Crazy Black Woman

EPISODE ALERT: Don Cornelius committed suicide

2012-02-01T19:25:00.000-08:00

It is a sad day for fans of "Soul Train". I grew up watching the show and all the parties I attended had "Soul Train" lines. And we watched styles, music and sounds change before our eyes as "Soul Train" was a mainstay of culture for Black Entertainers. Then one day, Don Cornelius got old. Eventually we probably cast him aside onto the next thing. That with the diversity of music in our taste and what we liked to dance to, changed, markedly.

Then Don Cornelius committed suicide.

No one commits suicide randomly. There is always a reason and just like a heart attack or cancer, suicide ideation is for similar reasons. The sad part is at 75 years of age, he did not know who he could talk to, clinically, without judgment of his past accomplishments? He had no one who could help him professionally?

I HATE THE STIGMA OF MENTAL ILLNESS!!! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT!

Regardless of how he lived his life, regardless of all the accomplishments and regardless of his relationships with loved ones, obviously, these meant nothing to him, and enough for him to commit suicide.

I am not judging here, because I have been there. I can see all I have and wanting to die by my own hand because it was meaningless. Then I get my meds checked and speak to my providers and get a time out and see write in this blog.

But for Don Cornelius at 75 years old to not have any knowledge to seek any professional care provider and decide it is better to die by his own hand...

That is the stigma of mental illness and it is killing us - especially people of color.

Review of the OWN: Oprah Winfrey Network interview of Mr. George Lucas

2012-01-22T22:02:00.000-08:00

The review of the Oprah Winfrey Network interview of Mr. George Lucas was provocative and exciting. It touched on the production of "Star Wars: A New Hope" but also his earlier works of "THX 1138" and "American Graffiti".

Overall his being a filmmaker was nothing new that a fan of Mr. Lucas would never know. I knew it was an uphill battle to film the first Star Wars, but it was so much so that he had heart palpitations to get him through the craziness he was enduring to create the film.

What I did not know that the famous household named droid, R2-D2 was named after the film, "American Graffiti" for "Reel 2, Dialogue 2".

Then he discussed his real life. And it was as if he had come out of his shell to tell Oprah Winfrey. Even his girlfriend, Mellody Hobson who has her own life going for herself pointed out how well he was breaking through and becoming less shy in front of people.

What is beautiful about this couple is that it is interracial and they are good with it. Ms Mellody Hobson was absolutely clueless that Mr. George Lucas was pursuing her in that interest. She only realized it when he spoke up to his friend, Mr. Robin Williams - the outgoing comedic actor.

Their discussion of George Lucas' children was amazing. They all should be proud of themselves and what they have done. Especially Ms. Katie Lucas who seems to be holding her own as a creative artist.

Mellody Hobson interestly gave George Lucas' son a "Black sounding" name of Darrell. His son seemed totally okay with her.

Whatever it is, George Lucas and Mellody Hobson seem extremely happy together.

Then there was discussion of the "Red Tails" movie and how the distribution companies alienated this movie because they felt they could not market it to foreign markets.

Finally, Oprah spoke to Cuba Gooding Jr. and Terrance Howard. They were grateful for being given a chance in the movie.

This interview gave wonderful insights and ideas of Mr. Lucas. Some I have heard before, but his concept of "The Force" it still seems nebulous in his mind's eye. I think that is a good idea because fully defining "The Force" would hurt the creative expressive ideas to expand Star Wars. The other factor is Mr. Lucas says that people think outside the box, well he does not care about the box. And prefers to be there.

One of the reasons I admire Mr. Lucas is he did not give up despite all his detractors. He said to pursue what makes you happy and if that means you work on something and forget the time while doing it, that is what is making you happy.

There is something I am doing that does make me happy despite the administrative Hells I endure. I spend an inordinate amount of time on it. It is called roleplay on social media. I get personal attacks on a daily basis. But in spite of it all, I am not going to give up to naysayers.

That makes 2 directors that I have seen say the same thing who were George Lucas and Spike Lee. They said:

Do not give up

I am not going to give up my idea to make social media a part of filmmaking, pre-production and other media formats, like novels, comics and videogames.

Red Tails movie - my review - "IF"

2012-01-20T10:00:00.000-08:00

Red Tails is a rare movie that comes around every decade that changes people's minds. From what we thought was right and everything in place to what is right and replacing everything...

The movie is about the Tuskegee Airmen who flew Europe in World War II to defend their country, the United States in the war effort.

The movie stars Terrance Howard and Cuba Gooding Jr. as the veteran actors. And two relatively "newcomers" to the big screen, although I have seen them in smaller movies before: Nate Parker and David Oyelowo. I can say all the actors did an extraordinary job to not make the movie seem like a "history movie" no one can relate to. They ACTED this movie. They worked hard to deliver their lines and make the audience to believe what it was they were doing.

This movie is wholly produced and distributed by Mr. George Lucas of Lucasfilm. The same Almighty Plaid that created the "Star Wars Empire". Since I am a Star Wars geek, I had to see this movie as soon as I could. And I can say, this movie is one you a couple of times so you can get the full flavor of it. And do not get the bootleg, that's just dumb! See at least 2 showings in the full price movie theater!!! This is not about supporting Black movies, then is about doing JUSTICE to great patriots!

Did it make me feel like I was there with them as a Tuskegee Airman? Like I wanted to be like them? Almost... But then the scene was gritty and being in that environment for me, yuck!

Then the movie is not a "character study". It is more how "heroes" keep courage. And that is what you have to have in mind, when you see Red Tails.

Psychologically, this film begs the question:

"If I was there during that time...I would..."

And invariably, NO you would not do anything. You would be bunched up in your "favorite demeaning category" and overcome that kind of ignorance just like the Tuskegee Airmen were made to do.

They passed every test, engineering feat, staying alive in shitty hand-me-down planes and stay successful!

In the midst of it all, they succeeded. Despite what bigots thought.

And that is really the point of Red Tails, really.

I often whine about dealing my mental health issues, since racism has gone psychological to the point where I know I am certifiably crazy, and I think:

If I was there during that time, I would die by my own hand...

The Tuskegee Airmen are still alive TODAY!

Less Airmen in number, old, disabled, and forgetful, but overall, they remember! They are true patriots!

THANK YOU! So that I can say... "IF"

EPISODE ALERT: Insomnia

2012-01-15T03:29:00.000-08:00

Sleep is a good idea. But there have been more days than not that I have not slept. Why? I know if I lie down, I would fall asleep, eventually. My business is social media and I "man" several Facebook Fan Pages and Twitter accounts. I rationalize that at any moment, someone will interact with me. Does that say I am "addicted" to social media and insomnia is the culprit?

Scientists say to get 6-8 hours of sleep. Generally sleep at night before midnight and arise at reasonable morning hours, before 8 AM. Do not ask me my times of sleep. The scientists say that sleeping the way I do often causes sleep deprivation. I know I have it and that making up back to 6-8 hours cannot be done. In fact there are major health concerns. It has something to do with Circadian Rhythm.

I do not want to take any sleep medications. I think taking sleep agents would worsen my issues with mental health. I just cannot handle it.

Look at the time of this post...

EPISODE ALERT: Post Op of a Sick parent & the power of Social Media

2011-12-29T19:29:00.000-08:00

KAISER, LET THIS BE KNOWN! YOU STILL DID NOT STEP UP TO THE PLATE AND YOU WILL RECEIVE A BLOG LIKE THIS EVERYDAY UNTIL I SEE HEALTHY CHANGES IN MY FATHER!

Finally, he got seen by doctors and the added to his medication... Is that a wise choice, I don't know. Details seem to elude me since I am oustered due to my love of my Father.

See, I put business in the streets...so to speak... Reality is, publicizing the injustice and inhumanity. That is how I see it. My immediately family sees it as embarrassing. Yep... I am an embarrassment to them.

I asked questions from last blog as to what it is that Kaiser is doing for my father? Leaving painful medical equipment may be wise, but is it right? Is there nothing else to be done to relieve the pain, besides powerful pain pills?

This is at the very ONSET of illness! Not at the point where there is no medical intervention or resolution! Kaiser, you know this.

So you would turn my family against me on the power of social media. Sad, really because Kaiser, I do not have to review with you that 60% of African American males get diagnosed with key issues after the age of 45 years old. But okay. Hmm?

Countermand families against each other much?

As to my family, be careful and safe. I know how you love me.

EPISODE ALERT: Medical Emergencies, Family & Health Disparities

2011-12-28T13:29:00.000-08:00

EPISODE ALERT: MY FATHER IS SICK! HE IS IN PAIN! HE NEEDS A SPECIALIST! AND KAISER IS GIVING HIM THE RUN AROUND!

For 5 days, my 73 year old father has been carted off and shuttled back and forth to seek medical attention for a very painful illness by the auspices of Kaiser Permanante Health Care System.

For me, who has a Ph.D. in molecular genetics, published 5 papers, fought for Obama Health Care Reform vigilantly and so see how much pain my father is in and no diagnosis, no sustainable treatment by qualified personnel, well...Kaiser, shame on you! You do not treat veterans that way!

Since the initial onslaught of the Emergency, I have made recommendations that I feel are best for attacking my father's health issues. He is diabetic, he is hypertensive so key treatments must be decided with care, which is why a specialist physician is needed rather than ER physician and triage care. While the ER clinicians helped, they can only stop the problem, they cannot get my father into HEALING. Only a board certified specialist can do that and NOT a general practice physician who probably caused the problem in the first place.

I have my father's physiology. Genetically I know this. He has allergies to that causes hives, I have allergies that causes hives. He has diabetic complications, fortunately, I have not converted, but I manifest similar symptoms of a pre-diabetic condition. For now, I control mine with diet and exercise. I know I cannot tolerate minute changes in medication, so as a PhD I can pretty much guess that he cannot either or something else in his body goes wacky. Especially a Black Man in his 70s.

Due to my acceptance and understanding in dealing with my mental health issue, I have taught myself and learn ways to maneuver through many health care systems to get whatever care I could obtain. So far, so good. I am in constant contact with my providers whenever there is a health concern and know that it will go on my medical record, documenting my continued care. I am fortunate to have my health, because a lot of people have nothing.

My father, did not have to do that due to generational differences and the mentality of "that which doesn't kill you, makes you stronger..." Well, that's nice mantra when you are 23, but when you are 73, it tribulations will kill you and this is one of them.

My mother who is doing her darnedest to help him is exasperated, too. All the changes in his diet, all her follow up and follow through that she has done for him, her help-meet, help-mate for nearly 50 years, all the plans they made, he physically cannot do them. And really when you think about it, it is depressing as a spouse. I have zero idea what my mother is going through, but I can hear her weeping as she slowly accept these changes in their lives together.

So as the oldest adult child, who is arrogant enough to fight back for my parents, after all they have done for me, I told them, change doctors. Get an internal medicine specialist as your primary care physician. No more GPs. GPs are good for young people, but someone needs to be specifically trained in managing and caring for geriatrics. Something her GP does not have as obvious.

Then, I said, call every single day, twice if you have to documenting the pain and rating it. Report it. Email, however you must until you get a satisfactory diagnosis and treatment option. Basic list: Pain, Intensity, Location, Time. That's easy enough.

Then, pounce on ever insurance avenue you got. Writing letters is one option that can be pursued. But this is more about "squeaky oil gets fixed first" mentality. You can be angry that they tried to schedule an appointment 2-3 weeks later, when you are in pain now. But really, what you need is to see a specialist by any means necessary. What can be done now? Three things: Make the crap appointment, ask to added to the wait list, ask for out of network visitation, and then write harsh scathing letters--not just to Kaiser, but to the Insurance Commissioner, Joint Commission, TV/Radio, President Obama if you have to! You have to be crazy to do all of that--but what did I say: Squeaky Wheel...

To be a Black Man who is 73... Lived in the Segregated South, involved in the Vietnam War, taxed to death by Reaganomics Probes, saw Crack Cocaine liquidate our streets, how does someone atone for these health disparities my father suffered?

They don't.

So are we just going to let another stalwart in the San Diego, California community die?

*blank stare*

EPISODE ALERT: My review of the movie, "The Help"

2011-12-15T15:05:00.000-08:00

***SPOILERS***

A new movie was released earlier this year entitled, "The Help". The synopsis is below:

An aspiring author during the civil rights movement of the 1960's decides to write a book detailing the African-American maid's point of view on the white families for which they work, and the hardships they go through on a daily basis.

It stars Viola Davis who plays "Aibilene Clark" and Emma Stone who plays "Skeeter Phelan".

What made "The Help" so moving was the memories made once told to me by my foremothers of how much strife they suffered to care for my parents, before Martin Luther King, during Jim Crow South. How if a woman was Black and had intelligence, she could not have any aspirations in Mississippi.

Then I wondered, has it changed?

When I read how ignorant people, like Gene Marks are of what poverty is like and in a smug way dismiss the inhumanity of poverty by lumping an entire group to fit their warped point of view, I wonder... Has it changed from the Jim Crow South 1960's?

I actually enjoyed The Help, it was insightful, tasteful and actually quite artistic. In the movie, all the Caucasian women were beauty queens as their high and mighty selves, and all the Black Women appeared...old... But it was set in the bygone era of bigotry and racism and how fantasy it was to be so lovely, without accountability from the government and the constitution. It does give leverage as to why civil rights are worth dying for.

What I did not like about the movie is the current, modern relationships between Caucasian women and women of African descent or women of color is it further divides now. We still will not relate when you have a "godless woman" such as the vile, "Hilly Holbrook" (played by Bryce Dallas Howard, daughter of Ron Howard) demanding that maids use the outdoor restroom because Black people are beneath us... For us to hate that character, means the actress did an EXCELLENT job. Of course without anymore massive spoilers, Hilly Holbrook is going to get what is coming to her...

But there was another issue, I have seen one of those "outdoor bathrooms". There was one in my grandmother's house. I do not think my grandparents really knew how to tell the builders of that custom home not to build the house like that back in the 1960s, so in the South, it had to be that way...

The other thing I did not like is the "mothering" that all the maids had to do to help the Caucasian women to survive. I would call it "smothering". The Caucasian women were young 20-somethings, with small children. Their husbands were at the office working. They were at home, doing...what? Imaginary activities! Except for the character, "Skeeter Phelan" (played by Emma Stone). "Skeeter" just graduated from college and wanted to be a journalist in New York, but in order to get that job, she needed experience. She did not have any. So she returned home and immediately noticed how her "maid", "Constantine Jefferson" (played by Cicely Tyson) was gone and her parents glossed how she left to live in Chicago.

Skeeter is given the task of "How-tos" in the household at the local newspaper. Then suddenly discovers the perspective of the Black maid has not been spoken or written. Of course that gets into Jim Crow laws of "separate but equal". So she writes it and that is the poignant part of the movie.

Skeeter seems to be the only one of the Caucasian women who remembers their "Black Maids" and the words they spoke her while growing up. The wisdom of experience and words that no matter what, we need to hear them.

You kind
You smart
You important

The question is asked in the movie of the characters, "How do you take care of white kids and care for your own?"

I cannot imagine how my foremother's did it, but they did and reared some the strongest people I know, my mother and father, aunties and uncles, cousins. That mentality that you will do it, it will get done and I will not have any less--I was told that growing up.

What made me have episodes is... I don't hear many women say that to young people, unless they are selling books or videos. I definitely am not hearing it in any of the music. And no little Black girls are hearing when I see them online... So what happened? I do not have children, so I do not know.

Not to say it is never said and the color of one's skin does not mean that those powerful comments cannot be made. But who is taking care of our children while we work? Are they saying anything beautiful to our kids?

The best thing about this movie begs the question: Who is helping whom?

I think toward the end, the "Minny Jackson" character (played by Octavia Spencer) who is a maid for the vile "Hilly Holbrook" but is then fired and hired by her nemesis, "Celia Foote" (played by Jessica Chastain) found strength in herself to hold her family together. The part I found a distaste for is while I understand the "Happy Ending" concept, why would the character Minny want to stay a "slave" in anyone's home? But I guess she did not need that kind of help.

Who needed the help was "Aibilene Clark" (Viola Davis) after all the help she had given to white families. Aibilene needed her help to walk away from it all and she did. What happens afterward, who knows?

What I liked about this movie was how the female actresses had their dynamics. Very few male actors were in this movie. NONE of the female actresses became "Women in the Refrigerator" or castigated to make way of the physical violence seen in civil rights perpetuated by males. But the mental violence is terrorizing and I know of elderly women today who can tell me what life was life in the dirty South with few memories of peace. There was a delicate balance. The young people know nothing of that kind of life.

Sadly, we may be headed back due to hardship and the economy. Who know if we learned our lessons? But I also think that having a fantasy view of any aspect of civil rights negates what these real women who suffered, who I know and are a part of my family can share with me the only tidbit to make me be and do better...

I am kind
I am smart
I am important!

Weight and Fitness Management in Mental Health

2011-11-10T12:04:00.001-08:00

The untimely death of rapper "Heavy D" who banked on his name as the "overweight lover" due to a possible heart attack at 44 years old, was a shock to those who grew up hearing his music and enjoyed it.

The causes of his death are a possible flu-like symptoms, and the issues with his weight. Apparently he had yoyo'ed between 300 lbs to lose 160 lbs and back up to 344 lbs. And he vicariously tried to manage his weight.

Celebrities are expected to look a certain way to be typecast into roles and it is known most celebrities will do anything to achieve the look, including men. Physically, that causes a lot of mental stress to keep up the image, not to mention money. But if one fails to keep up the image, then one does not work...

Nevertheless, this sends a message to all people of color, especially people of African descent who are struggling with their weight loss and image. We can argue on what we identify as the standards of beauty in this country, but these issues are not causing the psychological torture that many of us who are dealing with mental health issues.

When one deals with their mental health, exercise seems even more difficult. It is said, in the research with an abundance of supporting evidence, that exercise and fitness improves mental health symptoms.

For me, after doing a true fitness regimen, it does. It takes me 3 months to get on track for consistency, i.e. going to the gym on the days I agree to, working out at a consistent level and staying for a length of time that is beneficial. But, I do not have other stressors like a full time job or children.

By NO MEANS am I saying those who deal with mental health conditions should not workout. Fitness is beneficial for all health reasons.

What I am saying is motivation is a huge issue, just like everyone else and then after I work out, I feel worse. Not because I worked out too hard, but because there is a big issue with dehydration. I get dehydrated. And drinking water has little benefits, but drinking large amounts of water after 5 minutes of vigorous exercise makes no sense. I could see if it was after one hour of quality vigorous exercise with a slow start, brisk and a cool down. But, after 5 minutes? Really?

Am I the only one who has noticed this?

Then the pain and soreness. Physical pain and soreness of muscles make it difficult to want to restart a physical regimen. And those who deal with mental health issues can easily talk ourselves out of fitness. To combat this, what I do is say to myself, "I can cite all the reason why I should not, but what is one reason why I should?"

That keeps me motivated.

So, all this to say just like picking up the pieces of a shattered life caused by dealing with the mental health issue, handling issues of HEALTHY weight and fitness management is a slow crescendo for wellness.

And if your issues with weight loss are tough, consider visiting our friends at: A Black Girl's Guide to Weight Loss

Facebook, how many more reports do you need?

2011-10-27T14:44:00.000-07:00

Facebook, how many more cyberstalking reports do you need with a mountain of screenshots to justify deranged behavior? This behavior is a power and control cycle that domestic violence abuse survivors suffer and you are doing nothing to protect it.

There are millions of mostly women who want to share in your social media for the next big thing, but have to use aliases as their accounts because their attackers actively seek them out. I should not have to be fearful of creative expression on my legal profiles and pages!

You take one report and delete an entire account based on flimsy weak evidence, but active bullying is NOT STOPPED!

Do you really take this seriously for ALL people, not just kids? NO!

Case in point:

Notice the red circle. Why would THAT page--mine fictional character I created--would be ONE of the three interests? Should there NOT be more?

There is NO online restraining orders! So as more people transition online, with smartphone technology, a stalker can gain access to an account and post psychotic delusions on anywhere on the profile or page. By the time the victim logs on again, seeing millions of psychotic ramblings are scary and damaging!

No one deserves 100s of negative posts!

So Facebook, how long, is too long to protect me? When I am dead?

When does the cyberbullying become cyberstalking?

2011-10-24T16:51:00.000-07:00

The other day, a project I have been working on for two years that involved social media and a fictional character had posts by another fictional character who pretends to be a "news service" for roleplay.

YES! NONE OF THIS MAKES SENSE BEAR WITH ME!

I roleplay on large format social media: Facebook and Twitter mainly. There are other sites, but I am not as frequent on them. I like to roleplay because it helps me write the dialogue for my fictional character's story. Roleplaying is pretending to be your favorite character in a movie or TV show or comic book and you add their mannerisms on social media. Sometimes, you can create your own character to fit in your favorite movie or TV show or comic book. That is what I did. I gave her an image, I gave her a personality, I gave her a backstory and I gave her "LIFE"! The best way to do concept artistry and is testable with the backdrop on social media.

The thing is, unless you do not mind roleplaying (RPing) by yourself, which is often the case, your story cannot be told. It is the dynamic to RP with other people--to BE SOCIALABLE. That is not easy when you have all kinds of people who have all kinds of opinions and exact them on your chosen character--especially when you create one.

I chose my character to have a sordid past and background because I thought it would add to my story I wanted to tell. Within a few weeks, I was harassed as to what it was I was doing. Not knowing any better, I was honest. I was further harassed. I thought if I changed to a new character, the harassment would stop, it was worse. A whole group of people, possibly those that held multiple accounts, placed an "all call" to block me. None of my comments had to do with them. If I wanted to make comments to people, I would say it to their faces. No, my comments, because I have a brain and do not want my character to be the "woman in the refrigerator" syndrome, took stories I read from the newspaper and made comments.

Then I was against an account that thinks women should be slaves and wanted public relations or PR to promote it. That is what is called RP to these individuals...

My RPs usually involves a script, improvised dialogue and a goal that we would like to reach. An attempt to minimize trope--such as "Mary Sue" or "Draco in Leather Pants"--literary devices that are standard for most stories to tell where the plot is going. A Mary Sue is a character that has a mysterious past, is extremely beautiful and even her enemy falls in love with her passionately. A "Draco in Leather Pants" is an bad boy image who can do no wrong, even though he just committed genocide.

Either way, I tried to follow standards set by stage acting and direction for my RP.

I got cyberbullied for it.

This was on Twitter. And their are reporting mechanisms are absent there.

So I moved to Facebook. I did the same thing. Some things are better. But the Twitter folks found me and go upset that I took screenshots of all their cyberbullying comments, posted them on my character's album as a mechanism of protection and fell they had the right to comment on them.

They felt they had the right to not only comment on them, but claim I was cyberbullying them! I had posted the images in May, 2011. They are NOW JUST COMMENTING!

Which means:

1. They had to find me so that takes effort even through a ROLLING feed, and my pages do not roll.

2. They LIKED my Facebook Fan Page

3. They reviewed my information, including my albums and looks at what it was that they said and felt I was wrong about them.

4. Then they responded in kind on my comments on each picture. It was not one or two pictures, it was every picture in that album.

Like I said, in social media time, a lot can change in 5 months. A lot has changed in both my RP, my character and what I am doing with it professionally. For these bullies to make an active effort on an illegal Facebook account to FIND ME and HARASS ME on my character's Fan Page and promote it to Twitter, is CYBERSTALKING and PSYCHOTIC!

If I had said anything to them within that time, it would be one thing. But I had left them alone. I wanted nothing to do with them. They lie, little girls are being Mary Sues to perverted men as slaves. When something REAL happens, a sex predator who actually does meet a child online, they whine reeling from their manipulation.

I ask the kids where are their parents and have they signed off on this? I took a chance for a kid being underage for social media on Twitter, and I got gaffled by him. So I implement more rules.

Good thing the young people are smarter on Facebook. Sometimes too smart.

But every young person I have worked with can SHOW THEIR WORK they have done with me. At least their scripts.

Roleplay is fun when it works, but posting on people's walls and feeds is NOT RP. Pretending to meet at a Starbucks to gossip is trying to live one's real life online because they do not have one.

My friends that RP felt the act was one of desperation. I did not engage with the person because I know me I would have called them more words than "idiot". But you are right, I reported it to Facebook. As far as I can tell, the account is gone.

What if they do get smart, well, the action plan is to block that account and report. No one wants to deal with those who cross the line between in character and out of character.

They say I do that, but that is why I have a script and I stick to it. At least my scripts have plots to them and we are trying to get that goal.

If you want to know more visit us at Isle Sanctuary Creative Artists

Facebook Deletion of Accounts -- all of this drama for pretending to be my favorite Star Wars character I created?

2011-10-18T23:48:00.000-07:00

My account was deleted from Facebook today. Episode alert. I am delete.

It all started when I was watching a Star Wars Clone Wars episode in 2009 called The Senate Spy.

I was so enraged by the Episode. Another powerful woman character, Padme Amidala, was "thrown into the refrigerator" to be saved by her husband, Anakin Skywalker, when she has everything under control.

I was also on the Force Net, boards where they discussed what Padme had done to merit the conversion of Anakin Skywalker into Darth Vader. Why did she die of not having the will to live...

When I realized, I could write that story! So I did! In 10 days, I wrote a fan fiction replete with music and imagery description.

From there, I was hooked. There were NOT many diverse powerful women in the Star Wars Expanded Universe to similar caliber of a Padme/Leia/Jaina. Why not when many of us love Star Wars just as the next woman? And while our images ARE THERE, we are relegated to second class citizens in the back of the bus...

I said NO MORE!

And I created and wrote the character as a composite of all the powerful women I know. Women I grew up with, who mentored and taught me. To positive younger women being successful in their fields. All these women I know are women of color. Most of them come from my Sorority, Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Inc. and other Sororities.

What I came up with is:

A Senator
A woman
Who was a hybrid species - Yuuzhan Vong-Human Hybrid
From the planet Haruun Kal
Part of a powerful family
Unstable Force Powers
Has a lot to hide for many people
Made to do unspeakable acts
Because her life has been planned, it makes her mentally sick and rebellious

The name I created was Yemaja Mlise Lah.

Now for the image, I use the Goddess Yemaya pictures. But on Twitter, the public did not respond to them favorable. They responded to physical images. My image did not "fit", so I selected key women of African descent to test. The one image that worked the best was Ms. Selita Ebanks. She got the highest response rates the firshttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gift picture I selected of hers.

These activities were on Twitter where she still resides in persona.

But when I started roleplaying as her--like an actress prepares for a role--she was bashed. Unknown individuals sent vile emails, posted disgusting pictures and were offensive to her. To really tell a story about her, explanations were insufficient.

To circumvent those issues a blog about her was generated about what she is doing and how she is handling is.

Thing is there was a recruitment problems. How does one get others to read one's blog. Joining more social media sites.

So it was decided to create a Facebook profile page of her.

Much was happening, until Facebook changed their rules and demanded others to create a "Fan Page". A Fan Page was created, but the usability is something left to be desired especially on phones, especially for roleplaying on FB.

It is not hidden concept that Facebook is NOT for artists except for showcasing their art. Facebook is not for performances, even if one uses their personal account.

Yemaja's Facebook Fan Page as it stands is here

If one looks through the albums, the attacks on her character has not stopped.

This drama is enough! No one needs all this drama for two years just for creating my favorite Star Wars character and pretending to act it.

