Marriage and Mental Health and Wellness - my POV

Long story short, my husband and I eloped when we got married nearly 8 years ago. We were in love and who knew it would last this long given my mental health condition. I knew I had found my "missing piece"! And I hoped he had found his, too.

I am dealing with a bipolar type 2 diagnosis, hypomania. I manage it with medications and therapy. If I change it on my own volition, which I have done before and I say I do not need either of those treatment options, within two months I am "out of control" - sobbing, impulsive, fighting, disheveled, no one can talk to me, nothing sinks in, and my ability and freedom to make quality choices about my wellness is impaired. If I want to stay married to a good man, I do not deviate from my current treatment plan.

The issue with the general public's opinion on mental health and wellness is that it is a choice that people like me make. I really wish it were that simple. I wish I I could CHOOSE NOT to feel the way that I do. That I would not have to take medications, hide from the mental health stigma and not have to see a therapist. But I know that if I do not, this condition will worsen to fainting spells, memory loss and suicide ideation.

I get these interesting emails from Smart Marriages: The Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education
is dedicated to making marriage education widely available. They have a "newsletter" still sent by email -- tidbits to stay married, marriage enrichment, and family support during trying times. These days with a poor economy and so many people out of work, such as myself for greater than 3 years, these are truly trying times for a marriage and its longevity.

One of the Smart Marriage's newsletter authors posted this ignorance about mental health and wellness (verbatim original context):

Ouch, I really stepped on a live wire with the post about the book, The Emperor’s New Clothes (that “explodes the antidepressant myth”). I APOLOGIZE to those who were offended by my promotion of this book – who wrote to say antidepressants have literally saved their lives and/or the lives of loved ones and/or their marriages. I send my SYMPATHIES to those who, on the other end of the continuum, feel they have basically lost long stretches of their lives, their loved ones, their marriages because of the side-effects of antidepressant treatment. And, I also STAND very much CORRECTED by those who reminded me and quoted myself back to me – that I have always maintained that Smart Marriages is focused on increasing access to Marriage Education and that we don’t have the time or energy to wade into other battles and campaigns. It turns out that antidepressants are as divisive a topic as any you can name – abortion, gun control, vaccines, immigration, etc. – there are as many blogs, websites, bumper-stickers in the antidepressant pro and con campaigns as any other. Several of you also pointed out that this book is not, by far, anything new – there are many books that rail against “legal drug pushers - people licensed by the govt and paid huge incentives by the billion dollar pharma industry to push antidepressants.” You said if I want to blow the whistle, blow it about the 10’s of millions of children being put on antidepressants. (Hmmmm, 10s of millions?) And one of you wrote that I should consider myself blessed that I’ve not (yet) felt the need for antidepressants. Some of you said I could use your letters and your names, including your diagnosis and suicide attempts. I don’t think that’s necessary. I get it. And, as I said, my apologies and I do stand corrected. - diane

This is not the first time that Smart Marriages has sent emails filled with insensitive vitriol. In fact, this newsletter is about the only misinformed "marriage related" without peer reviewed scientific research literature base. It is nice to have "tidbits" that a user can decide to accept or not accept, but to cyberbully by fear tactics is irresponsible, especially when it involves the issue of HEALTH CARE -- specifically, MENTAL HEALTH CARE!

Why?

Because the brain is an organ, too. It can get sick like any other organ, heart, liver, lungs, muscles, blood, etc. Would the same cruel and mean-spirited comments be made to someone who suffered from a heart attack, stroke or cancer? Then why are they being said to someone who is dealing with and managing a mental HEALTH condition?

Through my own trials and tribulations in my marriage, and developing a "wellness recovery action plan" or "WRAP" by Mary Ellen Copeland, I have discovered, that to keep my marriage with my husband, he needs to be trained in true medical caregiving or what is now called "attending". The idea of a physical health issue, like Alzheimer's Caregiving can be adapted to Mental Health Caregiving.

My husband needs to know how to handle me on good days and bad days. The good days when I seem fun to be around, but wait - is it over the top? Are they manic like? When I am asked about my thinking or process, do I have one? Because if I do not, I am in the process of setting myself up for failure that can spiral me into a depression down the road. There are tactics one can learn from Caregiving to minimize and communicate to me as to what it is I am doing: i.e. when is the last time I have communicated with my psychiatrist, etc.?

On my bad days, which are looking more like forgetfulness and impatience, and then the "water works" start, he needs to learn some tactics that can keep him sane. Thes tactics I cannot teach him, nor are they in a book. These are tactics that are trial and error and learned through resourcing. What he would be doing is consulting with a professional resource so he can be better equipped to handle me if and when I am unmanageable. It is liken to patient who suffers from lung problems and his or her breathing becomes belabored requiring a nebulizer - what does the caregiver do when that happens? The professional resource SHOWS him or her what to do! In my husband's case, he actually does know how to deal with a nebulizer, but he does not know for a mental illness.

Lastly and most importantly, he needs to know how to take care of himself. When it feels to him like he is in over his head and what can he do to relay that to me, so that I HEAR him. He deserves to be honest with me. Because I know, caregivers do get exhausted and want their own lives. And I think there are some good methods that couples can develop to handle that. In fact, I think it is one of the most personal and creative ways that a married couple can manifest -- it is the "what makes this work" in our own marriage.

My husband is a wonderful man. He is very understanding, patient and kind. And with my bipolar issue, which I still have a tough time letting it get the best of me, he has supported me, in all my endeavors while we have been married. I appreciate and thank him for that. Lately, I have gone to my providers and started asking questions if my health regimen requires changing, and it did. I can just tell there is a difference and it is not placebo. Yet, I am suffering from physical pains, which may be a sign of many other things. But the one thing that keeps me afloat, is when I see my husband's smile that he feels like he is doing "right" by me.

Mental health in a marriage requires:

• Health caregiver support just like other health conditions.


• Research and best practice training can be clinically developed to enrich marriages


• There can be a spiritual component, similar to that seen in Hospice if desired.


• Lastly, if we are about removing stigma, ignorances must be deflected by "laymen talking points" and advertised on all media channels with experts, rather than incivility.

Don't try to talk sense to a fool; he can't appreciate it... Proverbs 23:9

Don't try to talk sense to a fool; he can't appreciate it... Proverbs 23:9

When I grew up every Sunday, at my family's breakfast table, we all had to recite a Bible Verse. Most of the time, when I was young, I would say, "Jesus Wept" or "God is Love". As I got older and started to read the Bible more with studies, I learned of this verse, Proverbs 23:9. I guess I was ~14-15 years old and growing into myself, with my own ideas. And felt the oppression of being a teen, a woman, and Black all at one time. This was in the early-1980's - BC - Before Cosby, Before Computers.

What struck me about this verse was the fact that there is no reason why we need to argue about our beliefs other than to announce them and provide clarification. People do not need to sway our thoughts one way or another if we have faith in God, shown in Jesus Christ. Why do I need to convince anyone of my convictions? But when I was a young person, I did not see it that. I saw it as alienating the group that I wanted to like me. And more often than not, that group was living life on the edge - doing drugs, carousing, skipping school, etc.

Fortunately, I had my Sunday breakfast Bible Verse recitation, that was more afraid of failing than those young people in the "fast lane" in Southern California. Having those kids hate me and spread vicious rumors about me at school was less fearing than not having my Bible Verse ready. It was not so much the admonishment I got from my folks, it was more disrespectful I showed to God that I feared.

I have been on Social Media for quite a while. And these days the civility of conversation, no matter how inane it can be is degenerated by disrespectful and unmindful people. Basically, their parents did not teach these young people basic social manners and etiquette. Some of the statements that are made are so severe it attacks people at their core being. Having read an article on Newsweek about how inundated we are with information, the multi-tasking is exacerbating our brain inability for effective decision making. We humans have never been this barraged with information at our finger tips and our prefrontal cortex is unable to keep up with the demands, so it decides the quickest and quantified route versus the creatively thought out, planned and qualified route to the best decision. It is that age-old "instant gratification, microwave thinking".

Then, after we make our decisions, we are uncomfortable with it and commiserate with our "social groups" online about how we could have chosen "better". And sometimes, there is a "troll" who like to be the fly in the ointment mentality and harasses to dominate and usually, it feels I am the target, but I know I am not the only one. That which I describe is called cyberbullying.

How to minimize interacting with cyberbullying is by:

NOT TRYING TO TALK SENSE TO A FOOL... HE CANNOT APPRECIATE IT...

It is not so much them asking me challenging questions, but the Ad Hominem logical fallacies or "name calling" are a "dead giveaway". The descriptive terms about my "avatar" or who and what I say I am. My avatar could be a pile of cow dung and I would get called "shit head"... I say I am Black Woman and I get called a "nigger bitch"... The minute name calling happens, any logical discussion has ended.


