Wednesday, May 26, 2010

My 10 Commandments of #SocialMedia & My #StarWars Inner Fandom

THIS POST IS NOT UNDER THE CREATIVE COMMONS LICENSE!!!

Here are my 10 commandments of social media, especially for Twitter:

  1. The Early 21st century is Social Media and the power of social media

  2. How easy is it to "marry" Entertainment to Social Media! Here is my support for my assertions

  3. It is not enough to just have a "web presence" and present information...

  4. One must be "SOCIAL" or sociable and there are tactics to assist on with those skills

  5. Speak up in civil discourse, but use a lot of diplomacy

  6. Etiquette means if you say it you are responsible to it and there are repercussions. There is plenty of "foot in mouth" disease - Don't I know it! ;)

  7. Reflective listening (reading) and compassionate presence -- a part of mindfulness!

  8. The wisdom to "let it go" in social media...The testiness will drive you crazy--Whoops! *side eyes*


  9. Non violent communication
    ! Because we are dealing with people who social skills need honing

  10. Love one another! My grandmother said, "If you want to go to Heaven, you had better like people, because that is what is there..."


Humanity evolves by its participation in this great social experiment. By being civil, kind, honest and genteel with infrequent application of firmness, social media communication can be expanded!!!




My Star Wars "Fandom" Thoughts and Opinions

  • Fandom belongs to anyone who desires it!

  • We are not to judge the level and commitment to "fandom"

  • If someone says s/he is the ultimate fan today, but then hates the entire genre tomorrow--so what, that is a personal journey

  • "May The Force Be With You" to me means you make your own decisions in your own life!

  • Currently I am expressing my "fandom" through roleplay, but I would like to share with other fans some of memorabilia that I have held in my private collection for over 30 years.





    Yes, I created it and I could use some art classes. But this is from my Star Wars private memorabilia collection.











  • Since I was 10 years old I have been a Star Wars fan. I skipped school to see the first showing of "Star Wars: Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back"!!!

  • I got into the Star Wars Fan Club because at 12 years old, I wrote a letter requesting Mr. George Lucas to visit my performing arts school in San Diego.

  • I decided to become a scientist because of the fantastic and wondrous special effects seen in Star Wars

  • I have read quite a few Star Wars novels over 30 years

  • All this driven my inner "fandom"

  • Later in life, I had to suppress my "fandom" in order to survive. Deep down inside, I never relented from the action-packed tales of Star Wars.

  • In the "sands of time" my private collection is what it is and I share this collage of it with the public so they can see how their "inner fandom" or pursue their fandom of whatever genre they prefer.


ENJOY!!!

Friday, May 21, 2010

My May Mental Health Month Tidbit for Small Businesses

I just got back from a workshop on "Labor and Employment Law" overview - the presenter discussed the minimum expectations in my state on what the overall Law, both State and Federal are to employ workers in a small business. I took this course, which cost me $15 (not bad at all) because I am thinking about hiring a few workers for my small business at The Ari | af | ya Universe.

When we got to the discussion of "Perceived Disability" in my state a "Mental Disability" had a broad definition. An Employer cannot discriminate on the basis of "mental disability". So of course, these small business employers asked, "what if they do not disclose and it is affecting their work?" Then a person presented how one of their employees claimed they had bipolar, mismanaging their medications, and was acting out at work unable to fulfill basic job duties. This is important because as a small business, there are huge time and cost constraints that must be handles in order to run the business and when an employee is not fulfilling basic job functions, the bottomline is impacted.

At the same time, I was saddened because here is the real deal as someone who is bipolar managing my disorder attempting to function is a novel social environment that is the workplace:

Firstly, I am VERY leery is disclosing my mental health condition, because when I do, more often than not, the employer is an asshole. I have had too many assholes to count to trust impacting that relationship and I really have to trust someone A LOT to tell them. The stigma of mental illness is TOO LARGE and the educational component is TOO HUGE that why would I want to do it. All I want to do is my job and help the employer to achieve their dreams. I don't really want to confide in them a VERY personal kind of issue... Then, would you tell an employer that you have stage 4 breast cancer and that you only have 6 months to live while your under Hospice Care? NO! So why must I disclose I suffer from bipolar?

Secondly, medication management...That is called ADHERENCE in the medical circles. If the patient fails to adhere to the treatment regimen and does not inform the prescribing provider, then is there truly medical treatment? I have seen reams of studies arguing that point. Fact is medication management in my professional opinion is a "Social Determinant of Health" and the patient MUST be educated as such for maximum benefit of the prescribed drug - especially psychotropics. I must admit when I was young I thought I knew it all that I could pop on and off my pills, skip dosages, etc. etc. etc. But when I realized that skipping around was hurting other people by my behavior and really what these kinds of medications do physiologically - and YES I do know that - I adhered to my physician's directive.

I also do a lot of other things, but the meds are the FIRST LINE OF DEFENSE in managing my bipolar! What employers MUST understand is MEDICATIONS ALONE DO NOT TREAT MENTAL HEALTH DISORDERS IT MUST BE INTEGRATIVE CARE!!! THAT MEANS DIET, EXERCISE, STRESS REDUCTION, ETC. The BUSINESS has to decide is it worth DOING all that and really, it can be of LITTLE TO NO COST!!! You can mandate your employees to take a course--like smoking cessation, CE credits, etc., etc., etc. For mental health issues, I mean MY GOD all the support programs will be happy to do a 30 minute to 1 hour program overview of mental health FOR FREE!!! It is a matter of setting it up!

HAYLE YOU CAN PAY ME a highly trained profession with real life experience and setting up award winning health forums, I will charge you $5000 right now for a 2 day seminar - 5 hour/day! Offer ends by October 31, 2010. I will give you resources, private discussion plans, with possible providers, contacts, personal mental health assessments and action plans to get started. My information comes from Harvard and Stanford Integrative Medicine Programs. I am serious! Email Dr. Gina


Why would a Business want to do this. We live in a much more complex and diverse society wrought with the human condition. We just do not go and hunt to catch our food anymore or gather berries or nuts often. We humans have evolved to space travel, complex surgical procedures, large engineering feats and artistic wonders that we could never imagine 100 years ago. To expect that EVERY SINGLE PERSON ON THE PLANET FULLY ADAPTS to this is to be unreasonable. Even our wars are not fought the same. Invariably, human emotion as a biological component in some people has not caught up with our technological advances. One example is our children already understand how to use everything about the computer because they were born and raised under personal computers. Whereas, we over the age of 40 remember when we had typewriters, Kaypros and Trash-80's (if you are a geek like me you know what those are). So, of course when we are mounded up on with iPhone, there is going to be some anxiety there.

The flip side is our kids have NEVER experienced the horrors of devout poverty or war, where many of our older generation has actively witnessed it. So their adaptation to war is very, very difficult and when our young veterans come back how to mentally handle the rigors of labor and employment is going to be tough. As an employer would you be proud of yourself if you rejected a "crazy person" who happened to be a young veteran? HAYLE NO! So this mental illness stigma has to stop. FIND RESOURCES!

Thirdly, "Acting out at work" personally, while I have DONE it, I do not condone it, even for myself. What I can tell you is if I feel attacked, my typical response is crying. In "Mindfulness" for every 1 minute of major stress, it takes on average 20 minutes to quell that stress. For someone with a mental health condition, it takes a lot longer... Now, of course an Employer must have a fulfillment of job duties and I get that, that is pretty standard, but confined boxes RARELY fit most folks who suffer from mental health conditions with even half a brain. How can we make this work? Well, let's go back to the research! I have read numerous papers that strict adherence to a schedule is less optimal for someone who has depression or bipolar. For things like anxiety, scheduling works at some level but what hurts them is when things do not go according to plan. I have not read anything about other major mental health conditions.

So what does that mean for an employer? Well, if and when you get disclosure, and the employee is already hired, you may want to consider asking them if they could do some flex time for a change in pay - of course you would want to speak to an employment lawyer for appropriate wording. I have found for myself that when I was told as long as I can finish the project, then I am fine. That worked well for me because when I was in a lot of physical mental pain and I knew my experiments were fine that day, I could finish them up on the weekends. Some jobs work like that, most do not. It is something that can be made understood what the work requirements are 9 to 5, 5 days per week, occasional weekends. The employee has to decide if he/she can fulfill those obligations and it is fair that the employer gives them ample time to fulfill those obligations depending on the job.