BTW: That image of the Goddess Yemaya dancing in the water, Facebook said it violated their image codes of pornography. How is that disrespecting people's religion.

Science Fiction Prognostications...FOR WOMEN, BY WOMEN!

2011-10-17T14:33:00.000-07:00

It has long been held that stories in science fiction can predict the future. Like somewhat futurists, visionaries or prognostications. A writer in science fiction in my opinion needs to 1) Like science; 2) Like fiction; 3) Love to read the two genres; and 4) write, constantly.

Writing for me is VERY HARD! I am a poor writer. And reading...(whispers: don't tell my mother as she is a reading specialist and has a PhD in reading not my FAVORITE thing to do until I get revved up going on something)...Yeah...

But I am LEARNING to put the two together: reading and writing due to the advent of social media. So thank Google, Facebook and Twitter for me when you see them.

Anyhow, I am reading this blog piece about: Science Fiction’s Take on the Future of Computers: Visionaries and Imaginaries

Cool as the other side of the pillow piece. LOVE the imagery from each of the authors and I find it incredible with a few probably becoming true. Then when I looked at all the names and who was predicting what computers will do in the future, I remembered my GeekGirlCon mantra and was like,

"Where are the women in all of this? What are our futures like?"

So it got me to thinking, what I know about women, being female, from a PhD in Molecular Genetics point of view. Here is what science fiction I inspire for women:

NO WOMAN WILL EVER DIE OF BREAST CANCER ANYMORE!!! NEAR FUTURE!!! Computers will find a way to target cancer cells in such a way not seen before. Cells will be know if their programming will turn into cancer and a simple specialize photonic-laser therapy will be applied to reach to the sub-atomic level within the cells to correct the mutations both epigenetically and genetically. Before that, a vaccination will be given to women.

Women will select their weights and be able to burn fat to the weight they desire. A combination between nanotechnology and the Staphylococcus spp. flesh eating bacteria which has been genetically modified to eat all white adipose tissue according to programmable targets from the nanotech.

Women will not age, dubbed the "Dorian Gray Soma" effect. The telomeres switching as one age will be discovered to occur on the "X" chromosome affected by hormones, chiefly estrogen and after puberty. All women who choose it, will go to their provider and be injected with a vaccination or a treatment plan for the telomere-stabilization procedure so they do not age until 90-100 years old. It is like the "Soma" in a Brave New World by Aldous Huxley. But this is how the process works. So, no longer would it be socially acceptable for a 20 year old woman to have a baby. Most children will be born without medical intervention by women over 40 years old and the woman appears just as she did when she was 16-20 years old.

NO MENOPAUSE! Women an accidental discovering in an obscure laboratory by a lowly female investigator will discover why women have fluctuating hormones and menopause and there will be a simple fix similar to that seen in stomach ulcers and treatment with antibiotics. This woman will win the Nobel Prize for this discovery and for saving millions of women's relationships

The integration of women and computer technology would solve some of the financial crises with balancing our natural resources and our impact on our planet safely for families.

Those are my inspirations for future technology, gentlemen... I am sure many other women have theirs to add...

Reality Struck. I am the 99%

2011-10-10T12:34:00.000-07:00

With this "Occupy Wall Street" events, I wonder all the images I see are of caucasian men and not the persons who have a 14-18% unemployment rate: African Americans. Much less women.

What does not make sense to me is me being having a PhD, highly educated by tax payers money and unable to hold down a position because I refuse to be slave labor. When I worked in scientific biotech research, I was asked to slaughter 300 mice because the investigator's scientist failed to plan her research demanding I breed too many mice and got inundated. Killing off mice because you can't pay for them is illegal according to the Office of Animal Welfare. It is the reason why PETA goes psychotic. But when you get these outsourced users who are slave laborers and will do anything for a green card...Then you get gross dysfunctional regulation observable in science.

We, the skilled American worker has been displaced because owners want slaves, not ingenuity.

On the news, ABC reported that one company cannot find any skilled workers. The owner complained saying their is no lack of manufacturing. That owner is lazy! He is a bigot and wants to slave people away.

This is my reality, though...How do you hustle for money? Make a whole bunch of YouTube videos hoping for a contract? Why? That is not what I want to do. But I have to pimp myself out to be legit?

Say God will provide. So far, my Faith has been tested and He has provided. Complaints are useless. So I pray.

Seek friends and family. How quickly they distance themselves from you when you hit hard times. Then pride kicks in. You don't want to ask family or friends for help. They are struggling, too. So it would be too much of imposition.

Requests the United States Government to intervene after I paid them a lot of money to ruin my retirement: YEAH RIGHT!

Anyhow. Move forward. Smile. And try to save face.

And these suicide options are looking pretty good now...

I am not serious.

I have a plan.

EPISODE ALERT: Getting to me...

2011-09-23T14:16:00.000-07:00

This week I have endured someone telling me I am childish, stupid and that I don't matter. This was by an adult, not a wily child. This same person called me a racist bigot because I called him out on posts like this:

This is all over about how I think Star Wars should be roleplayed on Facebook--using the Fan Pages to build character, which goes along the lines of Rights and Responsibilities of the site:

Registration and Account Security

Facebook users provide their real names and information, and we need your help to keep it that way. Here are some commitments you make to us relating to registering and maintaining the security of your account:

You will not provide any false personal information on Facebook, or create an account for anyone other than yourself without permission.

You will not create more than one personal profile.

If we disable your account, you will not create another one without our permission.

The use of Facebook Fan Pages permits us to pretend to be fictional characters without breaking the usual "profile" page.

Then on Wednesday, September 21, 2011, Facebook new system deleted a lot of accounts. Somehow, my account was spared. These fools then re-made their accounts to restart their bullying again!

Later, I discover that this same bully has a movie license from LucasFilm as indicated here:

Any contract I know of, promises like that cannot be made. It is inappropriate. LucasFilm has excellent lawyers, they only contract out to those specifically based on guidelines. To allow another entity not clearly defined in the contract means the contract is broken. I know I requested one in March, 2010. Moreover, without a clear business structure, which cannot be delineated by this "Perkunas" character, which by the way has multiple Facebook profile accounts that are illegal to have, if true, then it is wrong to tell young people that, and wielding it as to order respect. Lucasfilm cannot have random people saying they have a license to sell and publish literature on behalf of Star Wars as if it were canon.

Why was I declined? If there were a process, why was it not shared with me? This is characteristic of how the franchise of Star Wars has denigrated women. Look at the Senator of Naboo Padme: A powerhouse senator, fought to defend her homeworld, negotiate huge deals only "lose the will to live"? How does that happen? What does that say to young girls? Don't succeed?

This is typical of a woman who is being abused, domestic violence. An underexplored area of Star Wars that is barely written.

Numerous female authors of Star Wars novels and comics have been written, who have barely the marketing compared to their peers. Strong fictional or comic female characters are not permitted yet, those it seems that sweeps are changing that. Since Star Wars is in the lexicon of our language and everyone knows who Darth Vader is, then there is not Fair Use within limits. This fact makes roleplaying interesting, but not at the expense of berating others.

In my group, we have quite a few scripts for our roleplaying performances. We discuss what is possible and how to work with that. We talk about best practices and techniques and ally them with social media new formats that complies with the rules.

I have seen a hate group, like a white supremacist group that likes Star Wars, all they spew is hatred for other people, berating one another, lying about each other. Nothing about improving roleplaying, writing or producing. Maybe tidbits here and there, but their forum is to destroy another roleplayer because he or she is different from their warped understanding.

One can say, these people need to get a life. True, I do need to get out more. Leave this roleplaying behind. And hope for the best. But, the mentality of these people are no way near the marketing demographic that buys the products. These people influence the canon, maybe. And I am calling on Lucasfilm to rectify that. They need to know who they are dealing with.

If someone says they roleplay, then where are all the participants character sheets that are not canon?

Where are the scripts and storylines used for roleplay? Lucasfilm has the right to see it at request. Call it a progress report.

Has it been performed with links and has it been posted in a readable format?

What makes it different from a "Fan Fiction" versus what the license condones? Is it WGAw approved?

How much trope does it follow?

These terms are simple to apply for an online social media format. Why not do this on their Star Wars The Old Republic site or elsewhere? Because large format roleplaying exposes millions to the media and can encourage them to involved.

Do individuals purchase these licenses? What merits do they need to show to have them?

The groundwork needs to be laid down now as social media evolves.

Roleplaying on large format social media is not taking away from the contracts previously signed by the game developers, etc. It is enhancing it further than anything else. Cross promotion is astounding when one things they can be their favorite Star Wars character. It makes fans watch the shows more after participating on the fun from roleplay.

And having well written and developed non canon characters does not diminish the the canon, in fact is can add to it.

Writing out my frustration helps. I feel angry because I am following the rules of a social media giant, meanwhile a cyberbully is advancing.

LIKE my character. She is:

Senator Yemaja Mlise Lah

Courtesy image of Ms Selita Ebanks

I HATE SEATTLE SEPTEMBER 2011 EDITION!!

2011-09-08T13:34:00.001-07:00

When I read this article: Well-known Seattle counselor jailed in attempted child-rape case

Then see this statement in it:

Scratchley, 52, is suspected of attempting to rape a 10-year-old boy, according to police.

According to its website...Matt Talbot New Hope Recovery Center...was founded in 1985 and is headed by Scratchley, a "Clinical Psychologist and renowned Addictionologist."

But according to the state Department of Health, he is licensed only as a chemical-dependency professional, not as a psychologist.

Matt Talbot Center is funded "by private donations from individuals, businesses, private foundations and trusts."

Scratchley also taught at Seattle University, worked at Seattle Children's hospital and has been lauded for his work in the treatment community, including recognition by the state Supreme Court, according to a Washington Association of Designated Mental Health Professionals newsletter from 2006.

I HATE SEATTLE!!!

Here is some more lunacy:

If you are a heterosexual, white male in Seattle, you life is golden. Your accomplishments are never questioned. You are perfect in the eyes of the beholder in this place.

But if you are anything else, WITH ALL THE QUALIFICATIONS, EXPERIENCES AND DOCUMENTATION, WITH LETTERS OF RECOMMENDATION FROM GOD: If you are not a heterosexual, white male, you don't work...

This is the lesson that psychologically is taught today in Seattle. This is their epistemology.

Good thing I have the internet to voice my rage in allowing such a vile person to advance beyond this stage.

A con artist, who lied on his application, who was NEVER background checked, who is a pedophile that raped a 10 year old boy is head of a major addiction center in Seattle for nearly 10 years.

And I cannot find work...

A doctorate in molecular genetics, published 5 papers in cardiovascular, aging and diabetes, contributed to creating one of the most supported diverse health care forums Swedish Hospital, Susan G. Komen for the Cure and Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Inc. Delta Upsilon Omega Chapter has EVER SEEN 3 years running. Worked with University of Washington in their accepting diverse high school students in the laboratory science project for 3 years. Am trained in health coaching from a Integrated Harvard Program. Trained in Clinical Trials. Volunteered as a post service grief and bereavement counselor for Evergreen Hospice. Volunteer as a Living Well with Chronic Conditions workshop at Group Health. Self taught in social media. Knows business development, as it related to social media. etc...

Yes, I was told that the only reason why I am here is because I am black and I got my Ph.D. through affirmative action, by a professor at the University of Washington.

Yes, I cannot find work... I cannot get investors for my business...

I HATE SEATTLE FOR RUINING MY LIFE!

I would rather put it on here, that act on my anger physically.

Because when I see an ASSHOLE like Scratchley having the cream of the crop job doing drugs, raping children, I ask, perhaps if there was affirmative action, these idiots who gave him this job would had an excellent person to solve more people's problems. How was he allowed to dole out information that may have hurt people without qualifications?

Matt Talbot Center, I HATE YOU TOO!

Roleplaying Star Wars on Social Media - part II

2011-09-06T17:47:00.000-07:00

Roleplaying Star Wars on Social Media - Part II "The Empire Strikes Freely"

There are castes of people who use Social Media:

The Celebrities who seemingly are able to say whatever they want to be protected by their legions of Publicist, Public Relations and lawyers. We smaller people do not get that luxury, because we cannot afford it.

The Politicos who gripe at the seemingly 24 hours news cycle. Rants, raves, and discourse along with verbal combat. One wonders if anything will be solved? It might be, then again, probably not.

The rest of the real people, who discuss variety of what we think, feel, believe. And it can become dull over time.

Then... Finally...

The roleplayers or RPers. Those of us who pretend to be their favorite character on large format social media, i.e. Facebook, Twitter, and now Google+.

There are two types of RPers:

Those who do a lot of work and research to create their character, write a character sheet, read most of the novels, watch all the TV shows, movies and youtubes. Every piece of information to play the character has been investigated to perform the character. The RPer who does this is quite serious in staying "in character" or "IC" and responding in novel way. Eventually the social media character will have a script to a story arc to write what is called a fan fiction, posted in several locales, such as blogs or other sites.

Then, there are the RPers who just show up on the doorstep to roleplay for "recreational uses"... What they do is put little effort for their character, no backstory, harass and intimidate other roleplayers often using visual cue weaknesses to be exploited and use of profanity and possibly racist and bigoted overtones. They attack with several levels, from chat to private messages. Question "out of character" or "ooc" during the act of roleplay or performance. When requested to read, they do not. When requested for compassion they have none.

Recreational is as defined as:

rec·re·a·tion·al
adjective /ˌrekrēˈāSHənl/

Relating to or denoting activity done for enjoyment when one is not working
- recreational facilities
- recreational cycling in the countryside

Relating to or denoting drugs taken on an occasional basis for enjoyment, esp. when socializing
- recreational drug use

Upon examining the concept of cyberbullying and what it does, as a scientist, I must ask this "addiction" to using social media, especially in a roleplay format, that "recreational" roleplaying is no different from relating to or denoting drugs taken on an occasional basis for enjoyment, especially when socializing...

When roleplaying, usually, anyone serious, would have a background story for their character. It would have succinctness to it. Editing can improve. Basic movements, formats and others would be easily provided. It can be furnished upon request. Somewhere, it can be found in the profile, especially on Facebook Fan Pages.

My character: Senator Yemaja Mlise Lah has her fan page.

Before I joined Facebook Fan Pages, I had a blog and posted it here.

Before that, it was located on the Star Wars The Old Republic Website.

If you look, I started in 2009 creating this character to where she is today. With metrics and marketing, I found what best ways to roleplay as her, and how she best can serve the genre I enjoy and have enjoyed as a child.

But I have encountered vile individuals who bully and destroy all the hard work I have created to decimate my character in just two words. I fell for:

“It takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it”

And as a scientist, I just figured out why:

Social media is addicting when used without preparation or balance. It is like spontaneously eating a bag a chips when you are not hungry and by the time you realize you are full, you have eaten the entire bag. It is like foraging for food in a full refrigerator, but have no plan to cook it.

"If you fail to plan, you plan to fail"

Most people approach social media that way to shoot the breeze for community. I replaces having to do it in real life. Show up on the doorstep, and perhaps someone will respond! That is okay with someone who is balanced, that has other activities in their lives that social media does not supplant that. Not okay when dealing with mental health issues. And especially not okay when roleplaying.

See, roleplaying is very involved, interaction takes place constantly. Someone must log onto it at least 5-6 times daily. When done well, it is reminiscent of a soap opera. Best way to describe it, it is like a 1940's radio show, but now the radio is social media. That is when it works well.

But then you get with these recreational roleplayers, many of who do suffer from real life issues and are dealing with poor self esteem issues tacked on with mental health issue, they use roleplay to supplant their lives to be fantasy. And it worsens their addiction to choose not to engage in their real lives, devoid of physical friendships, and if you were to ask them, what are they doing and what they have done, there is nothing to show for their creativity. It is about power and control.

Sad part is there is no absolute distinction, no black and white. There is always gray. Some roleplayers have all the character sheets, but still bully others. Some roleplayers do not have character sheets but are really good roleplayers.

Why do people roleplay?

Most are creative and artists and doing it on social media is an extension of their efforts. And why they may be very modest of showing their works publicly for fear of ridicule or harsh criticism, or that artist's mentality of "it's not ready yet for the public", in reality, they are begging for others to assist them for the full expression of their work.

It is an excellent way to reach the young people. You get them writing, putting together a whole image of how they envision their character, you focus them and give them skills that they can take onto higher education. And you watch them blossom.

For older people, it is a stress relief to write and tell great stories in a genre of passion de jure. To feel that all that novel reading has been brought to bear and knowing you can "fit" your creation into that which you love. Something about having other's beliefs suspended temporarily and enjoy it, is exciting.

Then there is the minute few that dominate and predate on people who create something. Say it is a misunderstanding, when in reality, their demons are released from the gates of their own inner hell. They contribute nothing to the creative cause. When demanded, they are posts, but their posts are not genuine or authentic. Like a facade, they are faked concerns, faked feelings, manipulating others just for the power and the recognition. Not to uplift community, but to dominate community and become overbearing on the community. Contributions are missing.

That is their addiction. I no longer roleplay on my profile accounts because of my interactions with recreational bullying roleplayers. If serious, I need to see actions taking place before I expend my energies assisting people to reach their potential. I need to see a character sheet, I need to see a "notice of appreciation" -- basically a "thank you note" for me assisting them without being paid. My current fees due to my doctorate training and others is $100 per hour. Helping people create a character sheet and build a story arc in a character of their choice except for a few, for free, I need a "Notice of Acknowledgement". Then I need to see a "Fan Page".

I am not asking for much, because that is how much I enjoy as my hobby and my art therapy, roleplaying. But side mess, such as the racist messages I get posted on my wall is disrespectful of Star Wars, Facebook and roleplaying. It gives us a very bad name of those who are writing.

I purport reading the novels and writing. It takes that much to perform a character. When a recreational RPer pops in and "trolls", it ruins the artistry. It wastes time and effort. It is like, deciding to go kayaking to enjoy the rivers, having never taken a class. It is like cooking a casserole, but missing key ingredients. Something is lacking when there is a free for all roleplayer only doing it to get their socks off by pissing someone off. I choose my "friends" very carefully and any craziness, I do not roleplay with them and I unfriend or block them. I do not need that kind of dysfunction is my life. My own mental health demands that I care for my communications compassionately and I have done due diligence to work on that. I refuse to allow others to scapegoat and attack me because of their woeful ignorance.

So there you have it, parents keep your eye on it the ball.

formspring.me

2011-08-09T13:11:00.001-07:00

Talk to me, I'm crazy enuf, I'll listen!!! :) http://formspring.me/DrAriafya

Poem Attempt: Powerhouse Sistah!

2011-07-09T19:13:00.000-07:00

A powerhouse sistah is a strong woman who as a little girl had dreams of becoming a surgeon and an astronaut.

She is a girl who loved books, school and did extra homework beyond what the teacher assigned because she loved being smart and told she was smart.

A powerhouse sistah is a girl who as she got older and was teased for being a nerd, a geek, still tried the hard classes, like algebra in the 7th grade while the other girls grew up too early chasing the boys.

When this powerhouse sistah got into high school, she developed into an attractive young woman, but was held back showing her intelligence in math and science by men intimidated by her brains and beauty.

A powerhouse sistah did not let silly intimidation by men affect her love of math of science, because she dreamed of the stars and the universe.

But what hurt a powerhouse sistah more is other woman who fell in the trap of letting a man define beauty took her down and made up vicious rumors about her, calling her crazy

Why? Because she loved the fact that organisms can be magnetic to by magnetosomes inside them with magnetite? Or that she enjoys debating how Watson and Crick discovered the structure of DNA?

The powerhouse sistah tries to overcome the hateful, jealous vitriol by studying more, making herself smarter, gaining more knowledge.

Yet, the core of her soul is doubted and disrespected just because she is a powerhouse sistah.

Then she goes to college, hated some more.

Goes to graduate school, gets a Masters and a Ph.D., hated more.

Does post graduate work and is asked why she is not married.

A powerhouse sistah was had it in her mind to be on equal footing with her husband. But in science, a powerhouse sistah is never on equal footing. No, she must work ten times harder and faster to get a quarter of the distance of her male counterparts who are neither powerhouse or sistahs...

To solve her inner turmoil, she stresses. To reduce her stress, she eats. She rationalizes to be massively obese, would justify how people treat her. Since she cannot be visually appealing or intellectually stimulating, she may as well fit that stereotype. Then she is no longer a powerhouse sistah.

More like a safe bet...

You see, when there are powerhouse sistahs in charge, shit gets done. Budget crisis? What budget crisis? Debt ceiling, we are in surplus! And health care woes? Solved.

She can shake and bake, fry it up and boil it down.

A powerhouse sistah knows that weight is carried on her back, from her mother's mother, great grandmother's mother.

So when a powerhouse sistah picks herself off the ground, dusts herself off, and walks in those 6 inch glitter Louboutins...She looks good!

Because see, you cannot keep a powerhouse sistah down for long.

She fights back! For what is right. For justice.

And somedays, are tougher than others. And the desire to give up is easier than the desire to move forward.

But night will turn into daylight...

And that powerhouse sistah is...

To my powerhouse sistahs--I love you!

How I fell for the gank move...

2011-06-30T14:15:00.000-07:00

All my education in the world did not prepare me for the unsavory high pressure sales tactics of the door to door salesperson for Kirby Vacuums. For those who do not know, Kirby Vacuum are an old American brand with a quality product, though extremely expensive.~$1800 for a used model.

Anyhow, I was targeted when I decided to check outside my house for fighting cats oddly enough. This beat up dark blue van called Rhino Distributers, LLC filled with young people struggling, stopped by and misled me to think that I could call for a demostration of the pricey Kirby vacuum.

No sooner that I realized it, these people busted through my door saying they were ready to full shampoo a portion of my carpet. Me being compliant, tired and discombobulated allowed these fools to do this to me. The demo went well, through talking to me they appealed to my vanity and emotions with crafty sales tactics.

I wanted to make my home look nicer, but the special super vacuum was not going to do it--we decided on new flooring. The cost of this vacuum would foil my husband's and mine's agreement.

I wanted to be nice since I have a social anxiety since living in Washington state. What happens to me is I get angry, and combative. In Seattle, the arrest and beatdown Black Women. I have had to learn how to bite my tongue off to survive here. (See I hate Seattle series).

So rather than attempting to be firm, speak directly to these predators, or just go outright crazy Black woman on them, I obliged them and got tricked into buying something I had no money to purchase. I bought a used Kirby Vacuum for $1800 with no background, no names, and no confidence in my purchase...

In my state, that is called preying on the vulnerable. That is against the law. I liked the product, but I kept saying I have no money. These lunatics sold me a $1800 vacuum. When I was going through the whole process, nothing said STOP in my mind. I was incapacitated. In fact the demonstrator became belligerent when I said I did not want the vacuum.

After I punked out, I called my husband. He asked a ton of logical questions I could not answer. When he got home, he was cool with the job, but it was not what we wanted. I think he realized I was incapacitated, so we checked my credit reports because I gave no credit card. All the personal info, the had was my SSN and that disturbed us. We checked and reported them to the Better Business Bureau. Finally, we will be writing Kirby.

The following day I sent the form I filled out with the credit check. We told the company that we do not want the product. And we expected my trade-in vacuum back at a designated time.

They use cell phones that are personal, like they are not friends. To deliver it back, they did not show up with my trade in vacuum. Then they pressured me again to get their product back. I got angry when the guy accused me of not trusting them with returning my old vacuum and playing games with phone calls. That is when this Sistah went off... I said what I said, then slammed the door on dudes face...

Then I called my husband and now he is willing to assist me.

This lunacy enraged me because I feel my mental wellness is questioned. I is a combo of both.

Folks who are dealing with mental health conditions are prey for unscrupulous people. The sales tactics appeals to vanity and friendliness. It is only to SELL YOU THE PRODUCT!!!

The concept is "a sucker born every minute"...

I fell for the gank move...

Portraying Rape in the Media -- @Rihanna and #Mental #Health

2011-06-03T14:33:00.001-07:00

As I move along in my businesses, Sistah Mental Health and Wellness and Isle Sanctuary Creative Artists, I have learned that for the latter, topics cannot be covered by any literary means, such as rape. It is okay for rap videos to destroy female images and vampire movies and television to bludgeon people, but it is NOT tasteful to even have a conversation about rape. No, no... It is okay for girls to promote and glamorize themselves as slave girls in a bondage domination sadomasochistic (BDSM), but rape... No THEY SAY rape is untouchable.

My evidence is clear when I protested against a heinously named account used for roleplay and the psychological damage it would do to girls. Forget the fact that many young girls of 12 years old, have a pollyannish view, also called "Mary Sue" concept of of what a relationship is, a real one in fact and a FUNCTIONAL one vs DYSFUNCTIONAL one to cyberbully me forcing me to accept SLAVERY OF WOMEN in the fictional Universe of Star Wars... In fact, Slave Girl Leia costume outfit is the highest grossing costume for women who want to pretend they are in Star Wars as costume roleplay or cosplay.

Despite the immortal status it has given her, Fisher has admitted that she initially objected to the costume, believing it made her appear subordinate to the male characters: "When they took my clothes off, put me in a bikini and shut me up, I thought it was a strong indication of what the third film was."[citation needed] One Wired magazine editor concurs, stating the only reason for the outfit's fame is "no doubt that the sight of Carrie Fisher in the gold sci-fi swimsuit was burned into the sweaty subconscious of a generation of fanboys hitting puberty in the spring of 1983."[19]

So if these women have EVER been raped in real life, like I have, their viewpoints would be extraordinarily different.

RAPE IS NOT SEX! IT IS ABOUT POWER!

Power over the perceived vulnerable to force them to succumb to dehumanization. The easiest way to do that biologically is to confused the pleasurable signals to the brain when one has sex with a violent physical act...

For some people, it changes them into suppression for many years. I have friends who have been raped and sexually molested as children who are so fearful of anyone showing them "touch compassion"... I think what happens to the victim is an ugly cycle as I hated "touch compassion" by someone who altruistically cared for me...

And then for some people, they take the sexual violation overboard and they rationalize it to perceived sexual freedom that involves discordant risk taking -- histrionic behavior -- i.e. they have sex with anything, anyone, anywhere. Promiscuity is NOT the right word for this kind of behavior. More like, "I hate myself, no one cares, so I do not care what someone does to me" or what my folks would call, becoming a "doormat" to someone to wipe the shit off their feet... I know... BEEN THERE, DONE THAT!

So when Rihanna's "Man Down" video came out and she acted out a ~5-8 second scene that involved physical brutality resulting in rape, and she shoots the offender, I applaud her efforts to bring a strong relevant topic of rape victims, such as myself, who have suffered silently about their rape. Good for her!

However groups want to suppress her visual depiction of rape, because, I really do not know or understand it.

The lame excuse is that it is a difficult subject to broach. It is one girl's fantasy to be raped. Or if I am paying for this, why do I want to see this? She should have not gotten herself into that position to be raped. Look at her, she is wearing skimpy clothes she is begging for it. Etc., etc., etc...

Typical answers that if a true mental health rape counselor was in the room would be squashed.

No one asks to be raped. There is no amount of dress that matters to a rapist -- the rapist sees the target and wants power over the target. Silencing sufferers voices is deadly and suppressing them allows stupidity and ignorance to fester. When one has been raped, there are no illusions or fantasies that are needed to want to enjoy reliving it...

On CNN an opinion piece makes a great argument thanking Ms. Rihanna for her guts to show what she suffered and therapeutic writing and video of her difficulty.