Another one is domination of direction of the conversation. Maybe just talking about the weather and it is one thing to not how it is horrific or nice it is in various places. But the conversation ends for me when someone unknown to me tells me I "should" be _______________ (fill in the blank). There are several logic fallacies that are in play here. Psychologically, this "should" conversation is about "power and control" ant the person doling out the domination is usually out of control and seeking to take power from whomever will give him or her a chance. The minute "shoulds" start happening, I say "bless your heart" and walk away, which is very difficult to do.

Over the years, my memory has started to fade and I had forgotten that lone Bible Verse of my youth. Then one day, I was cyberbullyed on Facebook and the verse just popped into my mind. Now, we have "Google" search engines and immediately it appeared with cross references of all the Christian denominational Bible texts. I like the present one the most because it is very simple and easy for all to understand.

The minute the following was shared, the person was harassed. Some of the comments have been deleted and the identities have been redacted.



The point is for this mundane non-critical amount of silliness, is that the commentators need say nothing if they disagree with the statement. Afterward there were several posts made about the verse not on the feed and the person who posted the verse was "unfriended" by quite a few people, which Facebook tracks.

Why were they offended to unfriend someone sharing some information, regardless of its source?

I think it is because they never knew the Christian Bible had that information and if they kept their uncivilized behavior, they would be seen as unappreciative and the speaker who is being nice, by choice, finds them a waste of time...

But there is another facet here: pleasant dinner table conversations with sociality or a deipnosophist, would keep the lively nature of the conversation and would not waste people's time, lest they would be seen as a fool... Usually for someone to keep the attentions of court there were stories that were told, rather than argumentative emotional behaviors.

These kinds of casual conversations often did make political policy in high court. That is why it was called etiquette. But a whole generation has not been reared with that mentality and it shows on Social Media. Moreover, the neurological effects caused by social media are just been completed and what is found has mixed results. It is a good way to maintain sociality until addiction sets in, then the communication deficits come in at play without common human face to face interactions.

What to do about that? I no longer have private personal conversations in chat or instant message rooms unless I have seen an interaction on my public feed for a month without altercations. I also have a "tire kicker" rule that I set for myself. If I say the sky is blue and some disagrees with me and challenges me, they have 5-10 posts to get to the validity of their point, then I cease interaction, either by unfriending them or block.

Belligerent and hurtful posts have immediate screenshots and posted on a blog indicating the offense, especially if the person is unknown.

It works sometimes. I makes me feel better in the long run to keep myself in control and make my social media experience positive. I keep my social media strategies for myself and my business and the interesting part is, I have been praying to God to grab a hold of me...

When I least expected it, He was right there... And this time it was a reminder...

Don't try to talk sense to a fool; he can't appreciate it...

Here is what I am doing in this bad job market/economy

I am writing this blog here because on all the other blogs I keep, this one seems best. I get these kinds of messages from people all over, but mainly in the United States -- (Redacted to protect the innocent):

I need a money miracle! I had to fire my babysitter two weeks before Christmas, 2010 because she was taking my kids to unsafe places, then I ended up losing my job. Now, I am drowning in debt and not sure what to do... I have my diploma to council kids who have emotional/behavioral issues but there is absolutely nothing in this town is available...

I have no job. No one pays me anything in the State of Washington. I was on unemployment when the United States Congress decided to behave funny with my chances for money that I felt was owed to me. And at that time, I was job searching through the computer without any responses. I am married and I have no children. I have a doctorate in Molecular Genetics and I have various skill sets that include the following:

Health Promotion
Health and Wellness Coaching
Grief and Bereavement Follow up
Certified Mental Health Peer Counselor

Here is how I am a benefit and opportunity:

I am a business owner who promotes online mental health can wellness resources through Social Media, i.e. Facebook, Twitter, and Blogs for diverse populations. What I have found is many diverse populations hear the message, but the Social Determinants of Health prevents them from optimizing the use of care in their communities.

What that means is, how can you tell a teenager that they need to have the "power of positive thinking" when they live in squalor? That is not helpful. What they need is a "wrap-around plan" with several professionals assisting them. These professionals can be chosen by the young person that they feel best can aid them to their goal with the assistance of a Peer Support Counselor or Coach...

I am that Peer Support Counselor and Coach... Because most young people are online. I have refrained from giving my services online due to the privacy restrictions, but I find myself using all that I have been taught in Coaching and Peer Support, such as Motivational Interviewing, Brainstorming and Appreciative Inquiry that allows the person self efficacy or the knowledge and belief that they can do it...


Lamenting about how bad life is for me without an economic future, I would rather present to you, my readership on the other activities involved in my business.

The Ari | af | ya Universe is the overarching business that supports science and mental health and wellness online.

There are now four divisions:

Sistah Mental Health and Wellness - the Online Mental Health Support and Resource Group

GYM Right - Get Your Mind Right Health and Wellness Coaching by Teleconferencing

Mental Health Angel Investment Group - for professionals in how best to care for diverse populations online

The last one is the most exciting one for me and I have spent quite a bit of my time and talent:

Isle Sanctuary Artistic Division - We tell stories on Social Media. When one commits his or herself to their best self-care, art and creativity can improve one's self-esteem to manage dealing with a mental health issue. We do management online.

Moreover, at the Isle Sanctuary Artistic Division, we can help in pre-production of script scenes by roleplaying the parts out online, then provide metrics to show the efficacy of moving forward to full production and audience generation. The best way to describe what we do when we perform is that it is like a 1940 radio show, but now the radio is Social Media... And it is not just acting and dialogue, it is getting into the milieu of your audience in a character's voice, answering questions, performing the scenes with some level of directed improvisation and supporting one's fan base. Social Media users psychologically relate and connect with people in that manner and telling and performing stories is something they watch on all platforms.

We also use graphic and concept artists, social media developers, web and blog content creators, actors, producers and directors.

Any outsider who wishes to test their script, minimum cost is $5000 for one performance with "EnActors", online social media accounts and blogs, domain name, emails and programming. Please inquire at the site below for your pre-qualification review, today!

Isle Sanctuary Artistic Division

When someone asks what it is that I am doing for myself, these are the tasks I am building through my business.

Edited to add this spot: The father gets another job rejection letter. So in front of his 8 month-old son, he tears the letter and this is what the baby does:



If we can all have the perspective of this baby...

Thank you for reading this blog

Superbowl 45 & the Neurocommerciality of #Brandbowl

The Superbowl between The Green Bay Packers and The Pittsburgh Steelers was washed in what could be bought and sold in the best liquid detergent on the market! The one that can change your mind and tell you what your wants are.

The word on the Twitter-street, was the Dallas folks had trouble getting people there due to the inclement weather. Dallas Fort Worth area had one of the worst Ice Storms it has had in a long time, pretty much making it tough to move around in the Metroplex. So they were giving ticket to VIPs willing to break necks to slip and slide.

This Superbowl was spent in house by the sidebars in homes and shared in the Tweets. The abusive tweets had not come out until we were closer to halftime when people could take breaks and pig out on the typical foodstuffs as seen on TV. Yes, we know advertisers can connect to a mass of people rapidly. The one thing they failed to connect is the social media world that is GLOBAL! And we see global unrest that do not share our sense of passion.

America was SOLD to an unappreciative group of people. Who they are, we do not know. But the patriotic pre-game show was tempered when the key headliner who sang the United States National Anthem by Christina Aguliera when she missed the "O'er ramparts we watch" line during her oversinging rendition...

Sad part NO ONE of the hate-filled "dramaticons" picked up on that until us thinkers realized what she missed.

The commercials of the Superbowl 45 are shown here.

There were many I enjoyed. Of course I have a preference for this one:



The Little Darth Vader Volkswagon Commercial...

The game we all know is not as stellar as we see in the regular season. So they must make their money by the draw. Then when they have crazy weather and excellent headliners such as the Black Eyed Peas who needs to have the entire sound team fired, because none of the music could not be heard clearly, the performance of their show was music that the old guard is unaccustomed to hearing... People do what to SEE A SHOW, like old school...

They can sing, they have good songs, but on stage presentation lacked excitement compared to other staged shows I have seen.

Until Usher came out who does similar moves as the late Michael Jackson. And he messed up by spinning the wrong way...

To say this was NOT a political game made by the Murdoch's minions would be an understatement.

From the pre-game show of "traditions" one that I have never seen before, to the commercials, to the half-time show, it was disturbing. Why sway people over a football game? Who made that market strategy? And there are no laws that govern that except marketplace... And more often than not that always leaves the little guy out. But see the little guy often reproduces more and will overtake the fat cats for an uprising.