What also worked for me is really understanding the nature of the business. Fact is small businesses who employ people are COMPETING for business. There are millions of businesses out there that sell the same thing. What sets your brand apart from the fray? Well, big businesses spend millions of dollars examining that process. But small businesses do not have the budgets to do so and most of their branding, advertising, etc. are done by word of mouth and participation. If we small businesses want to call ourselves competitors in our respective fields and we want employ a diverse workforce to the maximum of their ability, would it not be prudent to express the importance of the product and service as a collaboration with the employee rather than this "us versus them" mentality? It is called "socially conscious management" or some would say "touchy feely". But there is also proof in other countries, like Japan that calls it the Kaizen method that bringing in a holistic business attitude to the workplace assists all those involved to ensure better competition and assistance to the consumer. For example, "our product/service is good because we _________ and we are proud of our work". It is a kind of workmanship...A sense of unity and pride. When I was exposed to that kind of environment, I cannot begin to describe how I thrived, pride in my work, quest for more knowledge, wanting to contribute and participate in work type discussions with my colleagues, peers and benefactors... I was the model employee for that employer...I make huge contributions to my field even with my bipolar disorder, because I felt I was a part of something that had meaning to me.

Fact is, should an employer AUTOMATICALLY ASSUME that all employees share in this goal when hired? You would be deluding yourself as an employer if you thought employees thought that way and not just for the money... As an employer, if you encounter someone who has a mental health condition and they choose to share their issues with you, besides knowing if they know about resources they may have available to them, you may want to consider in a more formalized setting a resource type course to set them on the path to a fruitful employee than seeing them as a liability... Because you never know when you might just get that "diamond in the rough".

Lastly, sometimes you do have to separate from an employee to has a condition. Their behavior is inappropriate for the workplace. Crying is not a good enough reason. Anger, hostility, workplace violence is. Most people who cry, like myself, wish the water works would go away. I would do everything possible including painful distraction techniques, such as pinching myself till I bruised, to stop myself from crying. I rarely made it to the restroom. And the torture never ended. I would never hurt anyone and I never displayed any behavior that I would do so, but I got accused of that. The minute I was, I knew that those suppositions of an ignoramus boss would never go away even with any kind of education on mental health. I had some decisions to make, I made one that hit me quite hard. Fortunately, I am sharing my experience as one who has suffered from an active bipolar disorder that is managed by medications, therapy, exercise and diet so that NO ONE SUFFERS WHAT I SUFFERED!!!

As a future employer, I will make every effort to assist those in need as my strong community service component in my business, following a good work-life balance, holistic and socially conscious business. My main business goal is where science meets mental health and wellness.

Asante sana, ashe, akeerah...

Friday, May 7, 2010

Do I have #Diabetes now? #Bipolar

HOW am I going to reign in this anger when I am enraged? I have just incurred an unbelievable onslaught vicious attacks from out of nowhere and I must say I vehemently defended myself but I tell you my body CANNOT take this anymore.

First, in the initial stages of my anger, my blood pressure immediately spikes up. ALL the mindfulness in the world has left the building. Part of that has been the lack of fitness due to scheduling circumstances from my teacher and other activities I do. Even if I just walk on a treadmill is not sufficient enough for me, I need more training which my Karate class provides within structure. I cannot go missing more than a month.

Second, during my anger, in the midst of my rage--my battle, I think my hypertension increased by fight or flight response to a massive bolus of cortisol and other corticosteroids that immediately hits my mania in the form of anxiety and insomnia. I get SO ANGRY that I will fight to the END!!! What happens to me, though is my intense attack become irrational, illogical that I push EVERYONE away because I am that angry.

Third, the bad after taste and lingering effects of my anger, then these neuro-chemicals, hormones, exhaustion, fatigue all causes my body to collapse and the massive negative ruminating thoughts are harbingers from my battle. I know that this has occurred but I am clueless as to how I got there or why I let it happen. Because I am addicted to being in the midst of my rage, my battle, I thrilled through there without listening for my massive competitiveness that I want to annihilate my opponent, which is proper battle technique, anyway. I know that it is not proper technique, but I do not get what the alternative is? I think that this way because it is VERY DESTRUCTIVE to everyone involved. And that is when the remorse sets in when the battle has ended.

What makes links this anger issue link to diabetes. Classic type 2 diabetes are quick to be enraged. The body's misuse of sugars in the blood to organs, especially the brain may lead to the psychotropic enacting of rage. Most early prediabetics, which is possibly my line based on family history, have issues in modulating their moods, specifically that of bipolar, possibly the a 60%/40% split of MANIA to Depression. It is the mismanagement of the MANIA side that has a direct influence on diabetes in my professional opinion. My data from published papers show that in aging, the diet induced diabetic mice often were agitated, difficult to handle no matter the amount of entrainment done to them. The molecular biological effects may have to do with signal transduction mechanisms and phosphorylation of key components, including Sirtuins.

Then once the onslaught is done, the "buyer's remorse, genuflection" or sadness/depression that sets in is not just negative comments to one self, but what I am doing is the minute I eat something my body immediately rebels and massively sends out insulin that my body absorbs ALL the blood sugar post-prandially, causing immediate fatigue. When I was younger, I did not have this issue. But as I have aged, this issue is becoming apparent. The easiest way to explain it is I am still producing insulin, but my muscles cannot take the food from the blood sugar, so it sits there, then my body thinks I my blood has no sugar, so it makes more insulin, causing me to have blood glucose levels of 70 g/dl - HOW I AM FUNCTIONAL is beyond me!!! And I have been caught by physician-scientists. My other physicians write it off. Health Insurance! YAAY! Why I fought for reform.

When I talk to my friends and family about how I feel, I say uplifting things, but deep down inside my insecurity for the viciousness of my attack regardless of who is right or wrong is what causes me great shame. And I am vicious. I do not stop. It is such a thrill ride--a wave. It is my "dark side"...Consumed me it has... LOL!

Humor I have started to use more effectively as I have reached my 4th decade of life. Humor deflects many odd thoughts, good and bad. So I do not get back into that rote thinking--remembering words, phrases, scenes--the rumination that the brain does, that Dr. Jonn Kabat-Zinn says "just notice it and let it go..." in mindfulness exercises. Karate helps me.

But my diet, specifically times I eat are piss poor. I do not eat chips all day, but I literally did not eat one day out of my last rage episode. What worried me is after a tiny bit of eating I immediately fell asleep out of nowhere!!! THAT worries me!

Do I have diabetes now? Due to my mismanagement of bipolar issues?

Monday, May 3, 2010

#Marriage #Anniversary My Opinions!

Twitter talk I was having about marriage:

ME: So I don’t know what you mean by "grounded" but I can tell you--what worked for us may not work for you... LOL!

ME: Reality: How well do you know yourself & what you see is what you get--even the poop!

ME: Reality is a woman loses greater than half her income when she divorces and it impacts her kids – devoid of any domestic violence!!!

ME: A man's risk of serious Chronic Illness increases when relationships go awry--especially. cancer.

ME: REALITY! So teaching people to be STABLE in a marriage is critical. No matter the kind. If the government wants to be in the business of legal or licensed relationships, then to minimize municipal budgets would want everyone’s marriage to succeed.

ME: That is why it is WISE to choose a mate that is willing to be with you during good or bad times. Hopefully the bad is not horrific

I had a nice discussion with someone about marriage and may I need to write another blog, but I do not feel like right now so here is my rant:

RANT: In my 20's I BELIEVED I was unlovable and not marriage material. YES my #bipolar played into it, but not as much as I thought...The problem was basic demographics, trends, personalities, issues and stuff. I really was not ready for the rigors of a high level legal license. Looking back I know that now. The isht I am going through currently, would I be in a psychiatric hospital if I was married 20 yrs ago? Is that fair to my spouse? NO!!! So this rush to be married at 20ish...Dudes slow your roll! Why? It is hard enough being young! And then the Economy is bad! When you marry you cannot just leave.

For Sistahs, much love, but reality, marriage is more of a business contractual partnership than anything else, DON’T SLEEP!

Love is great, wonderful, exciting, enticing, beautiful, thrilling, adjective, gerund and adverb!

The Marriage Enrichment course my hub and I took said collaboration - meaning non violent communication techniques And communication is 99% non verbal, so it is your actions than words that sustain a relationship...All I can say it is as individualized as a couple from one to another. Everyone's relationship is different. What works for me might not work for you. One thing I do know, bring LOTS of laughter...The more humorous you are to it, the arguments get hilarious...I guess what I am saying in May 16th will be 7 years for us and it is my longest relationship I have had and it is under a marriage license. I'm not going say it is PERFECT cause right now MY life is not that way at all. But my hub I LOVE him and he makes me want to do and be better. That is why I married him. That is why I love him. That is why I work it out with him and that is why I support him...My faith in God helps--Because really why would God put me in a Fucked up relationship after all I have suffered? That's fugly-My hub is a good man-I chose the nice guy! And I haven't questioned that decision since. Because when you leave and cleave unto...you don't worry about all of that. CHOOSE WISELY!