I wrote a Star Wars fan fiction involving rape. I did not writing in any gory detail, I just wrote elaborate descriptions of what happened. Some personal experiences were included, some fictional issues based on my own personal research were added for the continuity and flow of the story. I do not want to sell, as my hateful counterparts want to say, rape to George Lucas, the creator of Star Wars... But, I think if we are going to talk about what is evil and how evil it is, then one form of evil is taking away a vulnerable person's identity and retribution of that identity.

Regardless, my hateful counterparts are too sullen to get that concept... Of course, they have not really had to deal with the mental anguish of rape.

RFRS: Army of the Born Sith'ari

I do not think the art is a fabricated fictional version of rape when the realness of it hits a victim. I think the healing power is the ability to creative advance beyond the pain one goes through after the violation. I would prefer someone write a story, sing a song or draw a picture to work through the humiliation of rape, than to truly act on what Rihanna showed in her video, shooting the rapist. But then, Rihanna is working from her artist perspective that is indelibly wrapped in her cultural perspective of Barbados. And in that culture, it is possible that for women, that is what they have to do to get "justice". And after one is raped, the victim only sees wanting justice or wanting that back which was ripped and stolen from them.

I think that is what "Man Down" is really about, lyrically and video wise. Was it the optimal portrayal -- for someone Rihanna's age, that is pretty good and is pretty bold for her to write a song, put it to music, sing it, act it out and have it play on video on what happens to a lot of women of African descent...

After all the ugliness as women that we have suffered in more ways than one, we deserve to be heard, and if it is through song, then I want to hear that. Because it is liberating for me.

After all the ugliness as women we have suffered in more ways than one, our voices, our thoughts, our overcoming will NOT BE SILENCED AGAIN!

Art Therapy: Isle Sanctuary Creative Artists -- the daughter of Sistah Mental Health and Wellness

2011-05-25T14:57:00.000-07:00

ART THERAPY -- ISLE SANCTUARY CREATIVE ARTISTS A DIVISION OF ARIAFYA LLC THAT ALSO OWNS SISTAH MENTAL HEALTH AND WELLNESS

One of the easiest ways that is relatively free is "creativity" -- IN ANY FORM -- "art therapy" so to speak. Isle Sanctuary Creative Artists was BORN out of Sistah Mental Health and Wellness to promote self-management of mental health and wellness through creativity and art.

Isle Sanctuary Creative Artists is the creative outlet to help those who are dealing with mental health conditions to release "packets of their trauma in their sleeping mind" to process to their "awake mind" for their best healing.

The name "Isle Sanctuary" was created based on the start of Sistah Mental Health and Wellness to guide folks to a place of calm. At the time, the most calming place I knew was Hawaii due to my numerous trips, and I wanted to share that with everyone I met online. I called it the Isle Sanctuary -- a peaceful oasis in the ocean, away from the torrential storm.

I wanted those who came to Isle to find balance and unlock their creative minds to help them find healing. I thought that our active duty military personnel and veterans can use this process to achieve their best mental health and wellness. And I think it does for them, and what I found was, my fictional story that I wanted to tell based on my favorite movie, Star Wars and I could tell it using roleplaying on social media...

Isle Sanctuary Creative Artists roleplays or RPs on Social Media. Roleplaying mainly is "pretending" to be one's favorite character or created character, and then "ACTING" in that character's voice with other people. There is an entire culture devoted to it. To explain it to those who are not involved, it is like being in a "school play" but there is no script.

For the older generation to understand it, it is like a 1940's radio drama, but now the "radio" is "social media". For the parents, it is like one of those videogames, but it is more of a free-for-all, that organized.

What Isle Sanctuary Creative Artists does differently from others is that applies a socially conscious business plan for an organically creative organization based on precepts of filmaking to elicit GREAT works of ART on social media.

We develop creative storytelling, fan fictions, graphic arts, and social media content development and background programming. ALL of these activities we envision can start the pre-productions of any larger format media such a books, novels, animation, television screenplays and movie scripts. The "enActors" can be played by anyone who can use social media and knows a bit about game strategy and acting.

What the production and distribution company gets in return is marketing metrics of their script -- what were the BEST lines of the script, does the scene have to change, the look and the feel of the performance, etc.

Because I am a HUGE fan of the Star Wars genre and Lucasfilm, I created three characters of my own:

AUSET LAH The Grandmother ((Image courtesy of Patrick Lambert -- artist has not named her Auset. But has not told us to cease and desist. We are in negotiations for a rendering.))

Senator Yemaja Lah The Mother with the greatest amount of work and stories devoted to her. Many love affairs from Jedi to Sith.

Osun'oya Lah-Windu. The Daughter of a clandestine affair between Jedi Master Mace Windu and Senator Yemaja Lah.

As set of Grandmother, Mother and Daughter and how they interact with one another in the Universe of Star Wars. Through my stories, I have determined that the most popular character is Senator Yemaja Lah, that her image is best reflected by the supermodel and actress, Ms. Selita Ebanks. That her voice must be diplomatic, somewhat elusive and cryptic; and that her greatest strength is to find her voice to stand up for herself, independently from her family. ALL of her being, created by me, was developed creatively by social media on Twitter. There were numerous others that assisted me and some I appreciate, others became wholly disgruntled, which prompted me to be able to "sell" this character to professionals and laypeople - many of them active duty personnel and veterans...

What the active duty personnel and veterans helped me to is to add layers and textures to my character. They added the procedural advances and with my knowledge of policy and government, I added the diplomacy to make this character come to life.

Recently, Isle Sanctuary Creative Artists has come under fire due to gross allegations of misrepresentation of those who are intent to destroy the story of Senator Yemaja Lah on Twitter. There is a competitive edge to roleplaying without organization based on cyberbullying of the domination of the conversation and ad homimen and ad proprium logic fallacies. Without naming these individuals directly, the risk management of our process is to block those individuals we do not know who have also given me death threats and their attempts to justify them by posting their offensive behaviors on the Isle Sanctuary blog and Facebook Fan Page.

As a corporation, since there is multiple accounts from the same individuals, we were blocking and obtaining examples of their behavior. Currently, when we have a more formal human resources and customer services department, we will be better able to follow through with the remarks more judiciously from a business perspective.

We have transitioned to Facebook Fan Pages which expands our social media network to the professional community and have made excellent contact involved in media production and distribution, as well as insiders to lift this "fanon" character to canon.

We are ready to add to the industry impact of movie making because we think social media needs to start at pre production, rather than after the final cut onto disk or film!

Aloha and E komo mai to Isle Sanctuary Creative Artists!

Our Active Duty Military and Veterans' Mental Health and Wellness: PTSD

2011-05-25T13:50:00.000-07:00

First and foremost I am not a veteran, and I FULLY SUPPORT the our active duty and veterans of my country, the United State of America.

Since I have been doing online mental health and wellness resources and support, I have received numerous inquiries from our active duty personnel and veterans. What I have learned by talking to them that they are actively working on themselves to find information and resources for their best mental health and wellness. I applaud their efforts, and personally, I LOVE THAT! They are finding novel ways to improve their health and they are starting online.

There are numerous active duty personnel and veteran groups that assist with dealing with mental health issues, which include Federal programs, some in the VA and outside the VA.

Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans of America is one of them.

There are other online groups, one dedicated to Female Veterans through the VA and NAMI.

In 2008, Sistah Mental Health and Wellness was a private group in active recruitment of diverse women. Many of our members were veterans. They still support Sistah Mental Health.

What I have learned about our men and women in combat is mostly what affects them after serving is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

It can be one of the leading causes to anxiety, panic, which can also lead to depression and/or substance abuse.

Our society, though changing, still has the stigma of mental illness and our troops are paying the price for that. Without going into the societal issues, if I could please transition with people's patience on what I think is going on neurologically as a Ph.D. in molecular genetics and a research scientist.

Research has shown that PTSD is caused when a traumatic and stressful event is encountered. Events could range from active combat, stressful job requirements, abuse, natural disasters: Earthquakes, Floods, Tornadoes and Hurricanes; and other events that overload the conscious mind to a tipping point.

This overloading of the conscious or "awake" brain can cause physical damage in the brain. If never addressed, it can lead to traumatic brain injury. But the perturbations in the brain are chiefly related to the molecules that control a variety of processes neurologically, such as RNA (ribonucleic acid), which affects one's perception on a traumatic event.

What happens is once the event is encountered, the "awake mind" has NO WAY of processing it logically, so it suppresses what was witnessed to process it later. Where the mind physically puts this event is into the subconscious -- the "sleeping mind". The "sleeping mind" is a different brain center. Our creativity come from there, our dreams come from there, our reflective thoughts which has nuances to understandings come from there, and our fears can come out of there. Moreover, the "sleeping mind" is far from being logical or rational, and many times our emotions are released from there. We can cause a perpetual state of nightmares where our fears of the trauma are exposed and the only way we can stop them is by staying awake, which can cause depression due to a lack of sleep; or substance abuse that has too many problems in and of itself.

Molecular biologically, some heart hormones sent to the brain go to these brain centers that are often tied in to our emotions. One such hormone is BNP or brain natureitic peptide. Of course there is NO linkage to PTSD here, but it is NOT inconceivable that other key second messengers sent to the brain from organs are not caused by traumatic events.

We are biologically WIRED to respond to trauma in this way as a process of evolution. If we were not wired this way, we would be vicious animals unable to control what makes up human, what makes us compassionate, caring, loving individuals.

On the flip side, if the logical "awake mind" attempts to process the event, the trauma can become addictive due to the endorphins it produces. The risk taking, sometimes unnecessary and illogical may be a result of different people able to manipulate their brains from the "awake mind" to the "sleeping mind".

What I professionally think to deal with these neurological paradoxes inclusive in a treatment plan is mindfulness meditation similar to that of the Japanese Samurai and martial arts. Deep transcendental meditation after trauma. Our society is new to this Eastern Medicine technique. Moreover, prayer can work when there is little political influence and the higher ideals of the faith are supported: The love, the compassion the goodwill, etc.

What I like about mindfulness is the "art of breathing" -- how to breath and releasing that breath, and inclusion of nature in the process -- listening to the rain, waves, birds, trees, etc and minimizing the machinations of "city life". Becoming respectful of the environment or good stewards to the environment.

We have to TRAIN like running a marathon or mountain climbing or any other feat; our "sleeping mind" to donate pieces of what happened to our "awake mind" to process and digest the trauma without discoloration. It takes a long time.

One of the easiest ways that is relatively free is "creativity" -- IN ANY FORM -- "art therapy" so to speak. Creative writing and artistry is the flip side of Sistah Mental Health and Wellness supports on Isle Sanctuary Creative Artists.

Isle Sanctuary Creative Artists is the creative outlet to help those who are dealing with mental health conditions to release their "sleeping mind" to their "awake mind" for their best healing. The name "Isle Sanctuary" was created based on the start of Sistah Mental Health and Wellness to lead everyone in a group of calm. The most calming place I knew was of my numerous trips to Hawaii and I wanted to share that culture and essence with everyone. I called it the Isle Sanctuary -- a peaceful oasis in the ocean, away from the torrential storm. I wanted those who came to Isle to find balance and unlock their creative minds to help them find healing. I thought that our active duty military personnel and veterans can use this process to achieve their best mental health and wellness. And I think it does for them, and what I found was, my fictional story that I wanted to tell based on my favorite movie, Star Wars and I could tell it using roleplaying on social media...

{new blog forthcoming}

Mental Health and the Vegetarian

2011-05-19T14:27:00.000-07:00

For at least 17 years, I have been a vegetarian. I am now an ovo-lacto-vegetarian: I eat eggs and some dairy. I have to eat my eggs mixed in with a lot of spinach. I do not drink milk, but I eat ice cream and I am not a fan of a various flavors.

My friends are rather respectful of my diet. Many are helpful to determine what I eat and how I eat it. People that do not know me are clueless and frustrated. And forget most key and the chain restaurants. I just starve.

There are many reasons why I chose to become a vegetarian. I was an adult. I knew my body pretty well at that time. My family health history was less that perfect, the usual African American ailments: Diabetes, heart problems, high blood pressure, obesity, stress, etc. And I had the layer of accepting my bipolar diagnosis at the time. With all the new medications I had to balance, I felt it was time to clean up my diet and leading to a healthier one.

I had always considered becoming a vegetarian, but I never knew how. So I did mine "cold turkey" -- pun intended. I ate no meet one day.

I WOULD NEVER RECOMMEND THAT FOR ANYONE!!!

Physically, what happened was my hair started falling out, my skin was excessively dry, and my pallor or skin tone was gaunt. I did not have much weight to lose as I was already thin, but my stomach started extending which is a sign of starvation.

Mentally - separate from the mental health condition - I had cravings, but they were not horrendously bad. I also did not have the habit of eating a late night snack.

Economically - I was clueless at the cost of vegetarian food. Fresh veggies are best, but I did not know how to process them. The new veggie process foods were my staple and I never seemed to have enough. You can have two quick addictions: Sugar or salt. I had both and consumed too much of it.

"Bipolarly" - I was prone to huge swings in mood on a vegetarian diet. I tried everything to limit the pendulum magnitude. From Valerian root to Prayer, nothing seemed to balance the mood. Exercise was NOT a problem. Stress was a problem but not unmanageable until the next overload. That overload made me more sensitive to my female changes in my body. My bipolar was tied to my menses and at that time, sensitivity to that by physicians was ABSENT! Today there is an awareness, but NO EFFECTIVE TREATMENTS!

It took YEARS for a balancing.

How I found that balance ironically was having a major health crisis of seizure. Thankfully, I am a research scientist and I had my pulse on the literature. Glancing over a few scientific articles in peer reviewed journals, I found that Free Fatty Acids are VERY important components in the brain. I NEEDED THEM! A vegetable/vegetarian/vegan type oils cannot supplant the oils obtained from meat products, like Fish Oil, Cod Liver Oil, Eggs, Milk...

With HUGE reluctance, I reintroduced animal oils back into my diet. Eggs and Milk are as much as I can tolerate. I cannot take Fish Oil, even the processed DHEA oils, my stomach does not settle. But I saw a balance in my behavior, which is more important to me than worrying how "true", "real" or "authentic" I am to the cause of "Vegetarianism".

Some people have the genetic structure to cope with a complete vegetarian diet. I do not and I did not. Will I eat solid meat products. I cannot tolerate them physically. Organic diets have not worked for me. But vitamin supplements have, which have more to do with a product of age than dealing with Bipolar.

Do I have a problem with restaurants not attempting to have some basic vegetarian items or diversity on their menus. You bet I do! It is not that hard to create a nice concoction of meals, and yes, most of the customers eat poor comfort foods in my area. Adding soy-based or even mushroom based foods is not that tough. And a vegetarians taste bud palate on the tongue seems to appreciate the diversity of the flavors.

More and more the chefs who become "Molecular Gastronomists" are determining that immense flavor and the healthy phytols can be elicited through the standards of vegetarian cooking.

Yes, much of the vegetarian cooking practices come from Asian cultures. But there are other diverse cultural influences that can be built with a vegetarian influence: African, Brazilian, Russian, Mediterranean -- GLOBALLY one can build a vegetarian plan for a healthier diet.

I have a variety of health spices I use in my cooking that adds new flavors to my family's diet.

Lastly, there is a way to make it happen economically, BUT there is no point in choosing to become a vegetarian, when the stores in your neighborhood look at you with a blank stare. I live in a food conscious area, where food quality is great. But most of my friends live where there is gross food inequality and injustice. Freshness is lacking, junk foods are prominent and there are no "staples" like sugar, rice, flour, beans, etc. and let us not begin to speak on what leafy green FRESH vegetables are available for purchase... I believe that someone spoke about a "Food Gastromony" as coming BACK to the dinner table... In our current society, that has not happened and I am guilty of that.

However, how to fight against food injustice is another article. And, I will find a way to write it. But I will take suggestions.

formspring.me

2011-05-05T11:02:00.001-07:00

Talk to me, I'm crazy enuf, I'll listen!!! :) http://formspring.me/DrAriafya

Isle Sanctuary Creative Artists - A Labor of Love

2011-04-26T17:18:00.000-07:00

Isle Sanctuary Creative Artists is the premiere entertainment roleplaying group on Social Media that creates and performs stories using an array of optimized metrics and analytics to maximize the audience's enjoyment. Contact us here!

Our areas of focus are:

We test scripts at pre-production with social media to see if any adjustments are required using social media metrics

We tell stories on social media by roleplaying (RP)

Our social media outlets are:

On the Web

On Facebook

On Twitter (@IsleSanctuary)

On Blog

We hope to expand to Second Life and others.

There is a lot of work that goes into performing a story by social media roleplay that is mentioned on Isle Sanctuary Blog

This company is available to test scripts at pre-production to see if changes are required before launch and filming.

What the client would provide:

One or more scenes of a script loosely dialogued script with a plot goal

Internet actors required for the scene(s) that can ad-lib and use social media professionally

Attendance to "performance times" and any "in character" interactions

What we provide:

Social media account set-up, development and content based on consultations

Script preparation for social media

Pre-roleplay blogs posts

New character launches and test drives

Performance management at "social media opening"

Post performance reporting of dialogue, response rates, and evaluations

Post performance in character blogs

With our service you will have dedicated fan base willing to see new and exciting entertainment on social media. When performed with social media, due to tactile interaction causes "memory" in the audience's mind. The audience will feel they are a part of the entertainment process and will develop a loyal and an anticipation of new products.

If this is something that interests your group and want to know more, please contact us or at any social media node

ALERT! EPISODE WARNING! I SEEK JUSTICE!

2011-04-14T10:22:00.000-07:00

On my Facebook account I posted a picture during one of the more happiest times I have been a biomedical scientist. I was at the University of Texas, Southwestern Medical Center in Dallas, as a newly minted Ph.D. working for a physician scientist who studied stress response proteins in congestive heart failure. My first trial period, I successfully cloned my transgenic construct to be injected in to mouse embryos. I had 7 founder lines and 3 of the mice transfered the transgene into their progeny, indicating the gene was in their germline. Every thing was PERFECT... Till I wound up waking off the floor...

Thinking what was best for me and the fact that my Ph.D. graduate advisor who has now died, said I needed to take care of myself, I decided not to return to my hometown, San Diego, but to get married to a wonderful man and live in Seattle and I thought, I could easily adapt to working at the University of Washington. Was I wrong.

As liberal as Seattle, Washington is, there is that glib bigotry and racism that rears its ugly head, especially in biomedical science. I was told, I was too loud, too boisterous, too--too much. When I did the research and organized it to the level I thought it should be based on the review of the literature I made, I was told, I did it incorrectly that I did not know anything. When I set up for experiments and gleaned results, then presented them for review, the feedback I got was, I did not know what I was talking about and what I tested was faulty...

What I studied was metabolism in a genetically altered mouse that prematurely ages, called WRN knockout mice. What I did was simple, add a horrific high fat/high sugar diet called Surwit, let them eat it and test their blood sugar and weigh them for 60 weeks. The aging mice got fatter than the normal mice. Pretty simple. But so many questions to test. These ARE EARLY DATA that have been now modified with statistical calculations - such as ANOVA. The last piece of data remains unpublished said it was not useful.

Then I was told, that after I wrote the paper, edited and reviewed it 1000 times, that no one was going to read the paper and that the research failed. Then my funds were cut and I could not get more funding. At that point I moved from my frying pan, I joined a laboratory that treated me inhumanely, dehumanized me and mocked my knowledge. I left taking the hit from the National Institutes of Health demanding their money back for lack of fulfilling my service.

Then I tried another position, where the professor would not write a letter conferring a job, then overspent the animal money budgeted because they did not know how to develop an experiment testing their animals. I had to euthanize 300+ mice in two days to hear I was getting fired. But that is not what made me leave... No... What made me leave was when the professor stated, "There no way a Black Man can become President in this country..." in a scientific laboratory meeting - that was 2008 since I worked for anyone else.

I applied to NUMEROUS other research positions, but the hiring of new researchers is by word of mouth and I was labeled. No one wanted to take the risk. I got disillusioned with the silliness and essentially moved my talents to the marketplace.

In 2008, I started my online social networking business with the license. It is my goal to make revenue so that I can pay my B&O taxes to the state. So far, I am not making anything. But at least I am under market scrutiny, rather than a scientific one, because let me tell you, what I have suffered, a Caucasian man would not suffer...

It is because I am an African American woman that boldly states what I know in Biomedical Science.

Long time ago, I set up a "Google Alert" for when my papers would be cited by other researchers. The paper never to be read has been cited ELEVEN times. Here is my paper below:

2008 Moore et al. Premature Aging Mice Fed Surwit Have Diabetes

My paper was recently cited by this group:

Michel Lebel, Nadja C. de Souza-Pinto, and Vilhelm A. Bohr
Review Article
Metabolism, Genomics, and DNA Repair in the Mouse Aging Liver

Marriage and Mental Health and Wellness - my POV

2011-03-31T13:18:00.001-07:00

Long story short, my husband and I eloped when we got married nearly 8 years ago. We were in love and who knew it would last this long given my mental health condition. I knew I had found my "missing piece"! And I hoped he had found his, too.

I am dealing with a bipolar type 2 diagnosis, hypomania. I manage it with medications and therapy. If I change it on my own volition, which I have done before and I say I do not need either of those treatment options, within two months I am "out of control" - sobbing, impulsive, fighting, disheveled, no one can talk to me, nothing sinks in, and my ability and freedom to make quality choices about my wellness is impaired. If I want to stay married to a good man, I do not deviate from my current treatment plan.

The issue with the general public's opinion on mental health and wellness is that it is a choice that people like me make. I really wish it were that simple. I wish I I could CHOOSE NOT to feel the way that I do. That I would not have to take medications, hide from the mental health stigma and not have to see a therapist. But I know that if I do not, this condition will worsen to fainting spells, memory loss and suicide ideation.

I get these interesting emails from Smart Marriages: The Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education
is dedicated to making marriage education widely available. They have a "newsletter" still sent by email -- tidbits to stay married, marriage enrichment, and family support during trying times. These days with a poor economy and so many people out of work, such as myself for greater than 3 years, these are truly trying times for a marriage and its longevity.

One of the Smart Marriage's newsletter authors posted this ignorance about mental health and wellness (verbatim original context):

Ouch, I really stepped on a live wire with the post about the book, The Emperor’s New Clothes (that “explodes the antidepressant myth”). I APOLOGIZE to those who were offended by my promotion of this book – who wrote to say antidepressants have literally saved their lives and/or the lives of loved ones and/or their marriages. I send my SYMPATHIES to those who, on the other end of the continuum, feel they have basically lost long stretches of their lives, their loved ones, their marriages because of the side-effects of antidepressant treatment. And, I also STAND very much CORRECTED by those who reminded me and quoted myself back to me – that I have always maintained that Smart Marriages is focused on increasing access to Marriage Education and that we don’t have the time or energy to wade into other battles and campaigns. It turns out that antidepressants are as divisive a topic as any you can name – abortion, gun control, vaccines, immigration, etc. – there are as many blogs, websites, bumper-stickers in the antidepressant pro and con campaigns as any other. Several of you also pointed out that this book is not, by far, anything new – there are many books that rail against “legal drug pushers - people licensed by the govt and paid huge incentives by the billion dollar pharma industry to push antidepressants.” You said if I want to blow the whistle, blow it about the 10’s of millions of children being put on antidepressants. (Hmmmm, 10s of millions?) And one of you wrote that I should consider myself blessed that I’ve not (yet) felt the need for antidepressants. Some of you said I could use your letters and your names, including your diagnosis and suicide attempts. I don’t think that’s necessary. I get it. And, as I said, my apologies and I do stand corrected. - diane

This is not the first time that Smart Marriages has sent emails filled with insensitive vitriol. In fact, this newsletter is about the only misinformed "marriage related" without peer reviewed scientific research literature base. It is nice to have "tidbits" that a user can decide to accept or not accept, but to cyberbully by fear tactics is irresponsible, especially when it involves the issue of HEALTH CARE -- specifically, MENTAL HEALTH CARE!

Why?

Because the brain is an organ, too. It can get sick like any other organ, heart, liver, lungs, muscles, blood, etc. Would the same cruel and mean-spirited comments be made to someone who suffered from a heart attack, stroke or cancer? Then why are they being said to someone who is dealing with and managing a mental HEALTH condition?

Through my own trials and tribulations in my marriage, and developing a "wellness recovery action plan" or "WRAP" by Mary Ellen Copeland, I have discovered, that to keep my marriage with my husband, he needs to be trained in true medical caregiving or what is now called "attending". The idea of a physical health issue, like Alzheimer's Caregiving can be adapted to Mental Health Caregiving.

My husband needs to know how to handle me on good days and bad days. The good days when I seem fun to be around, but wait - is it over the top? Are they manic like? When I am asked about my thinking or process, do I have one? Because if I do not, I am in the process of setting myself up for failure that can spiral me into a depression down the road. There are tactics one can learn from Caregiving to minimize and communicate to me as to what it is I am doing: i.e. when is the last time I have communicated with my psychiatrist, etc.?

On my bad days, which are looking more like forgetfulness and impatience, and then the "water works" start, he needs to learn some tactics that can keep him sane. Thes tactics I cannot teach him, nor are they in a book. These are tactics that are trial and error and learned through resourcing. What he would be doing is consulting with a professional resource so he can be better equipped to handle me if and when I am unmanageable. It is liken to patient who suffers from lung problems and his or her breathing becomes belabored requiring a nebulizer - what does the caregiver do when that happens? The professional resource SHOWS him or her what to do! In my husband's case, he actually does know how to deal with a nebulizer, but he does not know for a mental illness.

Lastly and most importantly, he needs to know how to take care of himself. When it feels to him like he is in over his head and what can he do to relay that to me, so that I HEAR him. He deserves to be honest with me. Because I know, caregivers do get exhausted and want their own lives. And I think there are some good methods that couples can develop to handle that. In fact, I think it is one of the most personal and creative ways that a married couple can manifest -- it is the "what makes this work" in our own marriage.

My husband is a wonderful man. He is very understanding, patient and kind. And with my bipolar issue, which I still have a tough time letting it get the best of me, he has supported me, in all my endeavors while we have been married. I appreciate and thank him for that. Lately, I have gone to my providers and started asking questions if my health regimen requires changing, and it did. I can just tell there is a difference and it is not placebo. Yet, I am suffering from physical pains, which may be a sign of many other things. But the one thing that keeps me afloat, is when I see my husband's smile that he feels like he is doing "right" by me.

Mental health in a marriage requires:

Health caregiver support just like other health conditions.

Research and best practice training can be clinically developed to enrich marriages

There can be a spiritual component, similar to that seen in Hospice if desired.

Lastly, if we are about removing stigma, ignorances must be deflected by "laymen talking points" and advertised on all media channels with experts, rather than incivility.

Don't try to talk sense to a fool; he can't appreciate it... Proverbs 23:9

2011-03-20T15:46:00.000-07:00

Don't try to talk sense to a fool; he can't appreciate it... Proverbs 23:9

When I grew up every Sunday, at my family's breakfast table, we all had to recite a Bible Verse. Most of the time, when I was young, I would say, "Jesus Wept" or "God is Love". As I got older and started to read the Bible more with studies, I learned of this verse, Proverbs 23:9. I guess I was ~14-15 years old and growing into myself, with my own ideas. And felt the oppression of being a teen, a woman, and Black all at one time. This was in the early-1980's - BC - Before Cosby, Before Computers.