Well as my husband said, at least they did bring back young people to halftimes show versus the Janet Jackson fiasco years ago.

All the announcers except 1 were wearing purple. Who made that wardrobe malfunction is beyond me.

So in the second half of the game, during the commercials, the only deep commercial was Chrysler's Detroit Hardness. Gritty. Many people related to it and coming up from nothing.



There was a Groupon commercial that many people found tasteless. I am glad I missed that one.

There were a few other commercials in brand bowl

It looks like the neuropsychiatric commercialism came out too early to make decisive results in the amounts of money spent on each ad.

The better ads were one that used social and corporate responsibility to express what it is that they want people to buy.

Unfortunately, an ad that shows a Camero still subjugates women.

Anyhow, there are interesting movies and shows coming up.

The Seeds That Needed To Be Sown... #StarWars #RP #SocialMedia

Read the PDF here >> "The Seeds That Needed To Be Sown..."

We shall see if they germinate...

Visit us at the Isle Sanctuary Artistic Division which is part of The Ari | af | ya Universe...

formspring.me

Talk to me, I'm crazy enuf, I'll listen!!! :) http://formspring.me/DrAriafya

A revisited concept of Cain vs Abel & #mental #health #career

1Adam knew his wife Eve intimately, and she conceived and gave birth to Cain. She said, "I have had a male child with the LORD's help." 2Then she also gave birth to his brother Abel. Now Abel became a shepherd of a flock, but Cain cultivated the land. 3In the course of time Cain presented some of the land's produce as an offering to the LORD. 4And Abel also presented [an offering — some of the firstborn of his flock and their fat portions. The Lord had regard for Abel and his offering, 5but He did not have regard for Cain and his offering. Cain was furious, and he was downcast. 6Then the LORD said to Cain, "Why are you furious? And why are you downcast? 7If you do right, won't you be accepted? But if you do not do right, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is for you, but you must master it." 8Cain said to his brother Abel, "Let's go out to the field." And while they were in the field, Cain attacked his brother Abel and killed him.
~Genesis 4:1-8

I am doing what I love... Telling and performing stories on social media as a new form of building artistry, creatively on major platforms with pre-defined business goals. I am "roleplaying" or RPing characters in a genre I love, Star Wars, in attempt to uplift non-canon to canon.

What is so wrong with that? I have just been told I "mislead people" on my account. Although the profiles clearly say what it is I am doing, since people do not read what is not "eye catching" to them, they will not try. As a marketing ploy, I can make flashy signs, but then I will be called a "spammer". Who makes up these rules is beyond me. But rumors travel like wildfire with no editing or journalistic deference. The wave of the future.

The key is, do not respond. Refrain from engagement. It is what I call, the "NO Tire Kickers" rule. Give the "potential buyer" ~25 maximum engagements or lines of text, if they are serious about buying, they will, if not, go on to the next "buyer" and not waste valuable marketing resources on anyone unwilling to close the deal. The point is, you must move your product and wasting lines of Facebook Status or Tweets on someone only meant to argue with you using logic fallacies is a waste of valuable time. Ignore, unfollow or block... That is the only recourse.

Why? Because I fell into the trap. Greed was my problem. I assessed greater potential into someone else that reaching out to a potential buyer who actually offers more loyalty and promise to the nature of my business and my goals. I wasted valuable marketing resources. And in these tough economic times, every minute counts.

So why bring up Cain and Abel?

The Biblical story is roughly about two brothers, older vs younger, where Cain the older kills his brother Abel the younger out of jealousy because Abel's offering to God was more favored.

It got me thinking. What was the difference between the offerings? One was the bountiful harvest from Cain, and the other was the flock, animal and living gift from Abel. God liked the flock, animal and living gift more. Why?

The scholars have listed every reason why. May I suggest and revelation I had. It is about career and work. The jobs situation is horrific right now in the United States. Many people are out of work, desperately seeking employment. Some have given up searching. I am one of those. Hence, I choose not to seek unemployment benefits because, I know the kind of job that I am qualified to do, I never want to go back there and do it, ever again. It is one thing is I had no education to speak on this, but I have a doctorate in Molecular Genetics, published scientific papers in scientific journals. Can discuss hardcore science with the best and the brightest minds and I have been reduced to playing around on social media?

BUT I AM LOVING MY LIFE!!! I SPEND HOURS HONING IN ON MY CRAFT!!! SOMETIMES I DO NOT GET TO BED UNTIL MORNING, AND MANY TIMES I STAY UP ALL DAY AND NIGHT!

Healthwise, that is not good, so I balance some of it. One goal is to slow it down a bit and ease up on the "all nighters". But ideas of roleplaying Star Wars, telling stories and performing them rush into mind and I have opened a flood gate! It will not close. My "geekitude" and "nerdgasms" explode! In the first time in my life, in a long time, I feel happy, complete and content...

And I give away my work to anyone who asks... I do this without making money because I love it so much. I do not know what it is or why it is like that, but I do know I have tapped into a "creative center" that has been atrophied for too long. If my fandom or fangirl out of control? Possibly! Do I really think I have a chance to make a non-canon Star Wars fan fiction into the canon through social media? Yes, I can...If I do not try, I have already failed. Everything else in my life I have done because I tried and if I fail at this, I still succeed because well, I am having fun even though I face failures--teachable moments and learning opportunities.

THAT thinking is a LONG WAYS AWAY from when I was a hardcore scientist: when I failed, I was miserable. I hated work. I hated people at work. I gained 20 pounds. My skin broke out in pustules. My hair was falling out. I was ugly physically and personality wise. I hated myself. I wanted to die. I love science to this day. I think good scientists are awesome. I spent a large portion of my teens to my thirties doing science and I am not bad at it. But the "offering" I was making to honor myself and "God" if you will, was BAD!

So this is my small, uneducated understanding of the Cain and Abel story, allegorically: When you work, you may do a good job and is sounds really well, but if you are not happy with it and hate doing it, you are a miserable person and it comes out in your work and your boss, superiors, supervisors and co-workers see that... You are like Cain...

Then you see young upstart, happy-go-lucky, have not a care in the world Abel, whose "workmanship" just comes naturally and every job s/he does is lauded and appraised because even during "failures", s/he learns from the mistakes and keeps going.

What happens to you, Cain, is you get jealous of happy Abel and you want nothing but to destroy Abel's chances of being successful at their career. You, Cain, dishonor yourself by tearing down Abel's creative approach to being "good steward" and provide a living offering to this life. A living offering that is in perpetuity--that is called "knowledge and education".

I was Cain in science. I did not share my data. I was paranoid that made me crazier until something inside me said "STOP" this is NOT who I want to be.

Then I met Abel, sometime in 2009, and while I was being lambasted for moving the wrong way, saying the wrong stuff, cyberbullied mercilessly, I am STILL having fun doing it.

I think I suppressed my creativity in High School for fear of being a starving artist. But look at me now? I am a highly educated unemployed PhD and guess what, I might become that starving artist, but I am living my life in content!

How far would I have gotten or would I have said the same thing about my life now if I became that artist? Or if I kept that creative edge up like I was suppose to?

My life's path is the way is suppose to be going...And I trust the process more...

If anyone reading this is out of work, unemployed and frustrated: Remember, being that angry for what it was is not going to get you where you need to go. Find the artistry to creatively tackle your problems whatever they may be to honor your "good workmanship" that give the living gift for all...

Peace and blessings!

To learn more about telling stories on social media, visit us at the Isle Sanctuary Artistic Division!

Aberdeen Teen #Mental #Health #Bullying #Racism & #Homophobia

In this article and what is going on now, a young man, Russell Dickerson III was bullied in Aberdeen, Washington from Junior High School until he graduated from High School. NO TEACHER STOPPED IT! District vehemently denies that claim. I call that bullshit!

If it is stated in Washington state that a vulnerable child has been abused and it has been witnessed by responsible adults, then it is the duty of those adults to mandatory report it! Otherwise, it is a civil rights violation. I think all vicious attacks that constitute bullying need to be classified as abuse. Abuse has been studied enough to know what the telltale signs are before a physical assault is made. Russell Dickerson's abuse first started with name-calling with epithets and derogatory slurs against his person in junior high school. He never recovered from that and NO responsible adult, such as a teacher, counselor, leader that get paid money from the State of Washington STOPPED IT!



Washington State may think it is open-minded, liberal and welcoming, but it has the signs of bigotry and racism seen in the deepest parts of the South of the United States. I have experience that and I lived in Atlanta, Georgia and marched against the Klan as a young person. So I know what the real face of bigotry looks like and have had ancestors lynched. Moreover my own mother was water cannoned and my own father was arrested for integrating a lunch counter in Tennessee during Civil Rights.