/END RANT

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Doubt...

We all run into that time in our lives where we have to make a significant decision and we DOUBT ourselves, doubt the other person/parties that are asking us to make that decision.

In American culture, we are socialized against doubt and doubting. Reason is religiously, specifically Christianity, we do not want to be labeled as the "doubting Thomas" - the disciple who did not believe Mary of Magdalene when she said that Jesus was resurrected. In the scriptures is says:

Jesus said to him, "Is it because you have seen me that you have believed? How blessed are those who have never seen me and yet have believed!" John 20:29


The fact is about this scripture is that the "Doubting Thomas" as it is called needed to see the resurrected Jesus to believe the scripture had been fulfilled.

Fine. I get that. But why do human have Doubt then? Psychologically, what would be the evolutionary significance of employing this thoughtful emotion called doubt? "Thoughtful" because one has to really consider all the thoughts, images, sayings and statements in one's mind before taking action on this emotion of basically, not picking a side and/or procrastination. Moreover, "doubt" as an emotion is one of the early intermediate response emotions we learn to survive evolutionarily. It is a part of judgment that we learn for our survivability. Without judgment, involving emotional responses of joy, anger, doubt, etc., we would not know how to learn, evolve and contribute to society and improved civilization. We humans would still be stuck in the stone ages re-inventing the wheel.

So DOUBT biologically seems to be, in my humble opinion, a useful emotion to help me judge my safety and security of my situation. The "Doubting Thomas" situation, seems rather an issue of trust and faith which is a higher order emotional thought process rather than basically taking something said at face value. And it seems like Thomas had to revert back to his survival tactics to process what he just witnessed--the Crucifixion--an old execution method that was extremely violent to subjugate the on-lookers into a societal compliance.

DOUBT as a carnal emotional necessity HELPS us survive when our brains can no longer logically process a traumatic event or make huge life altering decisions or when we plainly do not want to make changes in our life. For example, there are many decisions I need to make right now that I do not want to make blindly, I want a more logical process to I choose the best choice. Not haphazard. Because when I make these kinds of choices irrationally, I am usually paying for the mental heartache in the end. As a sufferer of bipolar disorder, that is unhealthy for me and the goal for me is to be healed. Randomly making choices without considering its full implications is juvenile, inconsiderate and costly to me at this time in my life.

Hence, I have stopped going out to event when I am not told 1 week in advance, go out of town 2 months in advance, and randomly do things that risk my mental health security. I mean hey, I can be spontaneous, but my spontaneity looks like mania and is dangerous. I cannot freak out in the airport TSA line and think I will not get arrested...That is what mania in combination of anxiety does to people with mental health conditions.

We have to compromise, psyche ourselves out and work hard to get to the point where we take action. And it is not under others time frame. The unfortunate aspect is, for a job one has to do what is needed. Some of us get that and maneuver through the changes like we need. But, when there are stressors in the workplace, I wind up crying and that is unprofessional for me.

So the early immediate thoughtful emotion "DOUBT" protects people like me so we can better prepare ourselves for the internal emotional rollercoaster we are to embark and doing it helps us successfully navigate emotionally raw situation rather than feeling blindsided. We can contemplate the onslaught and attack.

Personally, I feel many women, especially women of African descent adapted this "doubt" response. Due to the years of anxious situations from slavery and beyond, the reason we do it is because we have to find some level of sanctity in our lives. Dispelling that tension energy that trauma and stressors, DOUBT is a viable option to exploit because it really is not that much thought to it. Over time, as one matures, doubt becomes physically damaging as that seen in a variety of chronic health conditions, such as diabetes, stroke, hypertension, cancer, etc. that Black women are particularly a health disparity.

How do we dissipate doubt? BREATHE... (for my next blog)

Sunday, April 18, 2010

#HCR Let the NICKELING & DIMEING begin!

I got some BS from my Health Insurance "company" of possible charge my physician ordered. One of the pollution destructive non eco-friendly terms sent by paper said the following dysfunction:

Thank you for your e-mail.

Due to the state's budget shortfall, the Health Care Authority (HCA) increased the costs of certain benefits, deductibles, and out-of-pocket maximums for enrollees.

The HCA mailed plan change notices with the open enrollment plan offerings to all state eligible employees during the months of September, and October 2009. Open Enrollment ended November 30, 2009. You may refer to the Web site [redacted] for additional information and frequently asked questions.

At its July 8, 2009 meeting, the HCA and [redacted: employees] approved several changes to premiums, members' costs for benefits, and eligibility to take effect January 1, 2010.

One of the changes is the newly added $250 annual deductible to your Group Health PEBB Classic[redacted] plan. The deductible applies to most services, including diagnostic laboratory services which are not covered in full until the deductible is satisfied. Services provided are processed under your coverage, with the appropriate cost share applying for the service. In your case, your laboratory services were applied to your deductible.

You may reference the complete PEBB Classic plan Certificate of Coverage (COC) on our Web site http://www.ghc.org/health_plans/pdf/ClassicActiveCOC10.pdf, listed under Health Plans, and then selecting State Employees (PEBB). To access the COC, select the Rates and Benefits link. You can select to view a summary of benefits or the complete COC, both documents are Portable Document Format (PDF) files.[redacted]

Surgery, with outpatient hospital charges listed on your Explanation of Benefit (EOB) is due to the category of medical billing codes are classified under. There are physician based, and surgery among theses categories. For example, coding for services which break the skin, including a blood draw, instrumentation used for probing, or removal of skin lesions are listed under the surgery category. This is due Group Health's[redacted] "compliance" with the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act (HIPAA) of 1996. HIPAA is a Federal statute designed to improve the efficiency and effectiveness of healthcare data usage by setting national standards for communicating data, protecting patient privacy, and for assuring the security of electronic patient information. It does not imply you had a surgical procedure; however, Group Health cannot provide a detailed explanation of the service you received on your EOB's or Patient Financial Services (PFS) statements.

Outpatient laboratory charges are listed as the place of service where your laboratory analysis was provided, specifically our Group Health Central Specialty Outpatient Laboratory, located at our Capitol Hill Campus in Seattle. Our Central Specialty Outpatient Laboratory is a hospital based facility.[redacted]

We thank you for your patience while we are completing implementation of our new computer software system, and we anticipate all the Group Health medical center locations will be able to collect payments at the time of service by the end of May 2010 with many locations now being able to process payments now.

Since your date of service was at the end of March, claims may take four to six weeks to process under your PEBB Classic health plan. Once the claim is completed it may take up to 14 business days to have your PFS account updated to indicate your final patient responsibility. Our records indicate you receive your PFS statements on or around the last or first week of each month.

I apologize for any confusion this matter may have caused, please let me know if I can provide any further assistance or explanation.


Mkay...When is a blood draw a surgical procedure? And how am I getting charged for standard laboratory procedures after some bizarre deductible is reached that are required for diagnosis that my physician ordered? If I don't get these standard laboratory procedures done, I cannot get my medication to manage my chronic condition because the physician cannot make an accurate diagnoses without the required laboratory work. I know THAT much!!! So, this insurance MAKES people get the laboratory work by withholding their medication prescriptions...Good thing, because it is important to track the patient progress.

My problem is with billing. Fair remuneration for the expense. I went from not paying anything for necessary laboratory work, to having to PAY EVERYTHING UNDER MY HUSBAND'S INSURANCE DUE TO MY UNEMPLOYMENT DUE TO BEING LAID OFF BY ASSHOLES WHO JACK THEIR WORKERS to now being hurt by the very institution I have asked to keep me sane from the drama I incurred!!!

That information is CRAP! And they KNOW it. They are NICKELING and DIMEING the American people on Health Care Reform. AND THEY KNOW IT!!! Resistant to the end. They're not even TRYING to help people. What they are doing, it saying FUCK IT and go FUCK YOURSELF Dick Cheney style. Money-grubbers!

My husband works HARD to pay for Health Insurance for both of us. In fact he works for the same ASSHATS that I worked for and attempts to try to help find cures and treatments for major diseases and chronic conditions. As professionals with doctorates, this place has done a GROSS DISSERVICE to supporting US citizens holding advanced degrees. A GROSS DISSERVICE!!!

So, what can I do?

  1. BROADCAST THIS--RETWEET...LET EVERYONE KNOW THAT THIS IS THE KINNA BULLSHIT THESE HEALTH INSURANCE COMPANIES ARE PULLING!!!