What struck me about this verse was the fact that there is no reason why we need to argue about our beliefs other than to announce them and provide clarification. People do not need to sway our thoughts one way or another if we have faith in God, shown in Jesus Christ. Why do I need to convince anyone of my convictions? But when I was a young person, I did not see it that. I saw it as alienating the group that I wanted to like me. And more often than not, that group was living life on the edge - doing drugs, carousing, skipping school, etc.

Fortunately, I had my Sunday breakfast Bible Verse recitation, that was more afraid of failing than those young people in the "fast lane" in Southern California. Having those kids hate me and spread vicious rumors about me at school was less fearing than not having my Bible Verse ready. It was not so much the admonishment I got from my folks, it was more disrespectful I showed to God that I feared.

I have been on Social Media for quite a while. And these days the civility of conversation, no matter how inane it can be is degenerated by disrespectful and unmindful people. Basically, their parents did not teach these young people basic social manners and etiquette. Some of the statements that are made are so severe it attacks people at their core being. Having read an article on Newsweek about how inundated we are with information, the multi-tasking is exacerbating our brain inability for effective decision making. We humans have never been this barraged with information at our finger tips and our prefrontal cortex is unable to keep up with the demands, so it decides the quickest and quantified route versus the creatively thought out, planned and qualified route to the best decision. It is that age-old "instant gratification, microwave thinking".

Then, after we make our decisions, we are uncomfortable with it and commiserate with our "social groups" online about how we could have chosen "better". And sometimes, there is a "troll" who like to be the fly in the ointment mentality and harasses to dominate and usually, it feels I am the target, but I know I am not the only one. That which I describe is called cyberbullying.

How to minimize interacting with cyberbullying is by:

NOT TRYING TO TALK SENSE TO A FOOL... HE CANNOT APPRECIATE IT...

It is not so much them asking me challenging questions, but the Ad Hominem logical fallacies or "name calling" are a "dead giveaway". The descriptive terms about my "avatar" or who and what I say I am. My avatar could be a pile of cow dung and I would get called "shit head"... I say I am Black Woman and I get called a "nigger bitch"... The minute name calling happens, any logical discussion has ended.

Another one is domination of direction of the conversation. Maybe just talking about the weather and it is one thing to not how it is horrific or nice it is in various places. But the conversation ends for me when someone unknown to me tells me I "should" be _______________ (fill in the blank). There are several logic fallacies that are in play here. Psychologically, this "should" conversation is about "power and control" ant the person doling out the domination is usually out of control and seeking to take power from whomever will give him or her a chance. The minute "shoulds" start happening, I say "bless your heart" and walk away, which is very difficult to do.

Over the years, my memory has started to fade and I had forgotten that lone Bible Verse of my youth. Then one day, I was cyberbullyed on Facebook and the verse just popped into my mind. Now, we have "Google" search engines and immediately it appeared with cross references of all the Christian denominational Bible texts. I like the present one the most because it is very simple and easy for all to understand.

The minute the following was shared, the person was harassed. Some of the comments have been deleted and the identities have been redacted.

The point is for this mundane non-critical amount of silliness, is that the commentators need say nothing if they disagree with the statement. Afterward there were several posts made about the verse not on the feed and the person who posted the verse was "unfriended" by quite a few people, which Facebook tracks.

Why were they offended to unfriend someone sharing some information, regardless of its source?

I think it is because they never knew the Christian Bible had that information and if they kept their uncivilized behavior, they would be seen as unappreciative and the speaker who is being nice, by choice, finds them a waste of time...

But there is another facet here: pleasant dinner table conversations with sociality or a deipnosophist, would keep the lively nature of the conversation and would not waste people's time, lest they would be seen as a fool... Usually for someone to keep the attentions of court there were stories that were told, rather than argumentative emotional behaviors.

These kinds of casual conversations often did make political policy in high court. That is why it was called etiquette. But a whole generation has not been reared with that mentality and it shows on Social Media. Moreover, the neurological effects caused by social media are just been completed and what is found has mixed results. It is a good way to maintain sociality until addiction sets in, then the communication deficits come in at play without common human face to face interactions.

What to do about that? I no longer have private personal conversations in chat or instant message rooms unless I have seen an interaction on my public feed for a month without altercations. I also have a "tire kicker" rule that I set for myself. If I say the sky is blue and some disagrees with me and challenges me, they have 5-10 posts to get to the validity of their point, then I cease interaction, either by unfriending them or block.

Belligerent and hurtful posts have immediate screenshots and posted on a blog indicating the offense, especially if the person is unknown.

It works sometimes. I makes me feel better in the long run to keep myself in control and make my social media experience positive. I keep my social media strategies for myself and my business and the interesting part is, I have been praying to God to grab a hold of me...

When I least expected it, He was right there... And this time it was a reminder...

Don't try to talk sense to a fool; he can't appreciate it...

Here is what I am doing in this bad job market/economy

2011-03-01T14:20:00.000-08:00

I am writing this blog here because on all the other blogs I keep, this one seems best. I get these kinds of messages from people all over, but mainly in the United States -- (Redacted to protect the innocent):

I need a money miracle! I had to fire my babysitter two weeks before Christmas, 2010 because she was taking my kids to unsafe places, then I ended up losing my job. Now, I am drowning in debt and not sure what to do... I have my diploma to council kids who have emotional/behavioral issues but there is absolutely nothing in this town is available...

I have no job. No one pays me anything in the State of Washington. I was on unemployment when the United States Congress decided to behave funny with my chances for money that I felt was owed to me. And at that time, I was job searching through the computer without any responses. I am married and I have no children. I have a doctorate in Molecular Genetics and I have various skill sets that include the following:

Health Promotion
Health and Wellness Coaching
Grief and Bereavement Follow up
Certified Mental Health Peer Counselor

Here is how I am a benefit and opportunity:

I am a business owner who promotes online mental health can wellness resources through Social Media, i.e. Facebook, Twitter, and Blogs for diverse populations. What I have found is many diverse populations hear the message, but the Social Determinants of Health prevents them from optimizing the use of care in their communities.

What that means is, how can you tell a teenager that they need to have the "power of positive thinking" when they live in squalor? That is not helpful. What they need is a "wrap-around plan" with several professionals assisting them. These professionals can be chosen by the young person that they feel best can aid them to their goal with the assistance of a Peer Support Counselor or Coach...

I am that Peer Support Counselor and Coach... Because most young people are online. I have refrained from giving my services online due to the privacy restrictions, but I find myself using all that I have been taught in Coaching and Peer Support, such as Motivational Interviewing, Brainstorming and Appreciative Inquiry that allows the person self efficacy or the knowledge and belief that they can do it...

Lamenting about how bad life is for me without an economic future, I would rather present to you, my readership on the other activities involved in my business.

The Ari | af | ya Universe is the overarching business that supports science and mental health and wellness online.

There are now four divisions:

Sistah Mental Health and Wellness - the Online Mental Health Support and Resource Group

GYM Right - Get Your Mind Right Health and Wellness Coaching by Teleconferencing

Mental Health Angel Investment Group - for professionals in how best to care for diverse populations online

The last one is the most exciting one for me and I have spent quite a bit of my time and talent:

Isle Sanctuary Artistic Division - We tell stories on Social Media. When one commits his or herself to their best self-care, art and creativity can improve one's self-esteem to manage dealing with a mental health issue. We do management online.

Moreover, at the Isle Sanctuary Artistic Division, we can help in pre-production of script scenes by roleplaying the parts out online, then provide metrics to show the efficacy of moving forward to full production and audience generation. The best way to describe what we do when we perform is that it is like a 1940 radio show, but now the radio is Social Media... And it is not just acting and dialogue, it is getting into the milieu of your audience in a character's voice, answering questions, performing the scenes with some level of directed improvisation and supporting one's fan base. Social Media users psychologically relate and connect with people in that manner and telling and performing stories is something they watch on all platforms.

We also use graphic and concept artists, social media developers, web and blog content creators, actors, producers and directors.

Any outsider who wishes to test their script, minimum cost is $5000 for one performance with "EnActors", online social media accounts and blogs, domain name, emails and programming. Please inquire at the site below for your pre-qualification review, today!

Isle Sanctuary Artistic Division

When someone asks what it is that I am doing for myself, these are the tasks I am building through my business.

Edited to add this spot: The father gets another job rejection letter. So in front of his 8 month-old son, he tears the letter and this is what the baby does:

If we can all have the perspective of this baby...

Thank you for reading this blog

Superbowl 45 & the Neurocommerciality of #Brandbowl

2011-02-06T17:00:00.000-08:00

The Superbowl between The Green Bay Packers and The Pittsburgh Steelers was washed in what could be bought and sold in the best liquid detergent on the market! The one that can change your mind and tell you what your wants are.

The word on the Twitter-street, was the Dallas folks had trouble getting people there due to the inclement weather. Dallas Fort Worth area had one of the worst Ice Storms it has had in a long time, pretty much making it tough to move around in the Metroplex. So they were giving ticket to VIPs willing to break necks to slip and slide.

This Superbowl was spent in house by the sidebars in homes and shared in the Tweets. The abusive tweets had not come out until we were closer to halftime when people could take breaks and pig out on the typical foodstuffs as seen on TV. Yes, we know advertisers can connect to a mass of people rapidly. The one thing they failed to connect is the social media world that is GLOBAL! And we see global unrest that do not share our sense of passion.

America was SOLD to an unappreciative group of people. Who they are, we do not know. But the patriotic pre-game show was tempered when the key headliner who sang the United States National Anthem by Christina Aguliera when she missed the "O'er ramparts we watch" line during her oversinging rendition...

Sad part NO ONE of the hate-filled "dramaticons" picked up on that until us thinkers realized what she missed.

The commercials of the Superbowl 45 are shown here.

There were many I enjoyed. Of course I have a preference for this one:

The Little Darth Vader Volkswagon Commercial...

The game we all know is not as stellar as we see in the regular season. So they must make their money by the draw. Then when they have crazy weather and excellent headliners such as the Black Eyed Peas who needs to have the entire sound team fired, because none of the music could not be heard clearly, the performance of their show was music that the old guard is unaccustomed to hearing... People do what to SEE A SHOW, like old school...

They can sing, they have good songs, but on stage presentation lacked excitement compared to other staged shows I have seen.

Until Usher came out who does similar moves as the late Michael Jackson. And he messed up by spinning the wrong way...

To say this was NOT a political game made by the Murdoch's minions would be an understatement.

From the pre-game show of "traditions" one that I have never seen before, to the commercials, to the half-time show, it was disturbing. Why sway people over a football game? Who made that market strategy? And there are no laws that govern that except marketplace... And more often than not that always leaves the little guy out. But see the little guy often reproduces more and will overtake the fat cats for an uprising.

Well as my husband said, at least they did bring back young people to halftimes show versus the Janet Jackson fiasco years ago.

All the announcers except 1 were wearing purple. Who made that wardrobe malfunction is beyond me.

So in the second half of the game, during the commercials, the only deep commercial was Chrysler's Detroit Hardness. Gritty. Many people related to it and coming up from nothing.

There was a Groupon commercial that many people found tasteless. I am glad I missed that one.

There were a few other commercials in brand bowl

It looks like the neuropsychiatric commercialism came out too early to make decisive results in the amounts of money spent on each ad.

The better ads were one that used social and corporate responsibility to express what it is that they want people to buy.

Unfortunately, an ad that shows a Camero still subjugates women.

Anyhow, there are interesting movies and shows coming up.

The Seeds That Needed To Be Sown... #StarWars #RP #SocialMedia

2011-01-30T22:14:00.000-08:00

Read the PDF here >> "The Seeds That Needed To Be Sown..."

We shall see if they germinate...

Visit us at the Isle Sanctuary Artistic Division which is part of The Ari | af | ya Universe...

formspring.me

2011-01-27T00:32:00.001-08:00

Talk to me, I'm crazy enuf, I'll listen!!! :) http://formspring.me/DrAriafya

A revisited concept of Cain vs Abel & #mental #health #career

2011-01-02T15:54:00.000-08:00

1Adam knew his wife Eve intimately, and she conceived and gave birth to Cain. She said, "I have had a male child with the LORD's help." 2Then she also gave birth to his brother Abel. Now Abel became a shepherd of a flock, but Cain cultivated the land. 3In the course of time Cain presented some of the land's produce as an offering to the LORD. 4And Abel also presented [an offering — some of the firstborn of his flock and their fat portions. The Lord had regard for Abel and his offering, 5but He did not have regard for Cain and his offering. Cain was furious, and he was downcast. 6Then the LORD said to Cain, "Why are you furious? And why are you downcast? 7If you do right, won't you be accepted? But if you do not do right, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is for you, but you must master it." 8Cain said to his brother Abel, "Let's go out to the field." And while they were in the field, Cain attacked his brother Abel and killed him.
~Genesis 4:1-8

I am doing what I love... Telling and performing stories on social media as a new form of building artistry, creatively on major platforms with pre-defined business goals. I am "roleplaying" or RPing characters in a genre I love, Star Wars, in attempt to uplift non-canon to canon.

What is so wrong with that? I have just been told I "mislead people" on my account. Although the profiles clearly say what it is I am doing, since people do not read what is not "eye catching" to them, they will not try. As a marketing ploy, I can make flashy signs, but then I will be called a "spammer". Who makes up these rules is beyond me. But rumors travel like wildfire with no editing or journalistic deference. The wave of the future.

The key is, do not respond. Refrain from engagement. It is what I call, the "NO Tire Kickers" rule. Give the "potential buyer" ~25 maximum engagements or lines of text, if they are serious about buying, they will, if not, go on to the next "buyer" and not waste valuable marketing resources on anyone unwilling to close the deal. The point is, you must move your product and wasting lines of Facebook Status or Tweets on someone only meant to argue with you using logic fallacies is a waste of valuable time. Ignore, unfollow or block... That is the only recourse.

Why? Because I fell into the trap. Greed was my problem. I assessed greater potential into someone else that reaching out to a potential buyer who actually offers more loyalty and promise to the nature of my business and my goals. I wasted valuable marketing resources. And in these tough economic times, every minute counts.

So why bring up Cain and Abel?

The Biblical story is roughly about two brothers, older vs younger, where Cain the older kills his brother Abel the younger out of jealousy because Abel's offering to God was more favored.

It got me thinking. What was the difference between the offerings? One was the bountiful harvest from Cain, and the other was the flock, animal and living gift from Abel. God liked the flock, animal and living gift more. Why?

The scholars have listed every reason why. May I suggest and revelation I had. It is about career and work. The jobs situation is horrific right now in the United States. Many people are out of work, desperately seeking employment. Some have given up searching. I am one of those. Hence, I choose not to seek unemployment benefits because, I know the kind of job that I am qualified to do, I never want to go back there and do it, ever again. It is one thing is I had no education to speak on this, but I have a doctorate in Molecular Genetics, published scientific papers in scientific journals. Can discuss hardcore science with the best and the brightest minds and I have been reduced to playing around on social media?

BUT I AM LOVING MY LIFE!!! I SPEND HOURS HONING IN ON MY CRAFT!!! SOMETIMES I DO NOT GET TO BED UNTIL MORNING, AND MANY TIMES I STAY UP ALL DAY AND NIGHT!

Healthwise, that is not good, so I balance some of it. One goal is to slow it down a bit and ease up on the "all nighters". But ideas of roleplaying Star Wars, telling stories and performing them rush into mind and I have opened a flood gate! It will not close. My "geekitude" and "nerdgasms" explode! In the first time in my life, in a long time, I feel happy, complete and content...

And I give away my work to anyone who asks... I do this without making money because I love it so much. I do not know what it is or why it is like that, but I do know I have tapped into a "creative center" that has been atrophied for too long. If my fandom or fangirl out of control? Possibly! Do I really think I have a chance to make a non-canon Star Wars fan fiction into the canon through social media? Yes, I can...If I do not try, I have already failed. Everything else in my life I have done because I tried and if I fail at this, I still succeed because well, I am having fun even though I face failures--teachable moments and learning opportunities.

THAT thinking is a LONG WAYS AWAY from when I was a hardcore scientist: when I failed, I was miserable. I hated work. I hated people at work. I gained 20 pounds. My skin broke out in pustules. My hair was falling out. I was ugly physically and personality wise. I hated myself. I wanted to die. I love science to this day. I think good scientists are awesome. I spent a large portion of my teens to my thirties doing science and I am not bad at it. But the "offering" I was making to honor myself and "God" if you will, was BAD!

So this is my small, uneducated understanding of the Cain and Abel story, allegorically: When you work, you may do a good job and is sounds really well, but if you are not happy with it and hate doing it, you are a miserable person and it comes out in your work and your boss, superiors, supervisors and co-workers see that... You are like Cain...

Then you see young upstart, happy-go-lucky, have not a care in the world Abel, whose "workmanship" just comes naturally and every job s/he does is lauded and appraised because even during "failures", s/he learns from the mistakes and keeps going.

What happens to you, Cain, is you get jealous of happy Abel and you want nothing but to destroy Abel's chances of being successful at their career. You, Cain, dishonor yourself by tearing down Abel's creative approach to being "good steward" and provide a living offering to this life. A living offering that is in perpetuity--that is called "knowledge and education".

I was Cain in science. I did not share my data. I was paranoid that made me crazier until something inside me said "STOP" this is NOT who I want to be.

Then I met Abel, sometime in 2009, and while I was being lambasted for moving the wrong way, saying the wrong stuff, cyberbullied mercilessly, I am STILL having fun doing it.

I think I suppressed my creativity in High School for fear of being a starving artist. But look at me now? I am a highly educated unemployed PhD and guess what, I might become that starving artist, but I am living my life in content!

How far would I have gotten or would I have said the same thing about my life now if I became that artist? Or if I kept that creative edge up like I was suppose to?

My life's path is the way is suppose to be going...And I trust the process more...

If anyone reading this is out of work, unemployed and frustrated: Remember, being that angry for what it was is not going to get you where you need to go. Find the artistry to creatively tackle your problems whatever they may be to honor your "good workmanship" that give the living gift for all...

Peace and blessings!

To learn more about telling stories on social media, visit us at the Isle Sanctuary Artistic Division!

Aberdeen Teen #Mental #Health #Bullying #Racism & #Homophobia

2010-12-08T12:25:00.001-08:00

In this article and what is going on now, a young man, Russell Dickerson III was bullied in Aberdeen, Washington from Junior High School until he graduated from High School. NO TEACHER STOPPED IT! District vehemently denies that claim. I call that bullshit!

If it is stated in Washington state that a vulnerable child has been abused and it has been witnessed by responsible adults, then it is the duty of those adults to mandatory report it! Otherwise, it is a civil rights violation. I think all vicious attacks that constitute bullying need to be classified as abuse. Abuse has been studied enough to know what the telltale signs are before a physical assault is made. Russell Dickerson's abuse first started with name-calling with epithets and derogatory slurs against his person in junior high school. He never recovered from that and NO responsible adult, such as a teacher, counselor, leader that get paid money from the State of Washington STOPPED IT!

Washington State may think it is open-minded, liberal and welcoming, but it has the signs of bigotry and racism seen in the deepest parts of the South of the United States. I have experience that and I lived in Atlanta, Georgia and marched against the Klan as a young person. So I know what the real face of bigotry looks like and have had ancestors lynched. Moreover my own mother was water cannoned and my own father was arrested for integrating a lunch counter in Tennessee during Civil Rights.

We can bullshit ourselves in this false security thinking that now we have elected a Black Man as President of the United States that there is racial equity or we have gotten beyond race. And let us not forget our brother and sisters who are sexual minorities, because we have lost that, too... But seriously, Washington State do not pass yourselves off as a beautiful place like you can then stab us with hate-filled incidences as what happened to Russell Dickerson III!

Aberdeen, a way station between beautiful places, like Ocean Shores and Gray's Harbor. Stuck in the 1950's. Very little development. Last famous person who rolled through there was Tom Cruise and his wife. I don't think they were comfortable. Not much has changed and I bet the entire city has asked to keep it that way, opining the lost industry than re-creating a new one. Lack of evolution--simply because they doubt science and their Faith in a false God who thinks punishment is fitting to a young multi-racial man is a befitting enlightenment.

Why Russell Dickerson was there is not a question. He was and as adults we are responsible to him to maximize all childrens' education! But no one stepped in and said, "STOP"!

So what if Russell Dickerson committed suicide? Would we be bereft? Would we cry?

I doubt bigots cry when they dominate in their warped power of abuse. This is what evil looks like...

And who pays?

All of us who are different...

How do we fight? Dr. Martin Luther King style? Reach out in love? I really do not know. Because bigots do not understand logic and people like me cannot ALL be martyrs. Something has to change and fighting fire with fire does not ecologically unfriendly.

No...

In Dr David Burn's "Feeling Good" book for mood disorders, he states: When encountering someone that is combative, the following steps can be taken:

Fight back - but one may lose that battle and is not good for managing mental illness

Fright or run away - but battles may have to faced again without proper redress

DISARM - study the surroundings, hear the opponents claims and give reassurance then dismantle the argument logically

Disarming is a practice that is taught in martial arts. One cannot go half cocked into battle or it is a way to quick death. Same holds true in non-combative, but scary situations. Fear can be dealt with and managed. Fear can be overcome by knowledge and study. Disarming is a part of that study to alleviate fear. An assailant KNOWS fear, in fact knows how to sense it. And abuser bigot is like a top apex predator: Ambush or otherwise - fear can be turned against the prey. We humans have evolved our abilities to be more subtle, but the behavior is seen throughout the animal kingdom. Making bullying a primal desire thing of power and control. It is intelligence without fear that supersedes bullying.

My grandparents were bullied, my parents were bullied, but they dusted themselves off and kept moving on... I cannot begin to fathom how my grandfather must have done it, knowing he was much more intelligent than those in the seat of power and he was limited because of the color of his skin. He could be stopped at anytime, arrested and killed simply because he was smart. That stress alone causes physical illness!

Same for my father. Same for my mother.

And today we have young people who have lived in the absence of government controlled legalized racism and they still suffer this insanity? And let us not forget our brothers and sisters who are sexual minorities... They ARE under government controlled legalized homophobia...

I think what folks are doing is making a rallying cry to find community that is welcoming and that is why social media has taken off. Fact is I am not into hate so that would not be a community I would surround myself from.

But I have been called a bully by a person who broadcast my real name and called me a "bitch" and told me to go to Hell. I have the screenshots to prove his wrath and he scares people because this person suffers from borderline personality disorder as a narcissist, combined with psychotic anxiety, where he indicated to me that he attempted suicide. I have that conversation.

I told him I could not help him as a peer, that that was beyond my expertise and that was when he lost it.

So you see, all people can get bullied both in real life and in cyberspace. Fact is how we respond to it. Physical harm ought not be done: but if you live by the sword, you die by the sword and taking hits is not fun. I was physically threatened and pushed to a limit I did not want to go, and I picked up some scissors - making me be seen as crazy dangerous... I hate having to be physical to defend my beliefs. But now after "training" I can be more judicious. Why I did not get this "training" as a child, I do not know. But I have it now and I have some basics I can practice.

Mental aggression, especially as it relates to cyberbullying is a new one for most people. How crazy can you be? Essentially, best rule is do not respond to it. Why? Second if there is 20-30 posts of teasing, screenshot, block and keep the URL's if you want records. If posted it is a matter of public record. Having a back and forth with someone you barely know to win an argument without knowing what logic fallacies are is pointless. Let these be right, so what if you are wrong? Dust yourself off and hold your head high. At least it is your ideas that could be wrong, and you can change them, versus your birth, sexual identity, or skin color!

How can you let it go when the bullies attack?

I like the old Southern Black Woman strategy and say: "Bless Your Heart" and leave it at that...

"God Bless You" works also...

If you do not believe in God, try - "Sho Nuff?" (Sure enough)

And then add a bit of onomatopoeia to it: "Wow", "Gee", "Hmm?", "Good for you!"

And keep it moving...

Unless you are trained to talk someone down, how would it best serve you to fight when someone wants to dominate over the conversation even with the "sound bites", because really, it is a matter of power to sway public influence and people feel a rush to rule over it. With you get enraptured with it? Or will you become...

ENLIGHTENED!

How has being bipolar affected your romantic relationships? What advice can you offer for other bipolar black women having romantic relationship troubles?

2010-11-13T20:23:00.001-08:00

That is a very good question: http://bit.ly/b2Be7u 1) I would be in some for of talk therapy and/or group; 2) I would do a Mental Health Wellness Recovery Action Plan. I am starting mine in a week.

Talk to me, I'm crazy enuf, I'll listen!!! :)

Are you married or otherwise engaged in a romantic relationship with anyone?

2010-11-13T20:20:00.001-08:00

Yes I am married

Talk to me, I'm crazy enuf, I'll listen!!! :)

#StarWars #CloneWars Mama the Hutt & #RP #GOLLIWOG

2010-11-13T15:23:00.000-08:00

People who know me know that I am a HUGE Star Wars fan. I watch ALL the shows of the Clone Wars on Cartoon Network. When I heard that they were going to introduce the character Master Jedi Quinlan Vos, I was elated.

Being a fan also includes pretending to play the characters on social media sites, like Twitter and Facebook. The character I role play is a human hybrid to these future "bad guys" called the Yuuzhan Vong. The Yuuzhan Vong are portrayed like "Extremist Muslim Eco-Terrorists" - because ALL their ships, technology and weaponry are of biological origin and they are "Force Absent" - I DISAGREE WITH HOW THEY ARE PORTRAYED WHICH IS WHY I AM REDIRECTING IT IN MY ROLEPLAYING GROUP.

They are part of the "New Jedi Order" series. I like them because they are only beings that can give the Sith a run for their money. Even Darth Sidious (Chancellor Palpatine or The Emperor) feared them in the books, "Rogue Planet" and "Outbound Flight". Moreover, I do not think many in the Galaxy knew about the Yuuzhan Vong's presence until they invaded the Galaxy. So the role playing we do is around the Clone Wars and before the 1st movie ever made, "Star Wars: A New Hope".

What we have found since my group has been doing this is there is A LOT MORE insidious stereotypes of Woman in the "Star Wars Expanded Universe" than expected. That women are bold no matter what character they play, are demeaned by males and male characters. That most of them are only good for sexual innuendo. That without the male character present the embolden female is subjugated by others, male and females, alike.

These cursory observation from a mental health research professional like myself, also sees how the misogyny transcends to women of color. When the images of women are displayed on Social Media, some women are berated more than other women on social media role playing sites. The close to the mainstream the woman is in look and written behavior, and if overbearing and overpowering comments made by "men" is tolerated, the less bullying ensues. The less tolerant the women character is to that and starts to defend herself, the bullying is endless until she submits or capitulates. Leaving the group is not often possible, simply because of vested interests.

When shows on major media outlets portray the standards of beauty with so many young ladies watching them, it is their self-esteems that become at here.

Girls' poor body images and self-esteem

Glee Cast's Provocative Pictures

The list can go on. Point is with Star Wars Clone Wars: Mama the Hutt

1. The main protagonist - Ziro the Hutt had an US Southern style accent - as if he was a cross between "Foghorn Leghorn and Colonel Sanders" mimicking the the cartoon stories of old in Black Caricature.

2. When Ziro the Hutt sees his mother - "Mama" she is the character above, overweight, stinks, animals that look like feces crawling over her and of course "manless", which is odd because all true Star Wars fans know that Hutts are hermaphroditic and had their "babies" by asexual reproduction. That would mean in the REAL SCIENTIFIC world, sexual dimorphism or males and females are not needed... But what made this quasi offensive the subliminal imagery made.