We can bullshit ourselves in this false security thinking that now we have elected a Black Man as President of the United States that there is racial equity or we have gotten beyond race. And let us not forget our brother and sisters who are sexual minorities, because we have lost that, too... But seriously, Washington State do not pass yourselves off as a beautiful place like you can then stab us with hate-filled incidences as what happened to Russell Dickerson III!

Aberdeen, a way station between beautiful places, like Ocean Shores and Gray's Harbor. Stuck in the 1950's. Very little development. Last famous person who rolled through there was Tom Cruise and his wife. I don't think they were comfortable. Not much has changed and I bet the entire city has asked to keep it that way, opining the lost industry than re-creating a new one. Lack of evolution--simply because they doubt science and their Faith in a false God who thinks punishment is fitting to a young multi-racial man is a befitting enlightenment.

Why Russell Dickerson was there is not a question. He was and as adults we are responsible to him to maximize all childrens' education! But no one stepped in and said, "STOP"!

So what if Russell Dickerson committed suicide? Would we be bereft? Would we cry?

I doubt bigots cry when they dominate in their warped power of abuse. This is what evil looks like...

And who pays?

All of us who are different...

How do we fight? Dr. Martin Luther King style? Reach out in love? I really do not know. Because bigots do not understand logic and people like me cannot ALL be martyrs. Something has to change and fighting fire with fire does not ecologically unfriendly.

No...

In Dr David Burn's "Feeling Good" book for mood disorders, he states: When encountering someone that is combative, the following steps can be taken:

• Fight back - but one may lose that battle and is not good for managing mental illness


• Fright or run away - but battles may have to faced again without proper redress


• DISARM - study the surroundings, hear the opponents claims and give reassurance then dismantle the argument logically

Disarming is a practice that is taught in martial arts. One cannot go half cocked into battle or it is a way to quick death. Same holds true in non-combative, but scary situations. Fear can be dealt with and managed. Fear can be overcome by knowledge and study. Disarming is a part of that study to alleviate fear. An assailant KNOWS fear, in fact knows how to sense it. And abuser bigot is like a top apex predator: Ambush or otherwise - fear can be turned against the prey. We humans have evolved our abilities to be more subtle, but the behavior is seen throughout the animal kingdom. Making bullying a primal desire thing of power and control. It is intelligence without fear that supersedes bullying.

My grandparents were bullied, my parents were bullied, but they dusted themselves off and kept moving on... I cannot begin to fathom how my grandfather must have done it, knowing he was much more intelligent than those in the seat of power and he was limited because of the color of his skin. He could be stopped at anytime, arrested and killed simply because he was smart. That stress alone causes physical illness!

Same for my father. Same for my mother.

And today we have young people who have lived in the absence of government controlled legalized racism and they still suffer this insanity? And let us not forget our brothers and sisters who are sexual minorities... They ARE under government controlled legalized homophobia...

I think what folks are doing is making a rallying cry to find community that is welcoming and that is why social media has taken off. Fact is I am not into hate so that would not be a community I would surround myself from.

But I have been called a bully by a person who broadcast my real name and called me a "bitch" and told me to go to Hell. I have the screenshots to prove his wrath and he scares people because this person suffers from borderline personality disorder as a narcissist, combined with psychotic anxiety, where he indicated to me that he attempted suicide. I have that conversation.

I told him I could not help him as a peer, that that was beyond my expertise and that was when he lost it.

So you see, all people can get bullied both in real life and in cyberspace. Fact is how we respond to it. Physical harm ought not be done: but if you live by the sword, you die by the sword and taking hits is not fun. I was physically threatened and pushed to a limit I did not want to go, and I picked up some scissors - making me be seen as crazy dangerous... I hate having to be physical to defend my beliefs. But now after "training" I can be more judicious. Why I did not get this "training" as a child, I do not know. But I have it now and I have some basics I can practice.

Mental aggression, especially as it relates to cyberbullying is a new one for most people. How crazy can you be? Essentially, best rule is do not respond to it. Why? Second if there is 20-30 posts of teasing, screenshot, block and keep the URL's if you want records. If posted it is a matter of public record. Having a back and forth with someone you barely know to win an argument without knowing what logic fallacies are is pointless. Let these be right, so what if you are wrong? Dust yourself off and hold your head high. At least it is your ideas that could be wrong, and you can change them, versus your birth, sexual identity, or skin color!

How can you let it go when the bullies attack?

I like the old Southern Black Woman strategy and say: "Bless Your Heart" and leave it at that...

"God Bless You" works also...

If you do not believe in God, try - "Sho Nuff?" (Sure enough)

And then add a bit of onomatopoeia to it: "Wow", "Gee", "Hmm?", "Good for you!"

And keep it moving...

Unless you are trained to talk someone down, how would it best serve you to fight when someone wants to dominate over the conversation even with the "sound bites", because really, it is a matter of power to sway public influence and people feel a rush to rule over it. With you get enraptured with it? Or will you become...

ENLIGHTENED!

How has being bipolar affected your romantic relationships? What advice can you offer for other bipolar black women having romantic relationship troubles?

That is a very good question: http://bit.ly/b2Be7u 1) I would be in some for of talk therapy and/or group; 2) I would do a Mental Health Wellness Recovery Action Plan. I am starting mine in a week.

Talk to me, I'm crazy enuf, I'll listen!!! :)

Are you married or otherwise engaged in a romantic relationship with anyone?

Yes I am married

Talk to me, I'm crazy enuf, I'll listen!!! :)

#StarWars #CloneWars Mama the Hutt & #RP #GOLLIWOG

People who know me know that I am a HUGE Star Wars fan. I watch ALL the shows of the Clone Wars on Cartoon Network. When I heard that they were going to introduce the character Master Jedi Quinlan Vos, I was elated.

Being a fan also includes pretending to play the characters on social media sites, like Twitter and Facebook. The character I role play is a human hybrid to these future "bad guys" called the Yuuzhan Vong. The Yuuzhan Vong are portrayed like "Extremist Muslim Eco-Terrorists" - because ALL their ships, technology and weaponry are of biological origin and they are "Force Absent" - I DISAGREE WITH HOW THEY ARE PORTRAYED WHICH IS WHY I AM REDIRECTING IT IN MY ROLEPLAYING GROUP.

They are part of the "New Jedi Order" series. I like them because they are only beings that can give the Sith a run for their money. Even Darth Sidious (Chancellor Palpatine or The Emperor) feared them in the books, "Rogue Planet" and "Outbound Flight". Moreover, I do not think many in the Galaxy knew about the Yuuzhan Vong's presence until they invaded the Galaxy. So the role playing we do is around the Clone Wars and before the 1st movie ever made, "Star Wars: A New Hope".

What we have found since my group has been doing this is there is A LOT MORE insidious stereotypes of Woman in the "Star Wars Expanded Universe" than expected. That women are bold no matter what character they play, are demeaned by males and male characters. That most of them are only good for sexual innuendo. That without the male character present the embolden female is subjugated by others, male and females, alike.

These cursory observation from a mental health research professional like myself, also sees how the misogyny transcends to women of color. When the images of women are displayed on Social Media, some women are berated more than other women on social media role playing sites. The close to the mainstream the woman is in look and written behavior, and if overbearing and overpowering comments made by "men" is tolerated, the less bullying ensues. The less tolerant the women character is to that and starts to defend herself, the bullying is endless until she submits or capitulates. Leaving the group is not often possible, simply because of vested interests.

When shows on major media outlets portray the standards of beauty with so many young ladies watching them, it is their self-esteems that become at here.

Girls' poor body images and self-esteem

Glee Cast's Provocative Pictures



The list can go on. Point is with Star Wars Clone Wars: Mama the Hutt



1. The main protagonist - Ziro the Hutt had an US Southern style accent - as if he was a cross between "Foghorn Leghorn and Colonel Sanders" mimicking the the cartoon stories of old in Black Caricature.

2. When Ziro the Hutt sees his mother - "Mama" she is the character above, overweight, stinks, animals that look like feces crawling over her and of course "manless", which is odd because all true Star Wars fans know that Hutts are hermaphroditic and had their "babies" by asexual reproduction. That would mean in the REAL SCIENTIFIC world, sexual dimorphism or males and females are not needed... But what made this quasi offensive the subliminal imagery made.

The character "Mama" sounded "manly" in a vernacular that people consider "Black". Her squalor was was apparent compared to the other "Hutt Families". When "Mama" questioned her son on his whereabouts for many years, he lies to her, but she allows him to take her starship telling him to bring it back with "filled up". When the Jedi get there her filthiness was manifested by the remarks of Quinlan Vos as if she stank due to her size, meaning because she was huge, sloppy, etc. she stank. When the Jedi asked about her son, she told them but then her last comment was, "Who gon fix mah doorah..."