  2. I DON'T WANT TO DISCUSS THIS I WANTED FIXED! YES I WANT TO BE SPECIAL AGAIN! YES I WANT TO BE TREATED AND WORSHIPED LIKE A GODDESS BECAUSE DAMMIT I'M A GOOD PERSON!!! I DO TRY!!!


  3. THIS IS ABOUT INJUSTICE! I DID NOT RUIN MY 2009 SUMMER FOR HEALTH CARE REFORM FOR SOME DUMBTARDED ASSHAT TO GIVE ME THIS RUN-AROUND CRAP THAT I GOT ABOVE!


  4. LASTLY, I WANT THESE PEOPLE TO KNOW THEY HAVE VIOLATED THE CULTURAL DETERMINANTS OF HEALTH, STIGMATIZED MENTAL HEALTH CARE AND WELLNESS AND HAVE FAILED TO SUPPORT PATIENTS RIGHTS!


Meet my lists of demands!!! C'mon, I dare you! Don't meet them, every chance I get I will develop Tourette's Syndrome and will announce your laziness in public and lambaste you on Twitter and every social media outlet I have access to. Pay me off and I will still do it... That is NOT how you treat a volunteer for your "Living Well With Chronic Disease" classes...That's just wrong!!! I don't care about how woefully discrediting your efforts are, you have DONE ME WRONG AND I AM SICK OF IT!!!

I am sick of these teabaggers dictating policy when they haven't suffered day 1 of ill health!

Saturday, April 10, 2010

#Bullying: Cultural Competency A PPT presentation...

Parents you're in luck. I made a presentation in January, 2010 this year to young people at a college fair on cyberbullying and what to do about it, located HERE

So with that in mind as a freebie service, please download my actual presentation made and give me feedback here! I appreciate it.

Psycho-Tweet: What they don't tell you in school, Health and Wellness by Dr. Gina

Enjoy

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Addiction... How many of us are them? #MentalHealth

The definition of Addiction is:

The state of being addicted; devotion; inclination; A habit or practice that damages, jeopardizes or shortens one's life but when ceased causes trauma; A pathological relationship to mood altering experience that has life damaging consequences
en.wiktionary.org/wiki/addiction

Who knows, there may be a Twitter addiction here. Nary to I write in my Real Life Twitter account. Have too much reality to consider. There are things I am adjusting in my real life that has motivated me enough to go back to school, which I find more interesting.

OR

Maybe I'm just having a very long manic episode, which is could be true, but for 3 months?

I must apologize for my lack of presence here. But I have some proof of how a little cyberbully drives me to show people that they are wrong about me... And now what do I have to show for it?

It was the same in grad school in molecular genetics. Some dumbfucktarded, asshats said I couldn't do science. I went to the ends of the Earth and beyond to prove them wrong and what heinously tortured both mentally and physically for it. By the time I graduated, which was too long for anyone in a Ph.D. program, I was in that which is similar to PTSD shock... Everything was slow moving...

When I finally got a position, I again worked my butt off, spending the night in the lab to make sure an experiment worked with radioactivity--dayum specific activity--ask to calculate it now, I couldn't give a shit. Then I fainted--which begged the question, why am I donating myself to science when science has no love for me???

So I got married THAT is about the ONLY thing that is working in my life. It was a bumpy rode to start, but we're OK...That's because I lost my job. And while I do my duty for unemployment, the brunt of the economy just sucks MR. PRESIDENT!!!

Research funds at the major institution I work for go to scientific misconduct allegations! I have yet to find complete embracing from a professor except for 1--and he ran out of money. Most of his colleagues are idiots!!! And I am into cardiovascular disease.

If I tried to get a job with anyone in Cardiovascular disease...I could, but I would be unhappy. I'm tired of research science and it is tired of me...

The niche...Science Fiction and I'm not the only displaced research scientist that feels this way!

There needs to be more fundamental scientific underpinnings with all the new SciFi movies being made. It's like the asshat creationists took over the industry to prove that H2O is not made of 2 hydrogens and an oxygen...Um??? Huh??? Because God made it that way...Right...Okay...

The fact that God doesn't care about science, nor maybe vice versa, ought to suggest something to the asshat morons to science.

The minute you suggest science, they clam up--saying it is the Debil...Well let me tell you, I've seent he Debil in science during my research and s/he's a bitch! Fucking up all your data in one false swoop. Where one has to consider publishing in the "Journal of Irreproducible Results".

Well, I did all this BI (Before the Internet), before blogs, before twitter, before all that other stuff on the web. I was web 0.0... Like EI Galaxy... So really, I just don't know anymore, but I think I have something to contribute in making movies have some plausibility with science. If you're going to make a sci fi film, why not speak to the scientist???

And I know one who needs to be hired!!! I charge $100 per hour... *smiles*

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Bringin' to you live! EPISODE ALERT! #bipolar #depression #WOC

I am still dealing with a lack of a job. I have little money. I need a job. But I can run up under every single lead to see them all fail. Moreover, I am not the only one! My husband wants me to find something, anything--even part-time. I would if it was commensurate to my education level.

I tell you what makes me happy: RP, the organization of it, setting it up in a positive manner. And this is evolving rapidly! Think I might be ready to ask for SBA loans to purchase a site license, get on specialized writing courses with professional review with graphic novel script writers. I am excited about this and it came very easy to me. I did not struggle. In fact other criticize me and I am excited to get feedback!

I am upset, disheartened and angry at my husband because I just got back to live with him in PacNW after 3 weeks in SoCal with my folks. I was just about to get a professional position at a major university, but I favored my husband over a job. Now that I am back, I am a financial burden for my husband.

When my husband says I need a job, I feel angry and frustrated because I want to contribute my fair share but the economy is horrific.

I love what I am doing with this RP though, I wish I can share this excitement with you all.

If you like to know more, follow us on Twitter: @GoddessAST_Lah

It is related to Star Wars

Saturday, February 13, 2010

I. AM. #LIVID & I HATE #SEATTLE 4 & WHY I WON'T DO BIOTECH ANYMORE!!!

1st let me start off, I wrote the I HATE SEATTLE series as a vent-release-humor piece for myself--YES, I AM BEING SELFISH!!! If you chose not to read & want to criticize, the support my efforts by paying me to leave!!! Minimum bid is $100!!!

2nd I WILL NOT GO BACK TO WORKING FOR ACADEMIC RESEARCH AFTER THE TORTURE THEY PUT MY LOVED ONE IN TODAY!!! At a major university for which I got fired from for lack of money and that my partner currently works for that shall remain nameless, a high-level professor had cheap post-doc slaves to totally botch a major rat experiment losing more than half their animals to poor post-op surgical procedures. My guess as speculation--no pre-opt was in place, the surgeon is an M.D. and the post-doc slaves really did not know what the fuck they were doing...What is worse is a secondary surgical procedure was done without the approval of the Institutional Animal Care and Use Committee (IACUC) as Federally Mandated for all academic institutions that use NIH (i.e. taxpayers) funds...The people my partner works for and with "discovered" these illegalities and reported it to the Office of Laboratory Animal Welfare (OLAW)...Then had to clean up the mess that asshats make!

What pisses me off is that this is the kind of researchers that this major academic institution wants to promote rather than someone like me who knows that animal research always needs to be optimized for maximum benefit in science! But I guess this major academic research institutions FAILS to think that. Hmmm maybe that's why the eco-terrorist animal rights PETA psychos go off their medications, then--huh?

(((REDACTED))) {REMINDER MANTRA: NO BLAME, NO BLAME, NO BLAME...WHAT WILL BLAMING SOLVE???}

Needless to say I. AM. LIVID

Thursday, February 11, 2010

I HATE SEATTLE 3 #AfricanAmericaWomen are TRASH!!!

Watch this first on the savage beating of young teens fighting in the Seattle Bus Depot in the presence of lazy security guards who failed to call police for assistance...



Now I know many people who were born here, grew up here and love it here. And while this activity is viewed as ghetto and unbecoming of any lady the fact remains that the insolence and mistreatment of the assualt victim whether she instigated it or not, still does not mandate the trashing and inhumane treatment by authorities responsible for the civil conduct under the bus depot as manifested by the security guards. EFF policies in place--KIDS DO NOT NEED TO FIGHT IN ANYONE'S BUS DEPOT!!! Fighting ruining the safe experience for ALL bus riders. The rules are bogus!