The character "Mama" sounded "manly" in a vernacular that people consider "Black". Her squalor was was apparent compared to the other "Hutt Families". When "Mama" questioned her son on his whereabouts for many years, he lies to her, but she allows him to take her starship telling him to bring it back with "filled up". When the Jedi get there her filthiness was manifested by the remarks of Quinlan Vos as if she stank due to her size, meaning because she was huge, sloppy, etc. she stank. When the Jedi asked about her son, she told them but then her last comment was, "Who gon fix mah doorah..."

Okay, so why do Hutts have to be perpetrated as either Italian Mob Bosses or Impoverished Black Women? I don't know any Italian mob bosses. Never have seen on. So why mimic them? I have seen a lot of poverty and many women who were poor and Black. I have seen my share of other women poor and different ethnic groups. I have seen a lot of different women who are overweight. But to make that character sound anyway other than "Huttese" no matter the inflection, would have been better than "Who gon fix mah doorah".

Why not like George Bush, Dick Cheney or Scooter Libby?

The reason why I created my characters and the Isle Sanctuary Artistic Division is here

Crazy Black Woman: NSFW: Black Women You Are Beautiful! #Mental #Health #Wellness

2010-10-17T16:27:00.000-07:00

New Crazy Black Woman: NSFW: Black Women You Are Beautiful! #Mental #Health #Wellness

NSFW: Black Women You Are Beautiful! #Mental #Health #Wellness

2010-10-17T14:01:00.000-07:00

My sistahs out there, I just want you to know YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! Even when the globe tells you that you are ugly... THE UNIVERSE KNOWS YOUR BEAUTY!

This image describes your beauty to me:

The image is of the Goddess Yemaya...

Out of the million of writings on African American Women and images of beauty, I will be writing from a mental health perspective. Many of my younger sistahs out there, many of them single and very smart, are frustrated when the men who are the the object of their affection tell them that they prefer women from another ethnic group because Black women are unattractive to them. Aside from that hurting us at our core and seeing how much misogyny is in our music, how does this affect the behavioral psychology on Black Women in the United States?

It decimates us...

From campaigns bashing women who have babies out of wedlock to inability to sell products unless a caricature is implemented like that of Oprah in mainstream media:

It goes to show us that within a hundred of years, the degenerate images of what a Black Woman is has evolved rapidly... What do we as educated women do to protect the self-esteems to become mentally health of our young girls coming up entrenched in this kind of negative reinforced stereotypes?

NOTHING!

The social determinants of health said that health is not obtained due to poverty and injustice. Beyond the fact that these images are hurtful when many Black Women do not fit these stereotypes, the fact that it eats our minds psychologically and our souls spiritually is what makes this hurts mentally.

Then this statement ran across my desk:

The Sapphire Caricature portrays Black women as rude, loud, malicious, stubborn, and overbearing.1 This is the Angry Black Woman (ABW) popularized in the cinema and on television. She is tart-tongued and emasculating, one hand on a hip the other pointing and jabbing (or arms akimbo), violently and rhythmically rocking her head, mocking African American men for offenses ranging from being unemployed to sexually pursuing White women. She is a shrill nagger with irrational states of anger and indignation -- prone to being mean-spirited and abusive. Although African American men are her primary targets, she has venom for anyone who insults or disrespects her. The Sapphire's desire to dominate and her hyper-sensitivity to injustices means that she is a perpetual complainer, but she does not criticize to improve things; rather, she criticizes because she is unendingly bitter and wishes that unhappiness on others. The Sapphire Caricature is a harsh portrayal of African American women, but it is more than that; it is a social control mechanism that is employed to punish Black women who violate the societal norms that encourage Black women to be passive, servile, non-threatening, and unseen.

This article goes into detail about the subjugation of Black Women. The fact is we are violate societal norms, it is hard to be passive when we see and experience injustice and racism, we will not go back to servitude and we threaten just because we are there. And we cannot hide because we are present...

This seems to happen to more highly educated African American women. It is because we have all this education, experience in the injustice and racism that we want to save those younger than us so that they do not suffer our fates. For the next little Black girl...Give back to those...Reach those and lift as we rise...

But who is bolstering those up when our souls are depleted?

NO ONE!

The back story first: While I hold a doctorate in molecular genetics and have done research in cardiovascular biology with published papers, my interest in mental health and wellness is borne from finding ways to deal with my own ailments. I write this blog when I need healing outside of what my therapy regimen provides.

Another way I seek therapy is through social media and in particular roleplaying by writing stories and performing them on social media outlets, such as Twitter. I found this thrilling and exciting for me. It is what "floats my boat" in life. But the themes I examine are that form a mental health nature or injustice. I ought to have know that racism is pervasive and worse on social media due to the perceived anonymity by people who do not know how to interact with diverse people. Moreover, the young people do not know their history, so one must be patient in teaching them that reality by slowly advancing their story with multiple inputs.

Kids do and say anything and when I say kids, I mean those under 25 years old. My favorite roleplaying genre is Science Fiction. My favorite writers is Octavia Butler. As a scientist who is now a business woman, I often wonder who is putting the science in the fiction? Like that of Aldous Huxley and Ray Bradbury? With there being a lag in science education overall and lack of women in science in general, what would be the numbers of African American number in science courses today, then those who choose to write about it in a fictional format?

Then posit that with multiple media inputs, such as novels, comics, graphic novels, animation, movies along with social media where the bulk of young people get 90% of their historical information? What would be the image pervasive about African American Women?

Then I found the answer of this "bamboozled fantasy " in the most likely of places as to why this is happening to us Sistahs out there. An answer in pornography (NSFW NSFW NSFW):

This image sends a message to our young African American women that the ONLY way to any man's heart is be ignorant, subdued and sexually violated...Then like that sexual violation as an appreciation of kindness...

What is worse is many African American womens' ancestors--the Black Women to come before us--were actively sexually violated in this manner. Including my own ancestors...

Many Black women have been sexually abused by either molestation or rape, either in a relationship or not. Add the layer of education with the knowledge of the injustice and racism, involved and have men, some Black, actively berate our existence publicly on social media in blogs or elsewhere through the caricaturization of our images we condone as beautiful...

That we cannot sell ideas unless we placate the masses who buy our products. That we are hypersexualized. That we are only worthy for an exotic sexual adventure...

Well...

What does that do to a Black Woman's mental health state and self-esteem?

We commit suicide...

That is what it does...

No one will protect us. We protect ourselves, by ourselves for ourselves. No one comes to the sanctity of Black Womanhood other than Black Women. And even then, we are attacked by our own...

What can we do since we cannot change this ugliness? Survive? Are we?

NO...And yes...

We can be oblivious and hope that we do not die of breast cancer in an early age because this kind of oppression become suppressed physical ailments.

Or we can fight, but be dehumanized to an element like the Sapphire Caricature...Shunned and shamed as unladylike by even those in our community. Our words unheard. Our thoughts suppressed. Our humanity ignored.

We can also go crazy... Probably where I am as I write this... And that list is in my blog posts.

Lastly we can evolve...

How?

I really do not know, anymore in this day of age of Social Media? But life is ever-changing and everlasting... We can become that which we seek as beautiful. Because these caricatures are a recent historical development. Human history is possibly 200,000 years old. Recorded history is possibly 5000-8000 years old. And modern human beings are thought to derived from Africa. And if African natives were the cradle of civilization, then at some point we LOVED Black women and found them beautiful... They are our mothers, our sisters, our aunts and our grandmothers. They brought life forth into us and continued life even in the midst of all pain... Life goes on... Everlasting to everlasting...

From Beloved by Toni Morrison:

Baby Suggs: And the beat, beat, of your heart... Love it. More than the lungs that need yet to breathe free air. More than the womb, which holds life. More than the private parts that give life. Love your heart. This... this is the prize. Amen. This the prize... Amen!

Baby Suggs: Over yonder, they do not love your flesh. Oh, my people... they do not love your hands. Those, they only use, tie, bind, chop off and leave empty! Love your hands! Raise them up, and kiss them.

Go to 7:27 minutes to understand...

The struggle we fight for is for principalities...But remember LOVE is what carries to triumph over hate and fear. Because really, anyone who subjects a woman based on her beauty is insecure his/herself and fears you.

Remember YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!

http://www.formspring.me/DrAriafya

For me this is a difficult subject - #Mental #Health People of Color #LGBTQI #Cyberbullying #Suicide

2010-10-12T11:09:00.000-07:00

Let me be clear: I fully support #LGBTQI young people - and older ones :) and want to end teen suicide in ALL populations. My particular population interest is African Americans, particularly women and the cultural competency in mental health and wellness. Sistah Mental Health and Wellness supports all women... ALL WOMEN! We are seeking to end the mental health disparity among diverse populations and becoming culturally competent.

It is nice for anyone to say to treat people as individuals and for the most part, clinician can and do. I am not a clinician. I am just a strong advocate and sufferer of mental illness who has found my path to improve my mental health and wellness and I just want to share a few of my thoughts to whomever reads this blog.

I am straight. I do not know the pains, trials and tribulations that the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgendered, Questioning and Intersex (LGBTQI) people face. I mean NO disrespect and I would love to help as a supporter. But I do know enough about mental illness from my experience as an African American woman to empathize with similar difficulties. And hope that some of what I did to overcome my issues can be adopted and overcame by those who suffer from mental illness in the LGBTQI community.

When I read about Mr. Clementi, I am enraged. I am angry because he did not have to die because he was expressing his love with another man. LOVE = LOVE! It is so hard find love anyway and to restrict someone's happiness in that love is wrong...

Fact is no matter how brief that time of love is, let people--let humanity flourish in it. Let love be! It is NOT ours to judge...It is ours to watch blossom! That is the way of the Spirit of Life on this planet... Let is be!

With that said, as social media explodes and as contact with people globally expand, cyberbullying increases. The way we talk to each other electronically lacks common civility and etiquette. Face to face we will not speak to people like that normally. But, under the veil of an avatar, anything goes. And we as a people think that is humanity! That the behavior is the norm. That it is how we treat one another, that it is compassionate.

Well, it is not!

I grew up under an educator's household. My mother, grandparents and several friends were Teachers, Professors and College Presidents. If anything I learned in the totality of my life is life-long learning, each one, teach one and always community service. I have dedicated most of my adult life to community service and teaching people. But recently, I have learned that SERVICE and common courtesy is gone with the way of people being chivalrous...

I am NOT only talking about men, but women, too! Helping people with hefty loads. Going the extra mile to make sure the entire job is done and complete. As my mother says, "it ain't worth doing if you don't do the whole thing..." Always do your best!

What does this have to do with LGBTQI and mental illness?

LGBTQI have been so ostracized forever that they left the community and created their own communities. Rightfully, so. In the early 1970's the protests in San Fransisco by Mr. Harvey Milk and others improved living conditions for openly gay adults. Over time, there has been evolution in the LGBTQI communities with campus groups, and huge activities expressing one of the most intimate parts of humanity and that is the freedom of sexual expression with whomever one wants.

To be overt about it, some people enjoy wearing wild clothing or lack thereof doing suggestive and aggressive intimate activities that "freak out" the straights. Growing up, I did not see much of that so I was clueless. Recently as an adult, I have gotten a quick course on human sexuality and gender equity. Thank God I am smart because if I was an idiot, my mind would be chewed up by now... I think being smart and being around open minded people helps my compassion for humanity and if anything EVERYONE wants to feel loved and valued.

What I have learned with my strong Christian upbringing and undertones is that for the most part LGBTQI want what everyone else wants: PARITY AND EQUITY!

So what if they want to get married... Good! As my Lesbian friends tell me, they get "toasters"

So what if they want to serve in the military openly... Dammit they already do! And they are doing excellent jobs, so why can they not be open about their sexual preference? Because s/he might kiss someone on the battlefield of the same gender? Come on, that is not their fear when bullets and bombs are flying...

I am sure there are other HUGE issues that I am missing and I do apologize. And my concern is for the young people, mental health and wellness and cultural competency.

Then I read about the Mean Girls of Morehouse College in Vibe Magazine.

Long story short, Morehouse College is an all male Historically Black College and University in Atlanta, Georgia. I graduated from Spelman College, an all women's HBCU that is across the street. My husband graduated from Morehouse College as well as his father. While I was at Spelman College, my mental health condition fulminated and that is when I decided to seek professional mental health care. I was 19 years old.

Most African American young people do not even recognize basic symptoms of mental illness, including suicidal symptoms. Then they do not know who to talk to when they need assistance with the ruminations of their mind. Racing thoughts are very common in people who worried a lot, have anxieties, mania and drug addictions. Without a positive outlet, such as fitness, meditation, cognitive therapy, etc. or combination, the ruminations become ingrained and actually cause erroneous thinking, illogical conclusions, impulsiveness, possibly brain damage all leading to depression.

It is thought in some neuropsychiatric circles that it is once someone arrives to depression, the thoughts of suicide fester. It is combined with rapid cycling of thoughts and the potential to commit or attempt suicide increases.

Most young people have characteristic symptoms of suicide and they express it on social media sites. I know, I have seen it.

For LGBTQI young people, many of whom are already coming from a "racial cultural purview" and suppressive sexual/gender culture, the racing thoughts they are managing as a coping and compensation mechanism are just overcome when that "one more stressor" is added - "The straw that broke the camel's back"... And the self-esteem is so pliable, built on a house of cards collapses.

When Mr. Clementi died, his "coming out" process was incomplete/had not really started and he was beginning to find his sexual freedom of expression. His "straw" was an invasion of privacy by a roommate, then it was posted on a social media site for the world to see. His self-esteem must have been so suppress due to cultural reasons that his whole "house of cards" of his mind outright collapsed and the only erroneous conclusion he could come to was suicide...

I know...that was me, but as a straight Black woman...

I do not think it is necessarily about the sex or having it. I think for me it was pre-existing conditions rife with promiscuity in erroneously believing I could find love externally...

Culturally, in the late 1980's Black women were beginning to be objectified as nothing more than "turds". Useless, shiftless--a growing misogyny against that "Angry Black Woman". I had young men tell me I was beautiful, then when I "gave" them what they wanted, I got dumped. I believed in these men, that love conquered all...like the literary "Mary Sue" trope. That was before I learned a new way to Love and it was NOT from my Christian upbringing - it was from a cultural purview I never thought I would find and that is the Tantra...

My beliefs is sex and sexuality was oppression and suppression...

Tantra's beliefs in sex and sexuality is DIVINITY and EXPANSION! LOVE WHAT IS!

But that was nearly 15 years after I graduated from Spelman College.

About Morehouse College today: most of these young people have NO ONE other than that 90 year old grandmother who LOVES them, if that. Family structure is absence due to POVERTY and INJUSTICE! These kids were born in 1992 - for me that's Rodney King and LA Riots!

This weekend I saw the Atlanta PRIDE parade. And while I saw a range of ages of people, the young people I did see led me to come to the conclusion that these kids were REARED in this culture. So how would they know anything other than what they feel...

Then in SOME people's family, upbringing was abusive. MANY of my gay male friends lament about the physical, and some sexual abuse they have suffered as young people. ABUSE = MENTAL ILLNESS! REPEAT ABUSE = MENTAL ILLNESS!

Lastly, acceptable behaviors - in my house, you back talked, you got hit. Corporal punishment was to keep you in line. You learned not to say it anymore. Is that right? MANY young people these days NEVER have been spanked, much less had any adult discipline them. In most family structures, even LGBTQI one's there is family structure. But young people without that structure are prevalent in the African American community. We are not just talking about single parent homes - we are talking about grandma is the single parent with 4-5 other young people who are either kids or grandkids on a subsistence income... Basically, "Christmas Missed Us..." And that is the best grandma can do...

So when you have poverty and injustice in a dysfunctional family structure with abuse what kind of child will you have attending your college?

A college like Morehouse able to accept and work with all kinds student is not equipped to handle these kinds of young people in these behaviors. It does NOT make it right, but fact is Morehouse needs to come clean on that issue alone. Sure they can do what is clinically acceptable and intention to treat and all the Joint Commission's guidelines. AND these kids, formerly labeled as incorrigible - money has not been given to help Morehouse by the government...

So while we pussyfoot around saying LOVE IS... Reality states that is only in the Caucasian communities...

So while we pussyfoot around saying Marriage Equity... Reality states that if the government had early childhood development for ALL families we would be in a more advanced position. But when our immoral moral police tea bag our freedoms, then we can never advance...

I will be honest: while I can see statistically LGBTQI young people have an increased risk of committing suicide, I think that the social determinants of health are at play here and while Social Health Justice figures in a large role for seeing this increase risk, I also think a solution is bolstering EVERYONE'S community and that is a role for our Federal Government - meaning taxes...

People have not allowed LOVE for one another based on their "Christian" principles with all this deregulation from schools to health care. If we were healthier and more educated - let us hope that these issues become surfeit...

Shout out to The Trevor Project for all the LOVE!

My take...#NWNW vs... (#MentalIllness #Tantra #HealthDisparities)

2010-10-04T03:20:00.000-07:00

All I care about is mental health and wellness for women, particularly women of color, specifically women of African descent.

I MUST SAY I ADMIRE Ms. Karazin for igniting a firestorm of commentary on the plight of unplanned pregnancies by African American women in the United States. That fortitude to want change and to rally the resources in that manner is excellent. I respect that.

I have concerns, beyond my own anecdotal stories on this subject alone. My biggest concern is that of mental health and wellness before, during and after pregnancy. Some of my greatest clients suffer from post-partum depression. Some are married, some are not. These are the realities of things.

Another action I do admire about No Woman, No Womb is seeing Mrs. Nisa Muhammed's name. Respect for her because I do support Marriage Enrichment courses before, during and after.

But this blog is really not a positioning blog for my business: Sister Mental Health and Wellness, this blog is for me to use self-management and self-care between visits to my mental health providers and avoid mental illness Bipolar Disorder II manic episodes - which may be going on as I write this piece due to my PMS...LOL!

So I know when I blog my crazy episodes, people actually read my posts and respond! In fact when I post them to my Facebook, folks give me plenty of feedback, including my own mother after I get my phone call. Then she invariably sees other people's comments with stories "worse than my own" and she realizes like I did, that I may have just helped someone who has mental health issues be given a voice...

Because the problem with having a mental health condition and managing everything involved is losing one's voice...

Seriously, the stigma of mental illness is deadly in the African American community. Two weeks ago, I made a presentation in front of a group of young people and their parents about cyberbullying and the kids had NO clue about what to do if anyone posts a suicide threat online.

Only 1-800-273-TALK has the BEST information on dealing with suicide threats online. Metanoia.org has the BEST written content to talk one down from following through with a suicide threat. But I can tell you, cultural competency is lacking in both organization and they know it. Then, we have this STIGMA and if I hear another person say, just pray on it, I will SCREAM!!! Why? Because once a SUICIDE threat is posted anywhere, the person who made the post is not anything but MENTALLY ILL which requires EMERGENCY MEDICAL ATTENTION IMMEDIATELY!!!

ALL SUICIDE THREATS MUST BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY AT ALL TIMES!!!

This is WHAT YOU DO so that you do not say, I WISH THERE WAS SOMETHING I COULD HAVE DONE!!!

What does this have to do with the NWNW backlash I have seen from highly educated African American women?

Self-esteem/efficacy is a part of mental health, specifically behavioral health that falls under two large categories: NATURE and NURTURE aka GENETICS and ENVIRONMENT...

Genetics becomes hardwired roughly 90% of the time. It is very tough to change it. For neuropsychiatric medicine though, scientists are discovering that the human brain is not as hardwired as thought. That an individual's brain genetics shifts as a reflection of learning in an environment under evolution...

Behavioral genetics is the driving force to understanding and developing treatments and therapies for mental illnesses, such as depression, bipolar, schizophrenia, autism, etc.

Environment in this context = residential background, region, family involvement, sociability, etc. These actions are taught. A child LEARNS how to respond to life's stimuli no matter the stressors. How the child is taught is only ONE aspect to understanding mental illness. And in the African American community, we will have to discuss the Social Determinants of Health and Health Disparities. If we are discussing these concepts, then we are discussing Social Injustice...

Mental Illness is exacerbated when the stress of social injustice complicates optimal and efficacious treatment. What is the point in prescribing the latest and expensive Anti-Psychotic when the insurance will not pay for it, no Urban pharmacy carries it and the patient sees no need to "adhere" to the regimen? Do you still implement the "intention to treat" as outlined in the medical oath? Or just wait until they show up at the ER waiting for a psych nurse to give the approval eval at 3 AM? I will tell you it is the latter for MOST people of color who threaten suicide... Or the police have already killed them...

/END ACADEMIC RANT

My anecdotal story: FOR or AGAINST NWNW... I will not decide... In fact, I will place this poll and let you decide after reading my blog. But here is my anecdotal story:

STATS:

I am 42 years old, a Black Woman and married for 7 years to a wonderful man who I love dearly.
I have never been pregnant
I hold a doctorate in Molecular Genetics - most folks who read this know this, this is for the newbies.
I have bipolar disorder that I seek medical treatment for and I effectively self-manage it according to my mental health providers' (yes with an "s") care.

So I am the outlier...

When I was ~24 years old, I fell in love with a professional athlete. He was the moon and the stars. I met him at a party and we had excellent conversation and I gave him my number. In boy time you know what that means, he called me and left a message. My 20-something self just KNEW we could become an item! :D IT WAS FUN! Me just getting accepting into a PhD program and HIM playing for a pro team! What could be better?

Then, his true self came out. Either I actively overlooked it after friends told me to stop, but he was verbally abusive to me. He treated me like I was worthless. Let's make that more accurate, I let him treat me like was worthless. The FACT IS we did NOT have a relationship agreement - i.e. ACQUAINTANCES vs DATING! I was his acquaintance, NEVER his date...

The long conversations we had were arguments on me trying to prove why I was good enough for him--OR SO I THOUGHT! Let's not go into me spending my money to make him happy...Yeah...EXACTLY!

[side note] To this day, it is still painful I went through this ordeal. Some of my closest friends know about this situation and how it is bad. But it helps my healing from the damage I incurred allowing that monster into my life. Yeah, eyes welling up. [/side note]

He would call himself having parties and invite the kind of women that his boys wanted to be hooked up with. Some being his family members. I was invited, but I was smart enough to bring friends who could tell when it was time to go. Of course there was alcohol, which he drank a lot of and I ignored that.

Then one day he started inviting me when the ladies in his family visited. I would come and they liked speaking to me. I thought they liked me. I thought I was "it"... Then the trash would come in. I am not one to fight over a guy, but this "boy" was into pitting women to feed his ego in hindsight...

Then, when I met the new "flavor du jour", I was to be pitted against, she was old, sickly, looked like an OLD Cruella DeVil or Natasha. Well in his line of work, allegedly, they teach the athletes about these kinds of women in a seminar. It means he was not listening... The time was ~3 years of knowing him, trying to be a good friend in spite of it all, longevity, and he stops speaking to me one summer. I was clueless all along or delusional...

[For those who have an idea what happened next do not speak...LOL!]

Then I got a surprise call of him inviting me to one of his games. I was so enthusiastic, jumping for joy that I rushed over to his house to go with his male "cousins" to the game, then Cruella was there...

9 months pregnant...

That is how I found out where babies come from in psychotic situations such as these /sarcasm.

Here is what happened to me:

Rush calculations, back tracking to conception dates, doubting how that was possible!
Sorting through my mind all the things were said
Realization of what happened and how I let someone treat me that way
Worrying my folks about my surivival

I cried... Did I cry! Even now...I cry!

HOW COULD I HAVE BEEN SO STUPID! SO IGNORANT! SO DELUSIONAL! SO UGLY? WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME? WASN'T I PRETTY ENOUGH? SMART ENOUGH? GOOD ENOUGH? WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME? WHAT DID I DO WRONG?

My friend keep telling me: Just one less person to think about a Christmastime...

For six months... And I was so oblivious, NEVER did the guy and I discuss any relationship situation seriously other than, "FINE, then FINE"... I thought we were just angry with each other and we could work it out. NEVER DAWNED ON ME that that was my EXIT... That was my CUE...

Yeah, I can bash myself with EVER expletive possible... Then after a year of that pain, the ONE STRIKE LAW WENT INTO EFFECT!

Men:

Cannot have kids under the age of 12...
MUST be DIVORCED from wife for 5 years
MUST HAVE AN EDUCATION!!!
MUST ONLY HAVE ONE CHILD!!!

There were more. I cannot think of them all.

[side note:]Oh did I say my husband does not have kids... He is an African American professional man with a DVM, who WAS single without any kids and never got a woman pregnant...Graduated from Morehouse College...[/side note]

I finally got to the point in my life at that time that if I want to ruin my life, I do not need anybody's help, I can do that well enough alone...

And dammit after working so hard in graduate school to become a research scientist (LOL!) I deserve someone commensurate to who and what I am with similar family values and background -- or at least a man who respects that about me. If he cannot, then X ONE STRIKE LAW!

How long was I single after that? ~10 years. Did I want to go and mess up my life like all my friends were doing by "getting married in reverse" - have the baby, trap the man? Yes. Did it happen for me? No. Why not?

I did not care for any of the men enough to want to carry their seed for 9 months.

Then I learned the TANTRA!!!

The Art of Conscious Loving...

Not about loving yourself...More about how to express the love of yourself as a your gift to your partner - the sharing of Anhat... The mindfulness of Ajna... The mantras... The settings... The Feng Shui of a romantic encounter.

I HEALED USING TANTRA...

That when I expressed myself in relationships, it was my gift to honor them. If they did not return, I know that at least I gave them that blessing that they needed at the time and I was blessed to have experienced them.

That was when I let go, so that I could allow true love to come in with my true mate.

It takes patience. It does not happen overnight. Good relationships are TOUGH to build, especially when there is no outline, not a very good instruction manual or archaic one, too academically rigorous, etc. And to be honest, that crazy relationship I was in with the pro athlete, I was to lazy to face facts of letting go... So the Spirit made me let go... I am better for it.

So... Now what?

PSEUDO SCIENCE KILLS BLACK WOMEN and Logic Fallacies

2010-10-04T02:27:00.000-07:00

Since my business is in Mental Health and Wellness in women of African descent using social media, I am constantly receiving and reviewing the latest news on improving their lives and the legitimate claims for best practices. I want to improve cultural competencies, end the disparities in mental health with effective self-management and coaching through by websites: The Ari | af | ya Universe, Sistah Mental Health and Wellness and Get Your Mind Right Health and Wellness Coaching. I was sent this information about Black Women and Dating. I was SHOCKED because lies like these spread like wild fire, especially when they are passed off a science also called pseudo science!

Being a fully trained research scientist with a Ph.D. in molecular genetics and have worked at three medical schools, my investigation of the scientific claims of the original article: “How Your Race Affects The Messages You Get” by OkCupid http://okcupid.com/z/2v states:

“Black Women are the most ignore group on dating websites”

After scientifically evaluating this claim, I have come to the conclusion that any legitimate business presenting an article claiming a scientific fact showing “correlation matrices" to make their claims and uses profane language is NOT scientific. That goes to say to ALL Black Women:

TAKE THIS STUDY WITH A GRAIN LESS THAN SALT!!! PSEUDO SCIENCE IS UNETHICAL!!!