Okay, so why do Hutts have to be perpetrated as either Italian Mob Bosses or Impoverished Black Women? I don't know any Italian mob bosses. Never have seen on. So why mimic them? I have seen a lot of poverty and many women who were poor and Black. I have seen my share of other women poor and different ethnic groups. I have seen a lot of different women who are overweight. But to make that character sound anyway other than "Huttese" no matter the inflection, would have been better than "Who gon fix mah doorah".

Why not like George Bush, Dick Cheney or Scooter Libby?

The reason why I created my characters and the Isle Sanctuary Artistic Division is here

Crazy Black Woman: NSFW: Black Women You Are Beautiful! #Mental #Health #Wellness

New Crazy Black Woman: NSFW: Black Women You Are Beautiful! #Mental #Health #Wellness

NSFW: Black Women You Are Beautiful! #Mental #Health #Wellness

My sistahs out there, I just want you to know YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! Even when the globe tells you that you are ugly... THE UNIVERSE KNOWS YOUR BEAUTY!

This image describes your beauty to me:



The image is of the Goddess Yemaya...

Out of the million of writings on African American Women and images of beauty, I will be writing from a mental health perspective. Many of my younger sistahs out there, many of them single and very smart, are frustrated when the men who are the the object of their affection tell them that they prefer women from another ethnic group because Black women are unattractive to them. Aside from that hurting us at our core and seeing how much misogyny is in our music, how does this affect the behavioral psychology on Black Women in the United States?

It decimates us...

From campaigns bashing women who have babies out of wedlock to inability to sell products unless a caricature is implemented like that of Oprah in mainstream media:



It goes to show us that within a hundred of years, the degenerate images of what a Black Woman is has evolved rapidly... What do we as educated women do to protect the self-esteems to become mentally health of our young girls coming up entrenched in this kind of negative reinforced stereotypes?

NOTHING!

The social determinants of health said that health is not obtained due to poverty and injustice. Beyond the fact that these images are hurtful when many Black Women do not fit these stereotypes, the fact that it eats our minds psychologically and our souls spiritually is what makes this hurts mentally.

Then this statement ran across my desk:

The Sapphire Caricature portrays Black women as rude, loud, malicious, stubborn, and overbearing.1 This is the Angry Black Woman (ABW) popularized in the cinema and on television. She is tart-tongued and emasculating, one hand on a hip the other pointing and jabbing (or arms akimbo), violently and rhythmically rocking her head, mocking African American men for offenses ranging from being unemployed to sexually pursuing White women. She is a shrill nagger with irrational states of anger and indignation -- prone to being mean-spirited and abusive. Although African American men are her primary targets, she has venom for anyone who insults or disrespects her. The Sapphire's desire to dominate and her hyper-sensitivity to injustices means that she is a perpetual complainer, but she does not criticize to improve things; rather, she criticizes because she is unendingly bitter and wishes that unhappiness on others. The Sapphire Caricature is a harsh portrayal of African American women, but it is more than that; it is a social control mechanism that is employed to punish Black women who violate the societal norms that encourage Black women to be passive, servile, non-threatening, and unseen.

This article goes into detail about the subjugation of Black Women. The fact is we are violate societal norms, it is hard to be passive when we see and experience injustice and racism, we will not go back to servitude and we threaten just because we are there. And we cannot hide because we are present...

This seems to happen to more highly educated African American women. It is because we have all this education, experience in the injustice and racism that we want to save those younger than us so that they do not suffer our fates. For the next little Black girl...Give back to those...Reach those and lift as we rise...

But who is bolstering those up when our souls are depleted?

NO ONE!

The back story first: While I hold a doctorate in molecular genetics and have done research in cardiovascular biology with published papers, my interest in mental health and wellness is borne from finding ways to deal with my own ailments. I write this blog when I need healing outside of what my therapy regimen provides.

Another way I seek therapy is through social media and in particular roleplaying by writing stories and performing them on social media outlets, such as Twitter. I found this thrilling and exciting for me. It is what "floats my boat" in life. But the themes I examine are that form a mental health nature or injustice. I ought to have know that racism is pervasive and worse on social media due to the perceived anonymity by people who do not know how to interact with diverse people. Moreover, the young people do not know their history, so one must be patient in teaching them that reality by slowly advancing their story with multiple inputs.

Kids do and say anything and when I say kids, I mean those under 25 years old. My favorite roleplaying genre is Science Fiction. My favorite writers is Octavia Butler. As a scientist who is now a business woman, I often wonder who is putting the science in the fiction? Like that of Aldous Huxley and Ray Bradbury? With there being a lag in science education overall and lack of women in science in general, what would be the numbers of African American number in science courses today, then those who choose to write about it in a fictional format?

Then posit that with multiple media inputs, such as novels, comics, graphic novels, animation, movies along with social media where the bulk of young people get 90% of their historical information? What would be the image pervasive about African American Women?

Then I found the answer of this "bamboozled fantasy " in the most likely of places as to why this is happening to us Sistahs out there. An answer in pornography (NSFW NSFW NSFW):



This image sends a message to our young African American women that the ONLY way to any man's heart is be ignorant, subdued and sexually violated...Then like that sexual violation as an appreciation of kindness...

What is worse is many African American womens' ancestors--the Black Women to come before us--were actively sexually violated in this manner. Including my own ancestors...

Many Black women have been sexually abused by either molestation or rape, either in a relationship or not. Add the layer of education with the knowledge of the injustice and racism, involved and have men, some Black, actively berate our existence publicly on social media in blogs or elsewhere through the caricaturization of our images we condone as beautiful...

That we cannot sell ideas unless we placate the masses who buy our products. That we are hypersexualized. That we are only worthy for an exotic sexual adventure...

Well...

What does that do to a Black Woman's mental health state and self-esteem?


We commit suicide...

That is what it does...

No one will protect us. We protect ourselves, by ourselves for ourselves. No one comes to the sanctity of Black Womanhood other than Black Women. And even then, we are attacked by our own...

What can we do since we cannot change this ugliness? Survive? Are we?

NO...And yes...

We can be oblivious and hope that we do not die of breast cancer in an early age because this kind of oppression become suppressed physical ailments.

Or we can fight, but be dehumanized to an element like the Sapphire Caricature...Shunned and shamed as unladylike by even those in our community. Our words unheard. Our thoughts suppressed. Our humanity ignored.

We can also go crazy... Probably where I am as I write this... And that list is in my blog posts.

Lastly we can evolve...

How?

I really do not know, anymore in this day of age of Social Media? But life is ever-changing and everlasting... We can become that which we seek as beautiful. Because these caricatures are a recent historical development. Human history is possibly 200,000 years old. Recorded history is possibly 5000-8000 years old. And modern human beings are thought to derived from Africa. And if African natives were the cradle of civilization, then at some point we LOVED Black women and found them beautiful... They are our mothers, our sisters, our aunts and our grandmothers. They brought life forth into us and continued life even in the midst of all pain... Life goes on... Everlasting to everlasting...

From Beloved by Toni Morrison:

Baby Suggs: And the beat, beat, of your heart... Love it. More than the lungs that need yet to breathe free air. More than the womb, which holds life. More than the private parts that give life. Love your heart. This... this is the prize. Amen. This the prize... Amen!

Baby Suggs: Over yonder, they do not love your flesh. Oh, my people... they do not love your hands. Those, they only use, tie, bind, chop off and leave empty! Love your hands! Raise them up, and kiss them.



Go to 7:27 minutes to understand...

The struggle we fight for is for principalities...But remember LOVE is what carries to triumph over hate and fear. Because really, anyone who subjects a woman based on her beauty is insecure his/herself and fears you.

Remember YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!

For me this is a difficult subject - #Mental #Health People of Color #LGBTQI #Cyberbullying #Suicide

Let me be clear: I fully support #LGBTQI young people - and older ones :) and want to end teen suicide in ALL populations. My particular population interest is African Americans, particularly women and the cultural competency in mental health and wellness. Sistah Mental Health and Wellness supports all women... ALL WOMEN! We are seeking to end the mental health disparity among diverse populations and becoming culturally competent.

It is nice for anyone to say to treat people as individuals and for the most part, clinician can and do. I am not a clinician. I am just a strong advocate and sufferer of mental illness who has found my path to improve my mental health and wellness and I just want to share a few of my thoughts to whomever reads this blog.

I am straight. I do not know the pains, trials and tribulations that the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Questioning and Intersex (LGBTQI) people face. I mean NO disrespect and I would love to help as a supporter. But I do know enough about mental illness from my experience as an African American woman to empathize with similar difficulties. And hope that some of what I did to overcome my issues can be adopted and overcame by those who suffer from mental illness in the LGBTQI community.

