on this planet and that person hates me for that. That to me is psychotic and for another blog. Nevertheless, I get Tweets by people who outright make hateful comments to me in a form of cyberbullying to say mean and hurtful things to discredit me for little or no reason. One can ignore it and let people think what they want. If one chooses to ignore it in social media that gives others license to continue the hateful comments. That is the mature method and one who is mature can take these things as they come.
Well guess what, being bipolar sometimes doesn't make you mature and mania makes the anger worse... Moreover, there are no conversations--pretty much a yelling match laced with profanity.
The other way to handle it in social media is to pounce upon the disparaging comments with force. One can choose to outsmart her opponent--meaning argue on the opponent's terms... One can choose to concede to her opponent--meaning cowtowing to the opponents beliefs... One can choose to behave crazily to her opponent--meaning saying wild statements to where the public chooses to believe what they want. The point is to make a ruckus, so much so, that no one has a dialogue. Kind of like a civil rights protesting... The point is to make a scene and to run out people.
Social media cyberbullies will run the honest people out. The good people who enjoy debate and enjoy kind discussions. Does not happen with cyberbullies. The cyberbullies' goals are to overtake, overpower and dominate the discussion toward their selfish ideas. An egomaniacal agenda to advance their selfishness--aggrandizement.
Take for instance health care, some of the most sweeping changes ever made in 40 years. We are long due for a major upgrade. A lot of medical advances have been discovered in 40 years! We MUST do this upgrade or the United States cannot be competitive in this global economy. A sick soldier cannot inherently fight. A unhealthy person cannot do commerce, employment or contribute to the financial success of this country. People need to be healthy!
Attacks made upon President Obama like that of Steven Anderson, a pastor in Arizona, who says he hates the president and wants First Lady Michelle and daughters to be widowed. A religious person using the word hate... Hmmmm.... Then his parishioners carry guns with only an earshot of the President--his 2nd Amendment right--not a bright thing to do, but his 2nd Amendment right.
Then, mothers in some states refusing to allow her children to listen to the President's message about school--because they so-called disagree and think the President is indoctrinating her children. With children dropping out of school, in a free society, to learn concepts freely to advance the knowledge of Americans, is irresponsible!
I get cyberbullied by Tweets to point on this information is out of order. I can say my opinion, some of it professional, and folks are free to disagree. But calling me a "progressive weasel" without having a dialogue with me is ignorant. This person, named "Dear Citizen" on Twitter, has not met me and pointed me out in the "#" hashtags--hence painting me without me having a chance to defend myself.
Well, okay, I am mentally ill. I take medications to manage my pre-existing condition. My insurance cannot pay for anything I do to myself in managing my mental illness. So, if I commit suicide, Dear Citizen, blood will be on your hands. Because it takes me to have costly medications and therapist meetings to handle this illness, and I am going to go off my medication to show you what it is like to suffer the bigotry, racism and stigma you purport promulgating if you attempt to cause Health Care Reform with Public Option to fail! MY BLOOD ON YOUR HANDS! DEAL WITH IT, THE PRICE IS ON YOUR HEAD! AND IF YOU CANNOT HANDLE IT, YOU PICKED THIS FIGHT AND YOU WILL LIVE WITH MY DEATH FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!
See, because I have nothing to live for. I've lost my job, I'm unemployed and losing unemployment. I'm highly educated with a PhD in molecular biology and I'm told my degree with worthless because I got it due to affirmative action. That being said to me who fights depression daily to only be felt worse. So, I am a mentally ill desperate woman with NOTHING to lose! You chose this fight! That means you will have to explain yourself to all the people who actually do love me, just because I exist! My death will be on your head! So you better hope, I survive.
The flip side: GLOBALLY, OUR COUNTRY IS BEING WATCHED! "TERRORISTS" ARE WATCHING! AND THEY DON'T HAVE TO AIM ONE MISSILE OR FLY ANY PLANE INTO A BUILDING OR EXPLODE ANY PHYSICAL BOMB!
HURT ONE HAIR ON PRESIDENT OBAMA OR HIS FAMILY'S HEAD, THE WORLD WILL NOT TOLERATE IT! MARK MY WORDS! WHAT DO YOU THINK THE U.N. IS FOR? THE EUROPEAN UNION HAS MORE MONEY THAN THE UNITED STATES. RIGHT NOW, RUSSIA HAS MORE MONEY THAN THE U.S., CHINA DOES, TOO. THE WORLD IS WATCHING! DON'T SLEEP!
THINK ABOUT HURTING OBAMA... THINK CAREFULLY... SERIOUSLY... DON'T CARE ABOUT THE SECRET SERVICE, DON'T CARE ABOUT THE U.S. MILITARY, IT AIN'T ABOUT US BEING UNABLE TO PHYSICALLY FIGHT. IT'S ABOUT WE THE PEOPLE NOT COMING TOGETHER WHEN WE CALL OURSELVES A DEMOCRACY! WHY PROMOTE SOMETHING FOR A SELECT GROUP OF PEOPLE!
Yes, I'm off my meds and my lunacy is in effect. Deal with it!
YES, I am calling these fools out on this list. I expect it to get longer. The names are from Twitter
If anything were to happen to me due to lack of reform and cyberbullying that impacts me psychologically, when my friends and family look for causes, you are named as the cause for my mental health decline. Deal with it!