My business, the Isle Sanctuary Artistic Division, these days is Roleplaying (RP) where my group performs stories using social media from a diverse woman’s point of view. My business writes our stories to reflect the diversity of experiences of women of African descent in science fiction. Then, I see my African American female friends lament and fight over two ideas: No Wedding No Womb vs Sexual Injustice. I see several single Black Women heartbroken because they want to give up on meaningful companionship including sexual expression. Then I hear their cries about the real life dating scene, and as a woman who dedicated her life to science, devoid of any real social life until I had a huge a medical emergency, reading heinous blogs such as this: http://okcupid.com/z/2v

PERPETUATES STEREOTYPES BUILT ON DISTORTIONS AND DECIMATES BLACK WOMENS' SELF ESTEEMS IN AN ALREADY RACIAL-SOCIAL-IMAGERY-SEXUALLY OPPRESSED SOCIETY!!!

At this point, Black Women self esteem are tortured and that is when they visit my site. They may have already written their suicide note because they are being bombarded with heinous comments that say BLACK WOMEN ARE WORTHLESS!!! Many people have no idea that MILLIONS of Black Women present SERIOUS CLINICAL cases of depression because of ABUSE!!!

Lack of a desired relationship is not due to Black Womens' self-insufficiency or poor choices – it is because of psychosocial health injustice! If a black woman is not taught how to be self-confidence in a productive environment causing them to suffer and having a poor living while growing up, devoid of any health services or food options, then telling Black Women, “buck up” or else be “undateble” and here is the statistical proof is perpetuating a gross distortion and groupthink, which has no place in science.

So let us change that game... Since, most of my roleplaying involves the Star Wars Expanded Universe, Mr. George Lucas would AGREE with my assertions by his dating life, because HE LIVES IT and her name is Ms. Mellody Hobson!

There have been rumors and lies that have been said about me and my claims, I am fine with it. But discount my abilities is foolish. My rant is about LIES from a BUSINESSES CALLING THEMSELVES A LEGITIMATE SCIENTIFIC ENTERPRISE! If I get backlash for this blog, fine! I will be happy to present my evidence to the National Academies of Science about posting false advertisements with all the Social Media resources I can.

What are the failings of the study? What is the significance of the correlation? What are their P-values in a type 2 error? Obviously there is not enough power to make the claims they make with the correlation matrices they have. Even if they did a Pearson's Correlation Coefficient or a Mann Whitney Test or a simple Student's t-test...Fine! I might dislike the result, but it is valid we can dispute the collection of the data, but gross distortions with only averages, how is that called science? Where are the correlations? Were participants’ educational and economic levels considered and used? What metric did they use to make that decision without introducing bias? What is called “dateability” here? Does that mean getting replies in an inbox? What were the regional differences? Was their consent that their information would be completion would be shared? What about the users that could be lying? Was that information taken into account? Moreover, what about precedence? This company’s findings is not the first ever study on reply backs on dating sites...What background research is there? What are the legitimate ways to reply?

Aside with the myriads of scientific questions, when two other prominent websites broadcasting a WEAK study that uses profanity to pass off as legitimate science and no one questions it, there is a problem here, especially in American Scientific studies.

I did NOT spend a LARGE PORTION OF MY ADULT LIFE IN SCIENCE to have some idiot say that Black Women are “undateble” by STATISTICS on a blog that uses profanity… I have WAY too much education for an idiot representing a dating website company passing off false science. I would have to question its business practices! These are peoples’ most intimate lives here! Saying Black Women do not get replies, is like saying Black Women give up have a companion, or love. If that logic were true, then many of my forebears and me would not be married.

How to rectify this gross injustice: ANY UNIVERSITY and their writing department will HELP "doctor" this article... Publish it in a Psychological Social Media Sciences journal than passing it off as science blog, which is bogus! If the article cannot be in Science, then it lacks merit... Present this article publicly to legitimate African American womens' publications and community organizations. Lastly, have ALL proceeds go to improve the lives of African American teenage girl community programs

OTHERWISE, IF NOT DONE, THEN IT IS JUST LIKE THE TUSKEGEE SYPHILIS EXPERIMENT IN MY EYES!!! DO NOT REMEDY THIS DISTORTION AND YOUR BLOG IS NOTHING MORE THAN NAZI PROPAGANDA MIXED WITH ENSLAVEMENT PROMOTION!

Disagree with me and harm me for defamation? I do not care, because I know I am right on this topic... I have TRAINED for this kind of blathering idiocy and I know this study is BOGUS!

This study: http://okcupid.com/z/2v is a “CORRELATIONS DOES NOT IMPLY CAUSATION” logic fallacy.

I use to draw, but now I write...

2010-10-02T14:21:00.000-07:00

I use to draw for a long time, but after I gave in to the Dark Side of the Force in Science that left me hopeless, I write. I am a research molecular geneticist and scientist. Google me and you will find 5 of my research papers dealing with cardiovascular disease, aging and diabetes. Doubt me...well that is your choice...

Anyhow I support women, particularly women of color, specifically women of African descent to find their voice. When women have been dominated and abused in this society, it is very hard for a woman to find her voice without being viewed as that "Angry Black Woman" stereotypical misogyny. Sure, a woman can be harsh to a man and people get hurt, but once that hand is raised and strikes or a woman is sexually violated, it crushes her ability to know how to fight back. Rape kills a woman's spirit. I should know...

Everything is questioned: Your values, your morals, your beliefs your reality and understandings. Being mired in pain, only to be manipulated by others, sometimes other women. Because domination is all you understand.

Drawing helped me, as well as other several art forms: painting, dancing and sometimes writing.

Then I decided to become a scientist. I never thought becoming would sacrifice myself to the alter of self-doubt, self-hate and low self-esteem... I was a pretty good scientist, but I refused to tortured by men who were misogynists and plainly ignorant, socially.

Recently, due to the piss poor economy, I have been out of work, yet my creative side has come back. Slowly, I draw, eventually I paint...And my dance has changed to martial arts where I have become self-confident! And I write on social media! Interesting blogs, developing characters, roleplaying, etc.

What can I say, I am human, I am a woman, I am an African American woman--not Black because my skin color is not the color "black" like "tar" and I respect those ancestors of my who were kidnapped from the diaspora or MAAFA hundreds of years ago and beaten within an inch of their lives, yet they survived... Let us be honest about the reality of that than watering it down to make it digestible--because it is not!

I have seen more woman oppression online than I have ever imagined and I have been accused of hurting people who invade where I come from and the reality of my experiences. By some women who have been "pedestalized", but mostly men, who are mentally deranged, sycophantic, and narcissists. I have also seen a lot of weak men, who you think are your friends, but when attacked do nothing to defend you unless you come with undeniable proof.

The thing that gets me are the lies and rumors of me... But then I look at this younger generation and they were reared with Jerry Springer with the unmedicated throwing shoes at people, being goaded to fight with the ring of the bell. Is that responsible socially? Well see, the business that I am in, the control of the message must be rapid in Customer Relations Management. Protocols need to be in place when the rumor mills run. Besides the fact we eat this junk social food, our mental bodies and spirits cannot be nourished by it, and it is not sustainable. Eventually we will fall into mental-social failure...

Is there medical evidence? Possibly. What I like about writing fiction, specifically science fiction, is that I do not have to provide the actual scientific paper evidence, except for a few links. Do I write for my audience and give them what they want, junk mental-social food? Or do I elevate their minds, grounded in math-physics-chemistry-biology so that when they are ready, they can seek to find their own answers? As a former college instructor and lecturer, I prefer the latter. But in business...If I want to make money--tell people what they want to hear. It is sad. As a scientist in transition back to artistry, losing my creativity can make me sick, but the mania overcoming the slamming incurred, well...At least I do know mindfulness...

We've lost our mojo - Fight the powers that be!!! WAKE UP KNEEGROWS!!!

2010-08-30T23:17:00.000-07:00

I was watching this video:

And I was reminding my first experience with having to fight for African American rights at Spelman College in 1987...The second semester of my Freshman year...I started in the Fall, 1986.

It was my indoctrination into what my ancestors fought and died for...Under "Civil Right's Incidents"

I was THERE in January 24, 1987... One of the 20,000. One in the 500 busloads of protesters. It was my first time EVER seeing the Klan in full regalia and a dividing line of United States Guardsmen requested by the Governor and sent by President Reagan. What my mother got water cannoned for. What my father got arrested for just integrating a lunch counter. Reverend Hosea Williams was one of the major civil rights activists that traveled with Dr. Martin Luther King.

This blog is my recollection of those days...

I was nothing but an impressionable 18 year old "girl". I had just gotten back from my holiday return home speaking of the wonderful words of Spelman on my first semester. I was enthralled of the new things I was learning, I hated a few of my professors, but nothing out of the ordinary. My grandfather, Dr. Richard V. Moore was alive! I knew I could do anything!

Then I watched Television when I first saw it...The following is only a quote of what happened:

In 1987 he led another nationally-covered march, this one consisting of 75 people in Forsyth County, Georgia, which at the time (before becoming a major exurb of northern metro Atlanta) had no non-white residents. He and the others were assaulted with stones and other objects by the KKK and other white supremacists.

There was only 10-15 protesters who were literally ran away. The entire school ran to the television to see it. I was put on what was now called CNN seen across the nation. As kids we were only told what happened. Surely things are better and more equal these days! RIGHT???

I was wrong...

I never thought to call my parents. There was no such thing as cell phones or the ones they had used wagons to cart. So I could not call my folks about going. All I knew was to fight for my people. I wanted to make a difference. And remember this type was BC = before computers. So no email. There was chat or Commodore 64 type chat...

I joined 4-5 people, 2 of which I remains friends with today. It was cold. Fortunately I was bundled. Failed to eat and coffee was not our thing. There was no food. Barely had money.

We rode the bus up to North to Forsyth county, who at the time ran Black people out in 1912 and no other Black person lived there, since! The reason why in 1986-1987 Black people were trying to live there was their jobs relocated them there. The land was plentiful and inexpensive and developers desired the land. Remember this was the same time the Black Farmers were going through their trials with Ms. Sherrod... I found out that information as I got older.

Along the way, bigoted racist Caucasian men flipped us off. They were your typical bigots: huge rusty truck with a gun rack missing teeth, some with the Confederate Battle Flag. What made it partially amusing was somehow this homeless bum got on and kept yelling out, "Hey that dude threw a bird!"

Then we got to the "small town" of Forsyth, Georgia and the only fast food place was "Kentucky Fried Chicken". We were so hungry, we had to eat--just one biscuit. Then this "prophesier Black man" started saying to all who listened, "Don't support those who oppress you. You buy from them, they will use it to oppress you."

We looked at one another and we decided not to eat. Peer pressure! Back then the foibles of teenagers was unknown by our families and friends. So we starved.

Then we walked to the center of town to wait to hear several top speakers: Reverend Hosea Williams, Reverend Ralph Abernathy, Reverend Jesse Jackson, etc.

What I remember seeing:

The line of US National Guardsmen...Khaki green in boots, helmets, riot gear.

Helicopters roaming around to suppress any fights.

News vans seeing if anything were to jump off.

Then 20 of the Klan in white robes. One really piggly red guy calling forth to ride off and take over.

Several people carrying signs. A few Republicans carrying signs against racism. I remember looking at another guy who said to me, "sounds like an oxymoron to me!"

We kept moving because we were cold, hungry and tired. Then the Klan started their large trucks motors whirring, yelling, "You would not be as strong without the National Guard!" And then the Helicopter lowered to suppress their actions. The helicopter looked white with yellow stripes. It felt like I could touch it in the sky.

I really did not hear any of the speeches. It seemed like the same rhetoric spoken all the time by our so-called kneegrow leaders--stop hating, be good and do not fight each other because we are brothers and sisters in God and the Universe.

We returned home, ran to get food from our cafeteria and then plopped down on the bed. I do not remember much what happened afterward. I got bits and pieces. But I felt a kinship with my parents because I had a taste of what they suffered. Moreover, I think this event started my hard core reason to fight. To prove to people that I was good enough, a better person and that I can compete at similar levels.

Now looking back, looking at my life in totality so close to my birthday, I wonder the "what ifs". If I had spoken to my parents before the event, I probably would have been talked out in going. I would have wanted to be a part of changing for the better part of history... If I had eaten, I would have been able to focus on the speeches and desire to develop this "civil rights fight" I believed in and community organizer!

It reminded me of how I supported Dr. Julian Bond's congressional campaign my first semester, Freshman year. I was even able to speak to him briefly, until someone on his campaign told me to leave that I was some "dumb little girl". I missed my hometown at that time, but my mental health issue had not totally kicked in yet.

I think as I look back is young people have no clue of how far we have come and what it took to get there. How respectful are they to their elders? I think some are. Many are not. Since, I do not have children, I would not begin to understand how to communicate with a child other than my brother's children, nephew and niece.

There is one thing I know is "LOVE"...I have learned to love myself more during this trying times. And I know I am love per the reminder of this song:

Don't give up...

My response to Frau Doktor Laura Schlessinger #Mental #Health

2010-08-27T02:39:00.000-07:00

I was reading this blog about Frau...which was really good actually. Gave a nice anecdotal story about learning how not to be an Asshole like Frau. And while I commended her efforts on explaining why Frau is an idiot, I also stated that what Dr. Laura did to the caller was exploitation--much like a purchaser of slaves would do to see what she can drag out that savageness. It is like she said, "I will devour you Bitch and there is nothing you can do about it!" A Mary Sue Pedastalization issue or like the blogger stated "Borderline"--LOL! Now that is pretty good...I'mma use that when I deal with the Tea leavers...

I am writing this blog because my brother wanted me to write it. He wanted me to go all crazy and discuss how Dr. Laura is making Black women clinically depressed who call her @^(*&)% show on marital and relationship issues, especially when it is a interracial marriage or relationship! I am not going to do that...Not to piss my brother off, but why condone the belligerent behavior of logic fallacy ignorance spewed on the likes of Dr. Laura Borderline...

Here is my list as to why I am NOT going to write about that:

Dr. Laura is crotchety...I would not call her even for a wrong number...

Dr. Laura is fugly...Not just in looks but also in demeanor. The days of bashing people are over. Young people these days did not have whoopins like we had back in the day. I was thinking the other day, the kiddies that cyberbully me on Twitter, they were all ADHD kids addicted to Ritalin and misdiagnoses with Autism with psychopathic anxious mothers or worse. Dr. Laura is from the old school, her grandkids probably do not see her much because it is more important for her to get her botox shots that spend time with Susie or Becky or Ashley or whatever the fuck her adult kids named their children. Hayle, I doubt her adult kids WANT to see grandma!

Dr. Laura is not even on my radar for a mental health anything. Her degree may be in some form of radicalized psychotheraputics also know as BDSM with her ball gag and a biker hat on, but who knows what she really enjoys behind closed doors.

Okay seriously Free Speech rights...She can be and say stupid things and it is her right. If she wants to run around in her house and yell epithets till she is blue in the face, which would not be hard for her unless she like John Boehner who ignores the OOPMA LOOMPAS phone calls, then BLESS HER HEART she has a right to do it, naked if she wants in her best BDSM costume. But the minute she says it on the air, posts it on the internet, it becomes the subject of discussion and criticism by those of us who have brains. HAYLE those of us who have half a brain we have a right to respond and critically evaluate her Borderline disorder.

I do not care about how or why she would say anything to anyone, I am not psychiatrist and have yet to care. Besides as an advocate of health self-management, I am pretty stable on my medications, thank you!

What gets me is now she is skulking wanting the White Man to protect her stinky ass by appealing to them as a "patriot", tea leavers (I can uses a better term here but their psychosis is not what I want to deal with right now), deranged shrill ding bat flutists because "woe is me", she has foot and mouth disease--or she is actually "Borderline"...

Another thing from my underground days that I really need to get in touch with these folks: To the so-called kneegrow woman who called, did you really think that Dr. Laura would help you? Did you ever watch "Roots" when Kizzy was sold off by Sandy Duncan (2nd youtube 6:38 minutes)...What were you thinking? Frau would be the LAST person who I would EVER speak to regarding that issue. I mean really, devoid of her "borderline" rant she gave, fact remains if your husband is allowing a bigot in your house and you cannot speak to him about it or how it affects you, then gwirlfriend, racism is not your only problem!

Fact remains, that bigotry and racism is a probably a sociopathic mental illness. It is systemic and all that wonderful stuff. But people who dwell on it really do have brain problems. And when I say dwell, I do not mean talk about it, I mean saying racist and bigoted things knowingly that it hurts people, intentionally. It is like picking that one wound and pulling off the scab. There is no real discourse. I think that is what makes some Caucasians fearful is they do not know how far their hatred resides. If one has to ask that question, then it is too far... I say some Caucasians, because there are others who do not care. Like Eminem hangs with the brothas moreso that some brothas...Even some Caucasian woman are sticking up for Black women moreso than many a Sistah does for one another--not that I have ever experienced that myself, but that is what I heard...

Can hatred be healed? Yes and no... It takes whatever is biochemically called "epiphany" in the body to make the overriding changes. It takes so much forgiveness that your heart is moved to be better. That is why a spirituality works wonders for these things. Not to be mean, but I do not know how atheists do it, maybe they can enlighten me. Because once you have made your road to Damascus...

Anyhow, Frau will never live this down until she has that Epiphany. And if she does not, then cancer sets in. That is usually what happens to those with internal hatred...

Here's where we humans need to be:

Montana Fishburne's choice of porn life Black Woman Image #Mental #Health

2010-08-25T14:40:00.000-07:00

I was reading this blog about Montana Fishburne... Interesting read and I agree with most of the blogger's opinion, but some statements seemed sanctimonious. Such as: "Montana’s latest nonsense..." To Miss Montana Fishburne her upbringing is becoming apparent here for her latest behavior. Anyone can see that. It is possible that her famous father, Laurence Fishburne, had a difference of opinion of her upbringing from her mother--who we have never met... I am writing on this subject is what is said at the end of this blog that got me thinking:

Whatever is going on in her relationship with her parents, and especially her father, I hope they are able to resolve their differences in private. Montana Fishburne needs counseling: psychological counseling AND career counseling.

Otherwise, the next time we see her, it will be on Celebrity Rehab.

Again ignoring the acerbic nature of the comment, this blogger has a point: How could a young woman who had all the gifts in the world could offer due to the tireless efforts of her famous father want to squelch it to become a Porn Star?

Or to put it in more reference to those that read my blog:

Give not that which is holy to the dogs, neither cast you your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you. Matthew 7:6

But it is happened to them according to the true proverb, The dog is turned to his own vomit again; and the sow that was washed to her wallowing in the mire. 2 Peter 2:22

I am not trying to get all pious on those, far be it from me to do so with all my sufferings, but I think we who have discovered sexual exploration, then undergone sexual predatory humiliation immediately put our blinders up and want to protect those from our pains. Especially when we see someone going down a similar path like Miss Montana Fishburne.

Aside from she COULD be the exception to the rule and ACTUALLY transition from the porn industry into famous star power with fame and fortune--a first for African American woman generally speaking--we who have been sexually predated and humiliated know that the ideology she is manifesting is untrue... And there are ranges of reasons for that--just look at how black women have been treated this entire year? From Shirley Sherrod, to Fantasia Barrino, to Michelle Obama and her daughters!

No wonder Montana is already thinking if I am going to be seen as trash, may as well be trashy and at least they have that stereotype to use against me...

It is very well established that being a female porn star is about power and control. There is only one woman CEO of a porn company and she inherited it from her father - Playboy and she has had to fight her way to keep it and keep her father at the helm of the Franchise.

Miss Fishburne signed on with Vivid Corp. Notorious for the dehumanization of women. Basically riding them to the ground. Graduates of the Vivid program are old when they reach 25 years old. Who is Jenna again? She may be rich, but who wants that old mare who is not what she use to be? All for pubescent sexually deprived predators to rock their socks of with various fantastical poses...

No...Miss Fishburne does not need psychological help, but deprogramming from a cult that feels woman deserve subjugation under wife beaters. Yes, domestic violence is at play here.

But, she feels she will laugh all the way to the bank for 6 years till she is beaten down only to realize that she will go down and away like all black female porn stars have, e.g. Miss Ola Ray in Michael Jackson's Thriller...Then wind up 40+ - something only giving seminars in Las Vegas for acting courses attempting to incite her father's artistic achievements...

Fact is Black women will NEVER equate to white women in American society, including porn. Alice Walker's, "You Can't Take a Good Woman Down" short story "Coming Apart" is an illustration of the kind of consumers who purchase and consumes porn. Black finer womanhood, feminity and our Goddess image will not be made productive in Yurugu-style porn and as you can see we can not make it productive...

Are you serious for a change? Or as Morpheus said: FREE YOUR MIND!!!

Fantasia Barrino & the Pedestalizing the Penis--Her #Suicide

2010-08-11T13:35:00.001-07:00

On Monday, August 9, 2010 Miss Fantasia Barrino the 3rd Season of American Idol Winner attempted suicide with a drug overdose due to a penis from a married man.

Not to be trite and dirty about it but I have some experiences with "pedestalizing" penises from idiotic men. Desiring a man, wanting a man only to be played like a fiddle from an UNWORTHY MAN not worth my efforts to love in the beginning.

How could a very fortunate, hard working, lift herself up from her bootstraps, African American woman who appeared to be moving to a celebrity status allow herself to fall for a loser of a man. She had raw, natural talent, which allowed her to rise to the top and win a powerful contest and instant celebrity. She built herself up with the assistance of powerful cohorts, such as Quincy Jones et al. This man, no matter how attractive he was was UNWORTHY of her. Then for him to drop the bomb of marriage to another woman??? He lied to her... Even after he said to Fantasia that he no longer has love for his wife it is a LIE!

But for Fantasia to resort to overdosing on pills...

She has other mental health issues that caused her to arrive to that conclusion. 1) Low self-esteem. Poverty does that to someone. Never thinking she is worth more than what she is. Black women who grow up like this have no role models that bolster their self-esteem. It is like fitting in clothes never created with the black woman form in mind--such as Liz Claiborne...

2) Historical precedent - Fantasia was the first African American woman to win American Idol. There was pressure to at least have a Black woman rank high in the competition. But, as usual the judges choose someone with the weakest support system to win to have the self-fulfilling prophecy. Unfortunately, that was Fantasia Barrino. What I like about her is her stalwart fight against institutionalized racism. But when one does that, she allows unsavory characters into her life, such as:

3) Antwaun Cook who stated to Fantasia the following:

"He was not happy in his marriage and his heart was not in it. She believed him when he told her he and Mrs. Cook separated in the late summer of 2009. She believed Mr. Cook when he told her he lived elsewhere."

4) Fantasia wanted love by a sexy man. Antwaun was that man. For 11 months he beguiled a ruse over her sharing in her plans to never leave his wife. Very typical of a domestically violent individual. Cheating is a form of domestic violence. Domestic violence also means preying on the mentally vulnerable. Since, Fantasia was use to this kind of man, she was not able to tell until he must have told her he wanted to see how to improve his relationship with his wife due to the final signatories of a divorce decree and apparently his wife used their children as leverage to keep him.

Is his penis worth the pedestalization? HAYLE NO! WHY? And for all starlets out there, they need to be in that frame of mind! Why? Because female celebrities have assets that are valued. Men, especially unsavory men, want to take that away from a powerhouse female celebrity. Can women of this stature survive this? Well, actually many do but that is not without huge sacrifice and destruction of character. But in showbiz infamy is big business for the high stakes game of celebrity perpetuity...

But for Fantasia Barrino, this suicide attempt depending on her actions, if spun positively, she can keep it moving. But she can stay in the doldrums of infamy, and hope that her raw talent can bring her out of it. Doubtful it will for her due to her star status...

I am not going to discuss my private life here, but what I can say is I have been there, done that and got a T-shirt to rise above pedestalizing the penis. What worked for me, may not work for other women. But it did involve loving all that am, just as I am more than I can be and be the inner Goddess that is my birthright and meant to be!

Stay blessed.

Ashe' o

Akeerah...

Postscript:

After watching this...I hope she is on her way to healing. From someone with bipolar disorder: Do not forget all those who DO love you...YOU JUST DON'T KNOW THE LEAST OF THOSE ARE PULLING FOR YOU!

But yeah...This stuff eats your mind Miss Tasia...

Issue Campaigns & #Mental #Health

2010-08-03T18:22:00.001-07:00

My roleplaying group on Twitter was looking for new "enActors" to serve roles in our storylines, recently. Our master storyline is why would these group of powerful immigrants choose war over integrating into the society after 4000 years?

Sounds familiar???

No this story is a fictional account totally! So I was attempting to relate to the current events of today to write a fictional account to relay it to the younger generation. But they have no clue how hard people worked to give them the rights they have today. Moreover, this laziness to really tell compelling stories with a plot to suspend disbelief for a moment is difficult. That is what separates the big time authors from the short tag-team authors who could use an extra writing course--like myself...

So, during my searching, the negative opportunity dropped in front of me like a ton of bricks. It was the deceitful image of attracting men through lascivious women who were SLAVES! The passing off of a parodied slave girl to high end hard up men.

My character's mother was a slave saved by the powerful immigrants and acculturated into their culture. I have not formally written the full script to enact on Twitter, but it was my intention to do so. My character's mother was beaten with the cruelest of intentions because she rebuffed her overseer's sexually advances. It was the bludgeoning of her skin that caused these powerful immigrants to save her.

My story starts that way because it is a story written on the humiliation of women, particularly African American women who were enslaved along with men. In my own family, several women were sexually violated at the hands of slavers.

When a Twitter account is dedicated to promoting and parodying enslaved women, it is a spit into the faces of my ancestors who died to allow me to say what needs to be said about this issue. I have family members that I do not know because the women had not choices when they were raped, repeatedly at 12 years old by their slave master...

Women have been denied choices in their lives for millennia.

These days, NO woman would desire one step in the shoes of any ancestor who has suffered as a slave. It is an ugly life and desensitizes one to have hope and imagine a better life.

My main character is attempting to reconcile her behavior toward her mother's hardened life with the mess she has made of her own--dealing with her lasciviousness and her domestically violent relationship with an evil abuser. But my character would prefer to take the physical beatings that the humiliation of her stature as a "Senator" that is meant to protect Sentient Beings' rights and end slavery.

Given what is happening in the real world with the dismantling of the United States Constitution and Bill of Rights along with Amendment 14, Immigration and vitriolic hate perpetuated by paranoid people, the issue of ending slavery even in a fictional account must be supported. It is NOT fantasy and fun when some piddly pedestalized, ignorant girl thinks it is cool to perpetuate an unrealistic myth of the antebellum glory of sex slave!!!

Why? Because thoughts precede action. If people think it is "okay" to feel that way, then they will easily rationalize that they can do it. And given the number of nefarious people online, specifically Twitter, enslavement seems to be more frequent. Slavers are extremely friendly people. They trick the ignorant and young into giving private information about them and their locations eventually to violate their bodies. That is how predators do this act. Enslavement = human predation.

Fortunately for me, I am seen as mean. Thankfully that makes me not a slaver. I do not want to know some of these people. Actually, I want to be like "Morpheus" in "The Matrix" and FREE MINDS!!!

But I get so much social media backlash in doing just that it make me wonder what has happened. Because when the reality sets in and the dust settles, it is then that they realize how much more of their time could have spent on research and bolstering their stories than to fight with the one person trying to teach them something... Teach them so that they can learn on their own...

Education is not about making folks comfortable to "sell" an idea in like that seen in marketing. REAL education combines knowledge and experience. I have both. So when these things happen to me, I turn them into my stories and I write.