When I read about Mr. Clementi, I am enraged. I am angry because he did not have to die because he was expressing his love with another man. LOVE = LOVE! It is so hard find love anyway and to restrict someone's happiness in that love is wrong...

Fact is no matter how brief that time of love is, let people--let humanity flourish in it. Let love be! It is NOT ours to judge...It is ours to watch blossom! That is the way of the Spirit of Life on this planet... Let is be!

With that said, as social media explodes and as contact with people globally expand, cyberbullying increases. The way we talk to each other electronically lacks common civility and etiquette. Face to face we will not speak to people like that normally. But, under the veil of an avatar, anything goes. And we as a people think that is humanity! That the behavior is the norm. That it is how we treat one another, that it is compassionate.

Well, it is not!

I grew up under an educator's household. My mother, grandparents and several friends were Teachers, Professors and College Presidents. If anything I learned in the totality of my life is life-long learning, each one, teach one and always community service. I have dedicated most of my adult life to community service and teaching people. But recently, I have learned that SERVICE and common courtesy is gone with the way of people being chivalrous...

I am NOT only talking about men, but women, too! Helping people with hefty loads. Going the extra mile to make sure the entire job is done and complete. As my mother says, "it ain't worth doing if you don't do the whole thing..." Always do your best!

What does this have to do with LGBTQI and mental illness?

LGBTQI have been so ostracized forever that they left the community and created their own communities. Rightfully, so. In the early 1970's the protests in San Fransisco by Mr. Harvey Milk and others improved living conditions for openly gay adults. Over time, there has been evolution in the LGBTQI communities with campus groups, and huge activities expressing one of the most intimate parts of humanity and that is the freedom of sexual expression with whomever one wants.

To be overt about it, some people enjoy wearing wild clothing or lack thereof doing suggestive and aggressive intimate activities that "freak out" the straights. Growing up, I did not see much of that so I was clueless. Recently as an adult, I have gotten a quick course on human sexuality and gender equity. Thank God I am smart because if I was an idiot, my mind would be chewed up by now... I think being smart and being around open minded people helps my compassion for humanity and if anything EVERYONE wants to feel loved and valued.

What I have learned with my strong Christian upbringing and undertones is that for the most part LGBTQI want what everyone else wants: PARITY AND EQUITY!

So what if they want to get married... Good! As my Lesbian friends tell me, they get "toasters"

So what if they want to serve in the military openly... Dammit they already do! And they are doing excellent jobs, so why can they not be open about their sexual preference? Because s/he might kiss someone on the battlefield of the same gender? Come on, that is not their fear when bullets and bombs are flying...


I am sure there are other HUGE issues that I am missing and I do apologize. And my concern is for the young people, mental health and wellness and cultural competency.

Then I read about the Mean Girls of Morehouse College in Vibe Magazine.

Long story short, Morehouse College is an all male Historically Black College and University in Atlanta, Georgia. I graduated from Spelman College, an all women's HBCU that is across the street. My husband graduated from Morehouse College as well as his father. While I was at Spelman College, my mental health condition fulminated and that is when I decided to seek professional mental health care. I was 19 years old.

Most African American young people do not even recognize basic symptoms of mental illness, including suicidal symptoms. Then they do not know who to talk to when they need assistance with the ruminations of their mind. Racing thoughts are very common in people who worried a lot, have anxieties, mania and drug addictions. Without a positive outlet, such as fitness, meditation, cognitive therapy, etc. or combination, the ruminations become ingrained and actually cause erroneous thinking, illogical conclusions, impulsiveness, possibly brain damage all leading to depression.

It is thought in some neuropsychiatric circles that it is once someone arrives to depression, the thoughts of suicide fester. It is combined with rapid cycling of thoughts and the potential to commit or attempt suicide increases.

Most young people have characteristic symptoms of suicide and they express it on social media sites. I know, I have seen it.

For LGBTQI young people, many of whom are already coming from a "racial cultural purview" and oppressive sexual/gender culture, the racing thoughts they are managing as a coping and compensation mechanism are just overcome when that "one more stressor" is added - "The straw that broke the camel's back"... And the self-esteem is so pliable, built on a house of cards collapses.

When Mr. Clementi died, his "coming out" process was incomplete/had not really started and he was beginning to find his sexual freedom of expression. His "straw" was an invasion of privacy by a roommate, then it was posted on a social media site for the world to see. His self-esteem must have been so suppress due to cultural reasons that his whole "house of cards" of his mind outright collapsed and the only erroneous conclusion he could come to was suicide...

I know...that was me, but as a straight Black woman...

I do not think it is necessarily about the sex or having it. I think for me it was pre-existing conditions rife with promiscuity in erroneously believing I could find love externally...

Culturally, in the late 1980's Black women were beginning to be objectified as nothing more than "turds". Useless, shiftless--a growing misogyny against that "Angry Black Woman". I had young men tell me I was beautiful, then when I "gave" them what they wanted, I got dumped. I believed in these men, that love conquered all...like the literary "Mary Sue" trope. That was before I learned a new way to Love and it was NOT from my Christian upbringing - it was from a cultural purview I never thought I would find and that is the Tantra...

My beliefs is sex and sexuality was oppression and suppression...

Tantra's beliefs in sex and sexuality is DIVINITY and EXPANSION! LOVE WHAT IS!

But that was nearly 15 years after I graduated from Spelman College.


About Morehouse College today: most of these young people have NO ONE other than that 90 year old grandmother who LOVES them, if that. Family structure is absence due to POVERTY and INJUSTICE! These kids were born in 1992 - for me that's Rodney King and LA Riots!

This weekend I saw the Atlanta PRIDE parade. And while I saw a range of ages of people, the young people I did see led me to come to the conclusion that these kids were REARED in this culture. So how would they know anything other than what they feel...

Then in SOME people's family, upbringing was abusive. MANY of my gay male friends lament about the physical, and some sexual abuse they have suffered as young people. ABUSE = MENTAL ILLNESS! REPEAT ABUSE = MENTAL ILLNESS!

Lastly, acceptable behaviors - in my house, you back talked, you got hit. Corporal punishment was to keep you in line. You learned not to say it anymore. Is that right? MANY young people these days NEVER have been spanked, much less had any adult discipline them. In most family structures, even LGBTQI one's there is family structure. But young people without that structure are prevalent in the African American community. We are not just talking about single parent homes - we are talking about grandma is the single parent with 4-5 other young people who are either kids or grandkids on a subsistence income... Basically, "Christmas Missed Us..." And that is the best grandma can do...

So when you have poverty and injustice in a dysfunctional family structure with abuse what kind of child will you have attending your college?

A college like Morehouse able to accept and work with all kinds student is not equipped to handle these kinds of young people in these behaviors. It does NOT make it right, but fact is Morehouse needs to come clean on that issue alone. Sure they can do what is clinically acceptable and intention to treat and all the Joint Commission's guidelines. AND these kids, formerly labeled as incorrigible - money has not been given to help Morehouse by the government...

So while we pussyfoot around saying LOVE IS... Reality states that is only in the Caucasian communities...

So while we pussyfoot around saying Marriage Equity... Reality states that if the government had early childhood development for ALL families we would be in a more advanced position. But when our immoral moral police tea bag our freedoms, then we can never advance...

I will be honest: while I can see statistically LGBTQI young people have an increased risk of committing suicide, I think that the social determinants of health are at play here and while Social Health Justice figures in a large role for seeing this increase risk, I also think a solution is bolstering EVERYONE'S community and that is a role for our Federal Government - meaning taxes...

People have not allowed LOVE for one another based on their "Christian" principles with all this deregulation from schools to health care. If we were healthier and more educated - let us hope that these issues become surfeit...


Shout out to The Trevor Project for all the LOVE!

My take...#NWNW vs... (#MentalIllness #Tantra #HealthDisparities)

All I care about is mental health and wellness for women, particularly women of color, specifically women of African descent.

I MUST SAY I ADMIRE Ms. Karazin for igniting a firestorm of commentary on the plight of unplanned pregnancies by African American women in the United States. That fortitude to want change and to rally the resources in that manner is excellent. I respect that.

I have concerns, beyond my own anecdotal stories on this subject alone. My biggest concern is that of mental health and wellness before, during and after pregnancy. Some of my greatest clients suffer from post-partum depression. Some are married, some are not. These are the realities of things.

Another action I do admire about No Woman, No Womb is seeing Mrs. Nisa Muhammed's name. Respect for her because I do support Marriage Enrichment courses before, during and after.

But this blog is really not a positioning blog for my business: Sister Mental Health and Wellness, this blog is for me to use self-management and self-care between visits to my mental health providers and avoid mental illness Bipolar Disorder II manic episodes - which may be going on as I write this piece due to my PMS...LOL!