Looking at the security video it is obvious that the young ladies are women of color--based on the way their hair is styled--I can tell they are African American girls. With such low self-esteem of African American Women in the Greater Seattle Area in general, where there are a handful of positive African American women succeeding in the space, these kinds of acts show that denigration mentality that this place stereotypes against ALL women of color! Moreover , there is NOTHING in place to bolster these young ladies or support them. There is ZERO activities in the school when the superindent is an African American woman. So much for education in the Seattle School District! YAAY!!!

We have all 4 major African American Sororities present and they barely have functional programs in the schools to basic things as etiquette and protocol. Then there is a program done by the Boys and Girls Club--but because it is not basketball court then it is poorly attended. There is zero consistency with the level of expectation. And rites of passage programs fail to uplift young Black women and become rote and the response rate is poor comparable to traditional meccas: Atlanta, Washington DC, Chicago, Dallas and Los Angeles.

When are we, as Black people going to get over ourselves in the Greater City of Seattle? Should we get over it and why? It all makes it another reason why I HATE SEATTLE 3!!!

Monday, January 25, 2010

From the mouths of babes #Mentalhealth #Stigma

I just got home from a college fair for teens. I was asked to serve on the Health Forum to discuss health issues while in college. My talk was on social media and college. I talk about the good things social media provides and the less than desirable things in social media like cyberbullying.

Anyhow, I ran a discussion on suicidal threats. As expected, from the mouths of babes, roughly 18 years old, stated that:

"Suicide is a selfish act that people do..."

Aside from this statement being very judgmental by a bunch of ranting teenagers, I listened to them state all kinds of reasons why the the threat or act of suicide is the most "selfish" thing to do to oneself...

Then is dawned on me that they had not clue that the brain is sick, and it requires treatment...Then I said:

"When someone posts or threatens suicide, it is a medical problem and it requires a healthcare provider to treat the problem physically..."

Their eyes widened when I said "medical" and it "required treatment". They were blown away that depression, anxiety, bipolar, PTSD, etc. causes physical brain damage.

Now, I know they learned this mode of thinking from Family, but it was the age of these young people that I heard these statement...So young, so much misinformation...

I was saddened by that...

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

EPISODE ALERT WARNING TRIGGER: Job applications...

NO ONE PAY ME!!! All the money I make is through my business. I am fine building my business. But I've been building for almost 2 years and while I am more than thankful to have the few members I do have, women and women of color...

Mental health and wellness is owed to everyone who seeks professionally licensed care.

My business is online, social media all formats: Ning, Twitter, Linked In, etc.

I am getting huge pressure from family and friends who think it is okay for a boss to PAY you for a job. I am NOT EVER having my life decided by market conditions of someone else's privy. Then I am not going to go back to school for anything else. I hate tests! I get a severe anxiety and I cannot do this anymore!

I think some of my time is productive. More of my time can be productive. But where life is going is right where it needs to be. Blessings and praises.

When I survey my job prospected globally, there is just nothing when you know few people who can make any decisions. I made a choice to shift careers, I know that, but I didn't think it would take me 2 years for my dream to become realized. I feel like a sorry welfare queen with little money and 4 kids by 5 different men...

But what I have here is zero kids, 1 hard working husband who complains about me not having any money ever, but allows me to write, fight and try to do my dream.

Did I say I was a massive Star Wars Fan...Yepper since 1979 when I wrote that letter to Mr. Lucas and I got one back from his team. One day, I will scan that letter and show the image. It's totally haute!!! Why I deferred that dream, who knows. I probably bought into the bullsith I am bought before now!

I can apply and apply for jobs, online, offline and in person. But nothing makes me happier than to write these crazy non canon Star Wars tales. I crank them out within 2 weeks. I have written 2 now: well, 1 full story currently under review by professionals, then another 1 in script form--for later on Twittering to see if the dialogue works...Thing is I cannot do this by myself, I need fellow Role Playing Tweeple who can act a role to participate, alas, I seem to piss off the kids who do this sort of thing.

Which is actually kinna funny, because I really do not like too many kids around me--when I say kids they are younger they say they are 18 to 25 years old and guess what, they think they KNOW EVERYTHING!!! TEENAGERS!!!

AND they change the rules! It's like that one cartoon that my husband and I got frustrated by--Yugioh, with cards...

Oh well...That's my lowly life. I am a Cougar who interacts with young people and I don't like this life unless it's my own rules, my own way...I feel that I am old enough to do this...I have the experience. I have done the right thing my entire life and what did it bring me? No job, barely a functional marriage, and joy in my life. And writing stories in a Universe I grew up loving and enjoying, why can't I find it here? What's wrong with social media...

Friday, January 8, 2010

My Guide to Parents on #StarWars #Roleplayer Accts on #Twitter #Cyberbullying & Precedent

Seriously, parents need to know this and what better way to bring it to you that for me to explain how I got cyberbullied as an adult. Now while I can use introspection and reflection based on my skill set, experiences and education, I FEEL for the awkward young person who had not had positive enriching experiences and desire it through this form of social media.

As a research scientist, I explore, discover and analyze molecular relationships. That is my training for my PhD. What my doctorate gave me is not only the intricate understanding of cholesterol flux to the outside of the plasma membrane in reverse cholesterol transport to HDL and ABCA1 and ABCG1, or the concretizing genetically modified mouse systems to understand the development of cardiovascular disease in the heart, diabetics, aging and vessel walls--no--I gave me a way to take a new discovery and develop the framework of elaborating on a whole new Universe in science. It is what we scientists do on the edge of discovery! It gives us our reason for living. It is the driving force for pursuance to gain a foothold into the evolution of the Universe.

However, barriers would put up from out any consideration of evolution. Unlike laws changing or taking in new data to supplant the old, Roleplaying organizational structure remains unchanged because IMHO the psychological insecurities to expands one's powers into a new understanding of the Universe. I am somewhat like a Galileo, who proposed the Earth revolves around the Sun and the Earth is round!

I am a fan of Star Wars, I have not hidden that fact since I presented it months ago. And strongly, I feel that the marketing of Star Wars is missing vast swaths of Fans who value justice, diversity and femininity. The women are too stylized, they are not diverse and they are "damsals in distress" who are unable to find liberation and defend themselves. Moreover, the only liberating factor they have is the use of their bodies to combat the atrocities beset upon them. Is is not about fighting back physically, it is about the audacity of self-preservation! A woman has a right to control her own destiny, her body and her livelihood! But if you hang out with a few of the current Roleplayers--you would quickly learn how untrue it is...

I have been called an idiot, moron and dumbass in the same sentence without any knowledge or acquisition of my heritage, background and experiences. It is like these RP'ers have failed to do their homework... Okay, like the collegiate professor I have been, I educate to give them the critical framework to make an informed choice, to come back to with peer-reviewed reference material and present a proposed changes... Oh, I guess I am taking away from their fun... Only a handful of people are decent enough to have a genteel interaction with me. I wish I was God-Modding or RetConning or Deus Ex Machina... Did I say HANDFUL?

What if I was 16 years old, trying something new, attempting to fit in to something I loved only to be mobbed?

Well, I pick the pieces of people's shattered pain after the loss of a loved one to suicide almost daily and I tell these people I am NOT qualified to help--they need real-time professionally licensed assistance. Sadly, that does not occur... DeeAnna Merz Nagel is a social worker and president of the American Counseling Association runs the largest online mental health therapy. Her work is unprecedented and clearly shows how people are incorporating social media into understanding their mental health. It is beyond WebMD that does have a social media component but is top heavy with loads of consumer information. DailyStrength is another good online mental health resource. And my online mental health resource is geared to women of color, at this point and I am expanding to men...

But when I hear the heart-wrenching stories of NOT KNOWING about someone's son or daughter who committed suicide because of the mobbing, hostility and cyberbullying online and the child internalizes it and cannot move forward with daily living--cavalierly saying get off the computer is not enough--their psychosociology is already intricately tied to social media. People tend to do that. It is NOT gambling proclivity, I doubt that dopamine incursion is increase to a point of addiction, what it is a personality issue that required a more robust examination. IF I decided to stay in research, I would develop a strategy, clinical trial and rubric to understand the molecular nature... Otherwise, right now I can only speculate.

If it was done to me and I am old...I can be done to your child without any protections in place...

Let me be honest, there are places I must hold respect to running and organizing their Star Wars roleplayer boards: The Force.Net, BioWare's Knights of the Old Republic (KOTOR) and (KOTORMMO), and BioWare's Star Wars The Old Republic (SWTOR). Their roleplaying requires detailed knowledge of a character as a requirement to play based on the "Dungeons and Dragons Roleplaying Guide" a decent framework on how to roleplay, but has little academic investigation as to why it works. I think if your child wants to do this, ask them to show you in writing what his/her character is, explain to you in ways you understand so as to provide to the safety on social media sites.