I have been attacked personally rather than on subject. The logic fallacies are beyond me. I do know that every day more and more the mental health professional are suggesting that this cyberbullying issue is caused by a sociopath who lacks the healthy concept of defined barriers on the internet.

Short story: I give those who are interested an education and I help develop comfortable barriers, rather than attacking individuals armed with misinformation and belittling.

This is what I do and often I am right... What I say might take awhile, but rarely am I wrong, especially when I do know something is right. I am resolute!

#ALOHA Mahalo Black Women, Eating Disorders & Racism

2010-07-26T13:33:00.001-07:00

Thanks to Miss @Jazzzyone sharing this SURVEY on her blog of a research study whose purpose to recognize the experiences of this population, so as to inform theory which influences psychological counseling services and the training of clinicians.

I have been trained for Clinical Trials, so I know a few things on how they are done. My research in the past has been focused on human chronic disease, such as cardiovascular, aging, diabetes and cancer. When my paper that found that premature aging mice developed diet induced diabetes and was told that no one will read my paper by my lead professor and just a general Google search yielded EIGHT researchers have published papers citing my paper, I think I do have something significant to say on any research study...

Why? Because my paper was published in a 3rd tier journal--NO ONE CITES a 3rd tier paper EIGHT times... That means I ought to have gone for 2nd tier if I had more support.

BREATHE!!! I left research for that reason, alone... I got sick of my ideas, efforts and abilities being squashed. My entire graduate school career was fraught with blood, sweat and tears and I was no longer having any more fun!

So after Jazzzy's blog she asks some really good questions and my answers are mixed there in and my comments are on her blog, also.

Thanks for the link to the online survey. I have taken the survey and shared it on my FB groups and will be encouraging others to take it.

What do you think of the idea of this research study?: My initial review is I hope they get relevant data for the power number they seek in this clinical evaluation. I do not think they will without a huge marketing support system and people understanding why it is important to determine some things.

Do you plan on participating?: Like I said, I participated because I support all research in understanding why it is what we do and know that it is not solely due to bigotry and racism. That is not enough to define a social determinant to health.

What do you expect to be in the findings?: There will be outliers, how significant I do not know. Regionally there will be differences, especially if they are collecting IP addresses as a current locale to triangulate differences. That is a hint to them because some of the questions - like stating "skin complexion" there will be misnomer effects depending on region.

Is there a connection between racism & Black women’s eating habits and body image? Yes and no. Yes, because of socialization. No because of survival. A nurture, nature thing. Most of the Black Women I know do try to eat healthy. Probably because I am older. Teenagers and young adults under 25 generally do not know what healthy eating looks like if they have not be reared to understand it. So of course they are going to engage in unhealthy eating habits like eating potato chips for the entire week, even though they know salad is healthy to make. Is that due to bigotry for Black women? I think the impact of this study is the misnomer that Black Women do not have eating disorders when it is clinical apparent they do. There is huge amounts of data from the ER of Black Women coming in after a binging and purging cycle and there is organ failure or heart damage. And when asked how come they did not seek mental health care for their problem, it usually the off-putting they are getting from the clinician because the clinician fails to see the signs in Black Women. So...what are the signs of a eating disorder in black women and is it due to racism?

If you’re a Black woman, have you noticed a connection between your feelings of stress, anxiety, anger and loneliness and your eating habits?: Most definitely!

Can this research shed some light on the chasm between Black women and between Black women and Black men?: No. I found those questions on the survey too broad to find any medians that can be drawn from the study. Besides based on those studies that is a "sociological question" than a "psychological question".

What’s the one misconception about you or Black women in general that you would like to eliminate or clarify?: On eating disorders--Black women have them just like any other woman that has them. To what extent remains to be determined. I know personally a few binge/purgers more than I know anorexics. I know a few Black Women anorexics that do not look like ones. There is also the predispositions to several chronic illnesses, such a cancer, heart disease and diabetes that Black women are a high risk group. Is it due to the social determinants of health or is it due to a more organic biological issue - i.e. a shift in the body to use insulin in the case of diabetes? I don't know? Either way, I think that needs to be determined.

If you’ve completed the survey, wanna share some of your responses/reactions?: It is a good start. I have not seen the kinds of publicity for this clinical study compared to others. I have seen openness in the trial and the willingness to share. And when I see some of the questions, while I can recognized the overall intent, there is still a cultural incompetency to the question design. Who is the demographic they are trying to reach? Educated or all African Americans? I did not see a clear demarcation between psychological questions and sociological questions? The issue is called data "bias" and "equipose"- once the data is obtained and tabulated will the results be skewed to fit the original hypothesis? We know the purpose of the study, but the general public will not know what the hypothesis is until a "brief synopsis" is published. I can tell you what they are attempting though based on the cursory information - basically telling clinicians what to look for in Black Women Eating Disorders. I wish them the best of luck on that, but I think they will have to use some multivariate statistics to "fit" the hypothesis.

Humbled: Okey 1 reason why I kinna like #Seattle

2010-07-21T21:50:00.000-07:00

Volunteerism is a BIG thing in Seattle. I have received so much training in VARIOUS areas that needed volunteer.

University of Washington Future Faculty Fellow
United Way Project LEAD Board Leadership Training Program
Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure and African American Women Breast Health Collaborative
Organizing for America - Western Washington Division
Evergreen Hospice
Group Health Cooperative

The ones I paid for are through:

Washington Business Center and Black Dollar Days Task Force
Biznik
Ladies Who Launch - Seattle
Count Me In

I have done ALL of these training programs just out of my own interest and business knowledge.

I do not think a wealth of resources would be available in any other city. Of course, I am a very resourceful person so I pretty much find what accepts me to receive the information.

But then nothing has panned out or flipped to a monetary aspect for something I would really want to do for a livelihood. There were issues of getting accurate information which causes me anxiety. Part of the reason I started my business, The Ariafya Universe is because I got sick of complaining why mental health and wellness resources failed to be found or do not exist for African American females. And in the guise of injustice and racism that do affect African American women...

But today, I attended an event for one of the groups I volunteer for and it HUMBLED me from my mental health issues.

It had to do with "death"...

I have always had a problem with understanding dying and death. At 3 years old I attended a funeral. Just images these days. It was for an Uncle. I did not understand what happened. My mother could not explain it to me because it did not make sense to her, too. OF COURSE THIS IS NOT ABOUT MY MOTHER!!! It is about me and how I have a problem understanding the concept of dying and death.

As a teenager, when my mental illness kicked in, I wanted to kill myself--yes, commit suicide and I actually attempted many times in my teen and early 20's. Being resourceful though, I found a way to get my mental health back for me... I taught myself that I needed more than medication, I also needed therapy and therapy was better for me one on one. Then I had to learn how to choose a therapist, which is a bad thing to do. After wanting to die, I still had a problem understanding the concept of dying and death even after two close family members died.

Life changes during its course and as it so happened, I became a volunteer for the group that directly deals with this. In their training there was an exercise they had us go through where we right all the important things, peoples, places, dreams in our lives. Then through no fault on our own, a heinous disease snuffs everything and we had to choose which of those sheets we would remove. Slowly as we threw away our important snippets of our lives, I realized we have NO choice in death. Death just comes and it is what we do to make that difference in birth to death. Spiritual beliefs are a good thing, but fact is death is inevitable and there is a world that deals with the bereavement.

The event today showed me how much a lost loved one's life means to people. They had their loved one's pictures posted...All these people that we once loved in real life!!! Makes one wish they could have loved them, too. And it was all different ages, types, males and females, happy times, sad times and the clothing many casual, some formally dressed. Many had smiles. But these people LIVED!

As a research scientist I have to ask: How does a body die, naturally at the molecular level? That is my thoughts these days...

But sharing with the bereaved whose loved ones have died is a grieving natural process to and everyone will go through it at sometime in their lives and everything will die.

I guess anywhere to learn that lesson is Seattle and maybe that is the point of why I am here...Maybe it could be one of the reasons why I stay and could like it...

Why Black Women Don't Get Out & Exercise! #TJ sux #Mental #Health

2010-07-20T13:27:00.000-07:00

THIS BLOG POST IS NOT A BASH ON THE SISTAHS!!! THIS BLOG POST IS NOT PROVING ANY PHYSICAL FITNESS AND/OR HEALTH CONCERNS THAT PLAGUE AFRICAN AMERICAN WOMEN!!! THIS BLOG POST IS ABOUT ME AND WHAT I GO THROUGH TO MAINTAIN MY PHYSICAL FITNESS AND STAY SANE!!!

Upon some cursory research for this article because most people who read my blog posts like pictures, I have to see this:

There is a problem with the "search keyword context" that Google uses...

I need to see this:

But when I exercise like the above where I live, I feel this:

See I live in a less diverse community where there is a lot of privilege and no exposure to various types of people. There is a wealth of many things, but a dearth of compassion for those less fortunate.

This was obvious to me when I decided to get out on a relatively nice day and WALK to buy my groceries versus drive. I was SO looking forward to it. I made my grocery list with health food options, such as lettuce, portabella mushrooms, carrot shreads and my vegetarian options--oh yeah, I'm a vegetarian for over 15 years!!!

I had calculated what I can spend in our household bank account. The internet was friendly for me today! And I budgeted the maximum I could spend on essential healthy items. I chose the store...a small chain of organics, diverse foods with the initials "TJ"... Yeah...It is like that. And I dressed in a nice workout outfit with earrings on so I avoid being accosted by law enforcement because there is such a thing as "Walking while Black"...

It was a busy day everywhere. Traffic was bad, the workers were re-striping the roads. And the traffic officer was doing his job. Nevertheless I was walking, so it did not matter! I even passed by another pedestrian who was so joyful that she could get out an walk! That brightened my day!

I got to TJ a bit harried, but in short time and it is like folks do not shop with a list problem! Going every which way, hogging up the aisles, not watching their kids, clueless. But I take that as a lesson in mindfulness these days and started to let that idiocy go and be about what I need.

Then TJ has the audacity to charge lunacy for the food they sale...Mind you 6 months ago, their pastries had fungus and I did not outright bust their assets by alerting Public Health. I should have but then what would that make me... Sales is not their thing. Gourmet-ness is. I do not see the better deal. But who cares? Right?

I choose not to use a cart or a basket because I have my "reusable" bags:

When I get out to the checkout like

The cashier BARELY acknowledges my existence and is running her mouth to her other person about a situation irrelevant to me, the customer... Her focus LACKS me. I am only there to give her company money, because I DOUBT that what I pay, the hard earned money barely goes to her paycheck. So really, TJ is taking a loss on a piss-poor employee that leaves customers unhappy...Basically FUX CRM...

They consolidate my groceries into 1 bag. Yes, I needed to say something, but I did not in the essence of time and I really did not feel like rationalizing with idiots who did not acknowledge me. No, what I do now...is I broadcast that on all Social Media Networks...to let folks know this lunacy goes on, this lunacy happens and that this is the piss poor customer service that his particular store provides as a "placeholder" because I doubt I am the first customer who has experienced this...

How can I prove this? My nearly $50 grocery bill on 13 items says so...and I have all the information I need...The receipt has everything and I will show redacted parts here:

This situation is the usual for me when I shop for groceries in where I live. I am treated like the obese woman eating the chicken wings in the first picture. When I pretty much look like the women jogging in the second picture. Internally, my soul feels like my ancestors who faced lynching in the third picture. All of that makes me agoraphobic. Why get out there and take care of myself when I am going to be berated in the manner I was by this company and its insensitive human resource and hiring practices?

Who wants to shop where they are not wanted, put down when the only color that needs to be concerned about is "green". Now I like the brands of food I buy from that company, but it takes a very long time for me to recover from ignorance like that. What makes it hard is when I run out of those brands, more often than not, they have not re-stocked them and I am unable to purchase them. It is a total lack and disregard for the customer. It is as if this company thinks that people will purchase our food and we can treat them shitty because we are unique. Meanwhile other grocers are getting "hip" to the idea and to compete, they offer another option. But the level of service is piss poor in where I live overall. No pride in the jobs that they do...

Once there was when they grocers had remodeled and the "top brass" was watching and boy were they helpful! But that has been my ONLY experience!

Where I live wants to proclaim all this "liberalism" but really it is a "long wolf in sheep's clothing". I oddly had an interesting conversation with a State Senatorial Candidate who is a Republican and I might just vote for him because he stopped by and talked to me. But needless to say I have strange-bedfellows where I live and it is really hard to know who is an idiot bigot or not.

Here are the facts though: In my area, Black women have the worse health outcomes for the populations to be so small and they are similar to the health outcomes of Black women in somewhere like Atlanta, Georgia.

Obesity is one factor...

Exercise options are diverse here. So "getting exercise" is not the issue. Laziness is as a significant issue as one would initially think. But a social determinant of health with racial injustice combined with a mental health issue--IS THE ISSUE!

Why go out when I am being harassed, where I am labeled, could be arrested, essentially lynched and suffer humiliation and imprisonment just on the basis of my looks? And response is everything...Given what happens to Black Women in Seattle overall...it does not matter what we say...

Another reason why I hate Seattle...

I HATE #SEATTLE Order 66 - Did I think yurugu give me anything? LOL!

2010-07-10T14:25:00.000-07:00

I might just add my PayPal donation coffer to help my husband and I move out of this place because I feel unsafe living here in Seattle, Washington as a Black Woman...

Especially when you read this article: No 3rd Trial for Officer that Beat Down a Mailaka Calhoun...

No matter how insolence my behavior can be, in general, Seattle makes people crazy due to the inability to have an accurate weather forcast, it does not MERIT these 2 incidents perpetuated by those who made an oath to uphold the laws of the local government!

I DO NOT FEEL SAFE HERE!!! IN FACT AM I NO MORE THAN THIS TO THE SEATTLE GOVERNMENT ENFORCERS???

In the movie, Sankofa, by the Director Haile Germima, the first time I saw it was with a friend who was part of the PAAA... Here is a preview:

Here is OUR story to the new world...Our history does NOT start there...OUR history starts 10,000 years and before the ~1500 ADY...

It is sad that when history is literally erased, intentionally, our genetic memory--REMEMBERS!

That is why I am crazy in this place called Seattle--the water tastes funny, the smells are wrong...Really, to put it bluntly, the original caretakers of this land as much as they tried to keep theirs, still have problems for what was stolen from them.

We can say post-racial, beyond race, overlook history as much as we want and the artist that made Sankofa only gives the horrific images and stories left for our own interpretation.

LIBERATION must first start in our minds.

What Seattle, Washington has done is convinced women like me, specifically Black Women, specifically one who wants Sankofa, Osun, Oya, Yemaja, AST livelihood beyond the MAAFA, Universal - ONE devoid of Yurug-ism - A Shakti life...Living under the rules of MA'AT...ONE who wants ARI'AFYA...

Seattle is not it...

I get more of a genetic calling from distantly remote cousins of Kama'aina origin than that in the Southern districts of my blood relatives, who live discordantly...

I miss my ABIBMAN...

I know that I left it in order to be my family due to fear, but look at all that I have lost and I am the one called crazy... *smiles*

The thing is, I am

#Depression: Why Antidepressants don't work--DAYUM IRRESPONSIBLE!

2010-07-07T16:42:00.000-07:00

Depression is a very serious mental illness that can lead to thoughts of suicide and kill 30% of teens and young adults each year. Moreover, left untreated, it can cause undue stress and harm on the suffering individual and impact their familial relations.

There are numerous drugs, anti-depressants available commercially as there are complimentary homeopathic alternatives available. Fact is Depression is NOT an illness where medication works alone. OTHER tactics MUST be used as prescribed by a professionally licensed health care provider.

But when I read this article as a review of this article I am bothered, because THEY ARE INHERENTLY CULTURALLY INCOMPETENT! THEY HAVE NOT WORKED IN THE GHETTO, THE HOOD, THE BARRIO, THE BOTTOM, THE SWATS, THE PROJECTS, THE SUFFERING, THE PAIN, THE PRISONS, THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE NOTHING!

So when they ceremoniously proclaim that "POOF" we no longer need this, they have missed a huge social determinant to health! One of them mainly injustice.

The other issue is the review study was published in 2008 in New England Journal Of Medicine. PLENTY CAN CHANGE in 2 years. This was a post-processed meta-study with bias clinical trial. Which means they took all the published papers, combined the data with some key parameters they were looking for, which inherently causes bias to a favorable or statistically significant result... That is like saying all roses are red because when I see this ONE rose garden, the roses are red...

Biology rarely works that way...

What gets me is the website it is published. I find it distasteful when you have a "PHYSICIAN" hocking his books that have not been FDA reviewed as "try this you will live" on an alternative health website. Basically telling folks to go off their medications prescribed by their personal physician who has been keeping up with the latest public health directives under the Joint Commission.

He says "over the years he has seen patients" - clue! That is NOT a clinical trial, under the rules and dictates of a University Medical School, Human Subjects Division, College of Health Association and National Institutes of Health program! Sure many doctors can say "over the years", but drawing indiscriminately based markers without some complicity is malfeasance.

I put something out there like that riding off my education, and I get booed off the stage. Not only that, I get sued and arrested. But I have the sense enough to know that if someone is having a mental health problem it is best to make them see their professionally licensed health care provider and tell them to do so.

With many of our veterans returning from these wars, possibly having PTSD and not enough providers, should any of us telling them, oh take more vitamins that are unregulated in the US, and exercise rigorously for 5 days a week? Oh wait! You lost both your legs in an IED attack and now due to your PTSD, you have reached your depression stage...Sorry you have been sobbing for 12 hours! But Antidepressants do not work!

AIN'T THAT SOME ISHT!

I am here to tell you: If your professionally licensed provider has good enough sense and reason to prescribe these kinds of medications to you, then recommend extra assistance through group therapeutics, and exercise regimen, and another class, do not take crap from the web, even from a verified source and stop taking your medications without telling your provider...

HAYLE YOU AIN'T GOTTA BELIEVE ME! I'M KEWL WITH THAT! BUT SERIOUSLY IF YOU'VE BEEN CRYING FOR > 4 HOURS AND NO ONE HAS DIED IMMEDIATELY...

Because really, that is not right or healthy...

Why do I say that? Been there, done that, got a T-shirt... Why make yourself have to go back to square one everyday when you do that?

Prayer helps, finding your faith helps, but these meds allow you to function in this society without feeling like you want to put holes in places and people that do not need holes...

If you don't have your health, what do you have? Really?

Near episodes: Frustration in "saving face" in #MentalIllness #Bipolar

2010-07-06T22:44:00.000-07:00

Well can't say I did not know this day was NOT coming, because I knew it was. And I feel let down because I thought I could do something, achieve something, make something happen and I feel I have failed...

Wah wah wah!

Poor me...Some would say. But to say that to someone like me pushes me over the edge, it pushes someone like me with a bipolar diagnosis makes a difference in my life. I know I treat others as best as I can with as much fairness and kindness as possible. I also do not take a bunch of crap. There is a reason for that. After PhD grad school Hell, I will not or cannot take it again. It cuts years off my life.

Then again, I am in a cycle here and what I feel is going to pass...

I have lost too much for my decision to "save face", humbling myself = selling myself out. Devaluing myself. Opening myself toward abuse by less than sanctimonious people. No. I cannot do it anymore. I cannot prove who I am to people anymore. All I can be is me. All I can do is be the BEST me I can be.

Reality check: I am a pretty good person! I love my husband who loves me. I have a nice home. My physical health is excellent. I lost 25 lbs. I am just enthusiastic for my future!

All I have to do is make my business move. Keep it moving forward...

Stay blessed.

I HATE SEATTLE #5C #AfricanAmerican #Women are TRASH HERE!!!

2010-06-19T14:21:00.000-07:00

The few African American owned newspapers in the Pacific Northwest that points out the indignity that have been representatives of the government who enforce inhumane laws against our most vulnerable citizens, then you wonder what kind of place are we living in:

Community Outraged Over Incident Where Police Officer Punches Black Teen In The Face

But in the mainstream media there is a different picture painted where the beaten down Black girl with a huge swollen eye produced by the police overseer--err--officer to apologize for her protecting her friend from assault:

Girl who shoved cop is charged — and privately apologizes to officer

I HATE SEATTLE #5C BECAUSE BLACK WOMEN AIN'T SHIT OUT HERE - NO ONE PROTECTS US!!!

I say that because of this video:

I'm sorry, but there seems to be discordant rules going on here... The first rule was the officer, even though the Police Overseer --err-- Officer's Guild says he was well within his rights, took too long to take down the one girl he was trying to detain over all, when Miss Rosenthal interceded.

But when a detained delicate 15 year old, Malika Calhoun sasses a police guard, she is immediately subdued, and the officer is stripped of his position and goes to jail.

Same kinds of incidents, two different outcomes...Why? Because one girl was Black, fatter, bigger? And the other was a pretty little delicate white girl?

I CALL "PEDESTALIZATION"!!! Being put upon a pedestal licenses some people, chiefly women who fit a stereotype to be treated differentially by authority figures...

There is precedence when I read an article in Newsweek like this:

Our Beauty Bias is Unfair. But should it also be illegal?

BLACK WOMEN INHERENTLY DO NOT FIT THE STANDARD OF BEAUTY IN AMERICAN SOCIETY!!!

This is not about what I personally believe, experienced or my personal opinion. There has been a systematic, outright psychological warfare for generations against the inner, natural, organic beauty that women of African descent have had in this American society.

Dare I say it causes psychological traumas to the point of mental illness starting that the point of puberty for a young girl adjusting herself for womanhood.

The fact is European or White features are favored. That is mainstream! That is a fact.

Living in a place like SEATTLE FAILS to foster ANY kind of self-esteem pride in young teenage Black girls to be anything than the prolific, over-sexualized, dehumanizing images seen on pornographic, misogynistic and outright sexually violent ugliness of humanity, and frankly femininity!!! Hence, a proud black women or girl is so humiliated to have no other recourse but to apologize to a system that gave her the swollen eye!

Where is the self-esteem in that? Especially since this girl has NOTHING in her family life-impoverished-has to fend for herself and find what can love her as somebody on this planet?

What will be the police OVERSEER'S punitive issues? NOTHING!!! He will come out unscathed.

So when the NEXT Black girl is killed! Oh it will be in the line of duty!

Well SEATTLE!!! Be prepared...because the tap dancing negroes you have in charge will concede "peace" so much so that Black Womanhood, Femininity, and Stoicism that gave us Civil Rights Freedoms in AMERIKKKLAN will all but lost!!!

When I read a "Rosa Parks Was Shot And Killed By Police In Seattle..." I honestly am resigned to say I will not be shocked, because I have reached apathy. Unless it is me, then it these Blogs will stop.

NYAME YE OHENE
ASHE-O
AKEERAH
ASANTE...

Brought to you by The Ari | ari | ya Universe: Where Science Meets Mental Health And Wellness

I HATE SEATTLE #5B #AfricanAmerican #Women are TRASH HERE!!!

2010-06-18T13:43:00.000-07:00

So I've gotten some interesting comments...So people are upset because they think I sided. First of all: I am NOT taking sides until I have more information. YES, I have reaction to BLACK GIRLS GETTING HIT BY POLICE!!!

I could be that Black Girl...Especially living in Redmond! I'd be "dragged" by police like Byrd!

I figure people skipped over my rant - because that is what it is - a rant and I had a lot to say because really this stuff gets bottled up inside me and I do not have an outlet. So let my outlet be MY BLOG!!! If folks disagree, dammit put it on your own blog! Psh! Get over it!

However...the deep thought and intrinsic parts were here. I don't know how to add a "next page tag" on Blogger, so *shrugs*. So I'm listing it here. Yes...It's long! Warning: Full on Mental Health Trigger READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!!!

"No one shows greater love than when he lays down his life for his friends."
John 15:13

What's the point in teaching these kids the Bible when the broad brush of hatred of them is painted onto them? When they are demonized at birth?

After seeing this, what's the point?

I learned nothing from this video. Why try to make things right when no one listens?

Where I live, it is predominantly Caucasian. I am treated as a pariah. That I am no more than these "ghetto ass nigger bitches who fight". I am treated as worthless, lazy and shiftless. THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO TREAT ME WITH DIGNITY ARE FOREIGN BORN PERSONS!!! Most of my friends are from other ethnic groups or alternative lifestyles up here. And really I do not care much about where they are from.

I even befriend elderly up her more than I befriend my age group.

And the oppression and suppression of Black Women up here is NOT ONLY DONE BY A SMALL NUMBER OF Caucasian men or women for that matter...BUT BY BLACK PEOPLE--particularly other BLACK WOMEN!!!

That is sad because really, SEATTLE will NEVER be an ATLANTA!!! And the stats for the success/failure rates are the same here as it is IN ATLANTA -- the Black Mecca!!! WTF!!!

There are ONLY A HANDFUL OF BLACK PEOPLE HERE OVERALL!!! WHY ARE WE PULLING EACH OTHER DOWN??? With insipid gossip, public belittling, alienation, demeaning - just overall cattiness!!! THAT IS SILLY!!! In all my years of surviving Atlanta with an unknown at the time bipolar disorder mental illness, I had not experienced the kind of fugly cattiness that I have encountered here!

Getting yelled at when I am the chairperson of the group!!! Being told that what I am doing does not mean anything when I win awards. That my research about a community service project "black people don't do". Requests for my presence to events 2 hours before the event kicks off via email, rather than a phone call or even a letter. Being angrily called because I am not a part of the group and should not be sharing supportive information. All of this has happened to me HERE LIVING HERE FOR SEVEN YEARS DONE TO ME BY BLACK WOMEN!!!

Well, I left and that is why I start The Ari | af | ya Universe with four divisions:

* Sistah Mental Health and Wellness
* GYM Right Health and Wellness Coaching
* Mental Health Angel Investment Group
* The Isle Sanctuary Artistic Division

Now, when I speak to professionals about my activities, many of them are NOT Black and are VERY supportive and enriching. I have learned so much about business and social media in 2 years that I am thoroughly excited. I have met people globally because of my business ventures. Moreover, to be honest Washington State has a really good business set up but also makes people pay B&O tax. That is the reality.

Sadly, I am not making money. One guy I took a class from was very nice about - my target market--which are Black Women do not reside in Washington State. That is a FACT!!! Most of my target market is actually in the OTHER Washington - DC area... And I know next to NOTHING about that whole area, the demographic or why there ARE people who need the kind of services I am marketing?

I know overall the kinds of thing I have had to do to make myself in a place where I can be functional and attempt to be a contributing citizen of this society. But seriously, I am writing this piece to get it OUT of my mind.

Girls who are destitute do not need to be manhandled by a representation of the government long reviled in this kind of community even if the goal is to have the same kind of public safety they have in other parts--meaning White Parts--of the county. You cannot have the same rules for the Seattle School District as you have for the Bellevue and Lake Washington School Districts. Why? Because the Bellevue and Lake Washington School Districts have the redistricting and zones for the high schools to be in a "safe" roads location, where as many of the Seattle Schools were built long time ago before there was huge traffic issues and well urbanization just got built around them without planning.

And let's not get into how poorly planned Seattle as a city is right now...Because that's... UGH!!! Civil Engineers probably pull their hair out on that one...

Mentally...Those girls have no one...Punishing them to the full extent of the law is INSANE! It won't make a difference to them. And what are we doing and saying for THEM? Another nigger in jail? Really? That is dumb. Besides my tax dollars go to putting them into jail and I would prefer for them to go into the military and fight for my country... Where as "Tommy pervert Pedophile" that kidnaps little boys and chops them up is off gallivanting to the next little boy in Washington State. How does that set precedent? Or home chick who somehow has a "Kryptonite pussy" for military men to marry her and make them give her all their money with nine kids - um??? The logic?