So I know when I blog my crazy episodes, people actually read my posts and respond! In fact when I post them to my Facebook, folks give me plenty of feedback, including my own mother after I get my phone call. Then she invariably sees other people's comments with stories "worse than my own" and she realizes like I did, that I may have just helped someone who has mental health issues be given a voice...

Because the problem with having a mental health condition and managing everything involved is losing one's voice...

Seriously, the stigma of mental illness is deadly in the African American community. Two weeks ago, I made a presentation in front of a group of young people and their parents about cyberbullying and the kids had NO clue about what to do if anyone posts a suicide threat online.

Only 1-800-273-TALK has the BEST information on dealing with suicide threats online. Metanoia.org has the BEST written content to talk one down from following through with a suicide threat. But I can tell you, cultural competency is lacking in both organization and they know it. Then, we have this STIGMA and if I hear another person say, just pray on it, I will SCREAM!!! Why? Because once a SUICIDE threat is posted anywhere, the person who made the post is not anything but MENTALLY ILL which requires EMERGENCY MEDICAL ATTENTION IMMEDIATELY!!!

ALL SUICIDE THREATS MUST BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY AT ALL TIMES!!!

This is WHAT YOU DO so that you do not say, I WISH THERE WAS SOMETHING I COULD HAVE DONE!!!

What does this have to do with the NWNW backlash I have seen from highly educated African American women?

Self-esteem/efficacy is a part of mental health, specifically behavioral health that falls under two large categories: NATURE and NURTURE aka GENETICS and ENVIRONMENT...

Genetics becomes hardwired roughly 90% of the time. It is very tough to change it. For neuropsychiatric medicine though, scientists are discovering that the human brain is not as hardwired as thought. That an individual's brain genetics shifts as a reflection of learning in an environment under evolution...

Behavioral genetics is the driving force to understanding and developing treatments and therapies for mental illnesses, such as depression, bipolar, schizophrenia, autism, etc.

Environment in this context = residential background, region, family involvement, sociability, etc. These actions are taught. A child LEARNS how to respond to life's stimuli no matter the stressors. How the child is taught is only ONE aspect to understanding mental illness. And in the African American community, we will have to discuss the Social Determinants of Health and Health Disparities. If we are discussing these concepts, then we are discussing Social Injustice...

Mental Illness is exacerbated when the stress of social injustice complicates optimal and efficacious treatment. What is the point in prescribing the latest and expensive Anti-Psychotic when the insurance will not pay for it, no Urban pharmacy carries it and the patient sees no need to "adhere" to the regimen? Do you still implement the "intention to treat" as outlined in the medical oath? Or just wait until they show up at the ER waiting for a psych nurse to give the approval eval at 3 AM? I will tell you it is the latter for MOST people of color who threaten suicide... Or the police have already killed them...

/END ACADEMIC RANT

My anecdotal story: FOR or AGAINST NWNW... I will not decide... In fact, I will place this poll and let you decide after reading my blog. But here is my anecdotal story:

STATS:

• I am 42 years old, a Black Woman and married for 7 years to a wonderful man who I love dearly.
  
  
• I have never been pregnant
  
  
• I hold a doctorate in Molecular Genetics - most folks who read this know this, this is for the newbies.
  
  
• I have bipolar disorder that I seek medical treatment for and I effectively self-manage it according to my mental health providers' (yes with an "s") care.

So I am the outlier...

When I was ~24 years old, I fell in love with a professional athlete. He was the moon and the stars. I met him at a party and we had excellent conversation and I gave him my number. In boy time you know what that means, he called me and left a message. My 20-something self just KNEW we could become an item! :D IT WAS FUN! Me just getting accepting into a PhD program and HIM playing for a pro team! What could be better?

Then, his true self came out. Either I actively overlooked it after friends told me to stop, but he was verbally abusive to me. He treated me like I was worthless. Let's make that more accurate, I let him treat me like was worthless. The FACT IS we did NOT have a relationship agreement - i.e. ACQUAINTANCES vs DATING! I was his acquaintance, NEVER his date...

The long conversations we had were arguments on me trying to prove why I was good enough for him--OR SO I THOUGHT! Let's not go into me spending my money to make him happy...Yeah...EXACTLY!

[side note] To this day, it is still painful I went through this ordeal. Some of my closest friends know about this situation and how it is bad. But it helps my healing from the damage I incurred allowing that monster into my life. Yeah, eyes welling up. [/side note]

He would call himself having parties and invite the kind of women that his boys wanted to be hooked up with. Some being his family members. I was invited, but I was smart enough to bring friends who could tell when it was time to go. Of course there was alcohol, which he drank a lot of and I ignored that.

Then one day he started inviting me when the ladies in his family visited. I would come and they liked speaking to me. I thought they liked me. I thought I was "it"... Then the trash would come in. I am not one to fight over a guy, but this "boy" was into pitting women to feed his ego in hindsight...

Then, when I met the new "flavor du jour", I was to be pitted against, she was old, sickly, looked like an OLD Cruella DeVil or Natasha. Well in his line of work, allegedly, they teach the athletes about these kinds of women in a seminar. It means he was not listening... The time was ~3 years of knowing him, trying to be a good friend in spite of it all, longevity, and he stops speaking to me one summer. I was clueless all along or delusional...

[For those who have an idea what happened next do not speak...LOL!]

Then I got a surprise call of him inviting me to one of his games. I was so enthusiastic, jumping for joy that I rushed over to his house to go with his male "cousins" to the game, then Cruella was there...

9 months pregnant...

That is how I found out where babies come from in psychotic situations such as these /sarcasm.

Here is what happened to me:

Rush calculations, back tracking to conception dates, doubting how that was possible!
Sorting through my mind all the things were said
Realization of what happened and how I let someone treat me that way
Worrying my folks about my surivival

I cried... Did I cry! Even now...I cry!

HOW COULD I HAVE BEEN SO STUPID! SO IGNORANT! SO DELUSIONAL! SO UGLY? WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME? WASN'T I PRETTY ENOUGH? SMART ENOUGH? GOOD ENOUGH? WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME? WHAT DID I DO WRONG?

My friend keep telling me: Just one less person to think about a Christmastime...

For six months... And I was so oblivious, NEVER did the guy and I discuss any relationship situation seriously other than, "FINE, then FINE"... I thought we were just angry with each other and we could work it out. NEVER DAWNED ON ME that that was my EXIT... That was my CUE...

Yeah, I can bash myself with EVER expletive possible... Then after a year of that pain, the ONE STRIKE LAW WENT INTO EFFECT!

Men:

• Cannot have kids under the age of 12...
  
• MUST be DIVORCED from wife for 5 years
  
• MUST HAVE AN EDUCATION!!!
  
• MUST ONLY HAVE ONE CHILD!!!

There were more. I cannot think of them all.

[side note:]Oh did I say my husband does not have kids... He is an African American professional man with a DVM, who WAS single without any kids and never got a woman pregnant...Graduated from Morehouse College...[/side note]

I finally got to the point in my life at that time that if I want to ruin my life, I do not need anybody's help, I can do that well enough alone...

And dammit after working so hard in graduate school to become a research scientist (LOL!) I deserve someone commensurate to who and what I am with similar family values and background -- or at least a man who respects that about me. If he cannot, then X ONE STRIKE LAW!

How long was I single after that? ~10 years. Did I want to go and mess up my life like all my friends were doing by "getting married in reverse" - have the baby, trap the man? Yes. Did it happen for me? No. Why not?

I did not care for any of the men enough to want to carry their seed for 9 months.

Then I learned the TANTRA!!!

The Art of Conscious Loving...

Not about loving yourself...More about how to express the love of yourself as a your gift to your partner - the sharing of Anhat... The mindfulness of Ajna... The mantras... The settings... The Feng Shui of a romantic encounter.

I HEALED USING TANTRA...

That when I expressed myself in relationships, it was my gift to honor them. If they did not return, I know that at least I gave them that blessing that they needed at the time and I was blessed to have experienced them.

That was when I let go, so that I could allow true love to come in with my true mate.

It takes patience. It does not happen overnight. Good relationships are TOUGH to build, especially when there is no outline, not a very good instruction manual or archaic one, too academically rigorous, etc. And to be honest, that crazy relationship I was in with the pro athlete, I was to lazy to face facts of letting go... So the Spirit made me let go... I am better for it.

So... Now what?