I do not participate in Force.net, KOTOR or SWTOR because my characters are extremely sexually explicit. Their stories CANNOT be told without that fact. It is not to override their rules for the gross explicit nature of graphic novelizations, it is to answer a question about the sexual relationships in the Star Wars Universe and how come they are overlooked with there are several key characters who obviously have children... It is to provide solace to those women who have been sexually traumatize and give them a way back to love, back to a some semblance of normality and it is a way for a young girl to avoid the pitfalls of falling into a sexual trap of domineering men. When I see how I was cyberbullied and the devaluation of my "sentience" it is no difference that my experiences with workplace hostility, violence, conflicts and mobbing. It was no positive forward communication within all my attempts to deescalate the conversation: using positive framing, reflective listening and compassionate presence. I was unable to determine what the underlying comments were other than "do what I say, or else"--or else what? And due to the domineering nature of 1 particular member, I was ridiculed and shunned. Now see, that hurts even at 40-something--what gets me is a child... It could be YOUR child and you will not know why...

Here is why: Twitter does not limit the number accounts one person can have. That is an easy fix these days. It is not in their policies to do so. Twitter also has had problems with cyberstalking that can turn into physical stalking. Trusting people dole out information to others they feel they have a rapport and that person turns out to be not the mentality expected. Currently, all users can have a block on their accounts.

For my roleplayer accounts, I have to certify you to accept your follow, but there is not user-defined pre-screen--maybe, "why do you want to follow me?" or what ever the user defines. But currently locked accounts is the way anyone can limit who follows your words.

Direct messaging is often used, if there is a direct message and what must be said is greater than the 140 character limit, often one sends an email account. PLEASE have your child to create a character specific user account and NOT the personal email account. If need be, purchase a new domain name through services that support it and have emails forwarded. BUT do not have your child give out their own personal email account to their own Facebook, Myspace, etc until YOU verify it.

And as always, MONITOR your child's use of social media. Young people are so wired that often adults cannot keep up with the latest technology--now it is the iPhone, Droid applications. They get on the internet and use that technology. Do not ask me how they pay for it because seriously, I do not know... But please, MONITOR it! Ask them how it works. I have asked young people who I have encountered to leave due to the subject-matter content I discuss. I have informed them what my limitations are. But I am the few. I have said to young people under 18 years old, that they do not need to follow my accounts and to inform their parents of their activities. These kids have reassured me it is cool, but I stop them! Those are my ethics.

I have been working with young people for my entire adult professional life, I have "grown up with them" as my life changed and now, as an older adult, with the young people I have seen born and are growing and I want the best for them, I will protect them viciously as much as their parents. Not to be a second parent, but because I know the injustice and harm out there and I have personally experienced it, and I just do not think anyone needs to go through what I have suffered and the rebuilding efforts I had to do.

I hate when I am right... On this one, I pray I am wrong...

Dr. G-

Thursday, January 7, 2010

#Bipolar 2nd Episode...I gotta sleep!

I AM TIRED!!! I can't sleep & I am excited! I have to go into Hospice this morning. I may need a computer fast...LOL!

Well, drama unfolds in the strangest of place. Never expected it. I'm doing bad things on the computer again, but it is so fun and I've been told by pros not to do it. But, I like it and it's fun. But it may be too all-consuming.

I don't like when other people assess their judgment on me. I HATE IT in fact. Because, who are you to say there is a problem when you're unaffected by my actions? Whatever dudes! I could see if I was hurting you, but I'm only hurting myself and it ain't like you give a flying fuck! So, what's up?

I am just tired of the dumbshit! Yeah...DAYUM SKIPPY I'M HAVING AN EPISODE!!!

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Bashing Women & My Guide to Role-Playing on Twitter

Within the last 2 months, I have taught myself how to "roleplay" or makebelieve characters in fictional genres. My characters are invariably strong women, who have undergone such strife and are battling to remove themselves from their strife to lead more meaningful lives.

The historical background of my characters resonates from my life, the feminine side of my family--ancestors who made a way out of no way--who endured, suffered, humiliated, demeaned and oppressed so much, that I FEEL their stories must be heard! Moreover, my characters have the names of Goddesses because that is how I see my characters and the composite feminine energies they rightfully deserve.

In 2009 I read so much on domestic violence against women and heard extraordinary triumphs overcoming tough situations from women that I decided to create my characters that emulated that. I used names that MEN worshiped and died for--Goddesses!!!

NEVER thought men would be intimidated by that notion--the very presence of a self-assured, highly accomplished and powerful woman. Men attempted to dominate, even on Twitter over women, subjugating them to profanity, spreading gossip and rumors to beholding a strong woman into their will! Another name is cyberbullying.

What shocks me it is thought that the Goddesses would women who once existed and overtime they became legendary and transcended to the rightful Deities that humans around the world still worship!

Here are the Goddesses names I have chosen as my characters:

AST = Au Set = Isis: the Goddess of motherhood, magic and fertility. She recreated a humanity in such a way out of no way, in honor of her husband, Osiris. Through her love she immaculately conceived Heru = Horus. Today she is the framework of Mary the Mother of Jesus based on the alters that were spread throughout the Greco-Roman empire...

Yemaja: is an orisha, originally of the Yoruba religion, the ocean, the essence of motherhood, and a protector of children.

Osun'oya: is the combination of 2 Orishas, Osun: a spirit-goddess (Orisha) who reigns over love, intimacy, beauty, wealth and diplomacy; and Oya: the warrior-goddess of wind, lightning, fertility, fire, and magic. She creates hurricanes and tornadoes and guards the underworld.

In the Star Wars Universe:

AST (the spelling I use): The creation of my character fits the following description She is bringing about stability to the Yuuzhan Vong loss of their Warrior Caste Creches as a Concubine to the Commander Zhat Lah who loves her deeply. At first she does not love him, but as she gets older it is through her love that she brings forth his heir to the Lah Domain Worldship...

I think that is fair to do with this character because as Black women have been denigrated, it has been through us our communities do survive and thrive. It is through us that our sons live for some time. It is through us that once enslaved Africans will find our solace and freedom and resiliency. The Star Wars Universe does not have ANY Black women except Adi Galli who dies in the Jedi Purge. A Black female character is deserved and she deserves to be classy. Rather than asking permission, I made it happen.

The other issue is that it is nice to have a "Black Princess" like the princess and the frog, but the reception has been cool. Reason is that of the historical struggle, the images of Black women as to what is beautiful in womanhood, and how ignored we have been until First Lady Michelle Obama... Goddesses represent Black Women well, they always have.

Yemaja character can be read here. The thing about Yemaja when she is home, she is well-grounded and can thrive to her success. But when she is elsewhere, she is humiliated, harmed, demeaned and oppressed. To take control of her life she uses the only strengths she perceives she has: sex and pregnancy. She succumbs to the rigors of perversion and fallen prey to repeated pregnancies without male support. She does it because she thinks she has found "love", not realizing that she has an impassioned biological need that she can overcome through wisdom and guidance by a someone besides her mother to assist her.

First let me say, women are intimately tied to their biology. When feminists say that we are not, that is a denial of our Goddess. Our biology plays such a huge role in our lives that without it, it is not to be indoctrinated into womanhood. ALL women know what a menstrual cycle is. ALL women will know what menopause is. A billion dollar industry is devoted to observing these biological systems at play here. Finding control over these so intimately tied to our sexuality--meaning the expression our sexual self with our partners is about touching our Divinity rightfully owned by us... The pleasure of having a daughter is to see our Divinity. SOME cultures get that... NOT American culture, though as shown through the media and most Christian churches.

The Star Wars Brand was the first movie to show an empowered women handling villainous men. And then all the other women became super-sexualized and stylized in such was that quite frankly are weakened by their inappropriate use of their sexual nature to basically rule the Universe. A Goddess would have NEVER allowed her man to kill her...

The Age of the Goddess is upon us. There will be a shift in the balance of power. It is thought to occur in 2012. A new understanding of life. Women will have their rightful place in the Universe, demolishing old perceptions of "out of wedlock, illegitimate children", the only way to be a powerful woman is by being highly sexualized dominatrix, or become an ugly rebellious feminist with real same-sex preference... Look at Rachel Maddow! Homegirl has a PhD from Oxford and still Bill O'Reilly is intimidated by her... Ass!