Can women do better in Washington State - yes, you bet they can and many are doing it. There is a powerhouse lesbian groups up here. I am sure they have their issues they feel they need to fight for, but of the lesbians I know, they are positive role models to me and for me as what a woman can do in her life. I am NOT a lesbian, but I can see these groups making a difference.

The Breast Cancer corp of women - yes! If one EVER gets a breast cancer diagnosis, treatment is as rapid as one needs it and support is immediate. Sadly, the rates for women of African descent remains poor and unchanged in Seattle similar to that observed in Atlanta, but there are some researchers doing ALL they can to find a way to make a difference.

I AM DOING MENTAL HEALTH AND WELLNESS resources for women of African descent. I am the ONLY one making a noise in that arena in Seattle at this time. While I know professionals who are women of African descent, they often say they do not have the time to coordinate a massive undertaking to educated the masses of Black people about mental illness. I do have to say breaking into the business is VERY HARD when you are an outsider. I speak to the National Alliance of the Mentally Ill and the Mental Health of America National organizations all the time on Social Media, but locally, ZERO!!! The Seattle roadblock losing and disconnect... *shrugs* And what I am doing is the online activities, rather than the real time - which I ENCOURAGE!!!

This is NOT my opinion, it is based on medical facts about mental illness.

Those girls were mentally ill. MOST POLICE OFFICERS know about mental illness but are not licensed, nor have enough time to rationally do a mental health intake like a physician, psychiatrist, psychologist or social worker can...

IN FACT!!! I have spoken to one of the top emergency room websites about how to deal with mental illness emergencies...Because when someone is "acting out" like those girls were, those hospital intakes are different that say a heart attack or gunshot wound...

Sadly, the emergency room is not well equipped to handle a mental breakdown until the mental health professionals arrive - most often NOT PHYSICIANS, sometimes a NURSE!!!

Sadly, 80% of the mental illness problem can be treated with medicine to get the person stable to make a rational decision, but the call cannot be made accurately because by the time they wind up in Emergency - if the person has not attempted a suicide - they have confounding factors...

Oh yeah, that the dirty little secret... And Washington State does have a huge problem with their mental health care system overall. Everyone KNOWS this--it's kindling for a fugly fire... Moreover, drug abuse is a huge problem here that impacts the organic mental illness treatment - meaning most people are drug addicts and treatment for drug abuse is fundamentally different than treatment for say, the favorite mental illnesses: depression, bipolar, anxiety, PTSD, schizophrenia, etc.

WHAT CAN WE DO???

The next wave is social media whether we like it or not...

On another cyberspace the problem really is poverty. There is an inherent injustice being done when someone is impoverished. What poverty does is rob an individual of her humanity - potential, goals, livelihood, success, etc. Poverty is not just about not having any money, but also lack of education, health, mental faculties, experiences, dignity. What did this young girl really have left that this police officer took? I can tell you the police officer does not even KNOW this and maybe does not care, but the reality is if given the chance, I think he would care and would do everything he care to understand. Sad part, I doubt his higher ups knew about this issue either - which makes this incident institutionalized racism... The outright overlooking of the global situation for the best outcomes dealing with sensitive community targets in an immediate, expedited format...

Too little, too late? I do not know? But I do know that something has to be done or we will have another event and the next one will be more violent than the WTO events...

And why does President Barack Obama have to be the savior for this issue, when really, guess what SEATTLE we have the resources right here to help us!!! UTILIZED THEM!!! LEVERAGE THEM!!!

I HATE SEATTLE #5 #AfricanAmerican #Women are TRASH HERE!!!

2010-06-16T15:41:00.000-07:00

WARNING MENTAL HEALTH TRIGGER: READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!!! IT IS AN INCENDIARY RANT!!!

When I see this:

I think WTF is going on???

Another view from BBC World News without much editing

{DEEP BREATH...BREATHE...CALM...TRYING TO NOT CRY...}

Let me be blunt full BIPOLAR EPISODE coming on bringing it to you live!!!

Black women AIN'T SHIT out here! Period! Yeah, I said it!

As someone who attended and graduated from Spelman College in 1990, Pledged Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Inc. has a Master's and Ph.D. in molecular genetics, IN SPITE of suffering from Bipolar Disorder that may have something to do with my genetic predisposition to Diabetes, I have EXPERIENCED the VERBAL INSULTS that has ZERO to do with MY SAFETY and MY WELL-BEING living in this WRETCHED PLACE called SEATTLE!!!

I HATE SEATTLE #5!!!

This craziness in these videos PROVES it!

All the socialization in the world will NEVER make SEATTLE ameneable for women, particularly women of color, especially women of African descent, specifically BLACK WOMEN!!! NEVER, NONE, NADA, NEVER!!! SEATTLE CAN'T CLEAN THIS IMAGE UP BECAUSE THEY WON'T CLEAN THIS IMAGE UP BECAUSE BLACK WOMEN ARE SEEN AS SHIT OUT HERE!!!

DEEPER: The way women are viewed out here is piss poor overall. I thought men from Dallas, Texas was misogynistic, well I was WRONG!!! Texas men are "macho" but apparently they treat their women right! I thought men from Southern Californian were dickheads, well I was WRONG!!! Southern Californian men have "hubris" but apparently they at least make their women feel good! I thought men from Atlanta, Georgia were "crafty", well I was WRONG!!! Atlanta men are "manipulative" but apparently they give their women what they need...

I have dated those kinds of men...

The men I see out here FAIL to know how to treat a women. But overall, the people out here are FROZEN!!! Called the "SEATTLE FREEZE" they have no social skills! They don't speak to one another in a civil way. They fail at basic social conversations with high minded, cerebral ideas! Problem solving just on a philosophical basis needs all the "touchy feel good crap", rather than just allowing the the air to clear. Avoidance is what many people do here. And it is making them sick - look at the medical stats just for numbers!!!

The other thing we work at a weather discrepancy - it is NOT sunny here often. Vitamin D is lacking. So there must be a population of people, especially in impoverished communities where healthy foods are missing in the diet that Vitamin D regulation is piss poor. THAT IS WHERE THESE GIRLS LIVED!!! It rains then it is sunny, my moods fluctuate and I have trouble managing mine own moods when the weather does that, how do you think teenage girls can manage???

FACTS: The high school - Franklin High School - did the right thing trying to stop kids from crossing the street from a busy intersection with out a crosswalk, but an overpass pedestrian bridge. Franklin High School is an inner city school...

The leadership requested the assistance of the Seattle Police Department to enforce the "jay walking" from that non-crosswalked area. The space is off of 23rd and Rainier. I use to do get my hair done down there, black women's hair care is ABSENT in large swaths of Washington State. So one has to traverse to the "traditionally Black neighborhoods" to have a decent relaxer touch up done in Seattle. The location of my beauty salon was 30 minutes from my house. Which means, that in order for me to get my hair done, I would have to undergo a series of mindfulness meditations to deal with several of events and probable incidences to not get the anxiety associated to JUST GET MY HAIR DONE RESPECTABLY!!! It was NOT because the salon was in the neighborhood and they did a WONDERFUL job, it just was too much for me to get there, impractical for me to get there and be sane enough to keep my hair looking like anything...

FACT: Those kids risked a busy thoroughfare to get to the convenience store to purchase junk food. They preferred NOT to take the foot bridge because basically they did not see the purpose of climbing it. Yeah...They were probably lazy. They would rather get hit by a bus and die for some GODDAMN JUNK FOOD!!! SERIOUSLY!!! How do you explain to teenagers not to take risks like that?

FACT: The SEATTLE PD were doing their jobs!!! I am going to be very honest with this one. The police officer in this picture WAS DOING HIS JOB!!! He was ordered to stop kids from jay walking. At some level he had to use his training to make an assessment on the safety of PEOPLE'S KIDS!!! TEENAGERS!!!

Here is the problem...There was ZERO COORDINATED RESPONSE IN PLACE!!! NO KIND OF COMMUNITY INVOLVEMENT to optimize the actions. A house of cards was built and we witnessed the crash!

THE school had positive intentions to try to protect young people lives, so they made a mandate, but once kids are off school property, it becomes an issue for the local police, which must enforce the laws for public safety reasons. How they do it is unclear to me. I understand why, but how is another issue...

What's a better way?

The police can barricade...In fact I've seen it in other cities. It sucks, it looks like military-ish, but hey...It works...

The kids are too lazy to like what 20 steps when they CAN do it? Okay--where's the FUCKING PHYSICAL FITNESS COACHES!!! The discipline??? The getting "coached up"??? The ROTC would have been happy to send recruiters out there to make the kids go up those stairs!!! FOR FREE!!! A SERVICE TO THE COMMUNITY!!! LOL!

The young people - the girls who got into the altercation - I'm sorry but the Seattle Times is painting a piss poor stereotype of Black Women when they print that these girls were trash and worthless with a "rap sheet"... The girl who was punched had a crack mother and was in and out of foster care system. She barely had anyone to love her just because she existed. The fact that she was about to GRADUATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL was an accomplishment given that she even LIVED THAT LONG!!! All the reasons for her NOT to succeed ANYWHERE IN LIFE!!!

She was the wrong color, the wrong sex, from the wrong parents, at the WRONG TIME!!! And she was about to GRADUATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL!!! She was trying to SAVE HER FRIEND!!!

"No one shows greater love than when he lays down his life for his friends."
John 15:13

What's the point in teaching these kids the Bible when the broad brush of hatred of them is painted onto them? When they are demonized at birth?

After seeing this, what's the point?

I learned nothing from this video. Why try to make things right when no one listens?

Where I live, it is predominantly Caucasian. I am treated as a pariah. That I am no more than these "ghetto ass nigger bitches who fight". I am treated as worthless, lazy and shiftless. THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO TREAT ME WITH DIGNITY ARE FOREIGN BORN PERSONS!!! Most of my friends are from other ethnic groups or alternative lifestyles up here. And really I do not care much about where they are from.

I even befriend elderly up her more than I befriend my age group.

And the oppression and suppression of Black Women up here is NOT ONLY DONE BY A SMALL NUMBER OF Caucasian men or women for that matter...BUT BY BLACK PEOPLE--particularly other BLACK WOMEN!!!

That is sad because really, SEATTLE will NEVER be an ATLANTA!!! And the stats for the success/failure rates are the same here as it is IN ATLANTA -- the Black Mecca!!! WTF!!!

There are ONLY A HANDFUL OF BLACK PEOPLE HERE OVERALL!!! WHY ARE WE PULLING EACH OTHER DOWN??? With insipid gossip, public belittling, alienation, demeaning - just overall cattiness!!! THAT IS SILLY!!! In all my years of surviving Atlanta with an unknown at the time bipolar disorder mental illness, I had not experienced the kind of fugly cattiness that I have encountered here!

Getting yelled at when I am the chairperson of the group!!! Being told that what I am doing does not mean anything when I win awards. That my research about a community service project "black people don't do". Requests for my presence to events 2 hours before the event kicks off via email, rather than a phone call or even a letter. Being angrily called because I am not a part of the group and should not be sharing supportive information. All of this has happened to me HERE LIVING HERE FOR SEVEN YEARS DONE TO ME BY BLACK WOMEN!!!

Well, I left and that is why I start The Ari | af | ya Universe with four divisions:

Now, when I speak to professionals about my activities, many of them are NOT Black and are VERY supportive and enriching. I have learned so much about business and social media in 2 years that I am thoroughly excited. I have met people globally because of my business ventures. Moreover, to be honest Washington State has a really good business set up but also makes people pay B&O tax. That is the reality.

Sadly, I am not making money. One guy I took a class from was very nice about - my target market--which are Black Women do not reside in Washington State. That is a FACT!!! Most of my target market is actually in the OTHER Washington - DC area... And I know next to NOTHING about that whole area, the demographic or why there ARE people who need the kind of services I am marketing?

I know overall the kinds of thing I have had to do to make myself in a place where I can be functional and attempt to be a contributing citizen of this society. But seriously, I am writing this piece to get it OUT of my mind.

Girls who are destitute do not need to be manhandled by a representation of the government long reviled in this kind of community even if the goal is to have the same kind of public safety they have in other parts--meaning White Parts--of the county. You cannot have the same rules for the Seattle School District as you have for the Bellevue and Lake Washington School Districts. Why? Because the Bellevue and Lake Washington School Districts have the redistricting and zones for the high schools to be in a "safe" roads location, where as many of the Seattle Schools were built long time ago before there was huge traffic issues and well urbanization just got built around them without planning.

And let's not get into how poorly planned Seattle as a city is right now...Because that's... UGH!!! Civil Engineers probably pull their hair out on that one...

Mentally...Those girls have no one...Punishing them to the full extent of the law is INSANE! It won't make a difference to them. And what are we doing and saying for THEM? Another nigger in jail? Really? That is dumb. Besides my tax dollars go to putting them into jail and I would prefer for them to go into the military and fight for my country... Where as "Tommy pervert Pedophile" that kidnaps little boys and chops them up is off gallivanting to the next little boy in Washington State. How does that set precedent? Or home chick who somehow has a "Kryptonite pussy" for military men to marry her and make them give her all their money with nine kids - um??? The logic?

Can women do better in Washington State - yes, you bet they can and many are doing it. There is a powerhouse lesbian groups up here. I am sure they have their issues they feel they need to fight for, but of the lesbians I know, they are positive role models to me and for me as what a woman can do in her life. I am NOT a lesbian, but I can see these groups making a difference.

The Breast Cancer corp of women - yes! If one EVER gets a breast cancer diagnosis, treatment is as rapid as one needs it and support is immediate. Sadly, the rates for women of African descent remains poor and unchanged in Seattle similar to that observed in Atlanta, but there are some researchers doing ALL they can to find a way to make a difference.

I AM DOING MENTAL HEALTH AND WELLNESS resources for women of African descent. I am the ONLY one making a noise in that arena in Seattle at this time. While I know professionals who are women of African descent, they often say they do not have the time to coordinate a massive undertaking to educated the masses of Black people about mental illness. I do have to say breaking into the business is VERY HARD when you are an outsider. I speak to the National Alliance of the Mentally Ill and the Mental Health of America National organizations all the time on Social Media, but locally, ZERO!!! The Seattle roadblock losing and disconnect... *shrugs* And what I am doing is the online activities, rather than the real time - which I ENCOURAGE!!!

This is NOT my opinion, it is based on medical facts about mental illness.

Those girls were mentally ill. MOST POLICE OFFICERS know about mental illness but are not licensed, nor have enough time to rationally do a mental health intake like a physician, psychiatrist, psychologist or social worker can...

IN FACT!!! I have spoken to one of the top emergency room websites about how to deal with mental illness emergencies...Because when someone is "acting out" like those girls were, those hospital intakes are different that say a heart attack or gunshot wound...

Sadly, the emergency room is not well equipped to handle a mental breakdown until the mental health professionals arrive - most often NOT PHYSICIANS, sometimes a NURSE!!!

Sadly, 80% of the mental illness problem can be treated with medicine to get the person stable to make a rational decision, but the call cannot be made accurately because by the time they wind up in Emergency - if the person has not attempted a suicide - they have confounding factors...

Oh yeah, that the dirty little secret... And Washington State does have a huge problem with their mental health care system overall. Everyone KNOWS this--it's kindling for a fugly fire... Moreover, drug abuse is a huge problem here that impacts the organic mental illness treatment - meaning most people are drug addicts and treatment for drug abuse is fundamentally different than treatment for say, the favorite mental illnesses: depression, bipolar, anxiety, PTSD, schizophrenia, etc.

WHAT CAN WE DO???

The next wave is social media whether we like it or not...

On another cyberspace the problem really is poverty. There is an inherent injustice being done when someone is impoverished. What poverty does is rob an individual of her humanity - potential, goals, livelihood, success, etc. Poverty is not just about not having any money, but also lack of education, health, mental faculties, experiences, dignity. What did this young girl really have left that this police officer took? I can tell you the police officer does not even KNOW this and maybe does not care, but the reality is if given the chance, I think he would care and would do everything he care to understand. Sad part, I doubt his higher ups knew about this issue either - which makes this incident institutionalized racism... The outright overlooking of the global situation for the best outcomes dealing with sensitive community targets in an immediate, expedited format...

Too little, too late? I do not know? But I do know that something has to be done or we will have another event and the next one will be more violent than the WTO events...

And why does President Barack Obama have to be the savior for this issue, when really, guess what SEATTLE we have the resources right here to help us!!! UTILIZED THEM!!! LEVERAGE THEM!!!

The Mentally Ill's Covenant With Oneself

2010-06-08T17:08:00.000-07:00

Irony at it's best. Anyone who knows me knows I am a Star Wars geek. When I got this report from CNN I remember the heinous vitriol I received when I gave similar differential from my roleplaying on Twitter and the overt cyberbullying alienation I got positing this mental health differential.

I think what the misnomer is that evil people, even in real life, like Hitler and Edi Amin, having a "mental illness" somehow absolves them from justice and responsibility to the hateful destruction they have imparted on this Earth. In the example above, the "case study" of "Darth Vader" suggest he has a borderline personality disorder. My nominal understanding gave the differential of "Dissociative Identity Disorder", I admit, it was a stretch, and currently agree with clinicians that it resembles Narcissistic personality disorder. But I also think there is mixed episode Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) due to Anakin Skywalker's enslavement, grief and hastened bereavement from the loss of his mother, and on-going of the "Clone Wars". And this is not to mention the manipulations used by "The Force", which I strongly believe that Emperor Palpatine (Darth Sidious) actively used to manipulate Anakin Skywalker's thoughts, egging him on - but in the novel, Yoda clearly says, that Anakin Skywalker's conversion to Darth Vader WAS A CHOICE...

Aside from this exercise being a fun one for us "real-life" scientists to do--dream of science fiction because it is easier without proof, what took me aback is the ferociousness, hate-fill puerile socially inept spewing of vitriol with a complete deluded lack of knowledge. Now, granted the lead expert is NOT the largest Star Wars fan on the planet, and may have NEVER studied any of the books cover-to-cover, and innocently thought, "Hey, this would be a great exercise of my skills to share how this situation is possible and relate to millions worldwide!" But this ugliness toward him is stupid to say the least. Telling him to just get over it is to question his training and intelligence thereby exacting mental health stigma against him - i.e. psychiatrists are just as crazy as the patients they treat... Now, that is why many of physicians/clinicians only interact with colleagues rather than unknowns. Too much ignorance.

Wait... Aren't we suppose to be trying to get along in Cyberspace through social media? Wow!

Let me make this clear: Just because one has a mental illness does not absolved them from their responsibilities...

It is a CHOICE to do right by oneself and others! Just because one has a diagnosis like that, does not mean they stop trying to care for oneself!

We who suffer from mental illness MUST make a covenant with OURSELVES to optimize our health. Of course this is for ADULTS! Children cannot go into promises they cannot keep. But now that we are adults who are mentally ill, does not mean we "get off scott-free". That was one of the HARDEST, CRUELEST lesson I HAD to learn when I had to learn how to manage my mental illness, bipolar disorder. If I wanted to live, I had to DO this.... Here is my COVENANT I made to myself:

My basic responsibility is to TAKE CARE OF MYSELF! Take my meds, see my PCPs, track my symptoms, do my fitness, eat healthy, practice my mindfulness, practice compassionate listening and nonviolent communication, continue learning, etc! Whatever it is I must do, I continue to do it without giving up, writing it off, quitting if I believe in it and it does not cause me ADVERSE stress...

What's ADVERSE stress: Not eating, sleeping, picking fights, all the wonderful symptoms of one's mental illness within one week... If you done 5/10 of them it means you are having an episode and need to speak with your provider, ASAP!
Responsibility to MYSELF TO KEEP MYSELF ON POINT with forgiveness. We ALL relapse. Be gentle, be kind to oneself! We're just more sensitive to our failures than those who are not mentally ill. If we find ourselves making huge mistakes and errors in what we do, such as that at work, with our friends, with our families, okay, you made the mistake...GIVE IT TIME! The decision to forgive the mistake by others is THEIR choice...The decision to forgive yourself from the mistake is YOUR choice... Now, I AM NOT talking about overt criminal behavior--in fact, it is a misnomer that mentally ill persons cause crime... ONLY in the context of outright substance abuse is the combination of mental illness and crime relevant - even for pedophilia. Substances that abused include tobacco and/or alcohol, too. It has been found for schizophrenics, they abuse tobacco, there may be a mutated receptor in their brains that causes the increased addiction to the nicotine. Would they cause crime, well that remains to be seen, but if other illegal substances, such as methamphetamine, and other drugs, making it tough to call and more studies are needed.
TRY to make every effort to get out there and do it...It is SO easy to become reticent in our life duties. From running errands, to going to seminars to network, wow, it is SO easy to give up on ourselves and it does look like wallowing in our own misery. DO NOT FALL INTO THAT TRAP! FIND ANYTHING to get yourself out. If all you can do is tweet me, then do it! I will listen and I coach with suggestions. But you have to tell me if you just want me to listen versus coach. And I charge $60 per hour to coach because what coaching does different from a diagnosis is get you to the goal of you "feeling better" based on your small wins.
Yes, I suffer, so I KNOW what it takes to work through it. Getting out of that FUNK. What I do, is I post what is EXACTLY going through my mind during an episode. Maybe, just maybe a well-meaning and astute researcher will come along and realize what is going on with me that can help others from suffering...So when I get ultra depressed, I post...
The other covenant I make is I make phone calls to my family members who "get" me. Namely my Mother and my Husband. If I call my mother, she just talks and tells me how things are going and the laughter makes me feel much better... If I call my husband, since he is a veterinarian, he goes through a differential diagnosis until he gets flustered and will make be speak to his father, my father-in-law, who is a retired Cardiologist...LOL! If I call my Father, he listens to a point, then he tells me EXACTLY what do, then asks when I am coming home and he will get my ticket...
If all those contacts fail, I call the pros in and I get appointments. By the time the episode is over is when I speak to them. I want to have them "catch me in the act" - RARELY does that occur. But when they do catch me, I get great diagnosis...It is the acting out that helps them. RARELY does that happen even for other Chronic Conditions, like heart attacks... We only know that a heart attack has occurred because 1) Cardiac Arrest; 2) Something is wrong with usual diagnostics (i.e. Echo, EKG); or 3) Catheter block visualization. But for mental illness, it is RARE to see the psychotic behavior when someone is at their "ends rope". There are NO physical diagnostic tests. So how can we tell for ourselves???
KNOW YOUR BODY AND ACCEPT THINGS YOU CAN/CANNOT CHANGE! Fact is, if you are tired and need the rest--GET IT SOME KIND OF WAY! If you know that you get very nervous in huge gridlock traffic at specific times of the day, PLAN YOUR TRIP!!! TAKE YOUR TIME!!! ((Yeah, that happens to me and sometimes, I just don't show up for it, because it is NOT worth my sanity)). Don't expect to lift 100 pounds if you haven't practice in years! Just have fun for now, and gradually build up. The issue with most mental illness is "PATIENCE"...BE PATIENT ESPECIALLY WITH YOURSELF! That has to be THE COVENANT you make with yourself--PATIENCE!!! The reality is, everything takes time and we want to rush it. I know. I have wanted to rush through systems rather than slowing down, breathing through and savor in the moment of my life.

Because ultimately, it is YOUR LIFE, YOUR CHOICE, YOUR DECISION! You make the choice! One choice you CAN make is to do "nothing"...That is the choice you can make. But isn't life much more "sweeter" when you choose to live your life on a healthy decision rather than doing nothing???

Be well!

Ashe...
Akeerah

If you could eliminate one thing you do each day in the bathroom so you never had to do it again, what would it be?

2010-06-03T23:55:00.003-07:00

Having to walk on the coldness of the bathroom floor...

Talk to me, I'm crazy enuf, I'll listen!!! :)

Do you consider yourself a good dancer?

2010-06-03T23:55:00.001-07:00

I'm pretty good when I focus on it...

Talk to me, I'm crazy enuf, I'll listen!!! :)

Would you rather have the ability to fly, or the ability to breathe underwater?

2010-06-03T23:54:00.005-07:00

Breathe underwater...

Talk to me, I'm crazy enuf, I'll listen!!! :)

What's the secret to happiness?

2010-06-03T23:54:00.003-07:00

Nothing...

Talk to me, I'm crazy enuf, I'll listen!!! :)

What was the worst advice you've ever received?

2010-06-03T23:54:00.001-07:00

Give up...

Talk to me, I'm crazy enuf, I'll listen!!! :)

What do you think is your most attractive feature?

2010-06-03T23:53:00.003-07:00

My smile...

Talk to me, I'm crazy enuf, I'll listen!!! :)

What's your favorite season of the year?

2010-06-03T23:53:00.001-07:00

When it is sunny...

Talk to me, I'm crazy enuf, I'll listen!!! :)

Do you believe in God?

2010-06-03T23:52:00.003-07:00

Yes...

Talk to me, I'm crazy enuf, I'll listen!!! :)

Are you an introvert or an extrovert?

2010-06-03T23:52:00.001-07:00

Half and half...When I need it...

Talk to me, I'm crazy enuf, I'll listen!!! :)

Sneakers or sandals?

2010-06-03T22:24:00.001-07:00

Slippers, socks or barefooted...

Talk to me, I'm crazy enuf, I'll listen!!! :)

Are you more of a talker or more of a listener?

2010-06-03T22:23:00.001-07:00

Depends on the the episode I am having. When I have mania, I talk,talk, talk, talk, talk...When I am depressed, I listen a lot but I may not hear...It's when I am balanced that I listen more, then speak wisely...

Talk to me, I'm crazy enuf, I'll listen!!! :)

Who inspires you the most?

2010-06-03T22:21:00.003-07:00

Besides my faith in God...My dad does *nods*

Talk to me, I'm crazy enuf, I'll listen!!! :)

If you could go back in time 10 years and tell your younger self something, what would it be?

2010-06-03T22:21:00.001-07:00

Smile, smile, smile!!! Have fun & live with it!!! :)

Talk to me, I'm crazy enuf, I'll listen!!! :)

Bringin' to you live! EPISODE ALERT II! #bipolar #depression #WOC

2010-06-02T16:03:00.001-07:00

It's been a LONG time since I have dropped this low. Logically, position, stance, target, timing, aim, purpose -- most things are in the correct place. But my mood, feelings, physiology is OUT OF WHACK!!! I am currently sitting here profusely sobbing and I cannot begin to tell anyone why that is? LOGICALLY I know why, I am in a depression.

All my symptoms point to that fact:

Oversleeping, not eating on a schedule
not really "feeling" like doing anything positive - like going outside enjoying what little sunshine Seattle does have
avoiding people, places thing - isolating myself

The few people I can speak to about this get so worried that I wouldn't want to put them through this when all I need is just a listening ear, then again, they really do not have the time. Because they have to work - like MOST people do in real life.

That is probably what is bugging me - I do not have much of a "real life". I had one and I was like "this foul feeling behavior" than I was when I am "relatively mentally healthy".

So, I promised my readers that when I have a full-blown episode, I would post. It is better than the destructive alternatives. Maybe the professionals can do a case conference on me. I do not know? But I do know that I do not like feeling like this.

Wait, did I eat anything today? Dayum!

Let me try that...