PSEUDO SCIENCE KILLS BLACK WOMEN and Logic Fallacies

Since my business is in Mental Health and Wellness in women of African descent using social media, I am constantly receiving and reviewing the latest news on improving their lives and the legitimate claims for best practices. I want to improve cultural competencies, end the disparities in mental health with effective self-management and coaching through by websites: The Ari | af | ya Universe, Sistah Mental Health and Wellness and Get Your Mind Right Health and Wellness Coaching. I was sent this information about Black Women and Dating. I was SHOCKED because lies like these spread like wild fire, especially when they are passed off a science also called pseudo science!

Being a fully trained research scientist with a Ph.D. in molecular genetics and have worked at three medical schools, my investigation of the scientific claims of the original article: “How Your Race Affects The Messages You Get” by OkCupid http://okcupid.com/z/2v states:

“Black Women are the most ignore group on dating websites”

After scientifically evaluating this claim, I have come to the conclusion that any legitimate business presenting an article claiming a scientific fact showing “correlation matrices" to make their claims and uses profane language is NOT scientific. That goes to say to ALL Black Women:

TAKE THIS STUDY WITH A GRAIN LESS THAN SALT!!! PSEUDO SCIENCE IS UNETHICAL!!!

My business, the Isle Sanctuary Artistic Division, these days is Roleplaying (RP) where my group performs stories using social media from a diverse woman’s point of view. My business writes our stories to reflect the diversity of experiences of women of African descent in science fiction. Then, I see my African American female friends lament and fight over two ideas: No Wedding No Womb vs Sexual Injustice. I see several single Black Women heartbroken because they want to give up on meaningful companionship including sexual expression. Then I hear their cries about the real life dating scene, and as a woman who dedicated her life to science, devoid of any real social life until I had a huge a medical emergency, reading heinous blogs such as this: http://okcupid.com/z/2v

PERPETUATES STEREOTYPES BUILT ON DISTORTIONS AND DECIMATES BLACK WOMENS' SELF ESTEEMS IN AN ALREADY RACIAL-SOCIAL-IMAGERY-SEXUALLY OPPRESSED SOCIETY!!!

At this point, Black Women self esteem are tortured and that is when they visit my site. They may have already written their suicide note because they are being bombarded with heinous comments that say BLACK WOMEN ARE WORTHLESS!!! Many people have no idea that MILLIONS of Black Women present SERIOUS CLINICAL cases of depression because of ABUSE!!!

Lack of a desired relationship is not due to Black Womens' self-insufficiency or poor choices – it is because of psychosocial health injustice! If a black woman is not taught how to be self-confidence in a productive environment causing them to suffer and having a poor living while growing up, devoid of any health services or food options, then telling Black Women, “buck up” or else be “undateble” and here is the statistical proof is perpetuating a gross distortion and groupthink, which has no place in science.

So let us change that game... Since, most of my roleplaying involves the Star Wars Expanded Universe, Mr. George Lucas would AGREE with my assertions by his dating life, because HE LIVES IT and her name is Ms. Mellody Hobson!

There have been rumors and lies that have been said about me and my claims, I am fine with it. But discount my abilities is foolish. My rant is about LIES from a BUSINESSES CALLING THEMSELVES A LEGITIMATE SCIENTIFIC ENTERPRISE! If I get backlash for this blog, fine! I will be happy to present my evidence to the National Academies of Science about posting false advertisements with all the Social Media resources I can.

What are the failings of the study? What is the significance of the correlation? What are their P-values in a type 2 error? Obviously there is not enough power to make the claims they make with the correlation matrices they have. Even if they did a Pearson's Correlation Coefficient or a Mann Whitney Test or a simple Student's t-test...Fine! I might dislike the result, but it is valid we can dispute the collection of the data, but gross distortions with only averages, how is that called science? Where are the correlations? Were participants’ educational and economic levels considered and used? What metric did they use to make that decision without introducing bias? What is called “dateability” here? Does that mean getting replies in an inbox? What were the regional differences? Was their consent that their information would be completion would be shared? What about the users that could be lying? Was that information taken into account? Moreover, what about precedence? This company’s findings is not the first ever study on reply backs on dating sites...What background research is there? What are the legitimate ways to reply?

Aside with the myriads of scientific questions, when two other prominent websites broadcasting a WEAK study that uses profanity to pass off as legitimate science and no one questions it, there is a problem here, especially in American Scientific studies.

I did NOT spend a LARGE PORTION OF MY ADULT LIFE IN SCIENCE to have some idiot say that Black Women are “undateble” by STATISTICS on a blog that uses profanity… I have WAY too much education for an idiot representing a dating website company passing off false science. I would have to question its business practices! These are peoples’ most intimate lives here! Saying Black Women do not get replies, is like saying Black Women give up have a companion, or love. If that logic were true, then many of my forebears and me would not be married.

How to rectify this gross injustice: ANY UNIVERSITY and their writing department will HELP "doctor" this article... Publish it in a Psychological Social Media Sciences journal than passing it off as science blog, which is bogus! If the article cannot be in Science, then it lacks merit... Present this article publicly to legitimate African American womens' publications and community organizations. Lastly, have ALL proceeds go to improve the lives of African American teenage girl community programs

OTHERWISE, IF NOT DONE, THEN IT IS JUST LIKE THE TUSKEGEE SYPHILIS EXPERIMENT IN MY EYES!!! DO NOT REMEDY THIS DISTORTION AND YOUR BLOG IS NOTHING MORE THAN NAZI PROPAGANDA MIXED WITH ENSLAVEMENT PROMOTION!

Disagree with me and harm me for defamation? I do not care, because I know I am right on this topic... I have TRAINED for this kind of blathering idiocy and I know this study is BOGUS!

This study: http://okcupid.com/z/2v is a “CORRELATIONS DOES NOT IMPLY CAUSATION” logic fallacy.

I use to draw, but now I write...

I use to draw for a long time, but after I gave in to the Dark Side of the Force in Science that left me hopeless, I write. I am a research molecular geneticist and scientist. Google me and you will find 5 of my research papers dealing with cardiovascular disease, aging and diabetes. Doubt me...well that is your choice...

Anyhow I support women, particularly women of color, specifically women of African descent to find their voice. When women have been dominated and abused in this society, it is very hard for a woman to find her voice without being viewed as that "Angry Black Woman" stereotypical misogyny. Sure, a woman can be harsh to a man and people get hurt, but once that hand is raised and strikes or a woman is sexually violated, it crushes her ability to know how to fight back. Rape kills a woman's spirit. I should know...

Everything is questioned: Your values, your morals, your beliefs your reality and understandings. Being mired in pain, only to be manipulated by others, sometimes other women. Because domination is all you understand.

Drawing helped me, as well as other several art forms: painting, dancing and sometimes writing.

Then I decided to become a scientist. I never thought becoming would sacrifice myself to the alter of self-doubt, self-hate and low self-esteem... I was a pretty good scientist, but I refused to tortured by men who were misogynists and plainly ignorant, socially.

Recently, due to the piss poor economy, I have been out of work, yet my creative side has come back. Slowly, I draw, eventually I paint...And my dance has changed to martial arts where I have become self-confident! And I write on social media! Interesting blogs, developing characters, roleplaying, etc.

What can I say, I am human, I am a woman, I am an African American woman--not Black because my skin color is not the color "black" like "tar" and I respect those ancestors of my who were kidnapped from the diaspora or MAAFA hundreds of years ago and beaten within an inch of their lives, yet they survived... Let us be honest about the reality of that than watering it down to make it digestible--because it is not!

I have seen more woman oppression online than I have ever imagined and I have been accused of hurting people who invade where I come from and the reality of my experiences. By some women who have been "pedestalized", but mostly men, who are mentally deranged, sycophantic, and narcissists. I have also seen a lot of weak men, who you think are your friends, but when attacked do nothing to defend you unless you come with undeniable proof.

The thing that gets me are the lies and rumors of me... But then I look at this younger generation and they were reared with Jerry Springer with the unmedicated throwing shoes at people, being goaded to fight with the ring of the bell. Is that responsible socially? Well see, the business that I am in, the control of the message must be rapid in Customer Relations Management. Protocols need to be in place when the rumor mills run. Besides the fact we eat this junk social food, our mental bodies and spirits cannot be nourished by it, and it is not sustainable. Eventually we will fall into mental-social failure...

Is there medical evidence? Possibly. What I like about writing fiction, specifically science fiction, is that I do not have to provide the actual scientific paper evidence, except for a few links. Do I write for my audience and give them what they want, junk mental-social food? Or do I elevate their minds, grounded in math-physics-chemistry-biology so that when they are ready, they can seek to find their own answers? As a former college instructor and lecturer, I prefer the latter. But in business...If I want to make money--tell people what they want to hear. It is sad. As a scientist in transition back to artistry, losing my creativity can make me sick, but the mania overcoming the slamming incurred, well...At least I do know mindfulness...