Yes, I think it is time. And I'm taking numbers to board this change of the wave of novel women to come forth into this brand than diminutive weaklings I have read and seen so far.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Bringin' to you live! EPISODE ALERT! #bipolar #depression #WOC

I use to LOVE the holidays! I would get into the spirit, dancing, singing, ready, willing and able to go to church! I went to Christmas Eve services, the following morning, I prepared meals for the homeless for Christmas Day breakfast. This is in my hometown San Diego. My mother would prepare a huge Christmas Day breakfast, then we could traverse to East County San Diego for dinner at a close friend's house, who has now since passed due to breast cancer...

SINCE I was married, my holidays SUCK! Let me be honest. I do not get along with my In Laws--much less my MIL! I have completely lost the Holiday Spirit. I'm on pins and needles half the time when I am around this person. And I know this person is being "honest with me", "A mother who just loves her son", and at some level I am culpable.

But 2009 totally is asinine! No jobs! No opportunities! No money! I have been scraping by to a productive citizen. Meanwhile, asshats in my state are cop hurting fiends who are out of jail. Funds were cut from the State budget for police officers and incarceration. Now we have 8 cops shot, 5 killed because alleged perpetrators were not ever to be released from prison...

If I was such a horrible being, I could see why things are said to me. But dayummit I am PhD in molecular genetics, I have helped well over 50 young people achieve educational goals, I volunteer, volunteer, volunteer! And I have my own business, I have re-created myself, several times over, then again!

I have vacillated from saying there is outright bigotry again me being an African American woman that got short changed to blaming my mental illness. But the reality is the economy is that bad! And when it gets better, when the job market improves, I will be attempting to catch that way and ride it. I refuse to ever rely on somebody else to pay me under an employer type background. I will be under a contract with well designed benchmarks for a desired goals.

There are good things that have happened since I failed my coach written test: some institutions are calling me back... Things are looking up in that department. But none of them in Seattle. I have stopped looking here. I would rather go either home or a more West Coast tropical climate.

This is hard, because my mood will change tomorrow. I know where I am in my cycle. And now I have had some female related complications. I need to slow my roll...

Oh, I have zero tree, have not sent any personal Christmas cards. But I'm find with that. I did get my business cards out. And the bounce backs I have gotten is ~5-6 returns.

Friday, December 11, 2009

I Promised When I Had An Episode I'd Post: Well Here It Is: DAYUM RECESSION!

DAYUM RECESSION!

It is killing us! It is killing me!!! I apply and apply and apply and apply and apply and apply and apply and apply and apply and apply and apply and apply and apply for all sorts of jobs, everywhere, in other countries and because I don't know anyone, my entire network is MIA or never was one--guess what! I'm jacked. Thought my business would take off, it hasn't. I failed my coaching written exam & have to retake it now.

Then... My husband dumped on me again. What got me is he has NEVER used profane language towards me. He said, "Will you shut the fuck up..." I, walked away... Of course yelling, of course cursing back... But that is when communication is done. Sure, I've been on some mania. But it was not off kilter, I was not spending money like I have some! I have not going out all night. I may have stayed up to the wee hours in the morning doing redirecting my focus I have found quite enjoyable, BTW, but nothing dangerous, evading and harmful!

I could see if I screwed up my life, by having a bunch of out-of-wedlock kids, a crack addict and slammed my educational world and intellect into the ground. I chose to change my path. But it wasn't 2007 when I physically did it. I changed it when I married my husband in 2003.

I wanted to be married to this wonderfully nice man. My dating paradigm shifted, I loved thugs--at least you know where you stand. They torture your soul in love, but when craziness goes down, these fools are either involved or they getting out of it. You have to be a hard woman not to be loved by these men. You have not love yourself. You have to disrespect yourself, your understanding about the world and your trust must be absent. For someone like me, that is not hard to do--it has never been there.

A nice guy is a strange beast to us. They come into our lives filled with love and damaged women, like myself, drain them. Well, I have not been as bad as other women--so I have heard--hurting property, spending all the money on shoes, getting the men they love busted... I have principles to myself. I think I deserve love, I have worked hard on my educational pursuits, I have accomplished a charmed life, and I have several important people who say they love me.

What my husband did to me was devalue all that I am to him. Just an ability to make a funding source to pay off bills in the household so he can have all the fun. When I did have a job, we had nothing. It would be one thing if I asked for trips to Paris, with fur coats and diamonds. But those things are nice, but temporary. A woman that wants those things often has to pay that back in sexual favors. I did not want that for myself... So, I based my life off my education...

What has my education brought me? Joblessness! Years cut from my lifespan! Tears! Possible seizure disorder! Hypertension! Female problems! And for what? A formal education with titles? That's bullshit!

Now, I love science, but it is the people who practice science that I am not a fan of. I am learning to love writing again. I'm not a prolific writer, but I have something to say and what I say here is important if only to me...

I am learning something about Karate-do. Something I had NEVER thought I would do. But I did.

Then, I have seen a world I had never thought I would see or enjoy, which reconnects me with my childhood. And I think it also taps me into a what is missing in this world--the human love connection and its meaning...

Finally, I started a business that needs a business plan and I don't how to create a financial plan because I have zero idea how this business thing is suppose to work. But I do know it MUST work because so many Black Women--diverse women need it. I am uniquely positioned to deliver high quality consumables in mental health and wellness.

Friday, December 4, 2009

The Sexual Predation on #Black #Women #dating

Seriously, other than been there, done that it is VERY hard for a Black Woman to date "commensurate" Black Men. Suggesting to her to "Cross the Street" and date different men, adjust her mentality/attitude, quote chapter and verse statistics about as a Black Woman gets older the harder it is to find partners.

This discussion on heterosexual couples. No disrespect to other types of couples, but I can't say much about those.

After reading lunacy like this: Relationships: Why Do We Limit Ourselves? **Updated** I have come to the conclusion that this discussion is moot!

Here's a song by Blaque that accurately represents what I think is going on!

The previous blog is misogynistic. It take s Black Women who are doing something in their lives beyond poverty and bashes them based on stereotypes perpetuated either by Black people these days. The bigots and racists do not have to bash us, we bash ourselves... There are many of us who worked very hard and spent a significant portion of our lives to obtain our advanced degrees. We have faced exorbitant about of pains due to ignorance, superfluous, mentally taxing at our careers, jobs, and academic locations.

I am sorry that I have no pity or patience for Black Men who make this lame claim to bash us then turn around and date Buffy, Trixie, Lin-ling and Marquez or even Sheneneneah when my name is Dr. Gina M.-S. or like many of my compatriots giving and dedicating ourselves to community service projects, maintaining our families and caregivers for elders. It is frustrating!!!

I have been married for ~7 years. And a year before I got married, I was partying it up as a new single woman with a doctorate in molecular genetics. It was drilled into my head to DEPEND ON MYSELF! NEVER TO RELY ON ANY MAN FOR MY SUBSISTENCE! And I was well on my way to achieving that end. I relocated to Dallas, Texas. And I did not date... I liked a guy, named "Sexual Chocolate", but the return on him was absent... The only somebody I knew until in the most unlikely place, I met the person who would introduce me to my husband.

My husband is a goof ball geeky nerd. Women liked him, but his communication skills were absent related to romantic relationships. But he was a sweetheart and I knew he was a good man--a good Black Man... The way I see it, there are many good Black Men, they hide--it is a coping mechanism for them to do their jobs, careers and other activities. If they behave a particular way, it could get them arrested or killed while DWB! Whereas, Black Women have to be some other man's perverted exotic sex toy fantasy--or we just don't have the brain wavelength to handle those kind of sick thoughts and do our professional positions...

It is frustrating in the least that most successful Black Women come from decent, churchgoing families with great promise in their lives. They have been succeeding literally since their births and have had love showered upon them. Then as usual as any good daughter wants to do is make family her family proud of her by excelling in school. Then puberty hits, the girl looks like a young woman and she is ambushed predated by sexual perverts! She is immediately pumped into a system of pre-defined and constrained stereotype. Some girls buy it lock, stock and barrel. But many do not and they suppress their inner beauty and develop illnesses that Black girls who do not grow up in this environment never manifest...

  • Depression

  • Bipolar

  • Anxiety

  • Eating Disorders: Bulimia

  • Absence of Self-Esteem


There are more. This are the Black Women who are suppose to make it. Yes! I said it! The come from good, stable homes (single parent or not), have a religious/spiritual tradition, highly intelligent. FAMILY!

The women on TV come from nothing! Drug-addicted crack whores--according to the rap artists, music videos and now social media.

I would think things have improved, they have not. I just had to leave Essence Community because the foul-mouthed behavior of its members who enjoyed cyberbullying me! When are we going to get it? We only have this ONE CHANCE to succeed! THAT'S IT! There isn't any other! If we fail as Black People we will be judged for the REST OF OUR EXISTENCE for being lazy, shiftless, ignorant, prostitutes, whores.

Now I cannot demand respect from others, in fact I want REVERENCE! Even with model examples of President Barack Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama, what scares me is that when their daughters get old enough to date, that NONE of the Black young men will be suitable to date them. NONE! Because I have seen the mentality on social media and while there is much bravado and vitriol, the fact is it has passed their lips, and their hands so the thoughts are already there... Might I suggest that it is pedophiles who say this...

I don't have to prove the wonderment of Dr. Gina to anyone. Why? If someone cannot see it, what do I need them in my presence for? Really? What bills do they pay for me? Moreover, they called me snobby, arrogant--BITCH! AND CUNT! And this is not just ONE social media site I have been on!

It is a totally breakdown on respectable, genteel conversation! GONE! The United States of America does NOT know how to argue in the dissenting position. If it is any indication what I have encountered and seen manifested by young people, then no... We will be losing a lot of arguments for invaders to take over... The Tea Parties are a manifestation of that... Shouting at Health Care people?

What does this have to do with dating? Men suppressing women and guess what, Black Women are on the front lines... So when, we want to discuss dating, we need to realize that we are upon the Age of the Goddess, where there will be a more nurturing environment for humankind. We are going to be there whether we like it or not. Those old bashing behaviors will not continue--they cannot--they are no longer sustainable. And so for the people who believe in "keeping it real" better move, borrow or get outta the way... Because I am a Black Woman--Phenomenally...

Phenomenal Woman

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman

Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Maya Angelou



Ego Tripping (there may be a reason why)

I was born in the congo
I walked to the fertile crescent and built
the sphinx
I designed a pyramid so tough that a star
that only glows every one hundred years falls
into the center giving divine perfect light
I am bad

I sat on the throne
drinking nectar with allah
I got hot and sent an ice age to europe
to cool my thirst
My oldest daughter is nefertiti
the tears from my birth pains
created the nile
I am a beautiful woman

I gazed on the forest and burned
out the sahara desert
with a packet of goat's meat
and a change of clothes
I crossed it in two hours
I am a gazelle so swift
so swift you can't catch me

For a birthday present when he was three
I gave my son hannibal an elephant
He gave me rome for mother's day
My strength flows ever on

My son noah built new/ark and
I stood proudly at the helm
as we sailed on a soft summer day
I turned myself into myself and was
jesus
men intone my loving name
All praises All praises
I am the one who would save

I sowed diamonds in my back yard
My bowels deliver uranium
the filings from my fingernails are
semi-precious jewels
On a trip north
I caught a cold and blew
My nose giving oil to the arab world
I am so hip even my errors are correct
I sailed west to reach east and had to round off
the earth as I went
The hair from my head thinned and gold was laid
across three continents

I am so perfect so divine so ethereal so surreal
I cannot be comprehended except by my permission

I mean...I...can fly
like a bird in the sky...

Nikki Giovanni



Poem about My Rights

by June Jordan


Even tonight and I need to take a walk and clear
my head about this poem about why I can’t
go out without changing my clothes my shoes
my body posture my gender identity my age
my status as a woman alone in the evening/
alone on the streets/alone not being the point/
the point being that I can’t do what I want
to do with my own body because I am the wrong
sex the wrong age the wrong skin and
suppose it was not here in the city but down on the beach/
or far into the woods and I wanted to go
there by myself thinking about God/or thinking
about children or thinking about the world/all of it
disclosed by the stars and the silence:
I could not go and I could not think and I could not
stay there
alone
as I need to be
alone because I can’t do what I want to do with my own
body and
who in the hell set things up
like this
and in France they say if the guy penetrates
but does not ejaculate then he did not rape me
and if after stabbing him if after screams if
after begging the bastard and if even after smashing
a hammer to his head if even after that if he
and his buddies fuck me after that
then I consented and there was
no rape because finally you understand finally
they fucked me over because I was wrong I was
wrong again to be me being me where I was/wrong
to be who I am
which is exactly like South Africa
penetrating into Namibia penetrating into
Angola and does that mean I mean how do you know if
Pretoria ejaculates what will the evidence look like the
proof of the monster jackboot ejaculation on Blackland
and if
after Namibia and if after Angola and if after Zimbabwe
and if after all of my kinsmen and women resist even to
self-immolation of the villages and if after that
we lose nevertheless what will the big boys say will they
claim my consent:
Do You Follow Me: We are the wrong people of
the wrong skin on the wrong continent and what
in the hell is everybody being reasonable about
and according to the Times this week
back in 1966 the C.I.A. decided that they had this problem
and the problem was a man named Nkrumah so they
killed him and before that it was Patrice Lumumba
and before that it was my father on the campus
of my Ivy League school and my father afraid
to walk into the cafeteria because he said he
was wrong the wrong age the wrong skin the wrong
gender identity and he was paying my tuition and
before that
it was my father saying I was wrong saying that
I should have been a boy because he wanted one/a
boy and that I should have been lighter skinned and
that I should have had straighter hair and that
I should not be so boy crazy but instead I should
just be one/a boy and before that
it was my mother pleading plastic surgery for
my nose and braces for my teeth and telling me
to let the books loose to let them loose in other
words
I am very familiar with the problems of the C.I.A.
and the problems of South Africa and the problems
of Exxon Corporation and the problems of white
America in general and the problems of the teachers
and the preachers and the F.B.I. and the social
workers and my particular Mom and Dad/I am very
familiar with the problems because the problems
turn out to be
me
I am the history of rape
I am the history of the rejection of who I am
I am the history of the terrorized incarceration of
myself
I am the history of battery assault and limitless
armies against whatever I want to do with my mind
and my body and my soul and
whether it’s about walking out at night
or whether it’s about the love that I feel or
whether it’s about the sanctity of my vagina or
the sanctity of my national boundaries
or the sanctity of my leaders or the sanctity
of each and every desire
that I know from my personal and idiosyncratic
and indisputably single and singular heart
I have been raped
be-
cause I have been wrong the wrong sex the wrong age
the wrong skin the wrong nose the wrong hair the
wrong need the wrong dream the wrong geographic
the wrong sartorial I
I have been the meaning of rape
I have been the problem everyone seeks to
eliminate by forced
penetration with or without the evidence of slime and/
but let this be unmistakable this poem
is not consent I do not consent
to my mother to my father to the teachers to
the F.B.I. to South Africa to Bedford-Stuy
to Park Avenue to American Airlines to the hardon
idlers on the corners to the sneaky creeps in
cars
I am not wrong: Wrong is not my name
My name is my own my own my own
and I can’t tell you who the hell set things up like this
but I can tell you that from now on my resistance
my simple and daily and nightly self-determination
may very well cost you your life

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Essence Community: #WOC #CNN #Cyberbullying @FBI #Social #Media

I have been a part of Essence Community, a NING board for Essence Magazine, since its inception. But when I get messages such as this below, I need to pull my assets off:



I am sorry but social interaction of African American social media site are degenerate sites. I have been harassed and dehumanized more on these kinds of sites than on more diverse sites. It makes me wonder, what would be the point in starting a social media group geared to help African American women when people speak with more profane language and derogatory terms.

But, here, I receive this threat to my person and that is inexcusable in any spirited debate or discussion. No matter what I have said, I would not merit the use of this kind of language.

Essence Magazine and Essence Community once had excellent discussions. Civil, respectable, intelligent and open. But, in the last 3 months, the site has degenerated to the uttering dregs angry, violent and bitter perpatrators who have very little aspiration in life, so they ridicule others to bolster their severally emotionally disturbed and clinically depressed self-esteem and insecurities.

As far as the conversation, I admit that I got involved in the vitriol, but I never suspected anyone would have imbalanced thoughts, such as those in the above picture, who could behave like a "lone-wolf" and attack unsuspecting individuals.

This behavior is unacceptable and CANNOT be tolerated, especially as African Americans. WE CAN DO BETTER THAN THIS!!! STEP UP OUR GAME and not flail for the lackadaisical and complacency. When we fail to stand up and take on our responsibilities, we collectively lose our gains made as a positive contributing group to a healthy society. We do our best because that propels humanity. When we fail to communicate to one another civilly and ethically so that we can have consensus, and respectable debate.

If Essence Community is a small microcosm of the African American peak in intelligence, based on the cyberbullying I encountered, then we are further behind as a positive enriching group to humanity than other groups and I find that pathetic. We do not deserve to keep our privileges that our fore-bearers fought and died.

I will be pulling my assets from Essence Community as of this date...